Random Thought Friday...

Came to work a hour early didn't you? Constantly hitting that refresh button huh? Yeah I see you. It's ok you can admit it. You're not alone, there is about 350 others doing the exact same thing as we speak. Technically you're in the "in crowd". How does that feel soldier? Yes my dear Loyal Subjects today is Friday. But not just any Friday. No. It's a Random Thought Friday. You're welcome.

Now one thing you guys must remember about RTF is that these are really just random thoughts. They might be funny or thought provoking. It's just whatever is on The King's mind.

So put your miner's caps on and be sure to bring extra oxygen as we delve into the recesses of the King's mind. Enjoy.


Dick Cheney said that seeing a man get shot was the worst day of his life. I wonder does he realize that because of him and his homey 18 & 19 year olds are watching people get shot almost on a daily basis. Not just getting shot but blown up. Not just men but women and children. Think before you speak Dick.

Why is it bloggers can cry and complain to me but when I respond I'm the one being sensitive?

Today is Michael Jordan's birthday. That was the 23rd sentence I wrote today. What up Money!

Money is what real basketball fans call MJ.

Ok I've decided who's going to win American Idol. Sorta. I've narrowed it down to 3 and they are now being officially sponsored by The King. Congratulations ladies. So here they are.

Paris Bennett. Cute, likable and can really sing.





Kellie Pickler. The token. I'm only kidding!!! She's from the same area that I'm from and I can definitely see her winning. See I don't hate white people.




Mandisa. The best singer by far. The only problem is her butt has it's on zip code. Don't get me wrong I like a big butt, however the because of her image Simon is going to make it tough for her. But if Reuben can do it then why not her?!


I like chocolate pudding.

People who start crying when they are talking about their church scare me. This is on my mind because I was talking to a lady this morning about her church and the tears started coming. I kicked her and ran.

Does cocoa butter fade blemishes on white people too?

There's a lady in my office who has about 3 teeth. I call her The Tooth Fairy. And you guys thought I was mean. Shame on you.

I am addicted to those little bottles of Purell hand sanitizer.

I really want some chocolate pudding!

You gotta fill out an application to be in Al Qaeda?! Google it.

I had my first famous moment yesterday when my friend Big Rob called me and told me that some of the people in his office wanted me to come by so they could meet the crazy person behind this blog. So now GP I can officially go into my Kanye/Prince/Michael Jackson phase.

Anybody who doesn't have Gmail should get it.

I am so drained today. Yall got 3 posts out of me yesterday and here you are again wanting more. Greedy bastards.

I was watching Home Alone last night and as I watched the family go crazy when they realized Kevin was missing and try to find change for the pay phone I kept thinking to myself 'why don't they have cell phones?' I am old.

The NBA should let the fans vote on who is in the Slam Dunk contest.

I wonder if could I make it to the grocery store and back during lunch. I need that pudding!

I'm not feeling all that random today.

If Tupac drops another album don't we have to start wondering if he's really dead?

Ok I laugh every time I look up and see the Tooth Fairy and now I think she thinks I'm flirting with her. I gotta go to the car and get my gun. Talk to you people later.

Boredom in Blogland...

I was over at Mwabi's spot yesterday and she said something about blogland being blah lately. I then proceeded to comment and noticed that just about everybody who had commented before me agreed that blogland was blah. Interesting but not necessarily true in my humble opinion.

Now don't get me wrong all my regulars know I'll threaten retirement in a heartbeat when I get bored. But what I get bored with is writing or coming up with different intriguing things to write about. The creative process itself. But not Blogland.

If I'm in one of those moods then I just jump around and read other people. Maybe get an idea from someone else and try that. For example when I did the CD MIX CHALLENGE I couldn't think of anything interesting so I did something I'd never done before. Quite a few of you jumped on it and it was fun for everybody. You're welcome.

Some of the people who commented on her blog and said they too were bored used to be regulars around here. So the question has to be asked "Does thier boredom and absence from The Kingdom go hand and hand?" I think so because from what I can tell nobody gets bored over here. Seriously. Was anybody bored when they read the George Bush interview? What about the Dick Cheney piece? Me either. I read that crap and laugh just like yall. Oh well to each his own I guess.

So many people couldn't deal with the fact that we were actually chatting in the comment section that they refused to return. And yet that very chit chat that rubs them the wrong way is what keeps me and others from getting bored. That doesn't mean you shouldn't visit other blogs(I don't) but if you wanna be where the action is then you need to come home to Daddy.

So why you're sitting over there bored and emailing me about how much you dislike me and my blog we're having a party and these 8 hours just fly by. And this is not me dissing any of my former buddies. It's like Biggie said "I made you, why would I play you?"

So in conclusion I hope everybody who is bored finds something to perk them up and any and everybody that enjoys visiting The King keep coming through and I'll keep typing up some nonsense to entertain you!

Oh and remember one thing. Greatness is when everything before you is rendered obsolete and everything after you bares your mark. With that being said I am the greatest blogger of all time and because of that you will never find anyone that can measure up to me. Yes friends I am the standard by which excellence is measured. Good day.

23...

I shut the comment section down in today's earlier post after comment 23 in a symbolic gesture to Miguel.

So now you can continue here or get lost or wait to see if I post something else. Whatever floats your boat. And yes I know you hate me and no I don't care.

See even Kobe knows the deal!!!

XXI...

I saw the new Michael Jordan commercial for his new XXI shoes for the first time last night. Of course I loved it because I believe MJ can do no wrong but I think most people will like it. Basically they have a bunch of kids playing ball on the playground or in high school games doing some of Michael's most famous moves. It's really entertaining escpecially for a die hard Mike fan because you recognize the moves immediately. Well anyway I'm probably going to post twice today but I had to share this video with you guys although Rell is probably the only one who will truly appreciate it. Oh and they come out this Saturday, Febuary 17th, which also happens to be MJ's birthday. Yes I know I'm obsessed and it's sad. Anyway I am starting a "BUY KING A PAIR OF JORDAN'S DRIVE". So for once in your miserable life think of someone else and donate!!!

My Dear Loyal Subjects...

Good morning MLS. I'm sorry I haven't written anything in two days. You guys shut down my email inbox with all the complaints!!!

My boss and her boss are both under the gun and are in my opinion about to get booted. So you know what that means! More work for The King so that they don't get fired. So now they've got me doing all kinds of things and honestly it sucks.

I am taking a quick break to let you guys know so a internet riot doesn't break out. So no more emails people. Please!

I'm typing as fast as I can and I really feel like a runaway slave right about now! What up Nikki!!!

I think I hear someone coming! I gotta go, they'll never chop off my foot!!!

Dick Cheney is a Gangster....

Ok I write some funny posts about the characters that run the White House from time to time. But as I've always heard, the truth is stranger than fiction.

Since I know most of my readers don't watch the news in favor of 106 & Park and Good Times reruns. Let me be the first to tell you that Dick Cheney the Vice President of the United States of America shot a man in the face yesterday.

Seriously.

When I saw the story I immediately thought that maybe I had written something on my blog and it had been mistaken as real news.

Can I be honest? I think that this Presidency is a practical joke being pulled on the American public. The writer's at Saturday Night Live get together and they write this stuff. That's the only thing that make sense at this point.

Dick Cheney shot a man in the face. Sorry but I just can't stop saying that. It's hilarious.

So of course I had to call and get the scoop straight from ol Dicky boy myself.

Ddot: What happened Dick?

Dick:I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets. Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted ‘Cheney, you bastard’ did I realize that this intelligence was faulty.

Ddot: What?! And that's an acceptable excuse to you? You're a goddamn mad man!

Bush: I'm on the line Dick. Let me handle this.

Dick: Yes sir.

Bush: Look, this shooting sent a strong message to the terrorists. If Dick is willing to shoot an American at point blank range just imagine what he'll do to you.

Ddot: Am I in the twilight zone?

Bush: No you're not. In fact I think Harry Whittington is a punk. Had Dick shot me I would've gotten up and shot him back. I'm macho like that.

Dick: You're tough sir. But it was an accident. I thought he was a bird.

Ddot: What kind of genetically altered birds have you been exposed to? The guy was wearing a bright orange vest for goodness sakes!

Bush: Well there are thousands of different birds. Some wear bright orange vests.

Ddot: Stop.

Dick: That's right and we haven't allowed the public to see them. Just trust us we are keeping them away for a good reason.

Ddot: I said stop it. Do I look like Willie Lump Lump?

Bush: Well is Willie black because you all look alike to me!

Ddot: Ya mama. Dick this was your one pass. No more hunting for you. Unless of course you want to take your boss!


Ok it's Monday and I can't just sit around and entertain you people I have work to do! If you need a good laugh read the paper. Why? Because.....


DICK CHENEY SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE!!!

Interview with George W. Bush...

Now look I had to go through a lot of crap including a full body cavity search to get this interview. So you ungrateful bastards had better at least pretend you like it. And to that one Secret Service chick with the happy hands I want to say all that wasn't necessary, I mean I don't even know how a person would hide something that far inside their body and I don't appreciate it. Call me.

So without further ado ladies, gentleman, and fellow pompous assholes the President of the United States....


Ddot: Sup G.

GWB: Excuse me? G?

Ddot: Yeah G, you know as in George?

GWB: Wait a minute. They said Armstrong Williams was going to be conducting this interview!

Ddot: Well that's what you get for putting your racist buddies in security. They think all black people look alike.
GWB: Well where's Armstrong?!
Ddot: He's in my trunk.
GWB: SECURITY!!!! There's some crazy nig..um...black man in here!!!
Ddot: Lil G calm down. I put the Rodney King beating on a continuos loop. They'll be busy for hours. Just relax and answer the questions.
GWB: No questions about the rapper guy. Kanzil or Kanyanna or whatever his name is.
Ddot: Deal.
GWB: Ok shoot.
Ddot: Don't tempt me.
GWB: Just ask your questions.
Ddot: How do you feel your Presidency so far?
GWB: Well Kingy we're doing a heck of job. The economy is on the rise. We're winning the War on Terrorism. We're finding new alternatives to oil. Everything is going as planned.
Ddot: Don't call me "Kingy".
GWB: Why are you staring at me like that? How would you describe my Presidency so far?
Ddot: Doo doo on a stick. And let me just say that I think you're an idiot and you make my stomach hurt.
GWB: I think you have every right to say that! That's the beauty of America. Now let me tell you something funny man. I rewrite the constitution for fun! You think I don't know who you are? I've been listening to your conversations for years. And let me just say that you are one perverted son of a bitch. I can have your little blog outlawed and say it's best for National Security and everybody in my beloved red states will pat me on the back. Not only that but I can have you sitting in downtown baghdad with no body armor and a shirt that says "Muslims Suck" by the end of business today. Now is there anything else you want to get off your chest?

Ddot: Ummm...I guess I better go check on Armstrong.

GWB: Ok well we should do this again sometime.

Ddot: Yeah whatever cracker

GWB: Excuse me?
Ddot: Nothing. I gotta roll.
GWB: Hey Kingy before you go, guess what.
Ddot: What Ofay?
GWB: I really don't care about black people. BRUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Ddot: You evil prick! I'll be back lil G and I'm going to get you one way or another!




Man I can't even wait to see how this turns out! Ok I have work to do. Good day.

Term Limits...

Yesterday as I toyed with my template as well as your emotions my links got deleted. So that got me thinking. Yeah I know it's a scary thought. Jerk. Anyway as you know I don't have a million links like most bloggers. Why? I AM NOT MOST BLOGGERS!!! So when I link someone it is a huge honor. When The King co-signs you it gives you instant credibility. You're welcome. So to make a long story short I'll be fixing my links at some point today and if you have never been linked it is your job to convince me why I should waste my link space with you.

What else?

Oh did you watch the Grammy's last night? That was the best Grammy show I've seen in years. Kanye is an ass. The "Thank You List" he brought on stage was supposed to be funny but it wasn't and he just looked silly. And who dressed that character?! Button your shirt Kanye. Nobody wants to see that hamburger meat! And what's with the Knight Rider gloves?!
Kelly Clarkson's performance was really good. I'm sure she's happy she'll be referred to as "Grammy award winning singer Kelly Clarkson" as opposed to "American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson". Yes I love white women.

Jay-Z , Linkin Park and Paul McCartney did a mash-up of three of their songs and that was the best perfromance of the night. Jay even had a t-shirt with Paul's former bandmate John Lennon on. Oh and if Beyonce and the two other chicks are going to reunite to present awards then they really aren't broken up. Kelly and Michelle take it from The King when I say....GET LOST! I know they get on Jay's nerves. I can just hear this exchange between Jay and B...

Jay-Z: Hey B! You tryna go to the 40/40 tonight?
Beyonce: Yeah can we go pick up Michelle?
Jay-Z: Who?
Beyonce: You know Michelle. She was in my group. You remember, the skinny chick, couldn't dance. C'mon I know you remember.
Jay-Z: Oh yeah that chick why she always gotta hang with us?
Beyonce: She doesn't really have any friends.
Jay-Z: What about the other girl from the group. What's her name? Why can't they hang out together?
Beyonce: Oh Kelly is coming too.
Jay-Z: You can't be serious. Tell ya what I'm just gonna go to the Nets game. Holla at you tomorrow.




Why do yall let me go off on tangents like that? Focus King. Focus.




Oh I flipped back and forth to American Idol. The two criminal twins with hair on their chinny chin chins were doing their best Kanye imitation. I don't think they'll make the top 12 but if they did they'd be promptly voted off as nobody in America likes them. Oh and the two twins that were cool got booted off and I thought they could sing!!




Hey but what do I know. You're talking to a guy that went out and bought the Lord Tariq & Peter Gunz album. That's 15 bucks that will always haunt me. Had I taken that 15 bucks and waited for Google to get started and invested in Larry & Sergey's dream I'd be a multimillionaire now and I could do cool things like go to my class reunion with like 3 bodyguards and never directly speak to anybody instead whisper what I want to say in my designated speaker's ear and let her say stuff like "Ddot says hello and goodbye."



Ok seriously I'm focused now. Oh one more thing. How funny is it going to be when Gwen Stefani gives birth and the baby is black?! I know Pharrell tapped that Gwen you ain't fooling nobody!

I'm feeling it today. I need to write like five posts today just to put in reserve for days like yesterday.

Now before I say this I want to say that I already know that I am too old to be watching 106 & Park so you don't have to say it. But the chick Julissa completely ruins that show. She's absolutely clueless. What makes it worse is that she comes off like she's the smartest coolest person in the room. Remember when Tigger used be the corniest guy at B.E.T.? The came A.J. who took it to another level and now this chick that makes Tigger seem like Jay-Z! What would happen if Nick Cannon came and co-hosted with her one day? Wouldn't the high corny level in that room destroy the universe? Anyway J is willing to allow anybody who will spit on Nick Cannon to use her name. I am now saying if someone will pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Julissa I will treat them to dinner. So go get those crowbars people!!!

Ok I better get out of here before I implicate myself in a crime. Have a great day folks.

Dry...

I'm not feeling anything good right now so I thought I'd change my template back to this just to irritate some of you. You're welcome. Ok maybe I'll post tomorrow.

Girls Girls Girls...

Good morning My Loyal Subjects. Yesterday one of my fans emailed me and said she noticed that my content seems to have changed a bit. That I seemed to be catering to the ladies. Well I do. 99% of my fans are women so why talk about car engines and football everyday. Then I'd just be a mediocre blogger, not The King of All Bloggers. Holla atcha boy Summer! Anyway so I decided to dedicate a post to all of my lovely female bloggers. I can't decide if it's very original since I stole part of the lyrics from Jay-Z but I like it and really that's all that matters. Just know that it took me awhile to twist and turn his lyrics to fit you guys. So show some appreciation! If you don't see a mention of yourself in the "song" don't feel bad my creativity is usually gone by 10:30 and I just couldn't think of how to add everybody in there. But I appreciate all of you for holding me down. I'm sure Grant and Rell feel like a million bucks right now! Ok here it is.....Enjoy.



Of course I love you.. I love all y'all


I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour, yeah

I got this African chick, she don't like me to roam
So she email me and tells me it's on
Said she writes that hot shit so she likes me home
I'm like, "Un momento" - mami, slow up your tempo
I got this DC chick, she don't know how to act
Always emailing me fussing, but she does her thing
She like, "Listen Ddot, I don't care if you're The King
You better - R-E-S-P-E-C-T me"
I got this one chick from B-more that loves to pick
She thinks she's a queen, will email me quick
My, cherie amor, to a belle
Merci, you fine as f**k but you givin me hell
I got this Michigan chick the day that I met her
Asked her why she so quiet, stop being a lurker
She said I comment when I want to King, so stop bitchin
And if you want more comments put me in The Commission
Now that's African chick, B-more chick, Michigan, DC and they all black
That's fried chicken, curry chicken, damn I'm gettin fat
Arroz con pollo, french fries and crepe
An appetitite for destruction but I scrape the plate
I love

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour

I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girls all over the globe
I come scoop you in that Coupe, sittin on
deuce-zeroes
Fix your hair in the mirror, let's roll - c'mon


I got this VA chick, she's quite mature
She like, "Why you don't you visit my blog no more?"
Like to show out in public, throw tantrums on the floor
Gotta toss a couple comments, just to shut up her holla
Got a ATL chick, that plays her part
And if it goes down y'all that's my heart
Baby girl so thorough she been with me from the start
Thinks she co-rules my blog, plus hers is off the charts
This other ATL chick I don't know if she cook or clean
But she write her ass off and her blog is mean
Nothing wrong with ma she's always on the scene
God damn she's fine and she comments all the time
I get frequent comments from my other ATL chick
She look right in that tight blue dress, she's thick
She gives me extra comments and shows The King mad love
So I had to introduce her to The Dynasty club
Now that's a VA chick, and 3 from the ATL
That means trash talking abounds, plus I stay in The Underground
That means I'm new school, pop pills and stay in beef
But I never have a problem with my first class seat
I love

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour
I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girls all over the globe
I come scoop you in that Coupe, sittin on
deuce-zeroes
Fix your hair in the mirror, let's roll

I love girls, girls, girls, girls......


Now wasn't that fun?! I thought so. If you are one of my readers who has no idea where this song comes from it's the video playing on the side. Again if you weren't in the song it was simply because of lack of creativity on my part. I love all yall. And if you're still offended stop your whining because I don't care! Shouts to KoolBreeze, Chele, Leesa, Goddess, TTD and anybody else I missed.



You're welcome.

Do You Qualify...

It's Monday so we need to really get things going today. Let's talk relationships. I received an email this morning that I really liked and it was actually the second time I've gotten it but this time I really read it. You've probably gotten it too but if not I'll share it with you and then I'd love to get your thoughts.


A Sista's Poem:

Do you qualify to be the man I need you to be?
Will you be able to recognize the things you need to see?
Will you be able to understand, that I'm a good womanand in my life I need a good man?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to fertilize my unproduced seeds?
Can you fulfill, as I can, all of our needs?
Can you put me in my place if you see I am slippin?
Can you talk to me, wholeheartedly, not constantlytrippin??
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called all mine?
Can you leave the other women and temptations behind?
Can you come to me with your problems and not waituntil it's too late?
Can you stand up and admit if you made a mistake?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be the honest ebony man I would wantyou to be?
Would you be able to look me in my eyes and admit yourfeelings to me?
Could you take me in your arms and make love to me allnight long?
Can you be sensitive and still be strong?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be my friend as well as my lover?
Can you put our love before any other?
Can you cherish me as if I were Diamonds & Gold?
Can you make me feel like I'm the last woman you'llever hold?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called a good man?
If I have doubts can you reassure me and understand?
Can your love intoxicate me as if I were High?
To be in my life, I need to know, DO YOU QUALIFY?

The Brother's Response:

You ask, do I qualify.
Can I fulfill your needs and become the man you needme to be?
My sister, are you prepared for what you've asked for?
Can you handle the responsibility?
Can you accept that, by GOD, I am the chosen one, theauthority, the comforter, and the head?Will you submit and willingly follow my path?
Or will you fight with me instead?
If I am your King, will you treat me as such?
Will I get the best of your beauty and poise?
Or will I be subjected to an appearance neglected, andchecked with some serious noise?
When I talk, will you listen?
I mean whole heartedly and feel me?
Or will you rush me just to make your point too?
Can I be the man at all times?Even when it hurts?
Or is it just when it's convenient for you?
Can you love me for me, and not who you wish I couldbe?
Will you see the strong Black Man within?
Or will you always remind me of the all the pastbrothers behind me and make me pay for their sins?
If I don't send you flowers the day your co-workerreceived some, will you know that I love you still?
Or will my good name be uttered along with those otherdoggish brothers?
Will you question if my commitment is real?
Will you be patient and teach me to understand you,and allow my knowledge of your needs to grow?
Or will you shut me out when I ask, Baby what's wrong?
Or will you respond with, "Well a REAL man wouldknow!"
When we first met, what was it that caught your eye?
Was it my mind, my heart, my personality?
Or was it my suit, or my job, or do you love what I drive, instead of what's driving me?
Yes I can, and I will, make love to you from midnightto the dawning of the sun.
But, if I tell you I'm tired, will you trust I'msincere or believe that there must be another one?My sister, I love you and my heart can be yours.
No woman could lead me astray.
But like you, I have needs, so I beg of you, please,in this love thang meet me half way.
In life's tough times I'll hold you, in the roughtimes I'll mold you, your simplest wish will be mycommand.
My life is yours if need be.
Yes you can fully bleed me, and when hell comes, inyour place, I'll stand.
A good relationship is a powerful institution thatmust be built on a foundation of two.
So to answer your question, YES sister, I do qualify.Now, more importantly.....! Do you?

The Super Bowl...

I was going to really break down the Super Bowl this morning but guess what? The Super Bowl sucked. The commercials weren't all that great and flipped back and forth to The Real World/Road Rules Challenge marathon on Mtv. Beth is a team captain?! How did I miss that? Well I'm all caught up now so that's good. So anyway that's it.


Oh yeah and Grey's Anatomy is my new addiction. Thanks.

Kingdom Stories...

Ok so everybody knows I like to do different things with this blog. I don't want to do the cookie cutter thing. So as I sat back and analyzed my readers and also thought of ideas I came up with something I thought might be interesting. Now GP always tells me to not think so big and it's the small stuff people like but I'm hard headed and so I'm going to try this anyway.

I like writing and someone suggested to me yesterday that I should write a screenplay or an episode of a television show. They gave me tips as to how to get started and so I'm going to try it with this post. I would love any constructive criticism you guys have or you can just tell me how great I am. Either way works for me. Have I built up enough excitement? Good.

I am going to write a series of stories for my blog which I'm hoping is going to read something like a soap opera or a blog version of what they do on Tom Joyner's show every morning. I'm going to try to flesh out the story as I go and hopefully I can give 2 or 3 "episodes" a week(You do realize that you can't hold me to that right?). Ok so here is my first story. Remember I am just getting started and I am going to develop more characters and stories as I go.

Welcome to King's Island. A city that has a 98% african american population. The sun shines bright here and it is reflected in the attitudes of the residents. The very affluent Knox family own most of the property on the island and we will take a look into the youngest son Jaloni in today's episode....

Jaloni's longtime girlfriend, Mia, is pressuring him to take their relationship to the next level - engagement and marriage. Mia believes Jaloni is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Jaloni's not sure he ready for such a permanent long term committment with Mia. She's a great woman. She's ambitious, caring, supportive and fun to be around. In fact, she's dang near perfect but she's too available for someone like Jaloni. He's still looking for a challenge. All his life he's had to fight for the things he's wanted and with women it's no different. He's developed conqueror's mentality.

Jaloni starts an innocent flirtation with a new co-worker, Trenyce, that heats up when he moves in Mia. Trenyce is the type of woman that loves an unavailabe man. She enjoys using her feminine wiles to lure men into her trap.

Jaloni is taken with Trenyce. She reminds him of the type woman that used to play him in his younger years. When she starts to hint that she wants more from him than an playful, flirty office courtship he takes the bait....

Georgia Peach Style...

Ok I am going to post something today. I promise! But since I keep getting requests for pictures and one blogger even insists that I change my profile picture but it ain't happening anytime soon! Anyway here are a few pics of the King just to prove I am as beautiful as I claim to be. Some are old and some are new but these are all the ones I have on my work computer. Enjoy.






Me on the phone at the crib. Check out the guns!












Me and one the nephews I'm always talking about. I am their hero as you can see.
































Me at my man Perk's wedding. I am the one second from the right. I think I look really good in a tux. The photographer should focused in more on me instead of trying to get all of the rest of them! I feel a little bad by upstaging the bride on her wedding day!
















Me and my homey Anthony at the wedding reception of one of my other friends.


















Me my twin brother E and my sister T. I shaved my 'stache off right before they took this picture so I look 16!

















I keep the ladies on my arms! Ok actually this is me and my two sisters T and ...umm well they are both T!















Ok so that should hold you until I can write something. You're welcome.

Busy...

Burp....

Good morning Loyal Subjects...blah blah blah....I went to the bar last night and either my tolerance level isn't where it used to be or that bartender really knows how to make a drink. I was blitzed last night. I am quite sure that a few of my female friends got phone calls last night and I'm just hoping that I didn't embarrass myself. What I'm dealing with right now isn't even a hangover as much as it feels like I'm still a little tipsy. So no real post today. I was going to interview Coretta Scott King but she went and died so that idea is scrapped. Thanks for nothing Coretta!!! Well anyway I am the greatest...blah blah blah.....every female wants my body...blah blah blah. Ummm did I leave anything out? Oh yeah Respect the King! Ok that's enough I have to save my energy to convince my employer that I am not a lush. So in closing remember that I call this blog a toilet because my words are the shit. Hey I liked that one. I should've saved that for a real post. Oh well. Good day.

CD Mix Challenge...

I never thought I'd be doing one of these things as I hate them so much. Don't get me wrong I like reading them on other people's pages but I had never planned to do one just because I like my stuff to be different over here. Ya dig? So I found one that I hadn't seen anywhere else and that actually seems like it might be fun. So here's the challenge. From your own musical background, construct a CD song list in the following format.

1) A favorite political track.
Fight the Power by Public Enemy.
Do I even need to explain that one? Didn't think so.

2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what.
Family Affair by Mary J. Blige.
Dre killed this beat. She could be
singing about getting pissed on and it would be hot.

3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them.
Ready for Love by India.Arie.

4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze it’s lyrics.
Most of my favorite songs are by rap artists. You don't
try to analyze that crap.

5) A song that you like, that a two year old would like as well.
I Believe I can Fly by R. Kelly.
R. Kelly loves the kids! Hey get your mind out of the gutter!

6) A song that gives you an energy boost.
Yeah by Usher.
But don't most Lil Jon songs do that?

7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like.
Dance with My Father by Luffa Vandross.
I love this song despite me and my dad's relationship.
I should blog about that one day.

8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now.
Rush Rush by Paula Abdul. HA!
Ok seriously I would go with Summertime by Jazzy Jeff
and The Fresh Prince

9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life.
I've been Loving You Too Long to Stop Now by Otis Redding.
Just about any sad Otis song.

10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life.
Let's Get it Started by the Black Eyed Peas.
Shoot me right now.

11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked.
You're Still the One by Shania Twain.
Ok just about any song by Shania, Garth Brooks, and Kenny Rogers.

12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born.
I'm a King by T.I.
C'mon how easy was that?!

13) A favorite artist duo collaboration.
Does all Outkast songs count?
Ok then whatever the name of the song that Jay-Z and Nas do together.

14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally,
commonsenically, religiously etc.)
H.O.V.A by Jay-Z. Stop calling yourself that Jay!

15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points
every time you listen to it.
So Fly by Three Six Mafia.
Again just about any song by these characters.
Their lyrics are ridiculous but the beats are hot.

16) Your smooth song, for relaxing. Let's Chill by Guy. Oh my God I'm old.

17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at.
Beat It by Michael Jackson.
After all that MJ has been through doesn't
that song sound a little suspicious now?

18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group.”
Was Color Me Badd a super-group? I crack myself up!
The only super-group I can think of is The Firm.
So I'll say Phone Tap by The Firm although
that album should've been a lot better.

19) A song that makes you reminsce about good times with a family member.
My mom loves The Temptations so whenver I hear one
of their songs I think of how excited she gets especially
when the opening line
of Ain't too Proud to Beg comes on..."I know you wanna leave me..."
Which reminds me of the greatest character in movie history.
The GREAT David Ruffin. "The Temptations without David Ruffin
is some fake ass Temps!" Bobby Brown has a long way to
go to reach David Ruffin status.

20) Your favorite song at this moment in time. I hate to admit it but probably Bow Wow's Fresh Azimiz.

Ok my little pretties that's my list now you all have to do one too or.....ummm.....Oh just do one will ya!

Hey Love...

Dear Love,

I miss you. No, no I really do! I'm not just saying that to make you smile. Everything is different without you in my life. Things are so different now. Yeah, yeah I know I took you for granted, but I was young and I didn't know any better! How long are you going to hold that against me? You gotta give me another shot. I promise I'll do all the little things this time. Huh? The arrogance? Look I'll try but baby Rome wasn't built in a day.

Oh and I know that's you that keeps giving your cousin Infatuation my number. Knock it off! I don't need that in my life. I want you! I mean you are such a splendid thing. I like the feeling in my stomach when you're around. I love the fact that you kept me smiling. C'mon you gotta admit I have a beautiful smile. Right? See, yeah I see you smiling. I could always make you smile. We were so good together.

Now the days aren't as bright. I toss and turn in my sleep. I know you always said it was better to have had you for the time that I did than to never have you at all but we belong together. I know you never promised to be with me forever and that you leaving was partly my fault but I'm a changed man now. I'm grown and I want you in my life for good. You know I met someone 3 years ago. She looked just like you and for the longest I thought it was you. In fact I convinced myself that she was you but it turns out that she just had some of your qualities. Next time I'll know not to accept any imitations.

So where do we go from here? I need you and I know you want to be with me. I know that Musiq wrote that song for you but that was his outlet and this blog is mine. I don't want to talk your ears off I just want you to know that I ache inside without you and I know in my heart that someday soon we will be reunited. Until then just know that I miss you dearly and I will always be looking for you, my special Love.

Yours Truly,
D.

Random Thought Friday...

Look at the smiles on their faces! Drea just dropped her coffee. Georgia Peach is giggling at her desk and Grant just released one of the hostages. That's right bitches it's RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!

If you're new to the spot let me explain. Once upon a time I was just a normal blogger much like yourself but then I did a post that rocked a nation. Yes I shook up the world! And I'm pretty! I'm a bad man! Ok you should've read those last three sentences in your best Muhammad Ali voice. Anyway Random Thought Friday is the one time during the week that you get to see the inner workings of your King's mind. Yes I know you're very excited but you have to calm down. You don't want your next job application to look like this......REASON FOR LEAVING: Jumped on my desk and did a little jig in celebration of Random Thoght Friday. Now would you hire that person? Yeah me too. So anyway buckle up and get ready for what Bill O'reilly called "A colossal waste of time...." and what 4 out of 5 doctors prescribe for sleep. Ladies and gentleman.....RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!

I watch Dancing with the Stars. There I said it.

I have a thing for news women.

When blogger and Gmail were tripping yesterday I started looking for a telephone number for the Google people. I mean why would they toy with my emotions like that?!

What's up with these wrestling boots I've seen all these girls wearing? That's not attractive. Whenever I see them I am tempted to grab the chick and put her in the sleeper hold.

I'm going to try to get a picture of this woman here at work for yall but I swear she has to lift up her ta ta's to put her belt on!

How odd is it that yesterday I promised more focus and my first post after that is a Random Thought Friday?

I always heard if you have sex with an old person they will give you worms. Anybody know for sure?

Oh and have any of you ladies ever put period blood in a man's food to make him fall madly in love with you?

I don't eat anything red cooked by a woman. Nope not even red Kool Aid.

In the second meeting I was forced to go to yesterday my boss went on and on about who knows what. I was trying my best not to fall asleep. Then when she's done she says "Ddot do you have anything you wanna add?" It seemed like an hour before I responded. The first thought that came into my head was to say "Man I don't even know what this meeting is about. I don't know half of these people's names. I'm here to catch some Z's!!!" But my brain wouldn't allow that. My second thought was to say "Yeah I do. Everybody check out my blog in your free time!" Ultimately I said "No I think you covered everything."

The lady that sits behind me has a pretty good idea that I don't actually work. On Monday she's walking past my desk and says some slick stuff like "Looks like you're busy as usual." But as she said it her foot hit the carpet the wrong way and she tripped. Who was in heaven? ME! LMAO! Man it's the little things in life ya know?!

I am boycotting Sanaa Lathan's new movie. Not because I'm a racist or anything but....well....ok maybe I am a little racists when it comes to black women dating white men. See at least I can be honest. As for white women and black men? Well now that's different!

I think I want to go to Turks & Caicos for vacation this year.

Let me tell you how important I am around here. There's only one other black man in the office and he's from Cameroon. His name is Nico. Half the people in the office call me Nico and the other half call me Daryl. My name is not Daryl goddamnit!!!

Why does the new Tyrese movie look like it's going to be a updated version of An Officer and a Gentleman? And how did Tyrese get the role of the trainer/Seargent or whatever? Shouldn't Denzel or somebody older be playing that part. Maybe it was because he looks like he could be Lou Gossett Junior's son.

The lady that sits beside me is the real life 40 year old virgin. She's really sweet and very naive. It's like talking to a 12 year old sometimes. She's kind of cute though. I would love to corrupt her if you know what I mean! Unfortunately I'm pretty sure she still calls black people "colored" when we're not around.

Ok I think all of yall need to get rid of word verification thing. I haven't gotten a spam in my comments section in forever. Not only that but sometimes those letters run together and you have no idea what they are. It's just irritating.

I'm almost as addicted to watching who's on my blog and how long they stay and what they read as I am with my actual blog. It bewilders me why people who claim not to like me keep coming back! And I don't mean people like Jackie who acts like she doesn't like me but people who have told me that they don't like me. One of them actually told me that they like an inanimate object more than me. Man I really want to tell that story but it's a waste of time. Maybe one day though.

It is better to take a dump in the woods and don't wipe than to poop on yourself. Someone actually tried to convince me of the opposite! Yep that's the types of conversations I get into.

With my millions of readers I am sure that someone has a connection with the L.A. Lakers. Look I am willing to do just about anything if we can get the whole team to not pass Kobe the ball for an entire game. Oh yeah that reminds me....I hate Kobe. Gotta say that at least once a day. I feel better now.

Women are odd. Ever since I told these women at work that a woman's place is in the kitchen and caused this big uproar I swear they seem to want me even more. I know what you're thinking. "But D doesn't everybody want you anyway?!" And if you're thinking that yes my child you are correct.

It's time to update The Dynasty and The Commission. For all you lurkers out there this is your chance to hit the big time! All you gotta do is convince me that you're worthy. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm an asshole. Everybody knows that but if you want to make the list get busy.

Ok That's enough of this crap. Hey I've decided to take you jerks ideas to heart. I will do the "Ask The King a Question" post. But you guys really need to come up with some good questions. So email me the questions and make sure that they are good please! Don't bore me to death with "What was the first movie you went to see?" type questions.

Ok it's Friday baby! Everybody have a good weekend and whatever you do, do it safely and peacefully.

THE KING HAS SPOKEN!!!

Focus...

From the Office of Ddot the King:

Dear Loyal Subjects I have been locked out of my blog most of the day. Please do not be alarmed because I am fine. But you've all seen my picture so you know that already. HA! Anyway I agree with what Jackie, Cool AC, Mwabi, Laa Laa and others who have said my blog is losing focus. This isn't just any blog and my loyal subjects deserve better. I promise to get things straight and return to the top of my game. I want my blog to be entertaining as well as informative and for the comment section to stay on subject. You have my word that the Kingdom you all fell in love with will be back soon!!!!

The Internet Phenomenon and Your King,
DDOT

I am Jay-Z...

Remember the movie Malcolm X when all the kids stood up and said

"I AM MALCOLM X"?

Or in the Tiger Woods commercial when they said

"I AM TIGER WOODS"?

Well today I am saying I AM JAY-Z! Ok well I look better than him but you get the point.

It's funny because he is my favorite living rapper and I've used quite a few of his one liners on my blog. I have been wanting to blog about the whole Cam'ron dissing Jay thing but it didn't interest me that much. I mean who cares if some guy wearing a pink fur and driving a pink range rover disses you?! Especially if you're considered the best by everyone including most of your enemies!

I hoped that Jay-Z wouldn't respond and today I read that he basically wasn't going to address it unless he got some spare time in between dismantling Juelz Santana's career. Smart move Cam. Anyway so yesterday a blogger devoted a whole post to dissing me. It's actually the second time it's happened from this particular blogger but it's happened numerous times by others since I started blogging.

Sometimes I destroy them and sometimes it's just unfair to use my superior mind to crush their spirit. So I just kind of pat them on the head and tell them "good job little fella".

My mom used to run a group home for the mentally challenged so I know how to deal with them. I remember one time I was shooting basketball with one of them and when the guy made a shot he started talking trash just like he had seen on tv. It was sad. It was funny. He felt good about himself and who was I to snatch the ball from him and dunk it while resting my testicles on his forehead and yelling as loud as I can "NOW WHAT SLOW BOY?!" Nope it just wouldn't be fair.

So yesterday when this blogger, who is now officially the Cam'ron/Corky of bloggers, wrote this post I gave a compliment instead of letting on what I could actually do to them.

A lot of people read my blog. Most of them never comment. If any of you have the idea of doing what the blogger did yesterday please save yourself. You can't go from selling popcorn to fighting the Champ. Now in a small way I have to thank said blogger because I really couldn't think of anything to write about. But it was probably because my highly evolved brain wouldn't focus until I got this off of my chest.

So yeah I am Jay-Z and you are Cam'ron/Corky and other than this little post I will ignore you and forgive your trangressions. But look on the bright side I am quite sure your traffic has jumped considerably. Now you have to step up to the plate and give the people something to keep coming back. If you stay focused you'll reach the point of just being able to post a picture of a shoe and watch people go nuts. But until you get to that point remember one thing......


RESPECT THE KING!!!!

Carolina Blue...

Since I have the new Carolina Blue template I thought I'd give my blog a hot pair of Carolina Blue Jordans. Ok that's all. I might actually post today. Stay tuned.

The Kingy Awards...

Welcome ladies and gentleman to the 1st Annual Kingy Awards! Not only that but it's also the King's 100th post! I've come a long way from my original post back when I thought I could really make some money using the adsense thing. Who knew I had this much to talk about?! I went from writing stuff just to make myself laugh to becoming an internet phenomenon. Thank you to all of My Loyal Subjects, especially the members of the Dynasty and the Commission.

Now if you are all ready let's hand out some awards shall we?! All winners can give their acceptance speech in the comments section and I expect to see something on your blogs as well!!!

Ladies and gentleman please welcome our first two presenters. Leesa and Nikki!!!

Leesa: So Nik, we are here to present the award for Blogger you most want to hump male. Who do you think will win?
Nikki: C'mon Leesa. This is King's blog, nobody else stands a chance!
Leesa: You don't think he'll be fair?
Nikki: Do you read this guy's blog? He thinks he's God's gift to the human race!
Leesa: Well he is special.
Nikki: Huh? Goddamn white women.
Leesa: Don't hate. And the nominees are...

Ddot the King

Grant

Rell

Arson


Leesa: And the winner is...
Nikki: Rell!!! Congratulations Rell. We'll be looking forward to hearing your acceptance speech in the comment section.

Ddot: Sonofabitch!!! Grant go cut his brake lines!
Grant: I'm way ahead of you D!

Producer: Umm King we're live.

Ddot: Oh! Ummm ok well congratulations Rell! We were all rooting for you buddy! Now please welcome our next two presenters BrownSoul and Ja Rule!

BrownSoul: Hi I'm Drea. What was your name again?
Ja Rule: You're kidding right? I'm Ja Rule!
BrownSoul: Who? Ddot why couldn't I get a real celebrity?!
Ja Rule: What?! I am a multi platinum recording artist!
BrownSoul: Sorry never heard of you. Are you one of the anonymous members of the G Unit or something? What's wrong? D why is he crying? Get this punk off the stage with me! And get him a throat losenge or something he sounds ridiculous and some platform shoes! What are you 5'2?! Geez! I'm never coming to one of these again! The nominees for Best Template are....

Arson

Mwabi

Circe

MizPowderPink

BrownSoul: And the winner is...
Ja Rule: Seriously, you don't know who I am?!
BrownSoul: The guy from Skating with Celebrities?
Ja Rule: That's Todd Bridges!
BrownSoul: Nice to meet you Todd.
Ja Rule: Son of a....
BrownSoul: And the winner is.....Mwabi!

Ddot: Thanks guys. Security please escort Mr. Rule to the nearest exit. Please welcome LaaLaa, TTD, and Kween!

Laa: I guess he grouped us together because we're the newbies.
TTD: Makes sense. Even though we have been holding him down for the past week or two.
Kween: Right! I've been there everyday. None of those other chicas have! Do you think the King and I should have kids right away?
TTD: Jesus Kween, chill.
Laa: You really like this guy? He's quite arrogant if you ask me.
Kween: Girl did you see what that chick said about his package?!
TTD: Oh yeah...good point.
Laa: Can't argue with that.
Kween: Ok then. The nominees for Favorite Entertainment blog are....

Crunk & Disorderly

Keep it Funky

Sarcasmo's Corner

Pink is the New Blog

Laa: And the winner is...
TTD, Kween, & Laa: KEEP IT FUNKY!!!!

Ddot: Thanks ladies and congratulations Jackie. I'm sure your acceptance speech will be classic. Now next up....excuse me.....Kween could you take your hand off of that please?....Security!!! Thank you. And keep her away from my dressing room!!!! Ladies and gentlaeman joining me now is the lovely Miss Georgia Peach!!!

GP: Hi D.
Ddot: Sup GP.
GP: One question D. Why didn't you make me your co-host?
Ddot: Because this is my blog GP.
GP: No, it's OUR blog. Don't act like you don't know.
Ddot: GP you don't write any of this stuff!
GP: So.
Ddot: So? What do you mean "So"???
GP: Look King I'm not going to argue with you over something so frivolous. It's OUR blog now let's move on.
Ddot:But..I..
GP: And the nominees for Best Writing in a Blog are....

Nikki

Leesa

Grant

Mia

Richard Johnson

Ddot: So do we share your blog too?
GP: Hell no! That's my shit! Are you crazy nigga?!
Ddot: Well I don't see how that's fair!
GP: Yeah just like it's not fair that you don't look at me in the eyes when you talk to me. My titties don't talk nigga, look at me in the eyes!!! Well anyway I've got some ideas for your post tommorrow. Email me.
Ddot: Ummmmm
GP: And the winner for Best Writing in a blog is.....Nikki!!!

Ddot: Congratulations Nikki and thank you GP....I think. Everybody please grab the bottles and blocks of cheese that we put under your seats. Now throw them as hard as you can at our next presenters....I HATE THE KING and Danielle.

IHTK: Why are we here?
Danielle: I guess so he can make us look silly. God, I hate him.
IHTK: I think most people do. Hey what's that smell?
Danielle: I don't smell anything.
IHTK: Yeah it smells like cheese.
Danielle: Well they just threw cheese at us, you idiot!
IHTK: No it's not that though. Come here let me smell you.
Danielle: Huh? Why?
IHTK: Oh my god! You do smell like cheese!!!
Danielle: Whatever! You're just mad because I used to be in The Dynasty and you're nothing!
IHTK: Well at least I didn't get booted out of The Dynasty!
Ddot: Look you two numb skulls. Nobody likes either of you. Realize that and you'll be fine. Now just stick to the script.
Danielle: Can you at least put me in The Commission?! I'll do better.
Ddot: Security get these two clowns out of here! Ladies and gentleman the nominees for Blogger you most want hump female are....

Damn Jezebel-Mia

Leesa's Stories-Leesa

Georgia peach

Spinee

Nikki

Ddot: And the winner is.......LEESA!!! Congratulations Leesa! Please welcome Rell and Grant to the stage!!

Rell: Hey grant thanks for offering to fix my brake lines. I didn't even realize there was something wrong with them.
Grant: Oh it was nothing. So who's your primary beneficiary?
Rell: Excuse me?
Grant: Oh nothing. The nominees for Best Humor in a Blog are....

Dave Barry

Peace on That

Crunk & Disorderly

My Kingdom

Rell: No seriously dog, why did you ask me that?
Grant: Just curious. You know with so many women wanting to hump you and all you need to be careful. One of them might attack you out of nowhere! If I were you I would speed out of the parking lot going as fast as I could.
Rell: Yeah you might be right.
Grant: Let me know how that works out for you.
Rell: Sure thing buddy. And the winner for Best Humor in a Blog is.......CRUNK & DISORDERLY!!!

Ddot: Wait a minute. I lost again? Did someone let Jackie get close to the ballots?! I'm sure she has something to do with this!! Anyway welcome her to the stage.

Jackie: Hi D. I thought you'd be taller.
Ddot: What?
Jackie: I just thought you'd be taller and have bigger feet. You are really quite average.
Ddot: That's not very nice.
Jackie: Pull your pants down.
Ddot: Excuse me? Why would I do that?!
Jackie: I want to see if that chick was telling us the truth. I think you might be average down there too.
Ddot: I don't care what anybody thinks when it comes to that. Hey get your hands off of me!!!
Jackie: Oh wow she wasn't lying. Well that doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Ddot: Jackie just announce the nominees.
Jackie: You don' tell me what to do!! You announce them!
Ddot: Jerk. I'm outta here! Hey Marion Barry come finish this with Jackie!
Marion: First I just want to say that I am not a crack head like Ddot portrayed me to be. I am a productive member of society who just so happens to sit on D.C.'s city council. I should be treated with respect! He gets on his little internet machine and pokes fun at people but I don't find it funny.
Jackie: Did you just say "internet machine"?
MB: That's right.
Jackie: It's called a computer you nimrod.
MB: Don't use that fancy Star Trek talk with me young lady!!
Jackie: Oh.....my.......goodness. You are retarded. The nominees for worst blogger are.....

I Hate the King

Danielle

Georgia Peach

Rell

Arson

Jackie: And the winner is......hey wait a minute. This can't be right. Ddot are you sure about this??
Ddot:Let me see...... Oh wow! Ummm yeah that's correct based on the votes.
Marion Barry: Give me that!!! ladies and gentleman the Worst Blogger Award goes to GEORGIA PEACH!!!!

Danielle: What? I couldn't even win Worst Blogger over here?! I really do hate you King!!!
Kween: Why do you smell like that?
TTD: Yeah you sorta smell like...
Cool AC: CHEESE!!!
Danielle: Ddot you are so fucking juvenile!!
KoolBreeze: Juvenile or not you smell like cheese!!!

Ddot:Congratulations GP!!! She campaigned hard for that joint!
And now for the Blogger of the Year Award. The nominees are.....

Bloggin Hotties

Weary Hag

Georgia Peach

BrownSoul

Rell

My Kingdom

Ddot: And the winner is......GeorgiaPeach!!!! Congratulations B! Now how in the world could I lose this one?! I hate all of you guys!!!

Ddot: Ok so before we go I want to hand out several special awards to a few new bloggers who next year might make a big splash on the Kingy's. The New Blogger on the Block Awards go to

Goddess

TTD

LaaLaa

and

Kween


Congratulations ladies. I want to see you guys really make a splash this year!!!

I hope you all had a great time today and I look forward to seeing you all next year. Oh and of course.....YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!

Dear Larry and Sergey(Google founders)...

Hey guys. I heard about your tremendous growth. Congrats. So anyway let me get something straight I do not sell crack from my blog!!! I cannot emphasize that enough. I have one of those site meters that shows me whose on my page and what not and somebody from Google's headquarters in Mountain View California has been on my page all afternoon. At first I thought they might have recognized my greatness and were about to put me on the "Blogs of Note" list. However I then realized that today's post has pictures of crack and my last real post had something to do with Marion Barry and well that just doesn't look good when you're suspected of being a crack dealer. So to reiterate, I am not a crack dealer nor have I ever ...well...let's just say I am not a crack dealer!!!

Now if you guys are about to put me in your Blogs of Note section then just totally disregard this post and thank you for finally recognizing my greatness.

Yours Truly,
D.

Reader's Choice...

I am the blogging equivalent of crack. I keep you guys coming back. But how? By giving you what you want to see. Yesterday I said that post was #98 but actually it was #97. So this is #98 and since my interviews are so popular I thought I'd do one for you guys on my 99th post. So with that being said who would you like to see THE KING interview?

Filler....

Ok I'm reading everybody's blog and they are talking about what's going on in their little lives and since I need a new post but I don't feel like writitng one of my materpieces I will tell you a little about what's going on with me.

Ummmm....


Let's see.....


Nope can't say that.....


Did I tell yall my twin brother and his wife had a new baby on Christmas Eve? I'm going home to see her this weekend. They let me name her!!!

Ok that wasn't really about me....

Ok I'm a boring dude. To tell you the truth I am counting down the hours for American Idol to start. I am a total woman when it comes to my tv viewing habits. I actually watched the Golden Globes last night! Ok, ok AND two different pre-Golden Globe shows!!! Basically all I watch are reality shows, ESPN, and Jeopardy. It's sad.

Well maybe it's not sad. It's me and I like me.. I don't go to clubs and I am usually asleep before 12. That includes weekends.

Little things irritate me. Like this guy just walked in the office and said "Happy New Year!" That got under my skin. I wanted to say "Man it's almost March and you're still saying that?! Get lost!" But I let him slide. See I can be nice.

Umm.. what else....?? This post is nothing but filler. Something just to say I posted. How sad. Oh and I just realized that this is going to be post #98 for me. That means the big 100 is coming up. I'll have to come up with something special. Don't ask me what or make suggestions!!! With that being said I know somebody will still suggest something. I hate love you guys.

Ok that's it. You're welcome.

Interview with Marion Barry...

Good day My Loyal Subjects. I know I said you would only get one post today but as a King I like to keep my people happy. You guys can thank me later. Now as you know with me being the King of all Bloggers I can get interviews that Oprah could only dream of getting! This isn't one of them. Today I, your King, have taken time out of my busy schedule to go down to southeast D.C. and interview former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Enjoy.


Ddot: Good morning Mr. Barry.
MB: Good morning D! I love reading your stuff, you crack me up.
Ddot: Thank you Marion. Now, speaking of crack...
MB: That Bitch set me up!!!!
Ddot: C'mon nobody believes that anymore Barry.
MB: Ok I made a bad decision. Are you perfect?
Ddot: Why yes, yes I am perfect.
MB: Now I see why people hate you!
Ddot: Whatever. Look don't you feel bad for letting down all the people that have supported you?
MB: Yes I do. I want to take this opportunity to apologize to all of my supporters. It'll never happen again.
Ddot: Don't lie Marion.
MB: Huh?
Dodt: I said don't lie. You're a functional crackhead. We all know one or two functional crackheads.
MB: I will be mayor again!
Ddot: Is that what you tell youself when you're hitting the pipe?
MB: Hey we're black men we should be sticking together!
Ddot: Yeah but you're a crackhead. You are the Flavor Flav of politics.
MB: Excuse me?!
Ddot: Yeah black people are embarrassed by you but we still watch just to see what you'll do next.
MB: I, I...don't know what to say...
Ddot: Try this: No more crack for me.
MB: I'm going to do better. Maybe I could hang around your blog to keep me busy. You have a lot of ladies. That GeorgiaPeach is a fire cracker! Can you hook me up?
Ddot: Two crazy people aren't good together. Besides she thinks anybody over 25 is dirt old.
MB: What about Kween? She's close by too!
Ddot: Yeah but she's from B-more and they dress funny.
MB: Oh yeah I forgot about that.
Ddot: Look Marion no woman wants you anyway! Just focus on not smoking crack!
MB: Ok so can I hold a few dollars? I want to get something to eat.
Ddot: How about I take you to McDonald's and buy you something to eat.
MB: Nah, nah I'm straight. If you give me the money I promise I'll buy food.
Ddot: No. Jesus you are like the real life Tyrone Biggums!
MB: C'mon man! I'll suck your d.....
*SLAP!!!*
Ddot: Back up off me dude! You're a disgrace!
MB: Ok look I've got some XBOX 360's that I stole. I'll sell you one for 50 bucks.
Ddot: Deal.

*COPS BUST IN*

Office: Sir you are under arrest for buying stolen goods. And you call yourself a King. What kind of example are you setting for your loyal subjects?! What do you have to say for yourself?

Ddot: THAT BITCH SET ME UP!!!!

A Day in the Life of a King...

Ok this is a quick post about my morning.

Does anybody here watch Seinfeld? Ok remember when Kramer and the car salesman tried to see how far they could go before the car ran out of gas? Well that's basically how I live my life everyday. I only get gas when it's absolutely necessary. I figure that I'm saving money and it's quite exciting to see how long I can go with the gas light on. Odd? Yes I know but I never claimed to be normal. Well anyway this morning my nonsense caught up to me. Yep that's right. On my way to work my car just stops! Stops as I'm honking my horn at some loser who was driving at 2 miles per hour no less! Luckily I was close to a gas station. I walked to the gas station and Akbar or Osama or whatever his name was sells me a gas can for $6.95! Highway robbery! Not to mention the can only holds 1 gallon of gas. So I had to walk back and forth to the station 3 times before my baby would even start! Now I'm here at work and although I look extremely sexy I smell like 97 octane! I wrote a post yesterday and I just wasn't feeling it so this is all you guys are getting today and since most of you jerks are off Monday then I guess this is it until Tuesday! Now I'll see you in the comment section where no one is allowed to laugh at me for my misadventures. You're welcome.

And the Nominees Are....

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 1st annual Kingy Award Nomination Ceremony. During today's ceremony the nominations that were supplied by you, the reader, will be announced. You can then email the King with your picks for each category. Any votes left in the comment section of this blog will be ignored.

I have invited some of the biggest names in the blog world here today to help me announce the nominations. First up are GeorgiaPeach and Rell.

(APPLAUSE)

GP: Good morning Rell.
Rell: You're looking beautiful this morning Peach.
GP: Thanks Rell. Don't you know that Nazi Ddot tried to make me change!
Rell: Yeah he wouldn't let me wear my Cowboy shirt.
GP: Well I understand he doesn't like the Cowboys but what does he have against my breasts?!

Ddot: Excuse me you two. I know you both love me but can we get on to the nominations?

GP: Ok we're here to announce the nominations for best writing in a blog.
Rell: And then nominees are:

Indigo Trails of My Thoughts-Nikki


Leesa's Stories-Leesa


Random Acts of Discombobulation-Grant


Damn Jezebel-Mia


Three Score and Ten or More-Richard Johnson


Our next presenters are also well known around My Kingdom. Give a warm round of applause for Jacquelyn and Grant.

(APPLAUSE)

Jacquelyn: Why doesn't Rell have on a shirt?
Grant: Beats me. Hey do I have anything on my teeth?
Jacquelyn: Uh yeah.... ewww they're red!
Grant: Chicken blood does that everytime! Oh well.
Jacquelyn: Ddot!!!! You gave GP a hard time about her outfit but this guy is drinking chicken blood and is holding two grenades! Does that make sense to you?

Ddot: Does it make sense to argue with someone holding two grenades and drinks chicken blood?

Jacquelyn: Good point. Announce the nominees Grant.
Grant: The nominees for Favorite Entertainment Blog are:

Keep it Funky


Sarcasmo's Corner


Crunk & Disorderly


Pink is the New Blog


Ladies and gentleman welcome two of my favorites, Arson and Joy.

Arson: Ummmm
Joy: uhhhhh

Ddot: So is this why neither of you ever update your blogs? Oh brother. Anyway the nominees for best humor blog are :

Dave Barry


Peace on That


Crunk & Disorderly

My Kingdom

And the nominess for the Blogger you most want to hump(female) are:

Leesa

Georgia peach

Spinee

Mia

Nikki

And Blogger you most want to hump(male) are:

Rell

Grant

Arson

Ddot the King

Favorite Template Nominees are :

Arson

Circe

Mwabi

MizPowderPink

The nominees for the coveted Worst Blogger are:

Rell

Georgia Peach

Danielle

I Hate the King

Arson

Ddot the King

And the Nominees for Blogger of the Year are:

Georgia Peach

Weary Hag

Brownsoul

Rell

Bloggin Hotties

My Kingdom

So there you have the nominees. Now it's up to you to vote for who you think should win. Every vote counts and don't complain if you don't vote. Send all votes to ddot23@gmail.com. You're welcome.

Burgundy and Gold...

Ok I think I'm finally getting over the flu I had. The first couple of days I took it as a bad cold but it finally put the King down for the count. Anyway aside from a light cough I'm good now. So
thanks for all the well wishes. But you know what really made the King feel royal???...........

As Young Jeezy would say THAT'S RIIIIIIGHT!!!! My Washington Redskins won in the first round of the playoffs. No it wasn't a pretty game but we got the job done. The Seattle Seahawks are up next and although we have a lot of injuries I think we can beat them! GO SKINS!!!!

The King is Sick...

See this dude? That's how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the sexiest sick person on the planet Earth but I do feel horrible. I will give you guys an update on Dallas tomorrow and the Kingy Awards will be up hopefully before the end of the week. After that I will gracefully bow out and leave the blogging world for at least a month or two and possibly for good. I'm just not feeling it right now. Maybe it's the theraflu talking and maybe not but that's the decision as of now. Good day.

By the Way....

I'm feeling really bad right now. I think I have the flu. But even in my weakened state I must give a big shout out to

MY WASHINGTON REDSKINS!!!

We beat the lowly Eagles and in doing so we kicked the raggedy Cowboys out of the playoffs!!! Life is good right now. I mean except for my sore throat and aching body....

GO 'SKINS!!!

Blasphemy!!!

I got 99 problems but internet beef ain't one.....



ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!!!!


ARE...YOU...NOT...ENTERTAINED?!!!!!


IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?!!!!!





I know what yall haters are asking yourselves. Is he ever going to fall off?!


No.


Here I am coming back from a lovely trip to sunny Dallas only to find this lonely loser trying to corrupt my page. Remember when being a hater was a bad thing? And now look at this. Some clown not only is a hater but puts it out there all over the little blogging world. Sad. Of course the coward(s) try to remain anonymous but THE KING knows who you are. You know what? I don't think you hate me at all. You had to know that by starting your little "boycott" it was going to only make people come to my site even more if for nothing else just to see how I would respond. Or did you and your little brain not think that far in advance. Pitiful. All you had to do was link me!

Work on your blog. Paint your own pictures don't trace me. If the only way for you to have a succesful blog is to put up ridiculous statements about me then I think you should find a new hobby.

Speaking of hobbies that's exactly what blogging is to me and most normal people. You my friend need to get a life and realize that none of this is real. Am I an arrogant prick? Yeah. Is 99% of the stuff on my blog original? Yeah. Do I care if people know about the 1%? No. Why? Because it's the goddamn internet you bumbling fool!!! The people who come to my blog on a regular basis enjoy it because it's entertaining to them. Just like you enjoy coming to my blog to re-up on your haterade. See, it works for everybody. Nah you don't want me to leave. You need me and I'm not afraid to say I need you too. I mean what good is being an internet celebrity without groupies. You do realize that's what you are....right?


There are bloggers all over the world on my site as I type this just waiting to see my response to your bullshit. That tells you how big I am. People raced to work and went to my site first thing to see if I had responded. How does that make you feel? Shitty right? Yeah I know. But don't feel real bad, you made me laugh and that's not an easy thing to do. Now don't you feel better? No? Oh well...

For anybody that doubted me for a second I would rather you NOT come back here. I'm not some lame ass dude who wastes your time with fabrications about my sexual conquests nor do I paint myself as a goody goody and get mad when people don't agree with me. If you felt something in the pit of your stomach when you read those last two sentences then seek professional help.



Ddot the King chump blast for me
I'm over at MY KINGDOM
Ask for me
I ain't never scared
I'm everywhere
You ain't never there
Loser why would I ever care
Pound for pound I'm the best to ever come around here
Excluding nobody
Look what I embody
Times that by my influence
On the blog culture
I supposed to be number one on everybodys list
We'll see what happens when I no longer exist


Fuck this....