Rock the Blogs

You've been waitin' and debatin' for oh so long/
Just starvin like Marvin for a Ddot blog/
If you cried and thought I had died, you was definitely wrong/
It took some thoughts plus I brought My Loyal Subjects along/
Evened up with my folks down with the Ddot force/
Symbolizin' in the rhymin' for the blog of course/
I'm a tower full of power blind you with rain and smog/
Ddot back at the keyboard and on his job/
Rock the blogs!!!

Good morning. Did you miss me? I'm sure the days moved oh so slowly without my charm and wit to keep you company. Well I'm back so you can all rejoice! Of course the above rhyme was my take on the classic LL Cool J song Rock the Bells so for all of my hip hop challenged readers no that didn't come from my highly evolved mind. But I'm sure you enjoyed it nonetheless. Well it's a short week so there's so little to do and so much time. Wait. Reverse that. I love Willy Wonka. How was that for a random thought?! HA! Ok peeps it's good to be back, it's good to be alive and of course.....

It's Good to Be THE KING!!!!!

Random Thought Friday...

Riddle me this. What have you been highly anticipating all week? Ok what had you so excited that you went to bed at 7:30 last night so this morning could hurry up and get here? What is the space between insane and insecure? Ok last one. It's the internet phenomenon that's sweeping the globe! Give up? It's Random Thought Friday!!! Ok ok calm down or your co-workers will think you're nuts. But then again they're probably reading this now too. Maybe you should initiate a Random Thought Party in your office. If you do please describe in detail the look on your boss's face once you finishing pitching the idea! Hope your resume is up to date! Anyway here's what all of you have been waiting for, the one opportunity every week to see what is going on in the deep dark places of my noggin. Ladies, gentleman, and My Loyal Subjects I now present to you The King's Random Thoughts!!!

I went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin' last night and I'm sort of upset that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had hoped. It was actually mildly entertaining. But anytime Ja Rule is being made fun of it's a good thing.

Kobe Bryant has been on a scoring rampage. Hey Kobe, I hope you get ass cancer!!

At some point in your day take a moment to step aside and reflect on what happend to Terrell Owens.... and laugh your ass off!!! Seriously though I'm worried about the guy. I think he may have a grapefruit sized tumor leaning up against the part of your brain that keeps you from making a complete ass out of yourself. Get help T.O.

Look no one wants to have sex with Beyonce more than me, I don't think anyone is here to argue that. So if anyone wants her and her mother's clothing line to work it's me but 98.9% of the stuff I've seen looks like doo doo. Like maybe Mama Knowles does a little acid before designing some of that crap. House of Dereon? More like House of Crapola. I still love you B!

Speaking of hot chicks I heard Halle Berry is pregnant. I've always thought she was pretty but I can count the amount of times I've masturbated to her on one hand. Wait, a hand has 800 fingers right? Oh. Uh never mind.

I let my boss borrow my phone charger yesterday and she still hasn't returned it. She better not let the nice slacks and the "I'm not falling for the banana in the tailpipe" voice fool her. I will act a motherf*cking fool up in this b*tch!

And there you have my gangsta moment of the day. Let's press on shall we?

Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still F*cking retarded.

One of my crazy ex-"friends" called my mom this week to tell her what a terrible guy I am. My mom then called me. This is the exact exchange between us. MOM: "Umm a young lady just called me and said you dogged her out after taking her virginity." KING: "What was her name?"
*a long silence* MOM: How many girls have you taken virginity from?!!!" KING: " Umm ma I have a telemarketer on the other line and I really need to get back to him." Click. So here's a big F U to the crazy chick!!! Now I will never be able to look my mom in the eyes again. On the bright side I'm sure my dad is walking around showing my picture off to his buddies like he did when I was first born.

If I dated an asian chick do you think she'd be mad if I asked her to say "me love you long time."

If I dated a schizophrenic chick I think during sex I would ask weird stuff like "who's your daddy?...ok and who's your daddy...and what's your daddy's name?!

I am horny this morning or what?!

I accidentally watched Madonna's new video. She looks like she got her clothes at a dead hooker's crime scene. Stop it pumpkin. It's over.

I've always thought that really pale white people have really cold skin.

Rev Run is to 2005 what Cliff Huxtable was to 1985.

Where is Michael Jackson's Hurricane Katrina relief song?! I know I've asked this before but geez c'mon Mike. Don't make me put the pressure on you Miguel. I have a nation of thousands...well maybe not thousands...it's probably more like enough to fill a small restroom. But you don't want to piss us off!!

When I start to make myself laugh too hard while writing this nonsense I flash myself the "Wrap it up" sign because I'm afraid I'll screw it up. But I'm wild and daring....let's keep it going!!!

I'm starting to feel better about all those razor filled apples I gave out at halloween. The first couple of nights were the toughest with me watching the news and all but now that I stopped watching the news things are looking up. Oh and now I know what all these athletes and stars mean when they say the media is the cause of all their problems. They made it seem like I put the razors in there to hurt people. When really it was just for laughs! Stinkin media.

I saw Terry McMillan's ex husband on Oprah this week and if she didn't know he was gay by the way he talks, gestures, and dresses don't you think the fact that he probably only wanted to have anal sex with her should've given her a clue?

My boss called me into her office earlier this week and I was shaking more than Muhammad Ali in an earthquake seeing how I realized my first week here that my job is not really necessary. She proceeded to tell me I was doing a great job and I got a little baby raise. I'm starting to feel like I'm in that What's Happening episode when they gave Big Shirley a job just because she was black but didn't actually give her any work to do. She quit because she had pride and dignity. The King however is going to ride this train 'til the wheels fall off!!!

Ok I've taken up enough of your day. And again I don't really care if I entertained you or not because I wrote this for me...in fact why are you even here reading this...get lost....go on beat it.



Everybody have a great weekend!!!!

IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!

100 Things About Your King

Alright all My Loyal Subjects here's what you've all been waiting for. It's 100 Things about your King. I have resisted doing this since I've seen everybody and their mama doing one. Alas I am a man that likes to keep his Loyal Subjects happy so I will attempt to come up with 100 things about myself but be forewarned that I am a conceited bastard and some of these statements may make your stomach turn! Enjoy.

1. My birthday is May 21st.

2. My brother's birthday is May 21st.

3. Yes I am a Twin.

4. I have 2 older sisters.

5. I am very shy.

6. Being shy and handsome don't work well together because people just think I'm being stuck up.

7. I have never celebrated Christmas, Easter, or any other holiday.

8. No I don't feel robbed or sad about that. In fact I am grateful for it.

9. This is harder than I thought.

10. I have a job that requires a college education.

11. I do not have a college education.

12. But I'm a beast when it comes to doctoring resumes.

13. I crack myself up.

14. I have always wanted to be an actor.

15. In High School I was named the best actor in the state 3 years in a row.

16. I have talked my way out of more fights than I can care to count.

17. I fought over half of the North Carolina A&T football team.

18. At once.

19. I'll write a blog about it one day but let's just say I had one too many shots of Paul Masson.

20. I did my homeboys mom...and he caught us.

21. He's no longer my homeboy.

22. This is a bootleg 100 list but it's cracking me up.

23. I'm 6'0 but I like to say I'm 6'1.

24. I usually smell like Curve, Curve Wave, or Very Sexy by Victoria Secret.

25. I am going to bring the word Def back in style.

Ok that's enough for now. I'll hit you up with another def 25 next Thursday.

The Critic Sucks..

Hey everybody. Today's post will be short and sweet yet very powerful Whenever I start to get down on myself about my blog and just want to quit I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes...


"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."---Theodore Roosevelt

This inspires me to keep going even when I think I just wrote some trash or I only have 2 comments. I hope that it can help to keep anybody reading this to keep going in those low moments and to even be a reminder when everything is going well. Your welcome.

Ddot's Hip Hop Summit Part 2...

Ok everybody take a seat. Let's get this started. Welcome everybody to day 2 of my hip hop summit. I hope we can get into some deep issues today and perhaps make some progress.

Russell Simmons: Ddot I have asked Mase to pray before we get started.
Ddot: You can't be serious.
Russell Simmons: Yes I'm very serious.
Mase: What's the problem?
Ddot: The problem is you have a Bible in your hand and a gun on your waist with a spinning G-Unit chain AND a cross around your neck! I'm sorry but you will not be praying over THE KING!
Michael Jackson: C'mon fellas can't we all just get along?
dead silence falls on the room
Ddot: What the f*ck are you doing here?
Michael Jackson: What do you mean? Haven't you heard that I'm hip hop now? I'm down son!
Ddot: Ok Mike you can stay but Bow Wow and Lil Romeo will have to leave for their own safety.
Ddot: Ok on to the discussion! Let's here from dead prez since you guys were mentioned several times at the last summitt.
M-1(of dead prez): Thanks Ddot. I don't think rappers should be forced to give a positive message if that's not who they are.
Ddot: I think I see where you're going with this. Please continue.
M-1: If you smoke weed everyday and shoot at people then that's exactly what you should rap about.
stic man(of dead prez): Right. I ain't hating on anybody who's keeping it real but a lot of yall are faking it and these crackers are playing yall.
Rev Run: I agree. How many more times do we have to hear that 50 Cent got shot 9 times? Keep it funky.
Cam'Ron: I got shot too!
50 Cent: Yeah but you only got hit twice. I'm more gangsta than you.
Ddot: What kind of idiotic conversation is this? Anyway we have Mystikal on the phone from the Louisiana Correctional Facility. How's prison life Mystikal?
Mystikal: *weeping gently* let's just say I've been asked to "Shake it Fast" one too many times.
an uncomfortable silence fills the room

Ddot: Look Mystikal I'm going to hang up now and we'll just pretend this never happened. Ok? Nighty night... keep your butthole tight!!!
Ja Rule: That was wrong King.
Ddot: Who keeps letting you in?!
Jay-Z: Ddot I'm really feeling your new look. Oh and I heard your girl Jackie retired her site. I'm glad because I was tired of seeing my peoples getting embarrassed over there.
Ddot: Do you mean Beyonce Giselle Knowles? I know you didn't just refer to her as your peoples?! That's your woman! Treat her as such or I will take her from you. Jerk.
Jay-Z: Yeah I'm sure she'll leave me for you and your little blog.
Ddot: You know some things don't have to be said Jay. You could've kept that to yourself. Someone get me my Zoloft...
Russell Simmons: Can we get back on topic please?
Ddot: You're right Russell. Oh and by the way make sure Kimora cleans up that vomit in the ladies room. Now it is my opinion that hip hop has a responsibility in helping to shape our future and you guys have to take that seriously.
Young Jeezy: I agree and I have taken my role seriously. Did you know I opened my home to some of the Katrina victims?
Ddot: Yeah I heard about that. I also heard that you pay your son's mother less than 200 dollars a month in child support and rarely spend time with your son. No one's future should be more important to you than his.
Young Jeezy: Yeah but...
Ddot: Just quit while you're ahead son.
MC Lyte: I just want to say that all female emcees aren't sex crazed bimbos.
Da Brat: I'm so glad you said that Lyte. It's all about the lyrics.
MC Lyte: Bitch didn't I see you on 106 & Park pulling your pants down.
Da Brat: Yeah yeah but that's just to show that I'm a wild girl. It's not sexual.
MC Lyte: Anytime a grown woman pulls her pants down in front of a bunch of teenagers it's sexual. Get lost.
Suge Knight: Well since I've been very successful on the business side I'm open to any questions you guys might have.
Ddot: What happened to Pac?
Suge: I said business quest..
Ddot: What happened to Tupac?! Until you are ready to answer that question please keep your mouth shut.
Qtip: It's very frustrating to see the record company executives shaping our culture. They basically turn an artist into whoever they need them to be to sell records.
Ddot: So what can be done?
Jay-Z: Artists have to be true to who they are and learn the business side of things. With more of us running things the better off Hip Hop will be.
Ddot: Good point Jigga. Ok well we're going to stop here for today and let you guys go pop some Cristal and smoke some blunts. And hey no Jesus Juice for you Michael!!!!


Stay tuned for part 3 people....

No Child Left Unrecruited...

Remember the No Child Left Behind legislation? Well let's review.Here's how the official website describes it: No Child Left Behind is the historic, bipartisan education reform effort that President Bush proposed his first week in office and that Congress passed into law on January 8, 2002. The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 (NCLB) reauthorized the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) -- the main federal law affecting education from kindergarten through high school. NCLB is built on four principles: accountability for results, more choices for parents, greater local control and flexibility, and an emphasis on doing what works based on scientific research.

Did you know that this legislation also requires that the participating schools must allow military recruiters into their schools or risk losing funding?! The schools are also required to give the students home telephone numbers and addresses to the military. Parents can write a letter to the school stating that they don't want their child's information given to the military and only then can it be kept private.

Here's the thing. What if the parents don't know that they have that right. Studies show that in more affluent neighborhoods 90 percent of the parents write the letter. However in more rural and lower income neighborhoods only 2 percent of parents write the letter.

This past week the Washington Post singled out the small town of Martinsville, Va as the city that supplies the military with the greatest number of enlistees in proportion to it's youth population. I was born and raised in Martinsville. I have several relatives in the military. My cousin Marniquis who is like a little brother to me is in downtown Baghdad as I type this. He called me right after he signed up in tears. "I had no other option", he said quietly into the phone, "I didn't know what else to do."

The military is full of young men and women like my cousin. Kids from small towns and low income families that have been told the military is their only option. I see the "Support Our Troops" stickers on some very nice cars and I read a lot of blogs that say things like "sometimes war is necessary" and "we have to sacrifice for freedom". Those people driving those really nice cars and writing those blogs are the same ones that write the letter not allowing their child's information to be given to the military. It's the poor families who are sacrificing their lives for a war most of them don't even agree with. It's the kids in the small towns that just want to get out and see the world and are being told from an early age by these recruiters that the only way to do that is to join the military.

We've been bamboozled, hoodwinked, led astray, run amuck. George Bush and other crooked politicians passed this legislation with the guise of it designed to help children who usually slip through the cracks. Instead those same kids who, if they received the help could go on to college or trade school, end up in some foreign country being shot at by some other poor and brainwashed kid.

So please save all your comments about how we should support our troops and not talk bad about the war so that their morale stays high. My family is their so I support them more than you could ever know and I don't need a yellow ribbon stuck on my car to do it. Being a realist I also know that the kid that went to join the army to have a way out is not going to be the same person that comes back home. He'll have seen some very harsh things and perhaps participating in some acts that you nor I could ever imagine. He'll still be my favorite cousin and I'll still love and support him. But don't tell me no child is being left behind when hundreds of kids have lost their parents since this war has started. No, don't tell me no child is left behind when the rich and powerful ensure that their kids are left behind when the poor and powerless are shipped off to war. My young cousin, a child, was left behind when he stepped off of a plane into the desert and was handed a gun.

Random Thought Friday...

Welcome one and all to what has become an internet phenomenon. The King's Random Thoughts! Unfortunately for you I am not feeling so random today. My boss gave me a ridiculous amount of work. So anyway I am leaving the random thoughts up to you! Leave anything you want whether it's weird, funny, or insightful just as long as it's random! If you're new to the spot just check out some of my old Random Thoughts and you'll get the idea. Ok so this is the laziest post ever seeing how I'm making you My Loyal Subjects do all the work!!! Have a great weekend everybody!!

The NBA's New Clothes...

You knew it was coming. There was no way I was going to let the NBA slide for their new dress code policy. I waited for the season to actually begin before I commented on it and in that time I've been wavering back and forth on whether I agree with it or not.

Ok so do I agree that these young black men who make millions of dollars and influence children all across the world should be very careful about what they say, do, and wear? Sure. So I don't think it's asking too much for them to put a suit on. Marcus Camby of the Denver Nuggets said that NBA players should be given a stipend to buy suits. Mr. Camby makes 10 million dollars so if he needs help buying a suit or two then he should probably be forced to get a financial adviser as well. But he inadvertently made a good point. What about the guy who gets called up to play from the NBDL(The NBA's version of the minor leagues) who doesn't make millions of dollars? Would that guy get fined just as much as Allen Iverson? That's the first flaw I found in the dress code. But what's really behind this new dress code?

Hip hop...ah there's the rub.

There are CEO's all over this country that put on a oversized pair of Rocawear jeans and a white tee and some Air Jordans on their feet. They sit down at their desks with their Master Degrees on the wall behind them. That's hip hop and that's what the NBA doesn't understand.

But the NBA says it wants to steer away from hip hop. Liars. They love hip hop. They make millions off of it every year. Everybody does. Kanye West graced the cover of Time magazine...not the Source magazine...TIME. Jay-Z, had a feature story in Fortune about his success as a CEO and was GQ's Man of The Year in Britain. In fact, we -- being in and of the hip-hop culture -- were responsible for generating $1.5 billion annually for corporate companies, making what we do and who we are one of the top corporate financial entities in America. Last I looked, Cingular Wireless (which just posted a 56 percent third-quarter profit increase) and Target and Nike and Viacom and Disney were trying to "incorporate" us into their marketing and brand-building plans.

So here we are with the NBA in 2005 saying to it's millionaire players that they can't wear jewelry, jerseys, or headphones. They must dress business casual or they'll be giving back a portion of their checks. Why? Because if you dress like a business man you might not do bad things? Hmmm ok. Would you rather us be like Karl Rove or Tom DeLay or Lewis Libby? Would you rather your players present themselves more like Enron's Kenneth Lay or Jeff Skilling? Arthur Andersen's Joe Berardino? Tyco's Dennis Kozlowski? WorldCom's Bernie Ebbers? Maybe you guys can point out Lil Kim as being an example of hip hop's jail mentality and conveniently forget to mention Martha Stewart. Or maybe you'll remember to mention that most of the "thuggery" clothes we buy (especially those worn by NBA players) come from Neiman's, Macy's and Saks, where entire floors are devoted to our fashion and designers.

So this clothing that's not ok for NBA players to wear is in fact good enough for your billionaire corporate sponsors to sell? Hypocrites.



With all that being said if I could afford a 60,000 dollar chain and drive a Bentley I'd want to wear a Brooks Brothers suit to complete the look on most days. But I'd also want the freedom to be able to show up in my Sean John jeans and an oversized L-R-G hoodie with my shades on fronting like my doo doo don't stink.



Note to the NBA: Those dunks you love and use to promote your game? Hip Hop. The styles of uniform that are now being worn by every NBA team? Hip Hop. The beef between Shaq and Kobe that you love so much? Hip Hop. And I know that part of the reason you don't want your players wearing a Rocawear shirt is because you're giving away free advertising dollars. But what you don't realize is that hip hop adjusts. This is how we were built in the first place. We decide what's hot not you. We'll be just as cool and rebellious in our suits as in our jeans.

The Ruler's Back...

Good morning. I took the day off yesterday and went to the doctor for a physical and got some other business handled. I know all of you missed me but I'm back and I'll be posting something sometime today. So who missed THE KING?!

Racist? You make the Call...

I know seeing the word "racist" in the title of this blog made some of you a little nervous. I understand that because talking about race in this country is such a touchy subject. A lot of times people are afraid to say what is on their minds for fear of being branded a racist which in this country is one of the worst titles a person can recieve.

When Kanye West told the world that George Bush doesn't care about black people the most powerful man in the world went into spin mode and almost forgot that an American city was destroyed in his attempt to prove to anyone who would listen that he does in fact care about black people.

Last week the Air Force head football coach, Fisher Deberry, almost lost a job he's had for over 20 years for saying something that was perceived by some as being racist and insensitive. While commenting on his teams loss Deberry said "We were looking at things, like you don't see many minority athletes in our program." When asked to elaborate he said "It just seems to be that way, that Afro-American kids can run very, very well. That doesn't mean that Caucasian kids and other descents can't run, but it's very obvious to me they run extremely well." Hmmm...ok.

Two days later all hell had broken loose and Deberry was on TV fighting back tears and apologizing for offending anybody. But what exactly was he apologizing for? I mean other than the fact that he used the term "Afro-American" which, if I'm not mistaken, we put out to pasture sometime in the early nineties, what did he really say that was so bad?

Our fear of any discussion involving race shouldn't eliminate common sense observations. I watch college football as well as the NFL and to put it bluntly black guys are faster than white guys. Now don't get me wrong probably 99% of the white guys in the NBA and 85% of the white guys in the NFL are all faster than THE KING and as you can tell from my profile I am black. I'm also fly but that's a different subject. Anyway as I looked at football this weekend I noticed something very interesting. The cornerback position is based solely on speed and there's not one starting white cornerback in the NFL. Not one. That's not the same as making a presumption about the intelligence or character of cornerbacks, black or white. It's just a fact. Plain and simple. DeBerry didn't offer any cultural or empirical evidence about cornerbacks; he just said he would like faster ones, and as the NFL demonstrates, the fastest ones are black. That isn't even debatable.

Mostly I hear objection being raised by white administrators and the mostly white media, a sort of misplaced white liberal guilt, if you ask me. Oh, there's plenty of bigotry out there that needs to be identified, but DeBerry's statements aren't among the top 1,000 on the list.

The coach didn't say his school should lower admissions standards to let in more black students, as Paul Hornung said Notre Dame should do. DeBerry didn't do an Al Campanis and say somebody lacked the necessities (primarily the intellectual necessities) to do a specific task. And he certainly shouldn't be lumped in with the likes of Jimmy the Greek, who gave a drunken anthropology lesson of how the big black buck (to use his words) was mated with the big black slave woman to produce the best athlete.

DeBerry didn't insult any race or ethnic group. He offended some folks who confuse politically incorrect public speaking with bigotry.

Real Recognizes Real...

I wanted to take the time out to recognize some of My MOST Loyal Subjects. As some of you have noticed THE DYNASTY has grown by three this week and THE COMMISSION is totally revamped.

First of all let's welcome the lovely Miss Jacquelyn to The Dynasty. Her blog is the spot to go for all the celebrity nonsense you can handle. She's also almost as humorous as yours truly although she would tell you that I don't even come close. You ready J?!

The Soulful Brown Queen known to you as Andrea and to me as Drea because we are sooo tight is next new member of The Dynasty. She is a student at UGA and always has great entries about her daily life. She also almost always agrees with THE KING which definitely helps push her over the top!! Do your thing Queen!

That brings us to Danielle. She routinely has over 200 comments a day and is always entertaining and insightful. She was also the first blogger to link THE KING so she's very dear to my cold heart. She's white but she's cool. LOL! Keep it Crunk D!

Of course the other memebers of The Dynasty are GeorgiaPeach who is the craziest chick in the blogging universe and my homie Leesa who is always writing something that...well...let's say if I was in High School I'd have to walk with my bookbag in front of me. I'm still waiting for a sequal to Summer Tan Lines Leesa!! Last but not least is a classic case of cronyism. It's my man ARSON! He hardly ever updates his blog or comments on mine but he's been down with me even before his cousin did some really shady stuff to me!!! Set them on fire main man!

Now The Commission is my crew of bloggers who are somewhat new to me but they seem cool. So if they frequent my blog and keep me interested in theirs they will make the leap up into The Dynasty. First up is J.O.Y. who really flattered THE KING in one of her posts and flattering me will get you everywhere! Next is Miss Peculiar who is..well peculiar but she likes arguing with THE KING and that's always fun for the readers. Grant is a wild man but he's cool and I often agree with he's weird comments so that's why he makes the cut. Then there's MizPowderPink who's blog I really like and I'm jealous of her blog's new look. Her great smile is easy on the eyes as well. Can somebdy design me a new template?? Anyway Rell emailed me yesterday and we agreed to link each other just out of respect for what each of us have going. Don't you just love that?

So there you have it now make sure you visit all of them and show your love! And any of you reading this can make either list with a little hard work and dedication! Everybody have a great weekend and I promise Random Thought Friday will return next week!

Oh and before I go a big shout out goes to the lovely Mrs. Rosa Parks who with a simple act of defiance changed the world as we know it. So to Mrs. Parks and all of the unsung heroes of the civil rights era we salute you and we will continue to carry the torch. What? Yall had to know I just wrote that post earlier this week to make yall mad! Me diss a strong black woman? Never! One.

Where's the Beef?!

Ok people it happened. We all hoped it would happen but no one ever actually thought that it would. If you are a true hip hop fan what Jay-Z did last night was historic. The Jigga Man actually brought out his long time nemesis Nas!!! They performed and squashed all their beef. I love the fact that two young talented black men can show that all that beef stuff gets old. if we all work together things are a lot better for everybody. For anybody reading this and doesn't understand why this was so big it's sorta like the Palestinians and the Israelis ending their conflict out of nowhere. I really think the pictures I've found say alot more about the night than I could write so enjoy. Oh and I will be back later today with an actual post....maybe.

Hip Hop History

Save Tookie...

If there was ever a case that proves we don't need the death penalty it is the case of Stanley "Tookie" Williams.

Tookie is the man who in 1971 co-founded the the now famous street gang known as The Crips. What many don't know is that Tookie and his best friend Raymond actually formed the group to protect their neighborhood from the gangs of the day. Eventually however as the Crips grew in size they too became a more traditional gang and caused havoc all throughout South Central LA. The gang is now in 42 states and on at least one other continent: South Africa. Youngsters in Soweto and other South African cities have formed the Crips copycat gangs.

In 1981 Tookie was convicted of murdering 4 people and sentenced to death. In 1987, Tookie began what became a 6 1/2-year stay in solitary confinement. After two years there, Tookie began to look at himself. He focused on the choices he had made in his life and then committed himself to make a drastic change. Only then did Tookie finally begin to care about the many children, mothers, fathers and other family members of this country hurt by the Crips legacy and by its explosive growth.

Mr. Williams now denounces his violent past and his role as a gang leader. He has written several very popular children's books that teach kids that violence is not the answer. Stanley also was instrumental in brokering the peace treaty between the Crips and Bloods and a movie based on his life was made with Jamie Foxx playing the role of Tookie.

Yesterday a judge signed a death warrant for Tookie after 24 years of sitting on Death Row for a crime that he still steadfastly denies committing. How ironic is it that a man who in the past 24 years has worked so hard to help children, help reform gang members, and has been mominated for the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE will now be killed by the state of California.

Don't let this injustice happen. The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, can grant Mr. Williams clemency so let him hear from you. Arnold's fax number is 916-445-4633 or if you'd rather speak to someone you can call 916-445-2841. At the very least sign the online petition. Either way let your voice be heard and don't let this man who has shown that he is all about peace die while someone like Charles Manson an admitted murderer will live off the state until he dies from old age.

Oh Rosa...

Rosa Parks, the mother of the Civil RIghts movement died this week. "She sat down and the world turned around" said one of her long time friends. Rosa has had praised heaped upon her for years and I'm quite frankly sick of it. Didn't see that one coming did you? Follow me on this little ride my friends.

Rosa refused to get up out of her seat to allow a white man to sit down. She was tired and she didn't feel like getting up so she gave the man and the police officer who showed some attitude. It was nothing different than you see from a lot women especially sisters. Not to mention if they are tired and their feet hurt!! Look don't get me wrong the fact that she did it in the deep south in the 1960s shows that she had balls but let's not blow this thing out of proportion. There were hundreds of others who had refused to give up their seats before Rosa did but all of them didn't get arrested and the ones that did get arrested didn't work at the NAACP.

We all heard Cedric the Entertainer make similar comments in the movie Barbershop and the other barbers and patrons called him on the things that he said. I fully expect a lot of people will have a meltdown after reading this blog but hey it's how I feel and I'm the King. You see I had always heard about Mrs. Parks but never gave her much thought until she sued my favorite rap group OUTKAST because they named one of their songs after her. To me as a person who was "so brave" and wanted everyone to have equal rights to do as they please it was odd to see her suing two young black men for doing something that they felt was honoring her. A few years later when Cedric the Entertainer was selected as host of the NAACP Awards she refused to show up because she was still peeved by his character's comments in the movie. Yeah I know she was old and crabby but this again didn't seem to point to a woman who is now being characterized as the woman who changed a nation.

The thing is Rosa Parks should be remembered for having courage but I think the courage kicked in after she did what she did and had so many eyes on her. She didn't run or back down but continued in the fight. That is most definitely noteworthy but let's not take it to the extreme with honoring her. She was a normal red blooded person just like you and I. She was having a bad day and she made a fuss just like she did with Outkast and Cedric but I'm sure we'll all conveniently forget about those episodes!


I know you're all peeved now but so what! Bring it!

Nobody is Always Right....

I feel like I am a well rounded individual. I love Country music as well as Hip Hop. I am liberal and conservative. I am so fly that the TSA monitors anyone who comes close to me and yet I am such a big nerd that Screech would've picked on me. That's why for the life of me I can't understand how some people can be so blind to think that everything that one group of people decides is always right and always best for everybody else.

I watch these "News" shows and all of the pundits argue to the death over who's right and who's wrong and yet it seems as if they never...ever...agree. Right now Republicans are actually trying to defend Karl Rove and Tom Delay just because they all belong to the same political party. Do they think that regular everyday people like us can't see through that crap? I actually read a blog today that said one of the pros of Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers is simply that she was chosen by George W. Bush and since he's a man of character and integrity she must be a good choice. Does that make sense to anybody? Even if I was a Bush supporter I think I would be a complete idiot to just blindly go along with whatever he says for no other reason than "just because."

My mama ain't always right! I mean sometimes it seems that way but even she gets it wrong sometimes. Besides she would call me a fool for blindly following anybody including her. A lot of these so called experts appear to be smart people who have an agenda to accomplish instead of just telling it like it is. Some people argue that straight shooters will never get elected to any office because people want to have the ears tickled. I agree with that to a certain extent but nobody wants to be lied to just so your party won't look bad in the press. Rove and Delay did something that they had no business doing. Harriet Miers isn't even remotely qualified for the Supreme Court, the war in Iraq was a huge mistake, and Bill Clinton was wrong for allowing Monica to play a song on his meat whistle. I think everybody would respect pundits and those in the govenment a lot more if they came out and just said what everybody who is watching these things are thinking.

And just so my title is absolutely correct I, The King , will say that today is Jan. 1, 2007. Now someone can say that even I have been wrong before. You're welcome.

Random Thought Friday...

Well I'm still not in the mood for blogging but it's sorta therapeutic so I shall press on. Besides the masses have demanded that I return and what kind of King would I be to ignore my Loyal Subjects?! On to that murky mess in my brain that has come to be known as Random Thoughts....

DISCLAIMER: this will most likely be relatively incoherent and may end without a point. You have been warned.

I don't feel there's a question that could be asked that I couldn't respond to with the phrase: "Applesauce, bitch."

"King, what are you doing for lunch?"

Applesauce, bitch.

I only use curse words when I write. Is that odd?

Yesterday Your President GWB used the word "concernation". That's not meant to be funny. In fact it's just plain sad and I am actually "concernated" about him! HA!!

I like it when people fall down.

When I get angry with someone I sometimes tell that person, "I wish you would just fall down and skin your knee."

(I hope someone has the quick wit to review this post and respond with, "After reading your post I hope you skin your knee." To see a response like or similar to this would be a real shocker.)

I caught myself singing along to a Kelly Clarkson song this morning in the car. I laughed at myself and tried to turn the radio when I realized it was a cd. I BOUGHT KELLY FREAKIN CLARKSON'S CD?! Hell just froze over my friends.

My sister just emailed me and said "Hey RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!" I think that's the first compliment I've ever received from her. If you're reading this you're still a JERK maam!!!!

I have decided to write and release the Harry Potter 7 before JK Rowlings does. I am quite sure I will make millions just because people are so gullible and paranoid. I can hear the conversation now... "They say JK didn't write it but I think she did. It's a trick, a ploy even. I'm going to buy it anyway just to find out."

I have decided that if and when I die I want a bunch of Arab women going wild, wailing, pulling their hair and shouting my name to the heavens while their husbands shoot ak-47's into the air. I'm telling you people will be talking about that for years!

I want to get myself an edible hat - that way I can make a lot more outrageous claims.

I've worked out how to piss people off. For some reason when someone says something positive to me, even though I agree, I shake my head. When they say something negative I nod. Anyone know why this pisses people off? Am I psychological genius?

For someone who has a dreadful singing voice, the worse thing in the world is when I'm driving along and the CD in the car skips, throwing what should be silence, but is actually filled with my last non-note fluttering away to awkward silence.

A new guy started here this week and he says his name is Niko Kane. C'mon dude how much did you have to pay to get your name changed?! I always address him as follows...Hello Niko Kane...if that's your reeeaaal name. I think he's afraid of me. HA!

If someone killed my dad with a 9mm gun I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't walk around with a chain on my neck with a gold 9mm charm to remember him by and yet people who believe Jesus died on a cross do essentially the exact same thing.

I think Beyonce tastes like Butterscotch. I totally stole that from Grant's blog!

Niko Kane...if that's his reeeeaaal name....dresses just like Kanye West. I will eventually have to lure him to a bar and beat him like he owes me money and then blame it on the liquor. Poor Niko Kane.

If I ever have a son I will name him Bruce. And if I ever have a daughter I will get her a sex change before she starts school because I think the children will make fun of a girl named Bruce.

In Living Color reruns, Making the Band, The Ultimate Hustler and Run's House. Do I have to say anything else?

Ok I guess I should do some work now. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comments this week. Everybody have a good weekend and remember Monday is only 2 days away!!

Good morning.....

Bedtime Story

The thoughts in my head just ain't right
A simple slit of the wrists..goodnight
Who knew this is how I would come to my end
He's the smart handsome one with the killa grin
But who can understand the pain that's in my chest
Just finish off this bottle and I'm laid to rest
Never reached my peak and potential unrealized
Maybe if I call myself King I can hide the peasant inside
The thrill is gone
Soon the pills will be gone
And I can just lay back and get in a zone
I wish it didn't have to be this way
Ms. Frances should've just had an abortion on the 21st of May
Man I'm so sick of arguing and fighting
As a matter of fact I'm sick of writing...


Goodnight.

But Beyonce Has a Man...

Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships-Independent Women by Destiny's Child

Those are lyrics from a record breaking song by Destiny's Child. A song that my grandmother and probably yours would have cringed at when she heard it. Not because she didn't agree but before the late 60's women just didn't voice this type of opinion. It was a good song and I even kind of danced along to it. Besides everyone knows about my undying love for one Beyonce Giselle Knowles. But I digress. I think the attitudes that get songs like this made have really been a massive disservice to women.

It(the attitude not the song) causes a conflict in women's minds and hearts. Especially young women. With the feminist movement at it's peak in the 70's young girls were taught that they didn't need a man for anything. Women are strong and they can do whatever they want to do. Great. There's only one problem and I'll explain it using Beyonce and her backup singers again. They also had a very big hit by the name of Bills Bills Bills . In the song they ask over and over if a man can pay their bills and if they can't then they need to get lost because the next man will.

The problem here is that no matter how much you try to program little girls to not depend on a man it is a woman's nature to want to be taken care of and to have her man to lean on. Bottom line. I know it sounds sexist coming from a man but sometimes the truth hurts.

There are women all across this nation who leave their husbands and kids in a pursuit of this independent happiness while some single women get sick on their stomach at the thought of being married and giving up their freedom and yet both groups end up in the same space looking for love and wondering where their life has went. A woman who is afraid to give up their independence ultimately ends up realizing when they are in their mid thirties that they still live like they did when they were 18.

For when a woman postpones marriage and motherhood, she does not end up thinking about love less as she gets older but more and more, sometimes to the point of obsession. Why am I still alone? she wonders. Why can’t I find someone? What is wrong with me? Her friends who have married are getting on with their lives – they are putting down payments on cars and homes; babies are arriving. She may not like some of their marriages – she may think her best friend’s husband is a bit of a jerk or that another one of her friends has changed for the worse since her marriage – but nonetheless, she will think that at least their lives are going forward while her gearshift remains stuck in neutral. The more time that passes, the more the gearshift rattles, the more preoccupied the woman becomes with herself and all her possible shortcomings in the eyes of men until she can think about little else.

The pull between the desire to love and be loved and the desire to be free is an old, fierce one. If the error our grandmothers made was to have surrendered too much of themselves for others, this was perhaps better than not being prepared to surrender anything at all. The fear of losing oneself can, in the end, simply become an excuse for not giving any of oneself away. Generations of women may have had no choice but to commit themselves to marriage early and then to feel imprisoned by their lifelong domesticity. So many of our generation have decided to put it off until it is too late, not foreseeing that lifelong independence can be its own kind of prison, too.

The Bar's Closing....

First of all let me apologize for Friday's posting. That was just trash. I am ashamed and appalled that I even had the nerve to post it. Complete waste of time. Anyway I think I'm going to fall back for a second. I just ain't feeling it right now. Maybe I'll show up in a couple of days renewed and rejuvenated. Maybe not. So I'm out although I might still show up on some of your blogs and leave my charming and witty yet sorta "jerkish" comments that you've come to love. And so my friends the bar's closing...where we going to for breakfast?

Random Thought Friday...

Greetings Loyal Subjects. Sorry about not posting anything yesterday but when you're a sexy internet celebrity like me life moves pretty fast and with all the interviews, photo shoots and what not I just didn't have time. (translation: I actually had work to do yesterday. It's rare but it happens.) Ok no long introduction. You know what it is. Enjoy.


If I go to Burger King or any other fast food joint and ask for extra cheese or pickle they charge me for it. So if I say NO PICKLE shouldn't I be charged less? Don't make me start a boycott!



Ok so Beyonce isn't a walking Pantene commercial but she just wants to sing and dance and help bring change to the world! Is that so wrong?!









I love all the 3 Law & Orders but why can't I get just one NY Undercover?












Remember when you dropped everything you were doing to catch The Cosby Show and A Different World? Well we finally have the new version with Making the Band 3 and Run's House on Mtv. I kid you not! "How far did yall think I would go with this? Keep it funky." Loved it.








I heard about this study at Stanford one time that proved that LisaRaye is so fine, people in wheel chairs would rise up for the first time in years and click their heels and even do double dutch if they stared at her ass long enough. The science involved is pretty complicated, so I wont go into it here, but those guys had clip boards and everything, so your foolin yourself if you think you can stand in the way of science. LisaRaye's booty is more powerful than us all, my friend.

Have you seen those new Nike ads with Michael Vick and Serena Williams? When did making stars look dirty and ghetto become the cool way to sell your product?

I saw clips of 50 Cents new movie and he has taken the title from LL Cool J as the person never to go out in public without a hat on.

Ok I have Friday-itis...so I'm cutting this short. Have a great weekend everybody!

Harriet Miers-Cronyism At It's Best

Before I start let me just say that if by some crazy chance I become The President of the United States I will practice cronyism too. So be nice to me and I will make sure you get that cushy job you've always wanted!

Of course I'm only joking...sorta. As much as I would like to appoint all my boys to important positions just to hear them curse out reporters and get busted with interns I can't do that. Not if I want to be viewed as a competent leader. George Bush doesn't seem to care how he is viewed. He's putting his homies in position and he really doesn't care what you or anybody else has to say about it. George Bush is a gangsta. Plain and simple.

Enter Harriet Miers. She's the latest Supreme Court nominee. I don't think most people realize the danger of appointing this particular woman to the Supreme Court. She has been chosen to be on the highest court in the land simply because she's Dubya's homegirl. She has never been a judge in any court, although that's not a constitutional requirement to become a judge. She has never been elected to any position other than City Council. She has never publicly taken a stand on anything. What she is, really, is a lady with a law degree from an undistinguished law school, who has never battled for anything important outside of her local Texas home.

Don't get me wrong, she might be the nicest lady in the world.There is no question Ms. Miers is bright. There is a question, however, as to whether she is smart enough and influential enough to bring argument to the court, that is, fine enough to help settle the major issues of our time.

I do not believe the president of the United States when he says that he does not question Ms. Miers or her thoughts about abortion, single-sex marriage, the Voting Rights Act, the right to vote, states’ rights, the doctrine of separate but equal, the death penalty, and on and on and on. Do you think the good ol boy network won't try to do everything possible to overturn any ruling that has helped blacks and other minorities.?!

Don't trust this woman. She's smart enough to know she doesn't deserve this job which means she's going to do any and everything possible to help her homie GWB out if she gets the job.

The really sad part about all of this is the fact that The Supreme Court is a lifetime position. Once she's in there that's it and there's really not a lot we can do to stop it.

So I guess it's like Tupac said :
Recollect your thoughts don't get caught up in the mix
Cause the media is full of dirty tricks
Only God can JUDGE me.

Black Stacey

I first heard Saul Williams perform Black Stacey on a MTV2 commercial. They only played a piece of it but I was absolutely mesmerized. It was like he had found one of my notebooks from the 7th grade and was letting the world into my inner thoughts. He spit this rhyme/poem so passionately that you could hear the frustration and feel his pain. You could feel my pain. A few weeks ago I did a post about the differences in being a dark skinned black person as opposed to being a light skinned black person in America and since it was so popular I thought I'd share this rhyme/poem by Saul Williams with you guys. I hope you will enjoy it.


BLACK STACEY
I used to hump my pillow at night.
The type of silent prayer to help myself prepare for the light.
Me and my cousin Duce would rank the girls between one and ten
and the highest number got to be my pillows pretend.
Now I apologize to every high ranker.
But you taught me how to dream and so I also thank you.
I never had the courage to approach you at school.
We joked around a lot and I know you thought I dressed cool.
But I was just covering up all the insecurities that came bubbling up.
My complexion had
me stuck in an emotional rut, 'like the time you Flavor Flaved me and you called me
"Yo Chuck, they say
you're too black, man".
I think I'm too black.
Mom, do you think I'm too black? I think I'm too black.

Black Stacey.
They called me Black Stacey.
I never got to be myself 'cause to
myself I always was Black Stacey, in polka dots
and paisley, a double goose
and bally shoes, you thought it wouldn't phase me.
I was Black Stacey.
the preachers' son from Haiti
who rhymed a lot and always got the dance steps at the party.
I was Black Stacey.
you thought it wouldn't phase me, but it did 'cause I was just a kid.

I used to use bleaching creme, 'til Madame CJ Walker walked into my dreams.
I dreamt of being white and
complimented by you, but the only shiny black thing that you liked was my shoes.
Now, I apologize for bottling up
all the little things you said that warped my head and my gut.
Even though I always told you
not to brag about the fact that your great grandmother
was raped by her slave master.
Yeah, I became militant too.
So it was clear on every level I was blacker than you.
I turned you on to Malcolm X
and Assata Shakur in my three quarter elephant goose with the fur.
I had the high top fade
with the steps on the side.
I had the two finger ring, rag top on the ride.
I had the sheep skin, namebelt,
Lee suit, Kangol, acid wash Vasco, chicken and waffle.

Black Stacey.
They called me Black Stacey.
I never got to be myself 'cause to myself I always was Black Stacey, in polka dots
and paisley, a double goose and bally shoes, you thought it wouldn't phase me.
I was Black Stacey.
the preachers' son from Haiti
who rhymed a lot and always got the dance steps at the party.
I was Black Stacey. You thought it wouldn't phase me, but it did 'cause I was just a kid.
Now here's a little message for you.
All you baller playa's got some insecurities too,
that you could cover up, bling it up, cash in and ching ching it up,
hope no one will bring it up, lock it down and string it up.
Or you can share your essence with us,
'cause everything about you couldn't be rugged and ruff.
And even though you tote a glock
and you're hot on the streets, if you dare to share your heart,
we'll nod our heart to its beat.
And you should do that, if nothing else,
to prove that a player like you could keep it honest and true.
Don't mean to call your bluff but mothafucka that's what I do.
You got platinum chain then, son, I'm probably talking to you.
And you can call your gang, your posse and the rest of your crew.
And while you're at it get them addicts and the indigent too.
I plan to have a whole army by the time that I'm through
to load their guns with songs they haven't sung.

Random Thought Friday...

Hey, it's me! Remember, the guy that used to post something everyday! Yeah I've been chilling! So what! Ok well I'm back and to all My Loyal Subjects HAPPY FRIDAY! I hope everybody has a great weekend! Ok so now it's that special time of the week when you are privy to the nonsense that pops into my head from time to time known to MLS as Random Thoughts. So without further ado...

I do not care about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. At all. I can not emphasize this enough.

The NBA is getting started up and Phil Jackson says that with a little coaching Kobe could be better than Michael Jordan. I will now go chew glass.

More on David from "Real World: New Orleans". The dude is just weird(second entry down). I'm not even kidding. I think he needs his own show.

Why are there so many award shows? There used to be like 3 and they were big events but now there's one every other day. "Are We There Yet" has been nominated for Oustanding Motion Picture for the 2005 Black Movie Awards. Seriously, I think the whole show is an elaborate prank by Ashton Kutcher.

After looking at Jermaine Jackson for about 2 seconds don't you start to understand why Michael chopped his face up?!

Is it worse that Usher wants to be Michael Jackson so bad or that Mario wants to be Usher?

Countess Vaughn and Tempestt Bledsoe are both on the new Celeberity Fit Club! Thank you VH1....thank you from the bottom of my heart.

How amazing is it that we always get terror alerts when Bush's approval rating is in the toilet? We're not falling for the banana in the tailpipe Dubya!!!

If you don't know where "we're not falling for the banana in the tailpipe" came from please leave my page.

50 Cent looks like a gorilla to me. There I said it.

I am blogging royalty.

I know he's locked up but if they let the unabomber out for a half hour in a post office and gave him Tya Banks' address I think we should all just look the other way.

For all of you who ran out and got the new Lil Kim album because the source gave it 5 mics...jokes on you. She SHOULD be locked up for making that garbage.

Why are they putting out Halloween candy and costumes already? Calm down. Geez.

I think all My Loyal Subjects should chip in and buy me a PS3 or an Xbox360. Either one is fine by me I'm not choosy. Thanks in advance.

I've been watching Keiysha Cole on 106 and Park and she always looks confused. Not only that but she's looks 10 times more ghetto than Mary J. Blige did back in '94. Also i think she might smell like cheese. Don't ask.


Hey Kids here's your "Gangsta" rapper THE GAME getting played by his girl on national TV. Don't believe what these rappers are talking about!!! They are all just actors!!!

Alright so there you have it. I hope I have brought a little happiness to your lives because that's what a KING should do for his Loyal Subjects. Oh and I promise I'll be back on the ball next week! So little nonsense, so much time. Wait. Reverse that....

Ddot's Hip Hop Summit Part 1...

Welcome everyone to the first of many hip hop summit's hosted by Ddot the KING. We will discuss the current state of Hip Hop, it's influence on politics, the community, and pop culture. We have a multitude of Hip Hop stars that have agreed to meet here today to discuss all these things and more.

Russell Simmons: I'd like to thank Ddot for hosting this Summitt. He is a true leader and visionary.
Ddot: Thanks Russell. You know wearing your hat to the side isn't cool anymore....right?
Diddy: Leave Russell alone! He's my hero and he can do whatever he wants!
Ddot: Calm down Sean. By the way it looks like you forgot your Proactive treatment today. Go moisturize your situation or something! Anyway that's not what we're here for. Let me ask the panel a question. With all the influence that you guys have why do so many of you continue to promote violence and drugs?
50 Cent: I don't feel as if we are promoting violence. I just let you know what's going on in my hood.
Tony Yayo: I agree with 50
Lloyd Banks: Ditto
Young Buck: What 50 said.
Ddot: You live in a 8 million dollar house in rural Connecticut. I don't think there's a lot of shooting out there unless you're doing it.
Ja Rule: That's right! You tell'em Ddot! 50 is a fake, a phony!
Ddot: Security! Please escort Mr. Rule to the nearest exit.
Jay-Z: Who was that little guy anyway?
Young Jeezy: That's that dude...ummm...remember he used to be Ja Rule.
Common: I thought that guy was dead.
Suge Knight: I DIDN'T DO IT!!!
Ddot: I think all of you guys are punks! Yall are all scared!
after a brief commotion and several guns being pulled out the discussion continued...
Ddot: Ok ok put your guns down and let me explain! Let's take Memphis Bleek and Tony Yayo for example. You guys are nothing more than hype men. Nobody cares about what you have to say!
Bleek: Jay tell him that's not true.
Jay-Z: Who are you?
Bleek: I'm your protege', Memphis Bleek!
Jay-Z: Nice to meet you sir.
Ddot: And those of you that people do care about all of you rap about the same thing! All your hood stories don't do a thing but glorify the things that are bad in the community. Do you know how refreshing it would be to have Kanye's message coming out the mouth of a so called gangsta rapper?
Snoop: First of all the media is who started calling us gangstas. Personally, I call myself a pimp.

Ddot: Your last album was called Rythym& Gangsta Snoop. Did you forget that?
Snoop: Well you know what weed does to your short term memory!
Ddot: That's exactly what I mean! How many kids start smoking weed because they think it'll make them a pimped out gangsta like Snoop?!
Ddot: Put your pen and paper down! It's a rhetorical question!
Mike Jones: Hello everybody. My name is Mike Jones and I don't know what rhetorical means.
Ddot: Un-freaking-believable.
Russell Simmons: Do you have anything else to say Michael?
Mike Jones: Who's Michael?
Russell Simmons: You!
Mike Jones: Who?!
Russell Simmons: You!
Ddot: Wow. This must be what a Mike Jones concert is like.
Ddot: Back in the day the hardcore rappers were actually the one's who spoke out on social injustice.
Mike Jones: Social what?
Ddot: Security! Get this fool out of here before I hurt him. And take that dang name tag off, we know what your name is!!! And while you're at it grab that Ying Yang Twin that keeps making that ridiculous noise!
Ddot: You guys are letting the record companies punk you into being these crazy drug dealing fools who make songs about your experiences. The problem is most of you are writing about somebody else's life story. You give us the bad and the ugly but where is the good? Why are Mos Def, Common, Talib Kweli, and Kanye the only ones called "conscious rappers". You should all be conscious of what's going on around you. Somebody has to fill the void left by Public Enemy and others. We can still party to a song that has substance!
DMX: Substance?! Did somebody say substance? It ain't mine! I don't do crack!
Jadakiss: So you feel as if though we are all the same?
Ddot: Put it this way. Do you remember that video where all the half naked women were dancing and everyone was drinking champagne?
Jadakiss: You mean my "Knock Yourself Out" video.
Jay-Z: No he means the "Big Pimpin" video.
50 Cent: No, No he's talking about the "P.I.M.P" video.
Ddot: See what I mean? Where's the creativity? You all do the same thing!
Trina: Yep but the ladies are holding it down!
Ddot: Riiiight! Like you, Lil Kim, and Foxy aren't all interchangeable! All I know about any of you is that you'll give anybody head for the right amount of money,clothes, etc. etc. Great message for all the young girls out there.
Foxy Brown: Thanks
Ddot: I was being facetious, you dimwit.
Ddot: Birdman since you lost your home and all your cars does this mean you won't be dropping an album anytime soon since that is all you talked about in your rhymes.
Birdman: Yes sir. That is exactly what that means.
Ddot: Now that's a d*mn shame.With the plight of the people of New Orleans coming into the national eye shouldn't you, Master P and all of your artists take some of the blame for never making songs or talking about what was going on down there? Do you realize the impact a song by a Cash Money artist or No Limit artist could have had if they had talked about something other than their "bling bling"?
Master P: UUUUHHHHHH!
Ddot: What?!
Master P: Sorry. I just didn't expect that question. I thought we could just blame everything on George Bush and keep it moving.
Birdman: Exactly.
Juvenile: I agree with P.
Ddot: You bunch of bumbling fools. You are supposed to report what's going on and what's going wrong! We should have heard a mixtape or something about those freaking bootleg levees years ago!
Lil Wayne: My last album Tha Carter spoke on what goes on in the hood.
Ddot: No it didn't. I bought that album sir and I heard nothing about the fact that over half the city residents don't own cars. I heard about all 15 of your cars but not once did you mention their plight.
Lil Wayne: Well I just did what Birdman told me to do.
Ddot: Shaddup! You've resorted to passing the buck?! You jerks are just as bad as politicians! Hip hop has power to do more than sell cds and t-shirts. It's time for a movement. We have the benefit of standing on what the civil rights movement built for us. And because hip hop is such an economical force it gives us unprecedented power.
Chingy: Wow hey I never looked at it hat way. I think you're absolutely right.
Ddot: No offense Chingy, but please don't agree with me. It waters down my whole argument.
Diddy: You're on to something man. We can do some really big things and we don't have to stop. As a matter of fact I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won't stop! Big shout out to Biggie!
Ddot: Biggie is dead. Move on.
Kanye: I think you are right Ddot but you are kind of arrogant. Don't you think that puts people off?
Ddot: Well ain't this the pot calling the kettle black.
LL Cool J: I've been around...
Ddot: Hold up LL. I will not listen to another word until you put a shirt on and Trina get your tongue out of his belly button!
LL Cool J: Well I've been around for a minute and I've seen hip hop go from the street corner to the boardrooms. I think it's time that we take the next step and work for positive change in the community.
Ddot: Thanks LL and just for those keeping count he licked his lips 57 times in the last 30 seconds.
Russell Simmons: Well this is the end of day one and we hope we will see all of you back here tommorrow to continue the discussion.
Ddot: I want to thank you all for your participation and for being so mature and...Suge give Nelly his wallet back!!!

The Devil You Know...

My mom always said "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." In the case of William Bennett and his comments last week he falls into the "devil we know" category.

When I first heard about what Bennett said I was outraged. I'm still peeved but I've had time to think about it a little more and I think it's better to know what a racist like Bennett is thinking as opposed to a lot of people in Washington pretending to not be racists while secretly thinking the same thing Bennett thinks. Trust me he speaks for a lot of people! But he took his hood off and for that he gets a little bit of respect from me.

On Friday I wanted to hunt this guy down and make him explain what he meant. Fully expecting that, I THE KING, could make him back pedal a little but later that day I heard how he defended what he said and felt that he was owed an apology and that's when it hit me. The better part of wisdom is to know when to stop asking questions. Wisdom is not only a fullness of knowledge but a paucity of foolishness. Lines must be drawn if one is to respect one's own self. You can't engage everyone or consider the validity of everything. No reliable decisiveness comes from endless curiousity, no strength can be maintained without decisivenss. A little bit of everything adds up to a whole lot of nothing.

So I let it ride. I already know what this guy meant. We all do. There's no use going back and forth with it because it's not going to change anything. I actually could deal with this clown more than someone like YOUR President because at least he can openly admit the he doesn't care about black people.

As I brought out in a previous post New Orleans has one of the the lowest High School graduation rates in the country, if not the lowest. Did you know that William Bennett used to be the Secretary of Education? So when all those black people were dying in New Orleans do you really think that George Bush and William Bennett had different thoughts on those people? No.
"We'll get to those uneducated, poor, drug abusers when we can." Oh yeah Bennett used to be the Drug Czar as well.

Bill Bennett is a racist piece of crap. We know it now and we're better off knowing it. Heck G.I. Joe said knowing is half the battle. So thank you Mr. Bennett for letting us peep your hole card. Ok now let's move on. Don't waste your valuable time being mad at this idiot. You and I have a lot more important things to do with our time.

Random Thought Friday

Why must women point out female entertainer's "faults"? I don't care if Beyonce has tracks in her head! Her booty is real! I know...I know..I have stooped to an all time low.






They are casting for a movie that Tupac wrote and need a "Tupac" type. Should the KING audition?

Don't you think an Hillary/Oprah ticket wins in a landslide in 2008?

Can someone get me a bootleg of Making the Band 3? Yes I am that excited and yes I know that it's sad.

Note #1 to self: When going to make a sandwich, look at bread before eating.
Note #2 to self: If bread tastes a little different than usual, do not assume it's just because you're trying a new type of bread.
Note #3 to self: If trying a new type of bread (i.e. Pepperidge Farm Honey Oat), and it tastes a little more like mold than honey and oats, do not assume that the bakers of Pepperidge Farm can't tell the difference between honey, oats, and mold or intended for the bread to taste like mold, but named it Honey Oat to be deceptive.
Note #4 to self: If bread tastes a little funny, do not eat three or four slices before deciding to take a look to see if anything is out of the ordinary.

Adam from The Real World:Paris is hands down the biggest loser in Real World history.


Ok so that gets me to thinking. Who would be my All Star cast for one Real World Season. Here goes. editor's note: There will be more than 7 roomates simply because this is an All Star cast and we need as much nonsense as possible.

David from New Orleans just because I can't get enough of that ridiculous song he sings. SKEE-BOO-BOP-DOOLY! It absolutely never gets old. Put him in the house with Adam from Paris and his wack raps and you have the birth of something beautifully ugly.

Irene from Seattle is in the house simply because she's crazy. Put her in the house with Stephen and the hijinx will ensue. Trust me.


Julie from N.O. is here because unlike Irene she's not just crazy, she's a creepy type of crazy. I'd definitely want my cast to be in fear for their lives. It just makes for better TV!

We now need the single most hated person in RW history. Beth, you don't have to try so hard sweetie. Just be yourself and people will hate you just the same!



Next up is a member from the original cast. We need Heather B. just to threaten to beat down everybody in the house. Can't you see her choking Julie with one hand while slapping Adam with the other?! Ahhh yes...good times.


And last but certainly not least are two housemates brought in to just laugh at the other ridiculous things going on. Jaqcuese who has to be the funniest roomate ever, although his outfits were definitely a perfect 10 on the unintentional comedy scale! And the hilarious Melissa who will hopefully get drunk and dance in her panties just for old times sake.

And there you have it folks, the greatest Real World cast ever. Now what does this prove? The "frat guy type", and the "pretty blonde/brunette type" aren't really needed for this show to work. Also Coral is nowhere to be seen and that is always a good thing. Anyway that's my cast, what's yours?

Doesn't she HAVE to be Jay-Z's daughter?

Speaking of Jay-Z, since Biggie was his best friend and Big Daddy Kane gave him his first job rapping why wasn't he at the VH1 Honors Hip Hop show? By the way Kane's performance was the best I've seen from a hip hop act in years. Kanye West looked really silly doing his little "thorw your body backwards" dance after seeing Big Daddy get busy! LONG LIVE THE KANE!!

Ok folks I'm out. *doing my best Smokey from Friday imitation* It's friday, I have a job and I ain't got nothing to do!!! I think I'll take an extended lunch today! Woohoo! Anyway hit me up with your random thoughts because I know you are just as looney as me!

LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!!!

Mike Brown has Increminating Pictures of George Bush

He has to have something right? Ok it might not be Dubya but he's got dirt on somebody for sure! Your boy Mike Brown has been REHIRED as a consultant to FEMA. He was apparently rehired under the "Blind leading the Blind" policy of the Bush Administration.

I wish I were making this up.

Brown is continuing to work at the Federal Emergency Management Agency at full pay, his resignation not taking effect for at least another two weeks. During that time, Brown will according to a statement from The Homeland Security office " advise the department on "some of his views on his experience with Katrina," as he transitions out of his job." Which seems to indicate that Brown is merely continuing to do whatever the hell it is he did before the hurricane until he can roll out with his severance package and proceed to vacation for the next few months.

The reason he will remain at FEMA about a month after his resignation, said the spokesman, is that the agency wants to get the "proper download of his experience."

Note to FEMA: The download is corrupt. Force quit. NOW.

Don't get me wrong I can't hate on Mike Brown. I actually kind of admire him. Because just like Mike Brown I don't do much on my job either. So when it comes to getting over on your boss I can only say one thing: Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job.

But seriously folks, your boy GWB has about 3 years and 4 months before we are through with him. Can you imagine the incompetent nonsense that is going to happen in that time? What I don't get is why nobody is stepping up and calling this whole administration out? I think we should start a petition to force the Bush twins into the military and dropped them out of a plane into downtown Baghdad. Do you think Dubya would pull all the troops out then? I think Mike Brown should be forced to finish out his transition period volunteering in the New Orleans cleanup and being made to sleep on a cot at night so that maybe he can see what those people are going through because of his incompetence. Unfortunately I can not type in this space the things I would like to have done to GWB because I am quite sure that I could be arrested but I think you get the point.

There are no words for this level of cronyism and ineptitude. 3.5 more years? I need a drink.

My Thoughts on Religion...

Religion is a touchy subject. Most people feel strongly about their faith and can get very upset if that faith is questioned. I am sure that in my attempt to give my views on religion I will upset a lot of my readers. I do believe though that sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Why do you believe what you believe? Do most religious leaders practice what they preach?

Most people get their faith from their parents and other family members. Those are the people we trust and especially as children we believe whatever they tell us. But is that reason enough to continue to believe things that in some cases just don't make sense. When you were younger your parents told you there was a Santa Claus but as you got older and more mature you realized that the dude doesn't exist. Of course my discussion will be based on Christianity. I know less about Islam and other religions so I will not try to act like I am all knowing. All of my thoughts are based on years of studying the Bible and reasoning on the scriptures. Let's get started.

All "good" people do not go to Heaven. I know that may come as a shock to a lot of you but it's true. Don't take my word for it though, look it up. Nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that this is going to happen. God created the Earth for Man to live on and he didn't change his mind. Bottom line. Think about it, if someone told you that you and your family and friends could live forever on the Earth and never get sick and die or die and go to "heaven" and float around or whatever people plan on doing when they get there, which would you choose? I am sure that 99.9% of the time people would choose Earth because this is what we know and this is where we are meant to be. Make sense? I thought so.

The religious leaders are the ones that bear the most responsiblity for the misinformation that's floating around. The Bible says that God's true people would have nothing to do with politics and yet Rev. Jesse, Rev. Sharpton, The Pope, Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell, and a lot of others can't seem to pull themselves away from the cameras to tell anyone who'll listen to go vote or even run for office themselves. Roberts even insinuated that another country's leader should be assasinated a few weeks ago. Amazing. Don't pay attention to any of these clowns. They are all money hungry hypocrites. Read, study and search for what the truth is and when you find it you will know.

Because of these religious leadrs a lot of people claim to not even believe in God. A lot of people have started to believe that going to a particular place and worshiping God is not necessary. They believe that as long as you are a good person and have a personal realtionship with God then you're ok. This is what happens when people start relying on their own reasoning. In fact that line of reasoning doesn't even make sense to me.

Ok I guess I'll get off my soapbox now. The point is that we are all imperfect and we all make mistakes. But when it comes to your spirituality we must take it seriously. God doesn't accept just any kind of worship. He gives very specific instructions and it is our job to search and find those instructions as well as others who worship the same way, live by those instructions and then and only then will you become acceptable.


Dedicated to GeorgiaPeach.

What Women Want...Part 1

"Don't ever try to understan a woman son." I think those were my dad's first words to me. Not "work hard" or "your word is your bond" or any of the other things that he did get around to telling me. So why was this so high up on his list? Because as most men will tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE to understand women. But as most of you guys know I am just arrogant enough to believe that I can be the first man to accomplish this once unreachable goal.

This whole thing can be tricky. "What do women want" is actually a trick question because 99.9% of the time they are just as confused about what they want as you are. The thing about women is they can mask their confusion better than most men. Tricking us into believing that they are in complete control when in reality they are just as lost as Mary Ann and Ginger.

Women WANT to be led. They crave a leader simply because that's how they were created. The most intelligent and accomplished woman still wants a man in her life to tell her what to do and help guide her in life. We've all heard 'Why do good girls like bad guys' question. There have been songs and shows focuse solely on this question. Well the answer is most "bad boys" are perceived to leaders. They do what they want and say what they want and women can't get enough of them.

So what about gay women, you say? Good question. In most cases that I have observed there is a clear case of one of the women acting more masculine than the other. In a lot of the cases I see in and around D.C. the masculine female dresses and acts just like a dude. So in those cases the other female still gets what she wants in terms of a domineering partner. This is off subject but if you want a female that wears big clothes, a doo rag and watches sports then why not just date a guy? Is a woman's licky licky that much better than a man? Beats me but let's press on shall we?

I have a friend and for the sake of the story we will call him T. T is the nicest guy in the world, a complete gentleman. Women love to be around him because they feel they can talk to him about anything. If they need something he's there in an instant. The problem for my man T is that while he's doing all these things he's hoping that one day these girls are going to...ahem..."want him". It pains me to see him do these thing because it just ain't gonna happen. Women don't want a guy who never argues with them and can always be found. They want to worry about where he's at and if he might be with another chick. They want to be ignored on occasion. I know it sounds crazy and a lot of women might disagree but deep down they know it's true. Nice guys are boring.

So for part 1 of your lesson fellas just be a total and complete jerk sometime. If you are just naturally a nice guy this might be hard but you've got to do it for the sake of your relationship. Because she's going to end up with some dude who hasn't had a job in 2 years, lives with his mama, and who still believes he's going to the NBA, NFL, or be the next great rapper. You'll be totally confused by this and sure she'll complain about him to anybody who'll listen. She might even call you because "you're such a good listener" but she's not going anywhere because that's what women want.