Random...Abstract Thoughts...

Yeah I know you came to my page first thing this morning looking for this. Which is exactly why I waited to post. That'll teach you to take ol King for granted. Jerks. And don't get slick out of the mouth because I only do two things well, kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm fresh out of bubble gum. Smell me?

Today marks a new era. Are my thoughts random? Absolutely but they are more than that. They are also not always practical and difficult to understand. They have an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation. Yeah I've been reading the dictionary again. So at any rate Random Thought Friday is now Abstract Thought Friday. You like it. I like it. And now there's one less person on the internet using the word random. Let's see how many ATF's pop up in the coming months. I love setting trends.

Ok my little pretties I've toyed with your emotions for long enough. Let's go where Captain Kirk and Jean Luc Picard were to scared to go, my mind, and see what the heck is going on. If this is your first time here or your first time reading my Random...re...Abstract Thoughts then please take note of the notice below.




I've really found some good new blogs out there. I've got to update my links.

Couldn't you spare like 10 million dollars Warren Buffet? I mean giving away 31 billion to charity is cool but you wouldn't even miss 10 million of that. I'd appreciate it so much more than those selfis African kids always complaining about "running water" and "computers" and "doctors". Do you hear me crying about the fact that I don't have a Bentley with TVs in the muffler? No. So stop your whining. Call me Warren!

That was a long thought wasn't it.

I don't ask God for much so you'd think he'd grant me that one wish of being in control of who lives and dies. Oh well I guess he has his "reasons".

I got two words for you. Superman. Tonight.

I seriously feel like everyone should feel like it is a priveledge to talk to me.

I'm glad the blogger comments are back although I like the haloscan too. I wish we could combine the two.








I would whoop mama's ass for a bag of these things. Ok not my mama but definitely your mama.





I think I've posted about those potato skins before. Does anybody remember? Oh well I don't care.

Internet gangsters are funny and pitiful but internet racists are just plain sad.

The real reason I'm posting these is because Kang came over to my desk and demanded a Random Thought Friday. He's a funny little African man.


I just read that they changed Superman's motto from "Truth, Justice, and the American Way" to "Truth, Justice...and all that stuff." Who wrote this movie, Kim Jung il?

Why is it that when Star Jones got the boot from The View I went from hating her and anyone who looked like her to actually feeling sorry for her? Beats me. But she still needs to stop lying about losing all that weight.

I can't believe that the Supreme Court went against Bush and his cronies yesterday. Expect to hear about one of them dying over the weekend. From natural causes of course.

My boss has been on vacation all week and I haven't done one ounce of work. I kid you not. Nothing. Come to think of it I guess I've been on vacation too.

My pimp hand is way strong.

I changed my mind. I still hate Star Jones.

This is a lyric from an Outkast song th has been in my head all week so it still qualifies for Random...dang!...Abstract thought Friday.
Operatin under the crooked American system too long
OutKast, pronounced out cast
Adjective meaning homeless, or unaccepted in society
But let's look deeper than that
Are you an OutKast?
If you understand and feel the basic principles andfundamental truths contained within this muzik, you probably are
If you think it's all about pimpin hoes and slammin cadillac do's
You probably a cracker, or a nigga that think he a cracker
Or maybe just don't understand
An OutKast is someone who is not considered to be part of the normal world
He is looked at differently
He is not accepted because of his clothes, his hair
His occupation, his beliefs or his skin color
Now look at yourself, are you an OutKast? I know I am
As a matter of fact, fuck being anything else
It's only so much time left in this crazy world
Wake up niggaz and realize what's goin on around you
Poisonin of the food and water
Tamperin of ciggarettes
Disease engineering control over your life
Take back your existance or die like a punk
This is Big Rube, sayin right on to the real, and death to the fakers
Peace out

I love that shit.

Ok I gotta cut this short I think we're having a water baloon fight in a few minutes. Sorry for gipping you guys. Wow i've never saw the word "gipping" in print. It doesn't even look right. Maybe it's "jipping". Nah. I don't know which one it is but yall know what I meant. Have a great weekend and remember to use protection your horny toads! One.

Warring Souls Part 1...

It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,--an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.- Excerpt from W.E.B Bubois' book THE SOULS OF BLACK FOLKS





"How in the hell did I get here?" I asked myself over and over again. I took a long pull from the warm and crusty brown blunt filled with marijuana. "How the hell did I get here?" I could barely hear my own thoughts from the pounding of my heart beat. The thumping growing louder as my paranoia began to takeover my mind. I sat there in the passenger seat staring up at the lanky steel street lights that in my fog seemed to be sinister eyes watching my every move. The buzz from the constanly flickering bulbs coupled with my heartbeat and the light drizzle from the rain became the soundtrack to this scene in the movie of my life. My hand ran across the cold steel gun in my lap. My eyes as if burnt burgundy, bespoke revenge as I loaded the clip. I inhaled the marijuana into my lungs one last time and then slowly pulled the mask down over my face.

"Yall ready to do this shit?" I said in a cool, calm albeit somber voice to my two associates. There was no response. I looked to my left and saw Tony with his eyes closed and his head leaning back dripping sweat on the leather head rest. He was mouthing the words to the song blaring through the speakers and his face showed little to no emotion. I asked my question again and he slowly sat upright nodded approvingly and pulled his mask down over his face. I turned to the backseat and saw Takim who was trying to mask his fear through an uneasy smile. It was going to be a long night.

Just hours earlier I had been enjoying sultry jazz offerings with my business partner, my main supplier and our respective dates for the evening. This was the good life. I was a business man enjoying the company of a beautiful woman, my friends and the sensual sound of the singer's voice that was as sweet and auditorily delicious as the finest chocolate.

It was just then as I feasted upon her soulful stylings about pain, and pressure, truth, and lies that the conflict inside me would bubble forth. There was a war going on within me between the man I used to be and the man I had become.

I had been the shy little boy who was taunted because of his dark complexion. Studious and courteous I never raised my voice or caused any ripples. I was the all American boy. Now here I was dining with gangsters, my blackboard cool skin was now considered sexy and the shy little boy had been replaced by a man who was capable of talking dog shit into diamonds.

But now here I am with a gun in my hand, one on my waist, as an unholy rage enveloped my being. I was behind a mask but not just the one that covered my face. My life had become a masquerade. I was living out a gangster movie, a gangsta rap song. "How the hell did I get here?" I asked myself again. Just then the doors of the car flung open violently and Tony in a wicked whisper said "Let's get these motherfuckers."

I wanted to take my mask off. Both of them.

Step Away From the Balls...

I was doing more normal blog surfing yesterday and when I ran up on Nikki's blog about dudes who just don't get the point I felt it was my duty to represent for all the men out there who go through the same thing. So this post is sorta like Roxanne Shante responding to UTFO but in reverse. Get it?

Regardless of what women will tell you a crazy chick is ten times harder to get rid of than an obsessed dude and probably 40 times more dangerous. You know the women I'm talking about. The chick who you thought was cool because she was into sports and then she starts recounting the entire Dallas Cowboy history but her butt was huge so you took her number anyway in hopes that she could be converted? Or the one that in the first few minutes of your conversation she hits you with the "so do you go downtown?" and you hit her with the "well it depends on what city I'm in and from the smell of things you're Southeast D.C."(UGH!) You thought she was that chick but it turns out she was the oh no not that chick?!

Those persistent ones that can't take a hint.The ones that grab a hold of your leg like a dog in heat and no matter how hard you shake they refuse to budge.They call you with conversations full of languor and say silly stuff like "you know my friend Ayanna said I should leave you alone" or "how come I haven't heard from you?" Which you answer dryly, "Ayanna said that? She must be still mad about me getting that nut in her hair" and "You haven't heard from me because I can't get a signal in the free clinic."

Or when they look for reasons to instant message you and even if you never respond they just keep sending messages. They force you to lie to them "my boss is right here I can't talk" but it's a saturday afternoon. Then when you finally stop trying to be nice and say "you know you and I just don't make sense. We can still be cool but.." And she cuts you off "I know! We don't make sense which is why this is eerie. I've never liked someone like you." And then proceeds to talk for another 3 hours about everything from her last 12 ex's to what colors she wants her wedding to be and at some point she forgets that a conversation should involve two people but somehow you're happy that she's entertaining herself so now you don't have to.

Of course the crazy bitches always have the best sex because they've convinced themselves they are in love with you and get wetter than New Orleans after Katrina. It's saturday night, the club just let out and the liquor is coursing through your veins. You wanna call Kinyetta because you know she's got that fire but she's stuck on some other dude right now. Charltia is in Miami for the week and Tasha is still mad at you for screwing her sister....on her birthday. So your options are down to Crazy Crystal, Paxil popping Pam, and Loopy Latrice. Pam did some foul shit to your pet rotweiler(damn shame what they did to that dog.) and Crystal says she's *pregnant every time you touch her so you decide on Latrice. You know all she's going to do is talk about the kids she teaches and you start convincing yourself that she's really a good person. She's a school teacher for goodness sakes! Her personality is as dry as a piece of toast but she has a huge round yellow ass and that's the main thing, at least right now.

So you smash her.

And she starts whispering she loves you in your ear and how she wants to have your babies.

Goddamn Hennessey got you again!

Now she feels it's ok to call you at work and tell you what she's cooking for dinner, like that's going to get you to come over. She shows up in the parking lot of your job when you get off work because she was "in the neighborhood". Bitch this is an industrial park in the middle of nowhere. What were you doing feeding the squirrels?

Well your King has some solutions for these situations. If you use them and you end up married to Crazy Crystal or in the hospital because of Paxil Pam it's not my fault.

Scenario Uno: You meet a young lady on your blog. She comments everyday and she flirts incessantly. Knowing people on the internet are as looney as Daffy Duck you feel her out for awhile before finally giving out your number. The first few times you talk over the phone she's cool but then out of the blue she tells you that you need to stop calling her. Then two days later she calls and says she just said that because she "likes you so much". Um ok. This hot and cold act goes on for the next 2 months before you open your email one day and see a messgae from her saying LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Which you happily oblige the chick you now refer to as the See Saw Girl. Two months later she sends you a text message saying "Hi how have you been?" You really like her when she's taking her meds but to avoid getting caught up in more of the back and forth how do you rid yourself of this unbalanced broad?

A) Tell her that you're a Scientologist and that you worship outer space pumas and the winners of hot dog eating competitions or whatever unstable lunacy it is that sientology teaches.

B) Invite her over and tell her that you feel so close to her that you want to show her something. Then proceed to show her a room full of pictures of Auschwitz and Hiroshima taped and pasted to the wall and lean in and whisper in her ear "I masturbate in here two to three times a night and I want you to join me."

C) Do the whole romantic evening thing with candles and stawberries dipped in chocolate and right when she starts ripping your close off you tell her to hold on while you get the video camera out because your wife "loves to watch you do fat chicks."

Sidenote:Now if she is still down with the get down after trying option C you might want to just deal with her crazy freaky ass because that's a down ass broad!

Scenario dos: You're at the sports bar with your boys when this fine young lady approaches you and asks if you're single. You flash your million dollar smile and do your best James Bond impersonation "why yes, yes I am." She then tells you that her fiend has sent her over to get your number. She points out her friend but you can't see her because of that moose that's in the way. Wait. The moose is her friend. You see three prescription bottles on the table and she's popping pills and washing them down with vodka. Straight. Her friend signals for her to come on over and when she gets there she has lipstick on her teeth and her voice is reminiscent of Barry White. Now she's there and her friend has informed her that you're single and she pulls out her phone and is ready to exchange numbers. What do you do?

A) Start typing her number into your phone and then abruptly stop and look up at her, point your finger directly at her nose and slowly say "stop, not another word out of your filthy mouth." When she tries to say something put your hands over your ears and run out of the bar screaming NO! NO! STOP IT! IT'S NOT TRUE!

B) Take the number and then start high fiving your friends right in front of her and say "I told yall that bitch was a freak! Who else wants the number?"

C) Take the number and as you're putting in her name say it aloud "Tubby crumb covered mess."

Scenario Tres: She tells you that she loves sports and she's a die har Cowboy fan and you love the Redskins. Even if she looks like Halle Berry with Oprah's money there's really only one answer for this.

CUT HER BRAKE LINES! ONE LESS COWBOY FAN MAKES THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!!!

_____________________________

Now all these ridiculous scenarios can be avoided if you have what I like to call "a backbone" and just man up. Say what's on your mind and avoid hurting anybody else's feelings or at least do it in a reasonable manner. Is that as fun as scaring the crap out of women to get them to leave you alone? No. Hell no! But playing games can always backfire and you could end up with two or three kids with Nasty Nancy and every time you pull her legs apart it's reminiscent of pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich. Great. Now I'm hungry.


So what would you do in these situations or in general?

* If a woman ever tell you she's pregnant and you have doubts scientists say we should punch them in the stomach and if she screams "MY BABY!", well there you go. And if not, then hey, no harm done.

Mailbag...

It's that time again where I read and respond to some of the emails I've received the past few weeks. A lot of people find this really mean and unnecessary. If you want nice I could paint you a picture of a tiger cub holding hands with a panda. And there is a rainbow. And the tiger cub is holding a picture they made out of glitter and elbow macaroni. And the tiger and panda still have glitter over their paws and whiskers. From making the picture. Other than that, yeah, I'm pretty much a prick. Get used to it.


I don't appreciate you posting my emails. But it's ok because I won't becoming back to your page and I deleted your link and I've got a few more people to do it as well. I know that hurts you more than anything else.

Bravo you idiot. You've successfully convinced a few other idiots to stop coming to my page which was their only reason for living. Get really close to the screen so you can see me doing that thing where I condescendingly clap really slow.


How come you never talk about your love life?

Because it's none of your goddamn buisness. Ok, ok I don't mean to brag, but I actually saw a naked girl one time. In person. The cops had to cock-block, of course, told me to "clean that up" and "get moving". Probably just jealous.

You're always saying that you want kids. Why don't you have some? It's not that hard!

Such a cruel irony that the people who should be having kids never do and the ones who shouldn't wont stop. Beautiful and talented artists like me and Alicia Keys have yet to reproduce, but KFed has an entire army just waiting to shoot cops and carjack me in 15 years. Sonofabitch. Call me Alicia!

Is it safe to assume that you sleep on a KING size bed? lol.

Oh I get it "king" size bed. You're so clever. Actually I sleep on a twin size AERO mattress. It features exclusive Quadra Coil construction for a smoother sleep surface. The light and airy quality of the mattress has made sleeping a dream. Not only does it offer superior comfort, but it also has the ability to be adjusted to any soft or firm level. I used to have a huge handmade oak frame and 1000 thread count sheets but try fitting that into a convenient storage bag when traveling for work or play, thankfully included with my AERO.

Do you believe in soulmates? If so have you met yours and if not when you meet her how will you know?

I was glancing over some naked pictures of Halle Berry for 18 hours one day and I came to the conclusion that we were meant to be. Sometimes when I pretend Halle and I are gonna go ice skating, I think about how much we have in common. And how hot she looked in that Swordfish movie. And then I remember that maybe the rest of society isn't as cultured as we are. What is the world coming too when you cant masturbate in a crowded theater showing a movie that is starring your soulmate? People can be really judgmental. Grow up, you guys. Halle and I will continue to love each other until the day we die. Sorry if that's just too real for you.

I have a sister that I thik you'd like. She's pretty and charming with a great personality. And no she's not a slut or anything! :)

Until science comes up with a way for me to have sex with charm and personality, if she could start being a slut, that would really help me out.

Dude I'm going to Vegas next week! I'll try to have some fun for you while I'm there.

Hey, thanks but if your fun doesn't involve my penis resting comfortably on the inside of some big butt chick then don't even tell me about it. Oh and remember drunk blond chicks will do just about anything in Vegas. Especially if you have a gun.

Ok I gotta roll but keep the emails coming!

Guest Blogger...

For all you Ddot junkies out there I am the guest blogger over at TTD's spot and over at Laa's place so go show your support! But read my post from today first!

Heroes...

I'm a big kid. You know it, I know it. I paid to see both Spider Man movies and all three X-Men movies. I own the entire collection of Star Wars movies on DVD. The Special Collector's Edition of course. So when I started seeing the trailers for the new Superman movie I was happier than pig in slop.

The closer we get to the release date the more excited I get so I decided to call my nine year old nephew and pass my excitement on. It didn't work. It turns out that the youngest of us doesn't really care too much about Superman or Batman or any super heroes for that matter or at least not as much as us old folks. This is how our conversation went.

D.: Hey Zeke. You having a good summer?
Zeke: It's boring but it's better than school.
D.:Yeah I know the feeling. So are you excited about seeing the new Superman movie?
Zeke: Nope, not really.
D.: Ahhh c'mon man we're talking about Superman!
Zeke: Uh huh
D.: You know you can shoot him and he doesn't die.
Zeke: Neither does 50 Cent.

Damn. He's got me on that one.

D.: Yeah Zeke but Sperman can fly!
Zeke: Does he have a G4 like Jay-Z?
D.: Go read a book or something and put your dad back on the phone!

That's when I realized that hip hop stars have become the new Super Heroes to a lot of kids. Sad but true. So I decided to do a little comparing to see which hero and hip hop star correspond to each other.

Superman: The most recognizable hero and easily more powerful than all the others. He also dates a really hot chick that is quite ambitious and aspires to be the best reporter there has ever been or as like to put it "the hottest chick in the game". Figure it out yet? Easy I know. Jay-Z is one of the few rappers that has gained the same level of respect that Tupac and Biggie didn't receive until after their death. He also lives his daily life as the mild mannered Shawn Carter before flying to the rescue of the artist at the Daily Planet....er Def Jam. The best rappers in the world aspire to be him and of course Beyonce is our new Lois Lane. I would say that Cam'ron is Lex Luthor but that's giving that little piss ant too much credit.

Batman: Billionaire industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Unlike many other superheroes, he does not possess superhuman powers or abilities; he makes use of intellect, technology, and physical prowess in his war on crime. He's one of my least favorite superheros for that very fact. Sean Combs is his name and Puff Daddy, Diddy, Papa Diddy Pop or whatever name he's going by today is his alter ego and like Batman he isn't really talented. He made his fortune from stealing other people's music and now he's more of a personality and known for his clothing line than his rap songs. Batman has the best superhero costume and Puffy is usually the flyest person in the room.

The Incredible Hulk: He has little self-control and his actions have often either inadvertently or deliberately caused great destruction. As a result, he has been hunted by the military and other superheroes. Bruce Banner meet Curtis Jackson. Other than their remarkable physical similarities they both wreak havoc even when they are trying to do good. We all rooted Curtis on or as his known, 50 Cent, as he destroyed Ja Rule but like the Hulk he lets his rage get the best of him and subsequently starts beef with any and everyone in the hip hop community. And yes Zeke like Superman and the Hulk bullets are useless against Fiddy.

Spiderman: SpiderMan's early stories broke ground by attempting to relate to readers with a teenaged character who is not a sidekick but a hero himself, and who balances his personal struggles with his heroic exploits. Interscope Records along with Dr. Dre decided to make a white guy a hip hop hero instead of a sidekick as well. Peter Parker has been updated to Marshall Mathers. The Amazing Eminem has made a career spewing intricate web like rhymes about his own personal struggles with his family including his mother and wife whom he's married and divorced twice. Spider-Man tries to do the right thing, but many authority figures view him with suspicion. Thanks to a continuous smear campaign by the publisher of The Daily Bugle, many people consider Spider-Man little more than a costumed menace. The Source magazine did the exact same thing to Em but like the Daily Bugle was unsuccessful.

That was fun, weird but fun. Well it was either cool or I have my head where it can't get any sun. I had a few more but I'll stop there and maybe I'll do a part two if you guys like it. With that being said I love hip hop but I'd still rather have my heroes be fictional. So feel free to add any hero to hip hop comparisons you have.

Float Like a Butterfly Sting Like a Bee...

Rumble Young Man, Rumble!!!!

He's no MJ but damn if he ain't getting there!

Random Thought Friday...

Yes my dear friends it's the cocoa King back doing his thing. This my 200th post! Who knew we'd make it this far? Me, that's who!!! I've been blog surfing again and I think at least one new imitation of me and my blog pop up everyday. It's cool though, I'm flattered just as long as you know the student can never surpass the teacher. There I go starting stuff again but yall haven't seen anything yet. It's going to be SO SWEET!

But never mind me and my need for drama. Break out the fish and chips baby, it's Friday and we all know what that means! Can I get a drum roll or something? Yeah right there on your desk. Don't worry it's ok over half your office will be doing it. Ready....get set....GO!


BY THE POWERS OF GRAYSKULL IT'S...........RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!!


Shhhh! Let's be very quiet as we enter my cerebellum to see what the heck is going on in there. And watch your step because who knows what the gook is all over the place. Follow me....


My password expires in 10 days. Instead of me changing it now I'll wait until it completely runs out. It's really ridiculous when you think about it. But such is my life.

I think Kang and Goddess want each other. And as far as their debate yesterday goes I think they'd be way more entertaining than those characters that used to be on Crossfire. I think I'm going to Don King that.

I hate radio. I heard the new Beyonce & Jay-Z song 3 days ago and hated it. It sounded like the rough draft of their hit Crazy in Love from a few years ago. But thanks to those idiotic program directors playing it 4 times a hour I now know almost every word and turn it up when it comes on. I don't like being brainwashed so stop it!!!

Michael Jordan is now the minority owner of the Charlotte Bobcats. Anybody wanna guess who my favorite NBA team is this morning? Oh and for all yall who thought Lebron was going to leave Cleveland and go to NY when his contract expires you might want to rethink that with Mike running stuff down in Carolina.

Dwayne Wade is a beast. He's animal. He reminds me of myself on the basketball court. What? Stop laughing!

Run's House and Making the Band 3 started back up last night. I was doing the Gator dance.

I'm addicted to YouTube.

I have no idea what the entertainment value of reading my random thoughts is but I like to consider it mental flossing.

Maybe I should shave my head.

June 1-6, '7-1, the day mama pushed me out her womb, told me, "#@#%$ get paid." That's a Tupac lyric. He would've been 35 today and probably a Senator or something. Oh well life goes on.

Soccer is a lot more fun than I realized. I'm picking Brazil or Argentina to win it all.

Nachoooooooooo!!!

The war on Myspace officially begins next week!!! Who's with me?!!!!

I look good in red.

This post is pretty late.

I want to visit Australia. Anybody ever been?

I'm feeling random but not funny random. Oh well I'll make this post number 199 and do something special for 200. How does that sound? Cool. Have a great weekend folks!


I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

Weekend...

Have a great weekend everybody!!!!

Quickie...

I'm working over here people! So stop harassing me about a new post. Anyway here are few quickie thoughts I had and then I'm outta here like Zarqawi.

I noticed that a lot of my blogger friends have created myspace pages. I think that sucks and for some reason I feel betrayed. Is that ridiculous? Yes. Am I hating? Yes but I'm the King so you are allowed to think it but not say it. Stop with the myspace. It's for the kids. Except for my man Arson. He's ok. Now with that said let me just say if I did have a myspace your mom would be in my top eight! HA!

Lastly I've got something for George W. to think about. There's a little boy in Iraq who's uncle, or aunt, maybe a cousin, and possibly even a parent or sibling has gotten blown up or severely injured by this catastrophe that you call liberation. When the news cameras show up he doesn't run and grab an American flag and wave it so he can tell everybody he was on T.V. In fact the more people that die the more he despises that flag and everything it represents. He heard stories about Sadaam but the violence he sees and hears about now is ten times worse. He has vowed to pay America back for ruining his life and his fellow countrymen's lives. And in a few short years he's going to make Osama bin Laden seem like Ghandi in comparison. Sir your attempt to stop terrorism is doing quite the opposite. Yes, Iraq is becoming a breeding ground for people who have a real reason to hate us. That little boy is going to do some foul shit in the name of his father. But I'm sure you'll understand since you're doing the exact same thing.


Damn that was good.

Leesa's Post...

The call went out for guest bloggers and Leesa has stepped up to the plate. Enjoy. --D.


When I first saw Ddot's blog entry for guest bloggers, I thought to myself, "I wonder what crazy person would ever think they could guest blog on the King's blog." I mean, who would be as knowledgeable, as sure of themselves, as witty as the King. The answer, of course, is no one. So since no one is truly worthy, everyone is equally unworthy. Or so I tell myself.

When I first started reading the King, I noticed several things:
1. The King is cute.
2. The King seemed conceited. Later I learned that the King was just that good. After a while, I wondered if conceit that is backed up with tangible results could be called conceit. One of those, "if a tree falls in the woods but no one hears it" type of questions that I will leave to monks who live on mountaintops to answer.
3. The King is very, very witty. This is what first drew me to the King. I know, I know, most of you thought it was his picture. But it was his words. Occasionally we get to read his poetry, and you can see how he spins a phrase. He also includes a gem in most of his writings, a phrase that is truly art.
4. The King is all about MJ.
5. The King doesn't share too much of his real life. I think he may be shy, or guarded, or whatever.

Everything else about the King is subject to debate. He has had hecklers, he has had at least one stalker, he has many (mostly female) fans, and most of his life is private. I understand that. I admire that. So today, as guest blogger, I will be writing about something that is both close to the King's heart and I know little about. I tend to write better on subjects when I don't let the facts to get in the way of my writing. This, dear readers, is one of those blog entries.

So today, I will write about a plight that has infected our nation. By our nation, I am talking about the United States and am excluding the moose-loving neighbors to the north. You see, this post is about basketball, not hockey. For those Americans who are unaware (and there are many of you), the hockey finals are currently being played – between the Edmonton Oilers (the team is located somewhere in Canada, just think "north of Montana") and Carolina Hurricanes (yes, there is ice in North Carolina). I have even heard that the name for the hurricanes hockey team was to be the North Carolina Hurricanes, but the governor nixed it, saying, "Dammit, it is enough we have to build a hockey rink in North Carolina, I just don't want the team associated with our state. We play basketball here, not sissy hockey." Or so I have heard. Another common Internet rumor was that there were not enough hockey fans in North Carolina to support the team, so they had to include South Carolina as well. This, obviously, if false, because there are not that many hockey fans in both states combined. Actually, I sometimes wonder if FEMA used some of their money to buy the team – thus the name hurricanes. FEMA doesn't seem to spend their money on real disasters, so perhaps spending their money on hockey is close enough.

Anyway, there is also a plight in basketball. And this has nothing to do with "performance enhancing drugs." No, I am talking about finding the next Michael Jordan. I remember, vaguely, when Michael Jordan was playing. I know nothing about basketball, absolutely nothing (that will be unveiled through this blog entry), and I know Michael Jordan was the reason that the Chicago Bulls won 6 NBA titles in 8 years. The two years in between threepeats: Michael was playing baseball and golf instead of being the best basketball player in the world. I was going to list all of his accomplishments, so I Googled it and was going to paste them in this blog: trouble is that his career highlights are longer than my blog entries are – more than one full page of accomplishments. He was the Most Valuable Player five times – only Lew Alcindor was the MVP more. Oh, and for all of you non-basketball nuts, Lew changed his name after winning the award his first season to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Some believe that he did this because an angel came down from heaven, and asked him to change his name. You see the angel, knowing he was to win the award one more time than Michael, just did not want anyone to have their name on the award more than Michael. So the name Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was on the award 5 times (Lew Alcindor on the award one time), Bill Russell was on the award 5 times, and Michael Jordan was on the award five times. I know, some of you will say that Larry Bird won the award three straight times (an accomplishment Michael did not achieve); all I have to say is that the award was known as the Most Valuable White Hick Award for those years, a little known fact.

Michael holds a boat-load of NBA records to this day. But that's not the half of why Michael was so great. First, the NBA was in trouble until this one guy re-popularized the game. After the Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird era, the NBA fell flat. It was not terribly interesting for non-fans. You see, basketball fans are generally not a good judge of how good the sport is – they are fanatical, no matter how things are going. This one man, lifted the sport, sold McDonalds' fast food, quenched his thirst with Gatorade, cleaned his colon with Wheaties, wore "Air Jordans," and sold a bunch of #23 Jerseys. Plus he was on the original Dream Team, you know, the one that ran laps around the competition and brought back the gold to the US.

Now we are looking for the next Jordan. Steve Nash? Heck, if he had not won two Most Valuable Players, I would not know who the guy was. Lebron James? Probably the most talented current player but the next Michael? Face it, Lebron James aspires to be Ddot, not MJ. Why on earth do you think his nickname is King James? As for me, Lebron James will have to take a backseat to Ddot.

Net Neutrality...

I was asked to post this letter written by Davey D about the Net Neutrality issue going on. I know that all my readers aren't hip hop heads but I think you'll still get the point. Basically the internet is going to totally change because telephone and cable companies will be able rig it for their own benefit . We won't beable to freely surf the way we can now based on the the vote that happened on Thursday in the Congress. Enjoy.



Dear Folks who say they Love Hip Hop,

I wish there was a way to make this issue of Net Neutrality more interesting. I wish there was a way to spice it up and make it compelling like some sort of beef within the rap industry. Maybe I should get Brad and Angelina to talk about it instead of their baby. Maybe Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton can utter a few words and force us to take more of an interest.

I wish Cam'ron spent his vast money holding press conferences, dissing punk ass Congress for taking tainted money from Verizon, SBC, and Comcast instead of going after Jay-Z. Im glad Jay-Z ignored Camron, unfortunately he remained silent as the President of Def Jam on this important issue. We'll see what happens after Def Jam finds it difficult or too costly to send out their e-post cards alerting me and others of their latest releases.

Im sorry Miss Jones on Hot 97 was so upset and enraged that she felt compelled to make headlines calling Mary J Blige a bitch for not shouting her out at last weeks Summer Jam. Its too bad that she didnt use her 3-4 hours a day of airtime in the nations largest city to call the greedy Congress people who accepted money from these corporations Bitches. There aint gonna be any shout outs if the Senate follows Congress in passing this bill. Maybe she'll step it up when her parent company Emmis finds that folks from all over the country can no longer easily access their archived interviews on their website.

It's too bad that many of us found this issue 'too complicated' and 'too overwhelming' and hence directed our attention to Ludacris and Ice Cube's beef with Oprah. This is the feedback I got after stories ran on my website as well as AllHipHop.

Shyt I'm sorry Oprah was too busy telling Ed Lover that she really does love Hip Hop and that she listens to 50 Cent and his violent ass all damn day instead of alerting her millions of viewers about the issue of Net Neutrality.

Im sorry that KRS-One and others used these Internet airways to tell us about the Hip Hop Nation they want to build, but didnt issue a call to action to protect a main arm of our communication. Whether youre a Hip Hop or Rap Lover the elimination of Net Neutrality is gonna impact you.

Here's what's happening folks. The house has gone passed the COPE bill and rejected proposals to insure Net Neutrality. Those who sided with the Comcast and Verizon are well aware that the ability of ordinary people to communicate to the masses is a problem because its been the only thing holding them accountable. For the last 5 years, the biggest stories about government corruption, corporate swindles, global warming and no weapons of Mass Destruction has come through Internet bloggers who were able to push an issue to the masses and force Fox, CNN and other News outlets to pay some sort of attention.

Anyone who is an activist and championed causes ranging from Election fraud and Diebold Machines, police brutality Freeing Mumia, Global warming, Media Reform and Saving the South Central Farm in LA just to name a few this is will especially hit you hard, because the Internet and its neutrality provisions have enabled many of us to counter biased mainstream media outlets get information out about particular causes all over the world.

Yesterday that ability took one step closer to coming to an end. The mantra being sung on Capitol Hill is Shut it down, Shut that shyt down and redirect traffic to a handful of places and media outlets that they can influence and control.

Like Ice Cube said 'Laugh Now and Cry Later', because many of us will soon be crying when we see the Internet gets parceled up and we start paying outrageous tolls for basic amenities. And speaking of which why didn't Ice Cube talk about this issue instead of not being invited on Oprah?

Anyway your next steps should you choose is to call your Senator's office and tell them to stand up and protect your interests. Ignoring this, waiting for others to take on your responsibility or acting like the issue will simply go away will not change this.

While many of you may shrug this off and think it doesn't apply to you, stop and think of all the activities you do on the daily that involve the Internet. Such activities range from using phone cards which use Internet connections-(Many of y'all didn't realize that) on down to peeping your favorite blog... Many of y'all like to surf and check out my site, AllHipHop, Sohh, HipHopGame etc.. Folks that shyt is about to change in a big, big ,big way.

You're soon gonna be left with only being able to peep monthly issues of The Source and XXL, who neglected to address this issue. The Source bypassed this in their Media Watch column and Elliot Wilson from XXL obvious saw his shyt talking editorials as more important then keeping you informed. I guess I can understand, all these Hip Hop Internet websites were eating into business.

All you artists who felt like you can easily get your music out there via and the other sites, that's about to change Oh yeah lets not forget the punk ass RIAA who like to sue everybody. They stayed silent on this and in fact while all this is going on they have quietly been lobbying Congress to change laws so that they can fundamentally change the copyright laws in such a way that it will make it damn near impossible to pass things around via the net or do Internet Radio.

Please read about this here:
www.kurthanson.com/archiv.../index.asp

and here:
p076.ezboard.com/fpolitic...=453.topic

Also lets not let Steve Jobs and his vast i-tunes network off the hook. Perhaps I missed it, but I didnt see him alerting us when you went to download your favorite song or stepped into his stores. Perhaps he figures he's rich enough to pay for the inevitable increases while the rest of us cant. In other words controlling 90% of the market is not enough.

Shame on former Black Panther, Congressman Bobby Rush for selling us out and supporting these corporations. Shame on the National Coalition on Black Civic Participation and any other Civil Rights group pretending to represent our interests while selling us out and taking the money to front for these groups. And while Im glad former Congressman Ron Dellums did well in his Mayoral bid in Oakland, we should not forget that he's also a lobbyist with one of his main clients being Verizon so shame on him as well. How's Oakland gonna be a world class city that is a beacon for new technology and innovation when his client is one of the main people trying to shut down the Internet?

In closing I'm gonna say this and it may be sobering for some... It's what my pops told me after I got caught fuccing up and then went home and tried to kiss up to him so I wouldn't get in trouble. He told me to stop acting like a wuss and start acting like a man. He told me it was time I grow up and accept responsibility. He then punished me for 3 weeks not for the fucc up, but for me trying to kiss his ass instead of owning up to my mistakes. This is about to happen to all of us...

My point is this. Hip Hop is over 30 years old. We're not kids no more. This industry is not run by kids. To not involve ourselves in shaping the institutions that we rely on to get our information and music out is irresponsible. Thats some thing to pond about. Here's another breakdown on this issue courtesy of www.playahata.com

Peace out for nowHolla at your Senator before you holla back at me...http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

The Return of Randomness...

Uh huh yeah you know what it is! Possibly the most popular blog post in blogging history and is often imitated, never duplicated is back! It's Friday and it's time for me to confuse the crap out of you by allowing you to peek into my cranium and seeing how truly odd I am. This is the first RTF in the new digs and so let's make it a special one shall we?!

Ok without further ado, ladies, gentleman, loyal subjects, I give you.....RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!



I went out and bought a sympathy card for Abu al-Zarkawi's family and I plan on passing it around the office to collect a few bucks that should finance part of my weekend entertainment. Office folk love to sign a card!

I watched Cam'ron's new movie Killa Season the other night and I can only assume the reason it's called Killa Season is because anybody that watches it attempts suicide. Fortunately I'm stronger than the average and so I'm still here with you but I do have a large rock sitting inside my flat screen. Damn you Cam'ron, damn you.

I had a debate with myself this morning as I sat on the edge of the bed about whether it was Thursday or Friday.

If you believe anything a guy named Creflo Dollar says then you deserved to get taken. There I said it.

I need a manicure.

If you're reading this line stop and go put the weirdest message you can think of in my chat box.

Since I've started eating healthier I've received phone calls from Burger King's and Quiznos' corporate offices to make sure everything was ok with me because apparently they've been losing thousands of dollars. That's right my former eating habits made the economy of the country grow!!! They've built Wendy's franchises because of me!

The electricity in our office went out for about 2 minutes the other day. Everybody just kind of sat here and waited for them to come back on. I, on the other hand, was already at the stop light about a mile up the road.

I've been trying to drink 5 20oz bottles of water a day and it's excruciating! It's like taking medicine! I miss you Dr. Pepper.

The lady that sits next to me takes the most odd days off and it irritates the crap out of me. She says she doesn't like to take more than one day off at a time and always loses vacation time at the end of the year. Fine but take a Friday or a Monday not Tuesday! It makes my skin crawl.

I don't dance.

The Mavericks will sweep the Heat. If for no other reason they are the team with the Carolina player.

I want to write something as a guest on somebody's blog. Email me if you wanna trade off one day.

I've been wearing Giorgio Armani's GIO lately and I think it's my ne favorite. Feel free to buy me a bottle.

Hey in my endeavor to be positive I've just realized that me throwing a rock through my t.v. does have an advantage! I don't have to see anything about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! Oh but wait, the NBA Finals are on. Damn you Cam'ron. Damn you straigh to hell!


Have a great weekend everybody!!!!

Getting to Know Me...

Yall can thank Nikki for this. I don't normally do these but I also like to constantly surprise you so let's get to know Ddot a little better, shall we?!


1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be? An actor. But not just any actor. I want Chris Tucker's career. I'll make one movie every 5 or 6 years for 25 million a pop and then just chill and raise my kids and get fat until the next movie.
2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be? That's easy, Eve. I get more than one slap right? Can I talk to her while I slap? "You had everything you could ask for including something women today would kill for, a PERFECT HUSBAND! SLAP! But your monkey ass wasn't satisfied were you?! SLAP! Answer me! SLAP! Shut up! You had to go and ruin it for everybody didn't you, you silly bitch?! SLAP! Now go get your weak ass husband Adam, I got some for him too!
3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?
I chose D.C. over Atlanta. Let me explain this one. People in the D.C/Maryland are obsessed with not being perceived as "country" while I'm as country as they come. I think I would've fit in good down in the dirty.
4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.
I can hum to myself while I'm up in some guts!!!
5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor? Ladies, nice tits & azz or common sense?
Let's see I could have a small penis but women would love to be around me because I'm so funny OR women would think I'm boring and only call or come by when they want some sex. Hmmm..let me think(I hope you read that whole thing in your most sarcastic voice.)
6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo? Just conversation, right? That list is quite long. I think Leesa would be rather interesting, so would Nikki. I know Chele would hold my attention. I think TTD and I would hit it off pretty good. Andrea and I would be tripping with N1S and Kween's crazy ass. Fuck it. The whole Dynasty and Commission! The first 5 rounds are on me!
7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.) I don't cuddle. I smash and go to sleep.
8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?
#1 Tupac's Me Against the World
#2 Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
#3 Outkast's Southerplayalisticcadillacmuzik
#4 My mixtape of Jay-Z's greatest hits(I think outside the box)
#5 Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway(I love that little white girl!)
9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?
Don't get me started on kids. I can't wait to have a little prince and or princess. I would definitely rather have them bury me young and live long and prosperous lives and tell tales of their crazy pops.
10. What's your biggest insecurity?
Umm what does this word, insecurity, mean?
11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? (And I swear to God, don't be saying mine just cuz I'm the one asking...unless of course you really mean it. lol)
You mean I'm supposed to visit other blogs?
12. When's the last time you peed your pants?
You can't be serious.
13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?
My first kiss! That little baby ass check Hardee's gave me was a waste of everybody's time. The teller at the bank cashed my check out of her own pocket.
14. Do you have kids? Want kids?
Nope I don't have any kids. Yeah I guess I'll allow some fortunate female to carry my seed someday.
15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack? Midgets scare me. The less we have walking around the better. Give me 4 more weeks of vacation and I won't say a word.
16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?
I think the logical answer would be eybrows but any changes to my face could possibly stop the Earth from spinning.
17. What makes you angry?
Really neat well dressed people with dirty ass kids. Oh and half of the office calling out today because it's 6/06/06. Corny ass, scary ass motherfuckers.
18. What makes you horny?
You!
19. What makes you nervous?
The dude at the porn store. He's just way too talkative to be working in a porn store. I check the paper everyday fully expecting to see his creepy ass on the front page accused of murdering his parents and then eating them and saying that his dog told him to do it.
20. What makes you smile?
Baby's laughter, seeing my mom happy, sunny and cool saturday mornings, 3 day weekends, and ridiculously big butts.

If you're reading this then you are now tagged. I'll be checking to see who does it and if you don't let me forewarn you that I will be putting you ON MY LIST!!!!

Moment of Clarity...

My alarm clock goes off. It's 5:40 a.m. With my eyes still shut I fumble with the buttons to turn off what seems like a siren going off inside my head. I roll back over and pull the covers over my head in attempt to steal a few more minutes of sleep. 3 minutes later my television comes on and I reluctantly sit up and listen to the news for a few minutes. After doing my pushups and relieving my bladder I walk back into my bedroom where my peripheral vision catches a glimpse of him in my mirror. "Nah it couldn't be", I say as I back up to take a second look. As I stand and stare in the mirror I am reminded of a line from a Jay-Z song, "Damn. That man's face is just like my face". I smile to myself and continue on with my morning ritual.

I walk like him. I talk like him. Our mannerisms are identical. The resemblance is quite frankly uncanny. He's my dad and like a 5 year old on the playground I still truly believe he's the smartest, coolest guy on the planet. Simply put my daddy can beat your daddy! Whenever I'm around him I notice how he reacts to people and situations. It's like I know exactly what he's thinking. I can tell what he's going to say before he says it. I also know that it is extremely tough for him to show emotion. He masks his hurt with sarcasm and his quick wit. Sound familiar? I'm not sure whether the genes were passed down to me or its learned behavior.

My dad and my brother talk on the phone all the time. Pops will go to his house and sit down and have a few beers and they talk about life and raising kids. He's proud of my brother for handling his business when it comes to his children. But there has been awkwardness between him and me as long as I can remember. It has gradually gotten worse since I was 10 and heard him tell one of his friends that my brother was his favorite and that he "wasn't sure about that other boy". He never knew that I heard him say it but I remember having an extremely hot feeling rush through my body. For a long time I thought that feeling was anger but in hindsight I know it was fear. It was the fear of a young man feeling as if his father didn't like him. It was fear of not being approved by the one person I thought was always right. If he wasn't sure about me then maybe, just maybe there was something wrong with me.

For years I would go back and forth deciding whether to try to do things to earn his respect and admiration or to do things just to irritate him even more. In my early twenties during a huge argument I finally revealed the secret that I had held onto for so many years of hearing him say those things to his friend. As I spoke my emotions were like that of a prisoner being released after decade long sentence. I looked into his eyes and I could see he felt ashamed and unsure about what to say to me. After an intervention by my mother we were able to talk like we hadn't done before. A lot of the scars I had been nursing for years began to scab, I felt like we were on our way to healing our relationship.

Slowly but surely we've reverted back to our old roles. Mine, the unsure young man and his, the stubborn older man. When I call home and he answers the phone it's always an uncomfortable greeting and him quickly saying "hold on, let me get your mother." I want to tell him "No I called to talk to you!", but my tongue melts into my gums and the words are never spoken.

The Jay-Z song that I referenced earlier was written by him after his father died. His father never got to hear his son express how he felt. I don't want that to be the case with my father and myself. We have to mend this before it's too late. I have resolved to call him and talk about anything that pops up at least once a week. I will call him and ask for advice because if I was a father I know I'd love that. I'll call him and tell him a joke that only people with our weird dry sense of humor will think is funny. It's going to be awkward at first and tough on the both of us but a wise man once told me a real man will make tough sacrifices for his family. I'll never forget that wise man, especially since I look so much like him.