The Mailbag...

I neglected to do my Mailbag post last week and not only did I disappoint my millions(more like 12) of fans but now my inbox is full of weird, funny, and down right disgusting emails. Although I have deleted the ones that made no sense and forwarded it others directly to the local police I did save a few interesting ones that helps you the reader get to know your King just a little bit better. Enjoy.



Do you watch Flavor of Love?

Ummmm...I tried to once and it wasn't funny or insightful or funny, or interesting, or funny. In fact it was just kind of sad. I feel sorry for everyone involved in the show. Flav has started to really believe that that house they are filming in is his real house and the girls, well, halfway through you could replace them with a live shot from a pediatric cancer ward, and show a little kid with cancer, and the little kid would be holding a puppy, and the puppy also has cancer, and people wouldn't even notice that something had changed.

So D what do you really do for a living?

Honestly? I am a top secret rocket ship pilot who in my spare time invented the panda bear.


Are you really as conceited as you pretend to be?

Let's just put it this way, I am so perfect I should be frozen and studied. Or at least used as a breeder. Some of you may scoff at the moral implications of something like that, to which I would fake a cough while barking out "homo". To further discredit your pedantic objection, I would grab your wrists in front of the other members of whatever board is in charge of this sort of thing and demand you "stop hitting yourself". The room would then fill with impressed murmuring and my powerful Aristotelian logic would once again rule the day.

Did you see Beyonce's new video? She's jjust shaking and girating all over the place. I know you are her biggest fan but please tell me you don't like that!
I can't stress enough how okay that is. The word hero gets thrown around pretty casually these days, but I think we can all agree it applies to Beyonce shaking her jelly for no apparent reason.

Do you think Angelina Jolie is sexy?

She's ok. Her lips look like she's been kissing a hot stove though. She's a little weird and that's always sexy. Honestly, if one year ago someone told you that Angelina Jolie would become either: A) a werewolf B) an outer space cowboy or C) a mom with 2 adopted kids from third world countries and pregnant with Brad Pitts child, your only question would be "wait, if she bites me, do I die or become a werewolf too".

Are upset about not getting nominated for a Black Weblog Award?

Don't be ridiculous! Those folks over there should have halos on their heads and by that I mean I wish they were dead. Ok look I feel sorry for them, not me. Whoever wins will be paper champions. You can't give out any blog award and not have the King of All Blogs involved in some shape, form or fashion! Upset? No. I was upset when I caught my twin brother and his friends running a train on my girlfriend. I'm down right pissed at this nonsense! Kingy Awards coming soon....

I have kids and was offended by the comment you made about "letting the bastards walk to school". I hope it wasn't supposed to be funny because it wasn't!

Look I was modeling in Europe by the time I was 16, so maybe I am being a little hard on the under achieving little turds who have to ride the school bus. I don't really hate kids. I don't even really know any 16 year olds to ask them why they don't have cars. Only one of the models in my hot tub is 16, but she's Japanese, so when I asked her about this, her answer was some kind of crazy talk. I think she said something about Godzilla and how I look like GI who bomb her willage, but that might be because I'm really really racist.

Why do you have to be such a smartass?

Why do you have to send me stupid emails?




And that's that folks. I'll save the rest of the nonsense for the Thursdays post. So in the mean time send all your angry emails(which will be deleted) funny emails and any random comments or questions to The King so he can make fun of you at your expense. Don't you just love it when i speak of myself in the third person?! I read somewhere that it's a sign of genius. I think the book was called "I'm Always Right" by Ddot the King. Mosey on over to Amazon and pick that up! I'm out. One.