Welcome ladies and gentleman to the 1st Annual Kingy Awards! Not only that but it's also the King's 100th post! I've come a long way from my original post back when I thought I could really make some money using the adsense thing. Who knew I had this much to talk about?! I went from writing stuff just to make myself laugh to becoming an internet phenomenon. Thank you to all of My Loyal Subjects, especially the members of the Dynasty and the Commission.
Now if you are all ready let's hand out some awards shall we?! All winners can give their acceptance speech in the comments section and I expect to see something on your blogs as well!!!
Ladies and gentleman please welcome our first two presenters. Leesa and Nikki!!!
Leesa: So Nik, we are here to present the award for Blogger you most want to hump male. Who do you think will win?
Nikki: C'mon Leesa. This is King's blog, nobody else stands a chance!
Leesa: You don't think he'll be fair?
Nikki: Do you read this guy's blog? He thinks he's God's gift to the human race!
Leesa: Well he is special.
Nikki: Huh? Goddamn white women.
Leesa: Don't hate. And the nominees are...
Ddot the King
Grant
Rell
Arson
Leesa: And the winner is...
Nikki: Rell!!! Congratulations Rell. We'll be looking forward to hearing your acceptance speech in the comment section.
Ddot: Sonofabitch!!! Grant go cut his brake lines!
Grant: I'm way ahead of you D!
Producer: Umm King we're live.
Ddot: Oh! Ummm ok well congratulations Rell! We were all rooting for you buddy! Now please welcome our next two presenters BrownSoul and Ja Rule!
BrownSoul: Hi I'm Drea. What was your name again?
Ja Rule: You're kidding right? I'm Ja Rule!
BrownSoul: Who? Ddot why couldn't I get a real celebrity?!
Ja Rule: What?! I am a multi platinum recording artist!
BrownSoul: Sorry never heard of you. Are you one of the anonymous members of the G Unit or something? What's wrong? D why is he crying? Get this punk off the stage with me! And get him a throat losenge or something he sounds ridiculous and some platform shoes! What are you 5'2?! Geez! I'm never coming to one of these again! The nominees for Best Template are....
Arson
Mwabi
Circe
MizPowderPink
BrownSoul: And the winner is...
Ja Rule: Seriously, you don't know who I am?!
BrownSoul: The guy from Skating with Celebrities?
Ja Rule: That's Todd Bridges!
BrownSoul: Nice to meet you Todd.
Ja Rule: Son of a....
BrownSoul: And the winner is.....Mwabi!
Ddot: Thanks guys. Security please escort Mr. Rule to the nearest exit. Please welcome LaaLaa, TTD, and Kween!
Laa: I guess he grouped us together because we're the newbies.
TTD: Makes sense. Even though we have been holding him down for the past week or two.
Kween: Right! I've been there everyday. None of those other chicas have! Do you think the King and I should have kids right away?
TTD: Jesus Kween, chill.
Laa: You really like this guy? He's quite arrogant if you ask me.
Kween: Girl did you see what that chick said about his package?!
TTD: Oh yeah...good point.
Laa: Can't argue with that.
Kween: Ok then. The nominees for Favorite Entertainment blog are....
Crunk & Disorderly
Keep it Funky
Sarcasmo's Corner
Pink is the New Blog
Laa: And the winner is...
TTD, Kween, & Laa: KEEP IT FUNKY!!!!
Ddot: Thanks ladies and congratulations Jackie. I'm sure your acceptance speech will be classic. Now next up....excuse me.....Kween could you take your hand off of that please?....Security!!! Thank you. And keep her away from my dressing room!!!! Ladies and gentlaeman joining me now is the lovely Miss Georgia Peach!!!
GP: Hi D.
Ddot: Sup GP.
GP: One question D. Why didn't you make me your co-host?
Ddot: Because this is my blog GP.
GP: No, it's OUR blog. Don't act like you don't know.
Ddot: GP you don't write any of this stuff!
GP: So.
Ddot: So? What do you mean "So"???
GP: Look King I'm not going to argue with you over something so frivolous. It's OUR blog now let's move on.
Ddot:But..I..
GP: And the nominees for Best Writing in a Blog are....
Nikki
Leesa
Grant
Mia
Richard Johnson
Ddot: So do we share your blog too?
GP: Hell no! That's my shit! Are you crazy nigga?!
Ddot: Well I don't see how that's fair!
GP: Yeah just like it's not fair that you don't look at me in the eyes when you talk to me. My titties don't talk nigga, look at me in the eyes!!! Well anyway I've got some ideas for your post tommorrow. Email me.
Ddot: Ummmmm
GP: And the winner for Best Writing in a blog is.....Nikki!!!
Ddot: Congratulations Nikki and thank you GP....I think. Everybody please grab the bottles and blocks of cheese that we put under your seats. Now throw them as hard as you can at our next presenters....I HATE THE KING and Danielle.
IHTK: Why are we here?
Danielle: I guess so he can make us look silly. God, I hate him.
IHTK: I think most people do. Hey what's that smell?
Danielle: I don't smell anything.
IHTK: Yeah it smells like cheese.
Danielle: Well they just threw cheese at us, you idiot!
IHTK: No it's not that though. Come here let me smell you.
Danielle: Huh? Why?
IHTK: Oh my god! You do smell like cheese!!!
Danielle: Whatever! You're just mad because I used to be in The Dynasty and you're nothing!
IHTK: Well at least I didn't get booted out of The Dynasty!
Ddot: Look you two numb skulls. Nobody likes either of you. Realize that and you'll be fine. Now just stick to the script.
Danielle: Can you at least put me in The Commission?! I'll do better.
Ddot: Security get these two clowns out of here! Ladies and gentleman the nominees for Blogger you most want hump female are....
Damn Jezebel-Mia
Leesa's Stories-Leesa
Georgia peach
Spinee
Nikki
Ddot: And the winner is.......LEESA!!! Congratulations Leesa! Please welcome Rell and Grant to the stage!!
Rell: Hey grant thanks for offering to fix my brake lines. I didn't even realize there was something wrong with them.
Grant: Oh it was nothing. So who's your primary beneficiary?
Rell: Excuse me?
Grant: Oh nothing. The nominees for Best Humor in a Blog are....
Dave Barry
Peace on That
Crunk & Disorderly
My Kingdom
Rell: No seriously dog, why did you ask me that?
Grant: Just curious. You know with so many women wanting to hump you and all you need to be careful. One of them might attack you out of nowhere! If I were you I would speed out of the parking lot going as fast as I could.
Rell: Yeah you might be right.
Grant: Let me know how that works out for you.
Rell: Sure thing buddy. And the winner for Best Humor in a Blog is.......CRUNK & DISORDERLY!!!
Ddot: Wait a minute. I lost again? Did someone let Jackie get close to the ballots?! I'm sure she has something to do with this!! Anyway welcome her to the stage.
Jackie: Hi D. I thought you'd be taller.
Ddot: What?
Jackie: I just thought you'd be taller and have bigger feet. You are really quite average.
Ddot: That's not very nice.
Jackie: Pull your pants down.
Ddot: Excuse me? Why would I do that?!
Jackie: I want to see if that chick was telling us the truth. I think you might be average down there too.
Ddot: I don't care what anybody thinks when it comes to that. Hey get your hands off of me!!!
Jackie: Oh wow she wasn't lying. Well that doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Ddot: Jackie just announce the nominees.
Jackie: You don' tell me what to do!! You announce them!
Ddot: Jerk. I'm outta here! Hey Marion Barry come finish this with Jackie!
Marion: First I just want to say that I am not a crack head like Ddot portrayed me to be. I am a productive member of society who just so happens to sit on D.C.'s city council. I should be treated with respect! He gets on his little internet machine and pokes fun at people but I don't find it funny.
Jackie: Did you just say "internet machine"?
MB: That's right.
Jackie: It's called a computer you nimrod.
MB: Don't use that fancy Star Trek talk with me young lady!!
Jackie: Oh.....my.......goodness. You are retarded. The nominees for worst blogger are.....
I Hate the King
Danielle
Georgia Peach
Rell
Arson
Jackie: And the winner is......hey wait a minute. This can't be right. Ddot are you sure about this??
Ddot:Let me see...... Oh wow! Ummm yeah that's correct based on the votes.
Marion Barry: Give me that!!! ladies and gentleman the Worst Blogger Award goes to GEORGIA PEACH!!!!
Danielle: What? I couldn't even win Worst Blogger over here?! I really do hate you King!!!
Kween: Why do you smell like that?
TTD: Yeah you sorta smell like...
Cool AC: CHEESE!!!
Danielle: Ddot you are so fucking juvenile!!
KoolBreeze: Juvenile or not you smell like cheese!!!
Ddot:Congratulations GP!!! She campaigned hard for that joint!
And now for the Blogger of the Year Award. The nominees are.....
Bloggin Hotties
Weary Hag
Georgia Peach
BrownSoul
Rell
My Kingdom
Ddot: And the winner is......GeorgiaPeach!!!! Congratulations B! Now how in the world could I lose this one?! I hate all of you guys!!!
Ddot: Ok so before we go I want to hand out several special awards to a few new bloggers who next year might make a big splash on the Kingy's. The New Blogger on the Block Awards go to
Goddess
TTD
LaaLaa
and
Kween
Congratulations ladies. I want to see you guys really make a splash this year!!!
I hope you all had a great time today and I look forward to seeing you all next year. Oh and of course.....YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!
120 comments:
i so wouldn't grab your package...lol...it was good and best and believe i will be winning an award next year (who wanna hump on me...lol) Nice Work King
Thank you Kween. Now I have to do some real work!
i just want to say.. thank you for not forgetting about the newbies!
Nah I couldn't forget about yall! Now how about some praise for my extraordinary writing skills!!!
you have quite the imangination.. writing skills aren't bad..
Thanks Tif.
how are you going to fish for praises???
Thank you! Thank you!
First I wanna thank God, my family, my ex, and my man because without them I wouldn't have anything to write about. I wanna thank all the people out there in blogworld and I especially want to thank you Ddot the King for....ROTFLMAO
But for real thanks!
kween... im a little disappointed with your list on your blog.. I gave you 4 more to add to it!
You are so welcome LaaLaa. Great speech!!! LOL!
i had a line!
TTD i am still working...the list is getting bigger and BETTER ;-)
i saw girl.. that pic of AI.. beautiful!
and i just want to put it out there.. my boss is gone for the day.. im not doing ANY work for the rest of the day.. give me a topic to blog about..
Just what I expected from you Jackie!
And it was a hilarious line Koolbreeze!!! You are so funny!!
That's right Goddess, get on the ball!!
TTD I think you should write about....ME!!
OMIGoodness, I just came from lunch!! Yipee I have two awards..
Take that muthafuckers!!!!
Okay let me calm my ass down..
I got something for you Ddot. I ain't lying either. You will see..lol. Omigoodness. I am estatic!
Ddot you are a real King. I kid you not. Man, you're the best! Dude....I love it!
And I got blog of the year...bitch what?! What!? I mean damn. I just won two Kingy's off in here!
...lol. Oh yes, my friend. You will see how goofy I really am in the next couple days. Get ready. I will make my acceptance speech then..lol.
I have to tell you Ddot...Good job man..
Where is that fine sexy Leesa at btw?..lol. Damn she's hott!
LMAO!!! You are hilarious GP! I can't wait to see what you are going to do over there in The Underground! I had a feeling that you would win when I found myself voting for you!! Congratulations!!
[Pulling an Ol DB at the Grammy's pushing GP away from the mic]
Uhhhhmmmm...I just wanna shout out PHYLUM, Inc., QD Management, and Dreasugar Productions...PHYLUM 4 LIFE...we love the kids! Damn, dem Slimfast shakes got me feeling light headed....SOMEBODY GET ME A WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA ICE COFFEE!!!!!
please TTD don't write about King...make a story up about A.I. and you...lol
Drea you are hilarious!!! Unfortunately looks like we are going to have to do another intervention. She's hooked on those white chocolate mocha ice joints again!!! LOL!
TTD ignore Kween. She wrote about me one day so why can't you?! It'll drive your traffic to an all time high! I can't wait to read it! LOL!
yeah it was good. i crack myself up!!!
i wouldn't entertain D like that.. and i couldn't make up a story about AI either b/c my other husband catches feelings over that.. he didn't like my 1st comment on your blog
Ok well I don't want to anger your husband. Write about him!!
oooohh...TTD how about you blog about you favorite thing/things to do...
kween.. im trying to look at your flyer & beyonce keeps blowing up IE! i didn't have these problems w/ the other song you had on there... what did it say?
Ok well I wouldn't want to anger your husband. Write about him!!!
Drea you are so crazy girl..rofl.
Mann, you know I had to read this again..lol. Shit is hillarious. Man, hillarious. It don't make no sense. Everything was funny. The funniest post I have ever read. Damn, I can't stop laughing..lol. I have to read it again and again and again..lol. Too funny. This shit is so funny, I am about to email this link..lol. Damn!
good idea D.. i think i will.. i'll discuss how we met (down HJ's kween!)
That was funny as Hell!
Congrats to all the winners. :)
i'm still giggling at that post. that's not good cuz i'm still token negro and they don't like it when i laugh cuz they think i'm planning some kind of slavery revolt.
oh, and i'm sorry you didn't get any of your own damn awards, king. kinda like mcdonalds sponsoring an award for best fries and having it go to burger king.
thanks so much for the kingy award for best writing. i appreciate the props and will make note of it on my blog so king won't spank me.
then again, maybe i shouldn't make note of it...
ddot: I stuffed "Blogger you most want hump female" with Georgia Peach's name. How could she not win?
Is there going to be a telecast with Joan and Melissa Rivers talking badly about what people wore?
awww i can't wait to read the story TTD @ HJ's wow...
oh yeah KING i just thought about something...you forgot my WONDER TWIN...she is gonna get you
Nikki you are too funny talking about a slave revolt! LOL! I feel like that sometimes...
And I'm with Jackie. Let's have the post about the after party! I know that would be too funny!
ok.. so i blogged, but not about my husband.. i'll do that another day..
lol!
uuuuhhhhh hate when that happens...DAMN THE MAN...
Ofcourse I read this post again!!
"I've come a long way from my original post back when I thought I could really make some money using the adsense thing."
Whoa, that is some funny shit. I remember that...lol.
Gosh, I remember when you use to ask folks to click on those ads.. ROFL!
Hey everybody. I just got back from a long lunch so don't get all upset and think I was ignoring you!
Thanks for all the compliments! GP I've read it several times too. It still cracks me up!
If there is an after party or anything else I'll leave that to someone else. This joint drained me!
Tell Mwabi I will email her all of my posts if she'd like so she doesn't go into withdrawal!! LOL!
Ddot it's sick! I just read it again...not all of it..parts of it..lol. You only have to read a part to get a laugh fix..lol.
LOL! I was just reading the part about the cheese and realized that the newbies probably have no idea what that's about. If you don't you need to get to searching the archives!!!
give a time frame of the archives.. or better yet.. just tell us!
Oh, that part was hillarious!!! I mean, it was genius hillarious! Are you this funny in person or is it more natural writing comedy down.
yes tell us cuz i don't feel like searching...
new pic, huh kween? what's that around you?
See it's funny GP because I'm not sure. I think I'm hilarious but when I read this stuff it's like somebody else wrote it. The crazy ones like this I read over and over and actually laugh like I didn't write it!!! I know that might sound corny or something but it's the truth. I think I missed my calling.
I'll see if I can find it for you TTD.
I think it all started on Nov. 30. BTW it's all GP's fault. lol
We should all write a version of what went on at the afterparty.
wow D!!! i only read 1/2 of the 11/20/05 post.. so mean! didnt i see danielle around here a little while ago? no way i would come back to ur "kingdom" after you sh*tted on me like that! i never knew you could/would be so mean...
Sounds like a good idea LaaLaa!
Yes TTD I am the King of all jerks as well! I wouldn't have done it but she kept harrassing me and asking me to stop going to GP's site. The whole thing was weird, sad and hilarious. I had fun. LOL!
TTD that post you read was a classic. My whole entire family (well all my sisters) read that post. It was the best.
i think i like that post better than your awards..
TTD that's all the stuff on the left side on my desk...my phone, some cookies, and other misc. office stuff
LOL! Well as long as you are enjoying something that I wrote. I personally love that post as well.
Awww shit nah, I won an award! Thanks for thinking enough of me to nominate the site. That means a lot to me :)
Thanks for including me. You know I would have won if you included the lesser known category of "Blogger who most desperately needs to get laid, preferably by an Asian dentist." There's always next year. :-)
i had to blow up the picture.. you're sitting crazy! I couldn't make out your shirt..
Fresh are you serious?! Your stuff is freaking hilarious every single day! I need you to teach me some of the photoshop stuff you do! If yall haven't been to Crunk & Disorderly then you don't know what you're missing!!
Grant I knew I was forgetting a category!!! LOL!
Dang Kween looks different in every picture!!!
i think i like the original pic (the one from deception & denial)
yeah that's the one thing i hate about my pics they all look different, but oddly enough i love that they look different also...weird i know...yeah i like the D&D pis too, the only thing it was too dressy and professional like, I need a pic with a more regular look...
JACKIE now I see how you can think King leaves anonymous messages on people's blogs
i don't know if it's D.. i have one on my site that's about to get cursed out.. i think we have a lurker.. and since they can't post comments here.. they wonder off onto our site..
ok Ladies, I keep looking at the pic of Boris on my page, and it just makes me what to jump on him...
dido or ditto... however!! but hell yes!!!! if only i weren't married...
yes JACKIE did you read the 2nd Anonymous comment on my blog...
i know Nicole is happy...shoooo
ok my next post is going to be all my possible profile pics, and y'all can vote on which one i should use...lol
Too funny!
Nice work!
Holla!
"the blogger your mama warned you about"
lol
That's me Drea!!!
yeah yeah whatever King...
good nite people..
bye TTD...i'll turn the lights off for everyone, i'm here til 6
Thank you thank you *deep dramatic inhale*
Yes I have been missing from these here parts but my people know I am TRUE. Jackie girl come on up here on stage with me *holding Jackie's hand* - Gurl thank you for trying to give me your award *handing award back* but I just can't take it. The people voted for you and they wanted you to win.
D-dot it is my honor to receive this award on behalf of all the nappy headed black girls out here doing their thing. You still NEVER come to my blog but I got love for you. And Rell I may be married but congratulations to you for being so humpable.
And the newbies *sigh* all the picture mood changes and poetry can only get you so far and all this talk bout holding D down? *double sigh*
*collective gasp from newbies*
KOOL YELLS OUT TELL IT GURL!
You must be like Victoria and keep some secrets to yourself. And you're still newbies take time to learn the ropes!
Now where my sammich at??!! With no cheese and tomatoes please.
thank you D and God bless everyone *raising black power sign*
girl thank you for that...you know its the truth!!
Wow,
I go away for two hours and I come back with a KINGY!
I'd like to say thank you to all of the beautiful, intelligent women out there who voted me as "male poster you'd most like to hump."
I'm honored that, even though you've never seen me, you all would love to jump on me and my great loins.
Wow, I mean what an honor. I'd first like to thank -- dang nevermind I can't say that about people wanting to hump me.
Well, first thanks to my father and mother for making me so humpable, I mean without their genes, I might not have won this award.
Well, if you all really want to hump me, let me know, maybe we can arrange something.
LOL! But yea, ummm thanks yall :-)lol
I guess I have got alot of work to do for next year, at least some of my fav blogs won!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Morning My wonderful Bloggers...how is everyone???
good moring.. dag you were in late last night, and now in early this morning.. hope you won't be too tired for tonight!
Good morning...
Beats me. Maybe I'll go back to my roots with the more political stuff. You know Osama threatened the U.S. again yesterday. I really need to talk about that. But who knows maybe I'll retire.
there you go w/ that crazy talk again.. i think that was the 1st blog of yours i read.. u saying that you were taking a break from blogging... stop it.. you can't retire.. blogging is in your blood!
Good point about Osama Jackie. I might blog about the whole thing today or Monday.
Nope I am in no need of ego stroking today. When I am I will let you guys know.
if there is in fact an osama.. i don't buy the treaty crap.. i think it's a 52-fake-out.. try to get on the US good side and then bam! blow our asses up! it's an honor for them to die for their cause.. why offer a treaty now??
LOL @ 52-fake out. I haven't heard that term in a minute. Yeah I think the whole message had hidden messages in it. Something is going to blow soon.
TTD girl I had to get here early on friday so I can get off early...was here since 6:45 and will never be to tired to party :-D
JACKIE i agree King just throws that "I'm done" crap out there so that we can be all over him like "No, Kingy don't leave us..." whatever negro if you are done be done...lol...but we know you'll never be done with this blogging thing...are far as Osama can he not threaten the nation just the person he is pissed with...that's my political spiel...
Kween please do not get it twisted I don't need compliments from anybody. It doesn't fuel me. I already know I'm a King.
i dont mind being escorted from my computer... at least i wouldn't have to act like im busy doing work when im really not!
Maybe they should come and get me. Take me to GWB so we can have a little sit down!
Ok TI, i'll leave you alone
lol @ kween.. "im'ma king.. in my own f*ckin mind.. im'ma king" ha ha
u don't like my song? =( it's really you're song..
thanks jackie.. it's stuck in my head too..
First time at the blog. I will def be back to check it out more often. Too funny
King's hurt y'all he's quiet now...awwww
yall know the drill...I came through to make my presence known and now there is a gyro wrap with my name on it. *be easy*
Thanks Brownsoul. Now I am craving a gyro. That will be my lunch for today..lol. For real.
Loving the acceptance speeches!
where's everybody at? ya'll all quiet today.. ya'll know that i do NOTHING at work.. and commenting w/ you guys helps my day to go by fast..
Here I am, I just got finished all the crap I had to do today and I get off at 3:15 YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!
i just emailed you. are you going to meet us down there? or are you riding w/ us?
this was a pretty funny award show...
brilliant as usual
Hey y'all I'm just here to turn the lights on for everybody...how was you all's weekend???
so D.. what's the url gonna be? ddottheking or newkingdom?? it's added to my favorites, so stop changing the name!!!
the panthers lost! YAY!
yeah mess my head up for a minute...
grrrr to football...and ummm King I know you hate him but how bout that Kobe...
Sorry for the confusion. I was just tinkering. I'm in sort of an ill mood today so I don't have much to say. Kobe sucks. He could score 120 and he would still suck.
thought you were gone!
i was still in awe, the fact that he could even score 81 is amazing...
he scored 81 b/c he's a hawk! i can't stand him..
kobe sucks like a crackhead knobbing for a fiver - hard
entertaining
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