The King's Secrets...

Welcome to My Kingdom, where productivity comes to die. Everyday I get 2 or 72 emails from guys asking me how do I get so many women on my blog without being the typical "nice guy".

Nice guys aren't attractive.

Everybody likes nice guys but a woman wants a man. A real man. A man that stands up for himself even if he makes a fool out of himself sometime. At any rate here are a few other tips for you guys and hopefully now you will stop emailing me!!!

First of all talk as little as possible. If you want to get past a woman's rational thinking, which will tell her to run away from your nutty ass, and get to her primal feelings of lust most of what you have to do is non-verbal.

When you do speak don't try to sound nice! Don't sound whiny or wimpy. Speak smoothly and with warmth. Speak slowly and with a sexy tempo and your prey will be hypnotized. A smooth and warm tone relax her and you come off as confident. Women LOVE confidence.

You gotta smile. Even if you have a jacked up grill you gotta do it. A smile on a person's face makes them seem more approachable and fun to be around. If you only have 4 teeth, smile with your mouth closed and make a appointment for the dentist. Now.

Always keep eye contact. Not creepy, I'm going to follow you home, type of eye contact but it has to be powerful. If you keep looking away and looking down you seem nervous and uncomfortable and that doesn't equal confidence. Remember, confidence is our friend.

Other than that all you need to do is stand up straight(confidence) and smell good. Be prepared for any type of conversation which means you gotta read a book and watch the news every now and then. It also means you gotta stay current on your pop culture because women love discussing stuff like talking about how bad Beyonce's weave is or why Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston. It may drive you crazy but you gotta do it.

Have you ever saw a butt ugly guy with a beautiful girl? Well if you just listen to The King that guy could be you! Now go play somewhere, I'm busy!

New Rules...

I am The King so from time to time I am going to give you all a few New Rules for us all to live by. I am deputizing any and everybody reading this so if you see or hear anybody breaking one of these rules you have the authority to beat the brakes off of them. Make'em feel like the LAPD just gave them the once over!










Our first new rule is black congress women must send out press releases announcing when they will be changing their hairstyles as to avoid wasting all those racists Capitol Hill cops time harrassing them. Silly Congress women.





Before you pull out your picket signs ask yourself would you let this chick into a secure area?! She could be hiding Osama in that fro! Seriously wouldn't you tackle this chick on sight? No wonder Condoleezza never changes her 'do!

You heard the new rule Cynthia McKinney, now comply!






Our next New Rule is if you are The President of these United States, you can not, I repeat CANNOT lie just to start a war that will make billions of dollars for you and your friends. I know this one might seem obvious but trust me we need to reiterate it for sooooomme people! Now we're stuck. Literally stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

Third new rule on today's list is if you are going to complain about illegal immigrants in America let's not make our racism so obvious. Nobody ever complains or even mentions that Canadians come across the border all the time. Sure there are a lot more Mexicans but if we saw droves of Candians that look like Melyssa Ford, Pam Anderson, and Tamia packed in the trunks of their cars I'm pretty sure we'd still look the other way.

New Rule for my Jesus Junkies. Stop lying to yourselves and your kids. The Easter Bunny pooping out colorful chocolate eggs has nothing to do with J.C.! In fact did you know that little bunny has roots in pagan worship? Yep. It represents fertility. They incorporated it into the "christian" religion so that everybody could party together. Before you curse me out look it up. Never mind I know how lazy you are so I'll get you started.
The original Easter Bunny myth comes from a pagan holiday which was celebrated on the Vernal Equinox. According to Pagan legend, Ostara, the goddess of spring, turned a bird into a rabbit. The rabbit was supposedly able to fly as fast as the bird could fly, but it was still disappointed that it was a rabbit and not a bird. Ostara had pity on the creature, and one day out of every year, on the Vernal Equinox, she allowed the rabbit to lay eggs like a bird. Due to the proximity of Easter and the Vernal Equinox, converted pagans continued to associate the myth with their new holiday, and the idea has been passed down ever since.

Don't get me started on old St. Nick......

The last New Rule for today is let the punishment for a crime depend on the individual. If a man wants to die for his beliefs like Moussaoui does, don't, DO NOT sentence him to death! Make him stock shelves for the Daughters of The American Revolution or fold American flags all day and forced to recite the pledge of allegiance before he can go to sleep. And to top it off force him to watch Fox News and ONLY Fox News. With double doses of Bill O'reilly. Now that's punishment!

You're now one of The King's deputies so go find those offenders!!!



What's your New Rule?

This has been a Ddot the King Production. The young heart attack, I spit that cardiac. You can't see me baby boy, you got them cataracts.

King of All Bloggers...

Yo, first I snatched the street then I snatched the charts,
First had they ear now I have their hearts,
Bloggers came and went,
I've been here from the start,
Seen them put it together
Watch them take it apart,
See the Blogs roll up wit ribbons
I've seen the adresses re-poed, re-sold and re-given
So when I reload, King holds #1 position
When u hot I'm hot
And when your feet cold, mines is sizzlin'
It's plain to see
Bloggers can't fuck wit me
Cuz ima be that nigga fo life
This is not an image
This is God given
This is hard liven
You lovin' everything that's written
It's the most consistent
King D
Give you more hit blogs than you can fit inside your P.C.
Bloggers I'm at home on these Best Blogger charts, y'all losers just visitin
It's King's tradition,
Jeff Gordan of blogging
I'm back to claim pole position,
holla at ya boy...

This was just a reminder. Don't ever forget who I am or what I am capable of accomplishing. I'm the dude with the spirit of Kunta Kinte, the mind of Marcus Garvey, the heart of a lover, and the swagger of all those in the #1 spot. Good day.

This has been a Ddot the King Production. "A reading man and woman is a ready man and woman, but a writing man and woman is exact."

Carolina Coach...

Roy Williams, who followed a national championship season at North Carolina by leading an inexperienced team to the NCAA Tournament, was selected coach of the year by The Associated Press on Friday.



Williams, who won the award in 1992 at Kansas, is the second coach to win it at two schools, joining Eddie Sutton, who won at Arkansas in 1978 and Kentucky in 1989. He is the seventh coach to win it more than once, with UCLA's John Wooden the record holder at five times from 1967 to 1973.

The Tar Heels won the national title last season, Williams' second at his alma mater. The top seven scorers from that team either graduated or left early for the NBA and North Carolina wasn't even ranked in the preseason poll.

Led by freshman Tyler Hansbrough, the Tar Heels went 23-8 and finished second in the Atlantic Coast Conference. They lost in the second round of the NCAA Tournament to George Mason.

Roy Williams coached a crop of young players to the second round of the tourney.
Williams received 29 votes from the 72-member national media panel that selects the weekly Top 25. Jay Wright of Villanova had 15 votes to finish second in the balloting that was conducted before the NCAA Tournament. Bruce Pearl of Tennessee was third with 11 votes.


Williams is the second North Carolina coach to win the award, which was first given in 1967. Matt Doherty, whom Williams succeeded at Chapel Hill, won in 2001.
Source

The King's Coming...

Don't worry I didn't abandon my throne. I took yesterday off to handle some business. I see that a lot of you went back to some of the new blogs you found while carrying out your assignment and that's a good thing. Stay tuned for a new post...

Class Project...

Ok there's no real post today because I have a lot of work. You guys probably won't hear much from me today. So in my absence I have a project for everybody.

If your eyes are reading this your goal is to leave at least one comment on the blog of everybody in The Dynasty and The Commission. That also includes this week's Blogger of the week. So you will probably see some new blogs that you haven't seen before and it also means you better post something good to catch the eye of new visitors to your page. Oh and also try to incorporate today's quote into at least one of your comments.

Once you're done you can come back here and report in to The King. Have fun with it and I'll probably holler at you guys later in the afternoon.


Today's Quote:
Respect is the only real currency.

King la Familia...

I am drained. My parents and my aunt(mom's best friend) all showed up on Friday night. They got here sooner then expected and I was in Target buying comforters and towels and what not. Well my sister had met them and guided them to my house(aka The Palace) and they began calling me but my phone had lost it's signal and they ended up sitting outside in the car far longer than my mom wanted to. Granted anything more than 2 minutes would've been too long for her so when I finally showed up I didn't get the greeting that I had envisioned. No big hugs. No kisses. All I got was "Why can't you answer your phone?!" and "Boy, do you know how long we've been out here?!" oh and this gem from my dad, "I've been stuck in this car with your angry mother and her best friend! You are a bad son!" He's hilarious by the way. You guys would love him but I digress.

So we sat up for awhile on Friday night and laughed and joked and discussed exactly what I needed to do with my life. Talk about BIG FUN, that's how I love to spend my Friday nights! They asked about my job which led to this exchange between The Original King and the Queen Mother and myself

Mother: So how's work?

King: It's work.

Mother: They aren't wearing you out are they?

King: *smirk* Nah I usually just sit there and play with my blog.

Mother: Play with your what?! Oh my goodness! You better get your son!

Pop: Boy is that anyway to talk to your mother?

It took me another 15 minutes to convince them that "blog" isn't a slang word for my penis. Good times.

Saturday
I sleep late on Saturdays. I mean late like, the sun is about to go down I need to get up, late. But not with the folks in town. Oh no. They were wide open around 5:30 a.m. Now if I was visiting someone else and wanted to get up that early I would be quiet. Not my doting parents. So there I am walking around like a zombie at 6:30 on a freaking Saturday!!! I finally get dressed. My sister shows up and we go get on the metro to go downtown to see these freaking Cherry Blossoms that decided not bloom or at least not fully bloom. The metro was cool because they had never rode it and they were like little kids. That was fun. Walking all around D.C. wasn't. We had to go see The Monument, and The Lincoln Memorial, which by the way turned out to be pretty cool.

I buy my parents lunch from Quiznos and we get home and I take that nap I'd been thinking about all day. I woke up to my dad over me shaking his head in disgust. Later my sister and her boyfriend show up and him and I have a semi heated discussion about whether Michael Jordan was a ball hog or not. He actually compared MJ to one Kobe Bean Bryant! That reminds me to email my sister and tell her to BREAK UP WITH THAT IDIOT BEFORE THEY FIND HIM FLOATING FACE DOWN IN THE POTOMAC!!! MJ and Kobe?! Pshh! Ok he's not that bad and when we went out to the japanese steakhouse he actually asked my dad for my sister's hand in marriage. At least he's a Redskins fan.

Anyway the weekend was pretty cool despite all my whining and complaining. I like hanging with my parents, they are funny and sarcastic just like me. Now that they are gone I miss them. I think I'll go home to visit them in a few weeks. After that expect a post about how I will be moving back home because of how much I love it. Of course this will probably never happen until I retire but I still like to say it to make myself feel better.

So in closing....I MISS YOU MOM AND DAD! and congratulations to you T. If he doesn't make you happy I'll tie him down and show him continuos loops of Michael Jordan's best games!!

P.S. For Your Viewing Pleasure


Yeah that's The King still half asleep standing in front of a very historical place. That water seems a lot cleaner on TV. In person it's pretty gross. I was down there and everybody kept talking about that being the place where MLK gave his famous "I Have A Dream" speech and I kept thinking about Forrest Gump and Jenny running out and meeting each other in that vietnam protest scene. Pitiful? Yeah I know.


I got pictures from 5 different cameras developed yesterday and since this has turned into a family post I decided to post this picture of my oldest sister and myself. It was taken this past August. I like it because my smile is just plain scrumptous.



Ok that's all. Hopefully I won't hear anything about me not posting more pictures of myself from you you know who and for not talking more about my personal life from my Executive Producer. Happy ladies?! Good. Have a great Monday everybody!

This has been a Ddot the King Production "If ever I write, I need the space to say whatever I like!"

Random Thought Friday...

I keep getting emails asking me "What exactly is Random Thought Friday?" Good question. You know the feeling you get when you have an itch in the middle of your back and you can't get to it? Ok well the feeling you get when you finally get it scratched...That's Random Thought Friday!!!

It's a feel good weekly post that the entire globe is talking about. It's an internet phenomenon. It's....it's..ummmm....sorry I lost my train of thought, what were talking about?

Oh yeah me being the sexiest man on Earth right? No? Ok ummmm. OH! Random Thought Friday! Yeah the masses love to see how my brain works and doctors are lined up outside my door to get the chance to study my highly evolved thinker. But you, you my dear loyal subjects get to see how it works for free. Not only that but it might brighten your gloomy day. Now without further ado....Ladies & Gentleman....Random Thought Friday!!!!!




J.J. Redick was crying on live televison last night. Thank you LSU!!!



Don't mistake personality for character.

Am I the only one that has people looking at me funny because my mouse is constantly clicking? Damn you, REFRESH button!

The Super Bowl doesn't always deliver. The NBA Championship has been dry for the past few years. The World Series? Who cares. But the NCAA tournament never fails to excite. Never.

Sounding "country" doesn't mean you're dumb. That burns me up.

I look good in red.

My parents are coming to visit this weekend. I haven't seen them since August which is when I started this blog. So after they harass me all weekend I should be very screwed up and ready to write alot!

I look good in blue.

If I see you on the street wearing a pair of Kobe's new shoes I will punch you in the face and then chop your feet off. You have been warned.




I just realized that I like Kobe Bryant's new shoe. Damn you Kobe Bean! Damn! Damn! Damn!




I hope J.J. Redick gets drafted by the Lakers.


Why is everybody so enamored with the Cherry Blossoms in downtown D.C.?







I love this little bottle.









And this little bottle too.









Stop licking the screen Tiffany!


I look good in black.


Most women would get mad if their man hinted that they should get a breast enlargement and yet those same women preach that SIZE MATTERS! Ironic? I think so.

Green is not my color but it looks great in my wallet. HA!

Ok enough of this madness. Have a great weekend! I'll be walking around in the cold looking at flowers, ok fine "Cherry Blossoms", with my loving parents all day saturday. So when you pull up to the bar have an extra drink for The King!

LOL!!!

Somebody is pretty pissed off....LOL!

You, Me, and Her...

Everybody's like, "He's no item! Please don't like him.
He don't wife 'em, he one nights 'em!"
Now she don't like him, she never met him...-Jay-Z (Excuse Me Miss)



Ask any man and he will tell you that his girl's single friend(s) are usually relationship cryptonite.

Basically it's misery loves company type of situation. But it's up to you women to not fall for the okie doke. Your miserable and or desperate friend will try to plant seeds of doubt and then continue to water those seeds in hopes that they grow. And if you truly have a good man they will jump at the chance to get him once you've let your paranoia get the best of you.

I've been in situations where the friend has told a female all kinds of lies about me or embellished the truth to make me seem terrible. All the while calling me or emailing me or whatever about how she doesn't understand why her friend is acting so funny and maybe she could take me out for drinks to talk about it. Cute, but I don't fall for the banana in the tailpipe.

There are men who do this too. They, just like their female counterparts, are so scared of losing a friend that they lose sight of the fact that their friend might gain some level of happiness from their mate or potential mate. It's selfish and unfair. Because when that friend finds someone they won't even let others around them simply because they know how sneaky and conniving they themselves are.

Take advice from your friend(s) but also be smart enough to follow your own heart. If you choose to break up with a person or not date a person let that be your choice and your choice alone because if and when you realized you made a mistake based on your friend(s) advice then you'll look like a real fool.


you gotta watch your friends, you got to watch me
they conniving shit
the first chance to crack the bank
they'll try me,
all they get is 50 cent franks and papayas....-Jay-Z(Ain't No Nigga)




This has been a Ddot the King production "I'm looking like a star bitch, when you see me make a wish"

Dear King...

From : chancellorfiles@yahoo.com

Sent : Thursday, March 23, 2006 1:19 AM

To : ddot23@gmail.com

Subject :Apology


King(Ddot) I had to send you this email because you made me feel sad today. You told everyone that I am gay and that was supposed to be our secret. I know I must've made you(King) really mad and I am sorry and I will kiss you ring as you suggested.

Since you said that you are not gay(down low) I would at least like to be your friend. I love being in your house(blog) but I am a little jealous of the attention you give to all of those girls. I even tried to get rid of Rell to eliminate any other male competition. I stay up all night and read your posts over and over again. You are very wise.

Can you write something for my blog one day and tell your readers to visit my blog? I hope you will say yes.

King I have apologized and did what you told me to do(kissed your ring) because I am a true Loyal Subject but I will still have to pretend to be tough in front of the public(your comment section) so please go easy on me and I beg you not to tell anyone about this email! Thanks King(Dad)!

Love,
Chance(Your Son)

MY REPLY

From : ddot23@gmail.com

Sent : Thursday, March 23, 2006 8:19 AM
To : chancellorfiles@yahoo.com

Subject :RE:Apology

I have two words for you G.B.- RESTRAINING ORDER! Now get lost!

The Low Down...

My sister and one of her friends thinks that doing a post on down low men will be interesting. I have been putting it off for awhile because I'm sure that someone will assume I'm on the down low. But since I am comfortable with my manhood and sexuality I have decided to write something and get a good conversation going.

Being a man of high morals I view any type of cheating deplorable. Stop laughing. I'm serious. I think cheating on a person is extremely cruel. Just let the person know that you want out. Of course you need to be tactful so as to not cause a domestic disturbance but if it's got to be done then it's got to be done. Feel me?

Now we all know that the term down low usually references black men who appear to be heterosexual but have a secret life of homosexuality. Why has this phenomenon gotten so big in the last few years? It is my opinion that the high number of young black males in prison is the root cause of the problem. There are so many young black men in jail right at the time of their sexual peak that this is going to cause issues.

A lot of these males are completely gay while in jail but never touch a man on the outside and they don't consider themselves to be gay. But some however can't kick the habit and that is where the down low lifestyle starts.

This comes as a shock to many heterosexual women who up to now only worried about their mates cheating with other women. However, as the focus and attention given to men on the down low increases, more and more women will review their relationships for signs of homosexuality.

This is bad all the way around. The good men who don't cheat on their women with males or females, such as myself, are unjustly suspected of banging "Tyrone" if we hang out with our boys more than once a week. A lot of them try to go to the extreme and act "overly macho" so no one ever perceives them as gay and this can lead them down the wrong path and land them in prison and when they are released they are sometimes stimatized as potential homosexuals. Then the rise in the number of black women with HIV/AIDS is unfortunately linked to this phenomenon which is just a new spin on the old "all gays have AIDS" thing from the 80's. And it adds to the ridiculous assertion that there is a shortage of good black men.

I have seen the advertisement for the B.E.T. special about this subject and although I haven't seen it I think that all this media attention on the subject is bad. Giving women tips on how to spot men on the down low. Promoting ideas such as these are nonsensical and encourage foolish behavior. In exchange for high profits, these advisers encourage women to become detectives who monitor and accuse their men of being homosexual. This results in a personal attack on black manhood. Which starts this viscious cycle all over again. I'm not a conspiracy type of person but who has the most to gain by making it seem that a large number of black men are gay, and or violent or that there is a shortage of good black men? Think about it.

Oprah talking about this and B.E.T. doing specials on it isn't going to stop it. Me writing this post isn't going to stop it. We all just need to be more aware of the men or women we lay down with and marry. Be open and honest in our relationships and continue to promote safe sex, especially to our kids.

Intellectual Conversation...

This is just a quickie. Someone found my page by searching google for the phrase "intellectual conversation subjects". Sadly this is one of my proudest moments. On to find something to ramble about. Stay tuned...

George STINKIN' Mason...

My beloved UNC Tarheels were upset in the NCAA Tournament by George Mason University so I am not in the best of moods. All we had to do was beat GMU and then Wichita State was just sitting there waiting to get beat. And since George Mason is a local team around here that's all anybody is talking about. Last night Leon Harris and the Channel 7 News team started there brodcast off like this "DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!?" Screw you Leon Harris.

I had pictures to go along with this but blogger is tripping. Check back later and they might be up. I'm going to write a real post now. You're welcome.

Random Thought Friday...

You tossed and turned all night. You sang in the shower this morning. And you high fived your co-workers as you entered the building. And not just because the EPT came back negative, no, because it's Random Thought Friday!!!

Yes it's that time of the week where we all get to see what happens to a brain when A.D.D. has runamuck. So sit back and enjoy what is sure to confuse the hell out of you.

My NCAA Tournament bracket is officially dead. Thanks a lot UNC-Wilmington.

Ladies I don't mind extensions and weaves but I will not stand for wigs! Stop it.

Why is it Pamela Anderson has hepatitis C but kissing Kanye on film is going to lower her status as a sex symbol?

This whole thing with Chance is great because I love a good debate but when I get all riled up he gets quiet and doesn't comment until he is sure I've logged off for the day. Why does this feel like some fable where your deal with the devil makes all your wishes come true, but always with some cruel and ironic twist. Like when I wished to be the richest man in the world. And the devil made me rich in "happiness". Don't be such a smart-ass, devil. You knew what I meant.

Wouldn't catching a a bear with AIDS raping president Bush on live TV be the feel good moment of the year?

As we all know I am a huge Jay-Z fan. But I think I hate him just as much. Have you reallylooked at him? And he walks around with Beyonce on his arm! Geez. I know I harp on this a lot but I watched Beyonce's greatest MTV moments and I absolutely love the woman. Jay-z, that son of a bitch. This really isn't fair. I contacted the Make a Wish foundation and told them my wish is for them to have him killed and hook me up, but they claim that's not the kind of problem they normally help people with. Normally. But then they asked me what my medical condition was, and I said "too sexy", so I'm optimistic we can work something out.

I love that cocoa butter moisturizing oil.








So I have started writing my screenplay and it's coming along pretty good. Crash won best movie so I wrote something similar, except with sharks. You hear that Hollywood-sharks. People love sharks. And to give you an idea as to what life will be like if you bought it, I've drawn this eerily accurate glimpse into the future!

Ok I've wasted enough of your, mine, and my employer's time with this crap. Everybody have a great weekend!!! Wow this was short. Maybe the ridilin is helping!!!

Pet Peeve Vol.1...

Hasty Generalization-X is true of A, B and C. Therefore X is true of everything.
Find a commonality in a few things and then generalize to assume that it is also true for all things in the same class.


Generalizations. I hate that. Generalization is the mother of racism, sexism, and any othe ism you can think of.

After chatting with Chance in the my comment section for the past few weeks I've noticed that he is very big on generalizations. I went over to his blog and I noticed that he even tries to use facts to back up his feelings. That's very dangerous and quite honestly I found his blog to be quite offensive. For the life of me I can't understand why he feels the need to break down why African-Americans are this way or that way. We are not all the same.

I also recently had a conversation with a female acquaintance who assumes or generalizes men. Quite irritating. Don't get me wrong she's a nice person but anybody who assumes that every man that she meets is probably on the down low has issues.

Don't get me wrong sometimes generalizations are reasonable. The soundness of a generalization can usually be determined by asking the following questions:

1. Do we have a sufficient number of instances to draw a conclusion?
2. Is the breadth of the conclusion drawn supported by the evidence?
3. Are the terms of the conclusion consistent with the terms of the evidence?

Yall like it when I sound smart don't you?

Anyway if a female were to make the statement that men love sports nobody is going to argue with that. Does every man like sports? No but if we ask our 3 questions we could come to a reasonable generalization that wouldn't offend anybody.

If we suggest that blacks are more prone to violence like our friend Chance suggessts then we have a problem. A major problem. A huge ass problem. He'll tell you it has something to do with African-Americans producing more testoterone than other races and that it is also the reason we're better in sports and why we get irritated quicker than members of other races. And the thing is I'm sure he feels that he's doing some kind of service by writing that for others to see. The problem is your local KKK members and your favorite skinheads live for that type of generalization. He also says black people are overly sexual and if we would control ourselves more we'd have a very powerful race of people. Is that suppose to make us feel better about that racists comment Chance?

We are all individuals. Don't assume things about me based on the black guy that beat you up and took your girl when you were 15. I might take your girl but I'm too pretty to be going around fighting. That was a joke. Sorta.

As for my female friend, who thinks that if she offered sex to 10 men all of them would take her up on the offer, you too are wrong. Men have morals too! Out of 20 or so of my male friends and acquaintances I can only think of 2 that might take a random chick up on an offer of anonymous sex and those are the two that no woman would want to give it up to in the first place.

To make a long story short everybody has different experiences and influences. it would be ridiculous to assume that me and some random black man in Kansas are even remotely alike. I have a twin brother and even we aren't exactly alike because we have different experiences in life. Chance I think you could stand to travel a little more and see the world and meet different people. You are always talking about Cali but your experiences with Crip and Bloods isn't going to be the same with a black man in Atlanta. And for my female friend you're never going to be happy if you continue to think the way you do. You want a special someone and yet you assume we are all the same. Kind of ironic isn't it? Oh well I'm done preaching now. You are all jerks and that's not a generalization!

The Complaint Line...

Good morning. Due to the high number of emails I receive on a daily basis cursing the day that I was born I have come up with a complaint line for all of you jerks and losers. You're welcome.

Please note that your calls might be monitored for quality assurance purposes.

Welcome to the Ddot complaint line. Due to the high volume of calls you may be on hold anywhere from 5 hours to 2 weeks. Ddot is very busy reading articles over at espn.com and flirting with female bloggers but he will try to get back to your whiny ass as soon as possible.

If you want to complain about The King not liking white people please press 1.


If you want to complain about my comment section please press 2 and if you don't get the answer you're looking for please press 3.

If you don't like the sappy love stuff I write please press 4.

If you don't like it when I write about sports press 5.

If 99% of the things that The King says disturbs you please press press 6.

If you just want to let The King know that the only reason he has so many female readers is because he's the only male blogger that's not gay please press 7.

If you want The King to write more political blogs like he used to please press 8.

If you just want to tell me you hate me and for all other complaints please press 9!!!

As you hold please remember that the King is here to entertain your ass not kiss it. If you don't like The King it's really simple, just stop coming to my blog. Have a great day jackasses!

Stevie Wonder...

Before I post my real post today, assuming I can find something write about, I want to tell yall about the conversation going on in the office right now about American Idol last night. Inf act I'm just going to leave you some of the quotes and you can tell me if I'm in the twilight zone.


"I never really liked Stevie Wonder."

"Yeah he's not one of my favorites either."

"His songs are just ok."

"I thought I was the only one that felt that way"

This is four white women talking. If you don't like Stevie Wonder can't we just assume you do drugs? Ok maybe it's just me but I thought everybody liked Stevie freaking Wonder. Oh well I'm out for now.

Blah Blah Blah...

I'm bored. I have no inspiration right now and my stomach hurts. TMI? Maybe but you're still here reading aren't you?! Oh well I guess I could just ramble on about anything.

I had a good weekend. I went to the club on Friday night. Nick Cannon was there and he's just as big of an ass in real life. He had this video camera and was bringing women up on stage in a contest to see who would be the new lead chick in his next video. I knew I should've put some rocks in my pocket to throw at him. Richard Hamilton, Ben Wallace, and Chauncey Billups of the Detroit Pistons were there and let me tell you there is nothing worse than a male groupie. There were more dudes in their faces than women!

Saturday I hung out with my boys at Outback. The next time you go get the wings they are great. One of my friends that I hadn't talked to in awhile called me and we talked for a minute. That was real cool.

On Sunday I washed my car and played some spades with some friends. For any of my white readers out there: Do you guys play spades? My stomach is killing me! T.I named his new album KING and now I'm getting a lot of hits from people searching for that album or info on that album. It's National Brain Awareness Week and they keep begging me to do studies on my highly evolved brain.

This is like a bootleg Random Thoughts. LOL! I'm done. Ok so I'm surfing blogs today so be on your A game!

A Blues For(Insert Name)

Last week I posted one of my favorite poems but it definitely wasn't a very happy piece. This weekend I decided to watch one of my favorite movies and I was reminded of another one of my favorite poems and so that's going to be today's post. It is dedicated to any woman I've ever been in love with or may fall in love with in the future and all of my female loyal subjects. Enjoy.

Say baby, can I be your slave
I've got to admit girl, you're the shit girl
And I'm diggin' you like a grave
Now do they call you daughter to the spinnin post, or
Or maybe Queen of 2,000 moons
Sister to the distant, yet risin' star
Is your name Yimmy-Ya
Oh hell nah, it's got to be Oshun
Ooo, is that a smile me put on your face child
Wide as a field of Jasmine and Glover
Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money
Hound legs that'll spank Jehovah
Shit, who am I?
It's not important
But they call me Brother to the Night
And right now
I'm the blues in your left thigh
Tryin to become the funk in your right

Who am I?
I'll be whoever you say
But right now, I'm the sight raped hunter
Blindly pursuing you as my prey
And I just wanna give you injections, of sublime erections
And get you to dance to my rhythm
Make you dream archaetypes, of black angels in flight
Upon wings, of distorted, contorted, metaphoric jism
Come on slim
Fuck yo' man, I ain't worried about him
It's you who I wanna step to my scene
Cause rather than deal with the fallacy
Of this dry ass reality
I rather dance and romance your sweet ass, in a wet dream
Who am I?
Well they all call me Brother to the Night
And right now, I'm the blues in your left thigh
Trying to become the funk in your right
Is that alright

When he did this poem in the movie he named it after a female he had just met so he was really setting himself up for failure if she had thought he was a lunatic or her man had been in the audience. So what's the craziest thing you've done for love?

Ummm...

I write better when I'm angry or upset about something. Unfortunately for you I'm in a great mood as of right now. Stay tuned...

Random Thought Friday...

What's that smell? It's the musky scent of my enemies' fear. Why are they trembling? Because it's Random Thought Friday bitches!!!! Yes it's the internet phenomenon that is sweeping the globe. It's the one time of the week that I let you oh so fortunate readers see how The King thinks. On Friday mornings I simply sit at my desk and whatever thoughts pop into my head I write them here on this blog. Some make no sense(at least to you) some are funny and some are thought provoking. But as the title states they are completely random. So throw on your HazMat suit and let's delve into the what some call the Land of the Lost and what I call my brain. Enjoy.



I love those bicuits at Red Lobster. I love them so much I would consider working there part time and letting them pay me in biscuits. I would have no problem with it. None.





I love casual Fridays. I always scare the hell out of the white people in the office with my over sized jeans, jerseys, and baseball caps. The fact that I stick up both my middle fingers and spin in my chair might have something to do with it as well.

A chick I used to work with who moved to Florida over a year ago calls my phone at 1 o'clock in the morning and starts telling me how much she always liked me and she wants me to move to Florida to be with her. I'm lying in bed trying not to wake all the way up especially for this bull and then she hits me with "I need 200 dollars for my light bill." Good night and good luck.

With all the crap George W. Bush has done why hasn't someone at least floated the idea of him being impeached? Even if it's somebody who has no pull whatsoever like Jesse Jackson. Hey whatever happened to Jesse anyway?

I really want to learn a little chinese, or vietnamese or whatever those ladies are at the nail shop so I can know what they are saying when I'm getting my manicure. Wait. Ummm I meant if I got manicures because yall know I'm too manly to get a manicure...right? It's not working is it? Let's move on.





The two best college basketball players are white guys. Not only that but the 3rd and 4th best players are white guys as well. That's some scary ass shit.






As I'm typing this I see "Could not connect to Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Test connection now. " Now does that mean I'm not going to be able to publish and does this mean I've finally lost my connection or is blogger tripping again?

That reminds me. I hate Blogger. I JUST WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!!!

The chick in Foot Locker was flirting with me on Saturday and I just realized it. Damn! Damn!!Damn!!!

Anybody else believe that maybe Puffy and Suge plotted to kill Tupac and Biggie so that each of them could become bigger stars? I mean it work for Puffy. Suge? Not so much.

I actually watched part of College Hill and was pleasantly surprised. They live in a decent house and even have a hot tub like the Real World kids. Good job B.E.T.

It's 10:00 o'clock and I've just been sitting here staring into space and not one person has said anything to me. I need to find out what my job description is just in case someone ever asks me. I am so much better than everybody else.

Don't Eve and Reese Witherspoon sorta look a like?

I have completely lost my mind. Good day and have a great weekend jerkwads!

The Cold Within...

As you guys know I am here to inspire, educate, and entertain. So today I am posting a very deep poem that will hopefully make us all think about our how we treat others and how we look at the world.The poem is by James Patrick Kinney and I hope you will all enjoy it as much The King.




It is called "The Cold Within":



Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking 'cross the way
Saw one not of his church
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death's stilled hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.

Wasn't that great? I hope you enjoyed and will be able to take something away from it.

I Love White People...

That's right. God bless each one of them. Why? Because they make me smile. In fact my weekend was full of white people who made me laugh and laughter is good for the soul.

Saturday morning I went to the DMV in Alexandria, VA. If you don't know Alexandria is a pretty affluent community and so a lot of the white people out there live far above middle class status.

So I get to the DMV and it's packed. So packed in fact that they aren't letting people inside. You see the DMV decided that although they have 20 windows inside that they'd only ask 4 people to work on the busiest day of the week for them. Yep 4. 3 with attitudes so bad that they ask for 13 different forms of picture i.d. before they will even talk to you and 1 who is a trainee. Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe I'm not but here's an idea for any terrorists out there. The next time you decide to prove a point to Americans, blow up all the DMV's. Seriously. People that work there don't matter because they don't have families. I mean who could love someone who works at the DMV?! And the customers are so fed up that most of them are about 3 seconds from blowing their own brains out. It's a win/win situation if you ask me. But I digress.

So there is a line outside of the DMV about 15 people long when I got there and quickly grew to about 35 to 40 in minutes. On top of all this it's freezing outside. Here's how you make torture fun. I started to notice that every white person no matter if they were young or old, male or female would walk right past everybody in line without asking if there was a reason for us standing outside and go for the door handle. When they couldn't get in they would then ask "Is this the line to get in?" Hilarious. Now when I say every white person did it I am not exaggerating. 100% all did the same thing. And after they were told that was the line they all just exploded. "I'm going to write a letter!" or "They expect us to stand out in the cold? This is ridiculous". It got so good that I ask the guy next to me if he noticed that the black people and the hispanics would all walk up and ask someone in line what was up and that the white people just assumed that they didn't have to stand in line. We got a huge kick out of it and a white guy about 2 people down got in on it too. We got way too excited every time a white person would get out of the car. There we were hoping and praying that some sensible caucasian wouldn't break the streak and I am glad to announce that none of them did. It was great.

When I finally got inside the DMV there were 2 black guys from Baltimore talking very loudly calling each other nigga over and over and cursing loudly despite the large amount of kids in the building. They were completely embarrassing. All of us normal black people that know how to act in public were just staring them down and of course the white people were all huddled in the corner furthest away from the losers. At any rate I learned two things from my visit to the DMV. White people for the most part feel like they are somehow above certain things and black people from Baltimore are ignorant. Ok so maybe neither of these statements are true but if someone with a weaker mind than myself had noticed what I witnessed they could've made a case for both statements. What am I getting at? I'm not sure...let's move on.

I went to a club that would be considered a "white club" simply because it was a majority of white people there. They played a variety of music so it was cool. White girls are great. They just dance and dance and it's like they are in another world. They were taking off their shirts and dancing on tables and what not. I got grabbed by a couple of them and pulled onto the dance floor as they tried their best to shake their little bootys. I would stand there with my Hennessey and Coke as the twisted and turned in what almost seemed like seizures. They even had me singing some song about "pouring sugar on me. It wasn't Jay-Z but it was cool. I think I'll go back. So as you see white people contributed to my weekend being fun and since I've received about 2000 emails asking me why I hate white people I am glad that I can say I LOVE WHITE PEOPLE!!!

Back...

This is going to be quick. I was off yesterday to go to the dentist and take my CDL test. I hate to be back in this place. I've just found out we have meetings most of the day and that totally sucks. I went out to a club for the first time in years this weekend and hopefully I'll be able to give you guys a complete rundown on everything later today. So rejoice...The King is back!



Oh and one more thing....



HOW 'BOUT THEM TARHEELS!!! HOLLA AT ME RELL...THAT'S IF YOU DIDN'T GET RAN OVER! HA!

The Return of The King...

Friday's riddle:

How do you hold a good man down?







Answer:You don't.

The return coming soon......

The Black Post...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind

Now can I get an encore, do you want more
Cookin raw with the Carolina boy
So for one last time I need y'all to roar

Now what the hell are you waitin for
After me, there shall be no more
So for one last time, nigga make some noise

Get em D.

As I announced yesterday afternoon my boss announced that they are shutting down the internet. Damn the man. I don't know exactly when it's going to go away so this will be last post at least for awhile.

I have been accused of taking my blog too seriously and at times maybe I have. I really enjoy writing and then watching others reactions to my thoughts. It's addicting. I want you all to know that I have enjoyed hanging out with all of you as we try to get through our respective work days. I know a lot of you don't like me but it's just the internet and you really should get over it. I have no hard feelings towards any of you losers. :)

I will miss Chance and Grant's crazy comments. I'll miss all the ladies making me feel like a million bucks day in and day out. I'll miss Kween trying to her best to advertise and TTD for keeping the party going even when I would disappear. KoolBreeze and Laa will be missed for their smart mouths and wise cracks. But that goes for most of you.

Of course most of all I'll miss GP and Leesa. I think Leesa was the first person to ever link me and that was a such a cool feeling when I first started. She has always been cool and is really nice. Sometimes she's even asked me for advice which trips me out because she's a far better writer than I will ever be. Thanks for everything Leesa.

And of course the incomparable Georgia Peach. The original. The executive producer of My Kingdom. I get more traffic from GP's site than anywhere else. She as we all know is a wild girl but she is also extremely sweet as witnessed in her comments on numerous blogs to encoursge others. Her encourgement even caused some beef for The King once and I was more than willign to have her back. If you are bored throughout the day now that The King will be out of action I recommend COMINGOUTHARDANDBOUTIT and yes I know it's called The UNDERGROUND now but I keep it old school. Hold me down GP!

Now as the days go by I am charging you all with the task of keeping my name alive. Tell the tales to the new and upcoming bloggers of the blogger that took over the world. Tell of the arrogance, and the humor. The pain and the joy. And of course the sexiness.

As fate would have it The King's status appears to be at an all time high, perfect time to say goodbye. And if I come back like Jordan wearing the 4-5 and it ain't to play games with you. So just remember one thing. I came, I saw, I conquered. So if you want an encore I need you to comment until your fingers get sore!

I've become so numb
Can I get an encore, do you want more
I've become so numb
So for one last time I need y'all to roar
One last time I need y'all to roar

Questions from Readers...

So the call went out last week for you to ask me any and all questions that you wanted to know about The King. Since I couldn't think of anything to write about today I thought I'd just answer a few of them. These are actual questions that I received. Let's go.


Will you marry me?
No and I would appreciate it if you'd stop coming to my blog because you're scaring me.

How can I get to GeorgiaPeach's status on your blog?
You can't.

Is GeorgiaPeach your girlfriend or do you just have a huge crush on her?
Neither. GP is the original Loyal Subject so that's why she gets away with everything. STOP HATING!

Are you a jerk in real life?
No. I can be quite arrogant but most people like me. Some people even say I'm funny. Can you believe that?!

Can you kick Kween & TTD off of your blog?
I would but they are from Baltimore and those people are crazy. They might show up outside my house with a bunch of dudes with one gold tooth and want me to "take a ride".

So what do I have to do to get a date?
Pay me.

Don't you think you take your blog too seriously?
Absolutely. You don't think I should take it seriously? Why? You got something against my blog?! I will beat you down!!! Don't nobody talk about my blog like that!!!

I can't see your face, can you change your profile picture?
No. Just imagine the most beautiful man you've ever seen then multiply that by 74. That's me.

Your posts used to be more political when was the last time you had an intellectual conversation?
The only time I truly get an intellectual conversation is when I talk to myself. HA!

What is Arson's problem?
I don't know. I thought he got all his frustrations out after shooting up those daycare centers. Go figure.

What's your phone number?
202-438-5678

I think you and Chance are the same person, am I right?
To idiot,
Yes you busted me. You are wise beyond your years. I hope the sun will shine brightly in your life forever. In fact I hope that it shines so brightly that it burns your brain and you live the rest of your days as a vegetable.

Chance

Dude how can I get this many women on my blog?
First thing you have to do is ask my parents to have sex and create you. That's going to be the toughest part because lightning rarely strikes twice.

There a lot more but I gotta roll. Yall have fun!