Mailbag...

It's that time again where I read and respond to some of the emails I've received the past few weeks. A lot of people find this really mean and unnecessary. If you want nice I could paint you a picture of a tiger cub holding hands with a panda. And there is a rainbow. And the tiger cub is holding a picture they made out of glitter and elbow macaroni. And the tiger and panda still have glitter over their paws and whiskers. From making the picture. Other than that, yeah, I'm pretty much a prick. Get used to it.


I don't appreciate you posting my emails. But it's ok because I won't becoming back to your page and I deleted your link and I've got a few more people to do it as well. I know that hurts you more than anything else.

Bravo you idiot. You've successfully convinced a few other idiots to stop coming to my page which was their only reason for living. Get really close to the screen so you can see me doing that thing where I condescendingly clap really slow.


How come you never talk about your love life?

Because it's none of your goddamn buisness. Ok, ok I don't mean to brag, but I actually saw a naked girl one time. In person. The cops had to cock-block, of course, told me to "clean that up" and "get moving". Probably just jealous.

You're always saying that you want kids. Why don't you have some? It's not that hard!

Such a cruel irony that the people who should be having kids never do and the ones who shouldn't wont stop. Beautiful and talented artists like me and Alicia Keys have yet to reproduce, but KFed has an entire army just waiting to shoot cops and carjack me in 15 years. Sonofabitch. Call me Alicia!

Is it safe to assume that you sleep on a KING size bed? lol.

Oh I get it "king" size bed. You're so clever. Actually I sleep on a twin size AERO mattress. It features exclusive Quadra Coil construction for a smoother sleep surface. The light and airy quality of the mattress has made sleeping a dream. Not only does it offer superior comfort, but it also has the ability to be adjusted to any soft or firm level. I used to have a huge handmade oak frame and 1000 thread count sheets but try fitting that into a convenient storage bag when traveling for work or play, thankfully included with my AERO.

Do you believe in soulmates? If so have you met yours and if not when you meet her how will you know?

I was glancing over some naked pictures of Halle Berry for 18 hours one day and I came to the conclusion that we were meant to be. Sometimes when I pretend Halle and I are gonna go ice skating, I think about how much we have in common. And how hot she looked in that Swordfish movie. And then I remember that maybe the rest of society isn't as cultured as we are. What is the world coming too when you cant masturbate in a crowded theater showing a movie that is starring your soulmate? People can be really judgmental. Grow up, you guys. Halle and I will continue to love each other until the day we die. Sorry if that's just too real for you.

I have a sister that I thik you'd like. She's pretty and charming with a great personality. And no she's not a slut or anything! :)

Until science comes up with a way for me to have sex with charm and personality, if she could start being a slut, that would really help me out.

Dude I'm going to Vegas next week! I'll try to have some fun for you while I'm there.

Hey, thanks but if your fun doesn't involve my penis resting comfortably on the inside of some big butt chick then don't even tell me about it. Oh and remember drunk blond chicks will do just about anything in Vegas. Especially if you have a gun.

Ok I gotta roll but keep the emails coming!