The Potion

Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.-Angelique Arnauld

Stop the presses. I'm back. It's THE KING, suckers! Constant elevation causes expansion. So I got a new spot. It's brighter and more reader friendly and yes no more ads. Who says that MY KINGDOM couldn't get any better? You other blogs are in serious trouble. I got the game in a chokehold, and I ain't letting go until yall tap out.

I noticed your little blog and I see your awards but your stories are starting to look very familiar. But it's ok you can bite my style. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Besides to me, sh*t is a lay-up and you'll never block my shots, blood clots. I'm coming for the number one spot.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want beef because, unlike most rappers, I don't have bodyguards, a security detail, friends who just came home from jail on my payroll, and my left hook is a little rusty. But I digress...

I am THE KING. It's as simple as that. It's going to be a great week. I've got a religon piece coming that's going to make you love me and hate me more than anybody in the game. I've got some 'kick Bush while he's down' sh*t coming that's going to piss you off and make you laugh all at the same time. Of course the Random Thoughts will be coming to keep all the loyal fans happy and so much more. So as you can see I can't leave bogging alone, the game needs me!

This is chess, not checkers!

Drive Slow,

Ddot The KING

Well HAPPY FRIDAY everybody. I know that I promised a "religious" piece but it's Friday and I thought we'd have some fun and so without further ado....RANDOM THOUGHTS! It's a SPECIAL EDITION with Pictures. Enjoy.


Why can't Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown be nominated for the Supreme Court? I think most Americans would be ok with that!

After catching a glimpse of Tyra Banks' new talk show I am quite sure that God does not want her to live.

Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo. Yes this is his real name. Amazing.

If at first you don't succeed, faliure may be your style.

Always borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect to get it back anyway




Jermaine Dupri has made a lot of money. Instead of buying another Bentley why won't he get his teeth fixed?








If Sanaa Lathan hit my mother with a car and then asked me to have sex I would be calling 911 in the nude.






For the people who don't like my blog I give you a quote from quite possibly the funniest movie ever Napoleon Dynamite: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. HI-FREAKIN-LARIOUS!!!

Speaking of Napoleon Dynamite whenever I go watch my nephew play in his Junior Varsity football games why do I feel like Uncle Kip?! "Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state." Anybody wanna help me finance the building of a time machine?!

If you guys vote for my blog in the weblog awards I promise it will be summer all year around!

Whatever happened to that guy Ja Rule and how long is it before we are going to be able to say the same thing about 50 Cent?



Were Julia Stiles and Erika Christensen seperated at birth?






Why have all the winners(including Clay Aiken) from American Idol been from the South?

What's the hold up on Michael Jackson's song for the Katrina victims? Is he going to do a remix for the Rita victims now?

R. Kelly's wife says he's been beating her but after she saw him pee on a 14 year old girl and didn't leave him don't you think SOMEBODY should've whooped her a*s!












Picture of the Year.










When you heard the Suge Knight got shot weren't you kind of happy?

Here's a tip for all my female readers: Never give a guy your number if he doesn't wear a watch. Think about it.

Isn't a amazing that the Old Lady that Lived in a Shoe kept Social Services off her back?!

Best Villain of all time: Dath Vader? Nope. The Terminator? Please! Winner: Albert from The Color Purple "GET OFF MY LAND!!!"

I think all women take a class at a very early age and the first line you are taught to say to a guy is : "I'll probably try something like that when I get married."

Doesn't this new movie THE GOSPEL starring Boris Kodjoe look exactly the same as the movie Beyonce did last year?

How long can Nick Cannon keep up his cheap imitation of Will Smith?

As lame as A.J. and Free were I kind of miss them.










Ok I'm busted. Who cares about A.J. and his reptile looking a*s!











In my never ending need to create a reality show I have came up with another brilliant idea. Clarence Thomas and Condoleeza Rice are followed by cameras as they date, eventually get married, and in the season finale there would be a cliffhanger as Condi gives birth. Will the baby be white or black? Tune in next season.



Were Jay-Z and Joe Camel seperated at birth?







Big shout out to my little cousin Marniquis who ships out to Iraq tomorrow! Get home safely!


Have a great day everybody and who knows maybe I'll post something over the weekend for all those who need a Ddot fix!!

War! What is it Good for....

Absolutely nothing! Say it again! Well although that song is catchy it’s not exactly true. War is good for business no matter how you look at it! Recently while watching the news I started thinking about how the guys that we seem to be looking for in Iraq can’t be found and it upset me.

In more the more than two years since the US initialized the hostilities against Iraq, there has never been a positive identification of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

Never.

At present, much of the rationale for maintaining the occupation depends on this elusive and, perhaps, illusory figure. It’s odd how Al-Zarqawi appears at the precise coordinates of America’s bombing raids, and then miraculously vanishes unscathed from the scene of the wreckage. This would be a remarkable feat for anyone, but especially for someone who only has one leg.

This is a quote from a member of the Iraqi national assembly : “It seems that the American forces are trying to escalate the situation in order to make the Iraqi people suffer…. There is a huge campaign for the agents of the foreign occupation to enter and plant hatred between the sons of the Iraqi people, and spread rumors in order to scare the one from the other. The occupiers are trying to start religious incitement and if it does not happen, then they will try to start an internal Shiite incitement.”

Translation: George Bush is making this Sh*t up for his own political and financial purposes! That’s right a lot of Iraqis believe that Americans and Britons are doing a lot of the bombings. Some Britons were even arrested by Iraqi Police for planting car bombs a few weeks ago. Don’t worry you won’t see nor hear anything about that over at CNN.

Last week the Imam of Baghdad’s al-Kazimeya mosque, Jawad al-Kalesi said, that “al-Zarqawi is dead but Washington continues to use him as a bogeyman to justify a prolonged military occupation…. He’s simply an invention by the occupiers to divide the people.” Al-Kalesi added that al-Zarqawi was killed in the beginning of the war in the Kurdish north and that “His family in Jordan even held a ceremony after his death.”

Why have I not heard this? Ok maybe it’s not true. A lot of people fake their own deaths. Tupac did- and do not try to convince me otherwise! But shouldn’t that have at the very least been reported? But whether it’s true or not a lot of Iraqis believe it and according to reports by The Center for Strategic and International Studies the invasion of Iraq has added thousands of “fresh recruits to Osama bin Laden’s network”; a fact that is no longer in dispute among those who have studied the data on the topic.

Let’s just break this completely down. We are spending billions….yes BILLIONS with a “B” in Iraq and we can’t find one dude? C’mon. Let’s just take Osama out of the equation since he supposedly has money and caves underground. But they have characterized al-Zarqawi as nothing more than a thug.
The al-Zarqawi phantasm is a particularly weak link in the Pentagon’s reports. The facts neither support the allegations of his participation nor prove that foreigners are a major contributor to the ongoing violence. Instead, the information points to a Defense establishment that cannot be trusted in anything it says and that may be directly involved in the terrorist bombings that have killed countless thousands of Iraqi civilians.
Regrettably, that is a prospect that can’t be ignored. After all, no one else, especially not al Zarqawi benefits from the slaughter.
I’ll be keeping an eye out to see if any of the things reported in other places are ever verified or followed up on but in the mean time why aren’t there Anti-War rallies like every weekend?! People complain about this war everyday and then do nothing about it. If you don’t agree with Lil Georgie then email somebody, write a letter, tie yourself to a tree or something!

And even with that being said I realize that no matter who the President is and no matter who is in Congress we will always have MAJOR problems. There will always be wars because man has the inability to rule himself. We weren’t created to rule ourselves and therefore we will always have problems. What? Yall didn’t think THE KING had a religious side to him? Please. As a matter of fact I think we’ll delve into some religious topics tomorrow!!! That should really get some stuff going up in this piece! Until then my people….

A Month Later...

Hello all my Loyal Subjects! So it's been a month since I started this nonsense that they call blogging and I guess I've been doing pretty good. I have a few "regulars" and people seem to really enjoy the blogs. I have completely stopped going to other blogs and just leaving random messages to get people to come to mine. If I leave a message on your blog it's because I liked it and no other reason. I have also stopped asking you guys to click on the ads and I still won't. Just know that, if you don't click on the ads, I'm going to pull a Ricky Williams and end up traveling around Australia in some 24-hour-a-day marijuana fog with a Grizzly Adams beard, stinky clothes and like $3 in my pocket. Not only would that be terrible, not only would my blog disappear, not only would my family suffer as a result, ... but it would be all your fault. So click on an ad! Anyway Here are some reviews I've gotten so far:

"I loved it! I'm very proud of you!"-- My dad

"This is the best blog ever written!"-- My mom

"I visit your blog ten times a day!"-- My Aunt

"Great [expletive] blog man, its gonna be huge!"-- My buddy Arson

"You're the best writer ever!"-- My 3 year old nephew Michael

As you can see, the early feedback has been tremendous.

So with that said and seeing how yesterday was such a bummer for everybody and I have a serious case of writer's block I'd love to know what you guys have liked and what you've hated in the past month.

What Floats The King's Boat

I was over at Jackie's spot and she had a bunch of men posted that she digs. Then I went over to Mwabi's site and I see the same thing. Well I'm sure all the ladies and the gay guys liked that. What about me and Grant and Rell?! I'm here to bring balance to the force. Here's a few pictures of some ladies that really do it for The King. For all you who want to be The Queen you should study these chicks well and try to incorporate as many of their qualities as possible.

THE REDS - I love the yellow chicks and they love me



Beyonce Giselle Knowles


The Future Queen
















Halle Berry



I'm sure she's crazy as she can't keep a man but she's still F-I-N-E!!















Alicia Keys


The ultimate Red chick. Great smile and talented!















Mya



Red and freaky. My dream girl
















Melyssa Ford! Check out those thighs. I'm sure she has a great personality but who cares!











The Cocoa Crew



Sanaa Lathan


I'd be introducing her to moms on the first date.












Nia Long




She gives me butterflies in my stomach.












Stacey Dash


A little slutty but look at that face!









Salli Richardson

She could be in the Red list too I guess but she's in between depending on the picture. Anyway she's awesome










Lauryn Hill

She wears wigs or something now but she's a beautiful Nubian Queen.






The Snow Bunnies- Ahh white women. The black man's kryptonite!






Heidi Klum

One of the best smiles ever, she married a black guy, and she's a super model. Any questions?














Alyssa Milano. I've had a crush on her since Who's the Boss.














Jessica Alba is cute and sexy. Hey Jessica how about you, me, and a tub of baked beans?!
















Scarlet Johanssen

Absolutely great face! Beautiful!










The Butter Faces - Everything about these chicks are awesome...but her face.




Buffie's body is unbelievable. Work on the grill sweetie.






















Ki Toy from the Outkast video. Awesome body. Face? Not so much.



















Trina. You've seen Trina's face and her butt. I shouldn't have to explain.










I feel so dirty after doing this! Anyway I'm sure you'll all tell me who I should've had on the list and ask why I had others on it. You must realize that I don't care. Have a great day and stay tuned for a real post!

That Day....

DNA sucks. Now don't get me wrong I watch CSI so I know how beneficial DNA is in solving crimes. I'm also well aware that through DNA testing a lot of men on Death Row have been cleared of any wrong doing. So you see I think that for the most part being able to use DNA is the great thing. It just hasn't been all that great to me.

Ok before I lose all of yall let me explain. On July 9, 1997 my daughter was born. It was absolutely the happiest day of my life. I named her Jordan Alexis and I would love to tell you guys that it had something to do with the Jordan river but it was simply because I am quite possibly the biggest Michael Jordan fan on the face of the Earth. Anyway so there I was in the hospital holding my little bundle of joy. Nobody but the Doc had laid their hands on her before me. The absolute best feeling I've ever felt.

Well after the naming of my babygirl was official there was a little bit of drama. My daughter's grandparents(my baby's mama's mama) were upset because the young Princess had THE KING's last name! I was in such a state of happiness that a lot of the things going on just went over my head. Thinking about them now I should've caught on but I digress. I heard the new granparents scolding my girl saying and I quote "Why would you give her HIS last name? What if he decides he doesn't want to take care of her later on?! Then it's going to be an issue and she's going to be stuck with THAT last name!" HUH? Why wouldn't I want to take care of her? I'm not one of those type dudes! I handle mine! of course I didn't say any of that to them I just walked out the room and counted to what seemed like 1 million before calming down and once again basking in the joy of what was my babygirl.

A few months later after going to court to secure my visitation and agreeing to drop $366.00 bucks a month for child support and providing insurance everything was copasetic. Although Jordan's mom and I were no longer together I was basking in my new found sexiness, I had a good job, a new car and more women than you could shake a stick at. What does that saying mean anyway? More than you can shake a stick at? Ok I'm rambling. Anyway life was good and for the next 3 years I really couldn't complain.

On a saturday morning after picking up J-Boog, as I now referred to her, we stopped by my parent's house and my mom was in rare form. "I'm not sure who this child looks like Derriman(yes that's what my mom calls me and no you can't call me that) but she gets prettier and prettier every time I see her." "C'mon Ma, I'm man pretty! That's where she gets it from!" This wasn't the first time my mother had hinted or down right came out and said THAT BABY AIN'T YOURS! It irked me so bad! Don't ruin the one thing that make me so happy. I know she wasn't TRYING to ruin it but she had been and the anger had built up so much that it was the first time I actually disrespected my mother. "Are you ever going to stop saying that?! I'm so sick and tired of hearing that everytime I come here!" I know on a lot of people's disrepect meters this doesn't rate very high but I'm a self confessed mama's boy so this was pretty bad for me.

I loaded up the Princess and we rolled out. On the way to the crib I passed a place called LabCorp where they do DNA testing. I figured if I could just get a test done I could end all that nonsense that my mother and sisters had been saying repeatedly for the past 3 years. It cost me a little over 600 hundred bucks. No problem. We took the test and went on to have a good day and I dropped my baby off at home. That would be the last time I would see her for the next 3 years.

About a week after the test was taken I received a large envelope in the mail. It was from Labcorp. Finally all the proof I would need to shut everybody up! I opened the package anxiously much like a child who has just received a wrapped present. I read a bunch things that seemed to be just letters to get to the bottom of the page....it is concluded, for all practical purposes, in reference to the submitted samples, that there is a 0% probability that Ddot is the biological father of Jordan Alexis. Therefore, THE KING is excluded as the possible biological father of Jordan Alexis.

My heart sunk. I can't even describe the feeling but I know I got it again as I typed the last sentence in the above paragraph. It couldn't be true! It HAD to be a mistake. I must've read that report 150 times. And everytime it said the same thing and everytime I felt I lost another part of me. Up until that point I had never understood people saying "I smoke/drink to get away from my problems." Now I understood and let's just say I tried my best to get away from it all. When I informed her mother of the test results she just kind of blew it off and said "Well I guess I have to get her name changed now." That was it. That was all she had to say to me after raising my daughter for 3 years! Now I do not advocate hitting women but...let's just say I can understand. I was not allowed to see my daughter or even call her after that day.

3 years later I saw Jordan and her mother in the mall and they were doing school shopping. My baby was heading to Kindergarten. I felt so robbed. It was so unfair. I thought that I had lost them in the mall when a young child darted out into my path and almost made me trip. "Oops! Excuse me sir!" she said as she looked up at me. And for a split second there seemed to be some type of recognition. There was a look on her face almost like 'don't I know you from somewhere'. Her mother grabbed her hand and pulled her away quickly. Excuse me sir. Never had a simple statement made me so happy and so sad at the same time. I was so happy to see her and to hear her little voice but at the same time she had no clue who I was. I haven't seen her since but I always hope that in the back of her mind that there is a picture of a man's face that she feels as if she knows and is always there to protect her even if she's not sure who he is.

So anyway right after I found out that biologically she wasn't my daughter I wrote a poem/rap thingamajig about it all. I am no writer but I thought that I would post it and see what you guys think. Enjoy.

In my life for two years before I lost ya
Loved you more than life because you were my daughter
But in the blink of an eye you were taken away
No you didn't die
It was just the results of the DNA
They took you away from me
I lost my daughter/you lost your daddy
Some say "If you loved her, why did you invest in the test
I explain like this
Of course I love her but it's only logical
For her to have the right to know if I'm her biological
That's only fair, I mean her mama knew
But I guess her mama didn't care
But they can never break the bond that we share
I hope that you end up happy
And remember no matter what I'll ALWAYS BE DADDY
I'm sure you'll grown up and be just fine
I'm FOREVER yours and you will ALWAYS BE MINE

I know it's kind of sappy and probably doesn't read anything like I hear it in my own head but it was the best I could do at the time. I'll be pompous and arrogant again tomorrow but for now thanks for listening.

REDSKINS BABY!!!!

I promise that I'm going to post something other than this today but for right now.....HOW 'BOUT DEM REDSKINS!!!!! THE COWBOYS SUCK!!!! HAHAHAHAH

Bored....

I am extremely bored and I can't think of any full length stories to write about. Ok that's not true I just don't feel like writing. I think the Random Thoughts have spoiled me. I could talk about how much George Bush doesn't care about Black people. Too easy. By the way I think I I'm going to print up some Tshirts that say George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People with the picture of him holding up his middle finger like the one from my previous post. Who wants one?! Ok I'm rambling. I really did think about writing a piece on the use of the word "nigga" and I think I still might. And the New Orleans mayor is starting to become "suspect" so he might invoke my wrath by the end of the week! Anyway I guess I'm just lazy today. It's Monday and who likes Mondays? Well one good thing about Monday is Monday Night Football! Tonight is even better than usual because my team the MIGHTY WASHINGTON REDSKINS visit our arch rival the stinkin' dallas cowboys. Not to mention that there is an extra game on tonight because of the Saints having to move. Anyway Go Skins'!!! So just to keep you guys satisfied based on the poll numbers here's a few Random thoughts. I'll add more as the day goes on and please feel free to offer up your own. Here goes nothing.....

I think we should find David from The Real World New Orleans cast and put him on a couple of these telethons...Come on be my baby Tonight! After he hits you with a "SKEE-DOOBLE-AY-EEE!!! out of nowhere you're just never the same! I'm willing to donate my next check to
whoever puts this guy on TV.

Don't you think that the other members of N'Sync, 98 Degrees, and B2K all hang out with each other? Can't you hear them telling stories like "I could've went solo BEFORE Omarion but I decided not to for the sake of the group!" or "Even Justin says I'm a better dancer than him!" How about "Jessica really liked me! If I had wanted her then I'd be the famous one!" HILARIOUS! Couldn't some of them date the former members of Destiny's Child and make it a reality show? I'd watch.

Mr. T is returning to television, this time as a "motivational guru" who helps others resurrect their lives. Trust me, this will be tremendous. Maybe a year ago, I randomly caught him on television sermonizing about the dangers of sending your kids to schools like Duke, Wake Forest, and Arizona State ... because of the undisputed ties they have to Satan (evidenced, of course, by their mascots). I kid you not.

How many times can I watch Rocky 4 and hope that Apollo doesn't die?

This whole "Shaq as a police officer" subplot just keeps getting better. They should even bring back the "Police Academy" series for him. It's like having Hightower with Mahoney's charisma.

I have never watched Dancing with the Stars but if they will put Dikembe Mutombo on there this season I will walk around in a sandwich style billboard advertising the show for free. Seriously.

If Usher couldn't sing don't you think he'd be working in Vegas as the best Michael Jackson impersonator ever?

Doesn't Joss Stone and Julia Stiles get a ghetto pass?

Yall know I love playing Madden. But not just playing the game I like to play in Franchise Mode where I draft and cut players and even negotiate with them on their contracts. I think it's the greatest thing to ever happen to a sports fan. The Queen however doesn't find this so exciting. This is an actual exchange between the Queen and I as I yelled and pumped my fist after one of my players scored a touchdown....KING: "Yeah baby that's why I pay you the big bucks!!" QUEEN: "Truly pathetic." I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Can't we make up a fictional character that is extremely similar to David Ruffin and let Leon play him on TV every week? "Ladies and gentleman I'm David Ruffin and these are The Temptations." You have no idea how much that cracks me up!

"The Temptations without David Ruffin are some fake a** Temps!" Sorry I couldn't resist.

When Da Brat told the chick from the Go-Go's that she was washed up did you feel worse for the chick or Brat for not realizing that she's washed up too? The words "I gotta go cop that new Brat album!" have never been spoken in mankinds history.

I wish I had a real job that kept me busy and I could yell at someone: "This is getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous!" Alas, they pay me to entertain you guys. Be right back with more nonsense. IT'S LUNCH TIME BABY!!!!

Random Thoughts...Again

Ok well we had fun with these earlier this week so let's see what's going on in THE KING'S mind now...

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

Get out your nose!

Why aren't there 'B' batteries?

Since I know I have a bunch of 'Saved by the Bell' fans reading this: How far did Zack get with Kelly Kapowski? I don't think Zack sealed the deal until the "College Years" ... and that show never happened. NEVER HAPPENED! So I'm going with third base. And I mean "third base" in the context of when the show happened (the early-'90s), not what "third base" means now, which is probably something like "a threesome that isn't videotaped."

Who's the greatest sitcom character ever? George Costanza. No contest.

I didn't ask to be KING but if the Crown fits...

If you bring macaroni and cheese to a covered dish supper, don't expect to dine on lobster and filet mignon.

George Bush took responsibility for the New Orleans fiasco. The end is near.

Why do women with big butts have small breasts and women with big breasts have flat butts?

If Bill and Monica had happened in the first year of Bill's second term don't you think that by year four rappers would've been shooting videos at the White House?

Isn't "The White House" the most unoriginal and lame name that they could've came up with?

How come Forrest didn't get HIV from Jenny?

Seeing how Michael was so light. Did Florida cheat on James?

Oops! There's the light/dark thing again. Bad KING...BAD!!!

Doesn't Keanu Reeves play the exact same character in every movie?!

The Matrix parts 2 and 3 do not exist.

As much as I love my Madden and NBA LIVE nothing will ever be as cool as Double Dribble or Tecmo Bowl!

Wasn't R. Kelly's performance on the MTV Awards a 5 out of 5 on the unintentional comedy scale?

Ok. Bobby and Whitney. Britney and Kevin. WIFE SWAP! Can't we make this happen?

Do you think Bobbi Christina is on anti-depressants?

If Viacom owns MTV and BET why do the REAL WORLD kids live in the lap of luxury and the COLLEGE HILL kids get a crappy upgraded dorm room?

I work around all middle age white women who since I've been here constantly talk about how much they loooove chocolate. Is this a coincedence?

How many of these can I do?

No more.

Have a great day people and check for me Monday when I'll be getting your ire up with more racial or political commentary. Which would you prefer?

Colorism: Pride & Prejudice

Wouldn't they be surprised when one day I woke out of my black ugly dream, and my real hair, which was long and blond, would take the place of the kinky mass Momma wouldn't let me straighten? My light-blue eyes would hypnotize them ...
- I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.

On TV and in magazines, you seldom see a dark-skinned black person. Our culture is still being led to believe that having lighter skin somehow makes you a better person.

Black people with lighter skin get treated better; I believe this discrepancy stems from the days of slavery. In general, dark-skinned blacks labored in the fields while light-skinned blacks worked indoors. Slave owners and even slaves gave lighter-skinned blacks more respect. This segregation of shades within the same race is a serious problem. So let's examine where it all started.

As we all know, the white man spread his seed among his African slave women with reckless abandon, producing pretty mulatto, quadroon (one-quarter black) and exotic octoroon (one-eighth black) children that would fetch a hefty price on the slave market. Female slaves were auctioned at "quadroon balls," where respectable white gentlemen could choose a tryst for the evening or a sex slave for life.

Lighter-skinned blacks, the ones that were closest in relation to the master, were favored and treated differently. These light-skinned blacks became free blacks, and were allowed to prosper and flourish. There is still some of that today.

Now before we go any further let me say this. Though the general trend is for a preference for light-skinned blacks those judgements may be made based on one's on skin tone. And although research has shown that lighter African Americans make more money and are perceived to be smarter there has been little to no research that I know of that shows the disadvantages of being light and the prejudices of darker blacks.

Whether it's the cover of magazines, the stars picked as the leads in a movie , or 50 Cent's new video, light-skinned people always get first dibs. My 15 year old nephew told me a few days ago that he prefers light-skinned girls becasue "there really aren't a lot of pretty dark-skinned girls." Sad isn't it? It is my belief that music videos especially have pushed this idea that "light is right and black get back!"

I'm a Dark brother. I love my complexion but it hasn't always been that way. In elementary school I was called everything from "tarbaby" to "blackie" and "african booty scratcher". It wasn't until I saw a movie about an African KING named Shaka Zulu that I started to really love and appreciate my skin tone. I remember some kid called me Shaka in an attempt to insult me. I was so frustrated because he just didn't get it. Shaka was more than just some really dark guy! So as soon as he woke up from the butt whooping I gave him I calmly broke it down for him. I think he got it. Either that or he was too scared to say he didn't get it! But I digress. Later Michael Jordan would come along and life as a dark brother started looking promising. So what about my sister?

Several authors have stated that light-skinned women are perceived as attractive, intelligent, moral, sexually more desirable, even chaste; whereas dark-skinned are regarded as mean, evil, stupid, even as not trust-worthy. My sister would receive back handed compliments such as "She is pretty to be dark-skinned". Huh? Isn't that like saying "you're pretty although you have that arm growing out of your neck!"

The mass media, particularly television, contributes to this perception by portraying "whiteness or lightness" as a symbol of what is attractive, adorable, desirable, pure, loveable and competent. Lighter skin tone is thus portrayed as a standard for attractiveness and competence. Because physical attractiveness is perceived as associated with social and intellectual competence, integrity, potency, dominance, and even good mental health, it has more bearing on women than men. This explains why women constitute the overwhelming majority of those who practice skin lightening. It has also been reported that women are perceived as more feminine and attractive when they emulate the whiteness standard.
Even the cosmetic industry promotes products that are designed to help dark-skinned women look "lighter".
So you see I believe that as hard as I had it my sister and other dark-skinned women have it worse. To this day I have never seen her date a dark man. Because she like so many dark-skinned women feel like they have to have a light man to be validated as being pretty. With that being said she would NEVER admit it. On the other hand a lot of light-skinned women believe that they are pretty because they are light. Never made sense to me but ok if that's what floats your boat. They in turn try to use their so called good looks to get them ahead in life instead of using their brain! Haven't you heard a light skinned person say "I've been out in the sun too long, I'm getting black!" That always irks me. It's just so ignorant. People please think about the things that come out of your mouths!

In the entertainment industry it is very obvious who are the ones that receive the fringe benefits. Here are a few examples. In 2001 India.Arie and Alicia Keys both put out very good albums. Though both sisters received multiple Grammy nominations only Alicia won. In fact she took home 5 awards including Best Album of the Year. I am a fan of both of Alicia and India and I couldn't say that there was that big of a difference in there albums. Is the fact that India didn't win any and Alicia won so many and has went on to have a much more lucrative career a coincedence? I think not. What about the lovely Halle Berry? She won an Oscar for a role that, in my opinion, was so-so at best. Even if you feel she did a great job was she better than Whoopi in The Color Purple? Please. I was watching Antwone Fisher recently and I noticed how the casting for that movie was tilted. Both the actresses chosen to be Denzel and Derek Luke's leading ladies were of very light complexion and were portrayed in a very positive light. There's nothing wrong with that within itself but when Antwone's mother, who was not depicted with any great sympathy by the film's conclusion, was played by a very dark-skinned woman. So light women are the ideal mate? Dark women are nasty and not to be trusted? Of course not but that is what these images suggest. I think we have to be very careful not to focus so much on Vanessa Williams and Beyonce and forget the Tracy Chapman and Alex Wek are just as beautiful and just as talented!

This division exists in our communities, schools and even families. It's ridiculous that we as black people do the very thing to each other that was done to us. Instead of dividing, we need to unite to address more important issues in the black community, like homelessness, drugs, violence, HIV/AIDS and poverty. We need to build stronger communities and help instead of judge each other. We all deal with some sort of racism daily - whether it's racial profiling or an old lady clutching her bag tighter in an elevator. We shouldn't discriminate against each other. More attention needs to be paid to a person's character rather than the shade of his or her skin.

The only way for change is making your voice heard. You are the consumer who buys albums and purchases magazines. If you don't like what you see, speak out, write letters, send emails. Make your voice heard and realize that no matter what color you are and no matter what shade of color you are we are all beautiful!

Blogger Sucks!

Blogger sucks today! I did a whole story on Light verses Dark and when I went to post it all I got was an error message and my story was gone! I'm sure all of my fans would have loved it. Give me a minute and I'll be posting something for yall....

Random Thoughts...

So I've been getting a lot of feed back from folks that are worried that my rants on good ol' GWB are going to get Homeland Security busting down my door. So today I guess I'll just give you some of the crazy random thoughts that pop into my head throughout the day. Enjoy.

If I were to describe a business where a group of men used fake names, spoke words (mostly written before hand) into a microphone, and got into fake fights for entertainment purposes, what would I be talking about? Pro wrestling or the rap music industry?

And while I'm on the subject, is there anyone in the country who could NOT have a hit rap single at this point? I'm convinced that someone could take Garrett Morris' rendition of "I'm going to get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see" from the early years of Saturday Night Live, place it against a hip hop beat, and have Little John (er... Lil' John) scream along in the background and it would end up as the #1 rap single in the country. White kids all over would be tripping over their baggy pants to buy it without the least bit of irony.

Whatever happened to Smilez and Southstar? Wait. Never mind.

If a guy ever calls his girlfriend "baby" and she's not around to hear it, then on a scale of 1 to 10, he's a 15 for being whipped.

I wonder if the guy from Digital Underground who sang "Humpty Dance" actually did get "busy in a Burger King Bathroom." Think about it, those are the nastiest bathrooms in the fast food business. I don't think I want a girl that enjoys that.

Whenever I tell people that I was never allowed to trick-or-treat when I was younger, they always look at me like someone just died...I mean, basically it boils down to people dressing up to be people they're really not, and walking around in groups trying to get people to give them "treats"...sounds like a typical trip to a nightclub.

My gun shot wound is killing me!

You're not drunk unless you're lying on the floor holding on.

The Cowboys Suck.

I have become addicted to reality shows.

Hello my name is THE KING and I am a comment junkie.

Are my random thoughts really better than my political rants?

Why couldn't I see how corny Saved By the Bell was when I watched all during High School?

Why do I still love Saved by the Bell?

After all the cheating and divorces when do we realize that there HAS to be something wrong with Halle Berry. It just HAS to be!

Do porn stars dread going to work like everybody else?

Why does Mike Jones think we want to hear his name over and over?

I'm THE KING! Who? THE KING! Who? THE KING! Who? THE KING!

Ok I get it now.

A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie."Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?

Who was worse during the BET telethon, Choppa for flashing his iced out grill seconds after saying that he lost his grandmother or the intolerable banter between Queen latifah and Steve Harvey?

Today is the anniversary of Tupac's death. If he were still alive how many rappers would be working at McDonalds right now?

Do the people who read my blog think I hate white people?

If Andy Milonakis can have a show shouldn't THE KING have a show?

I got peas on my head but don't call me a peahead!

Who decided on CTRL, ALT, & DELETE? Why not three keys that are right beside each other?

My page views have finally caught up to my profile views. Does this mean I'm more than just a pretty face now?!

When they do the movie about my life somebody please make sure they call it Sexual Chocolate: The Life and Times of The KING!

Ok that's enough. Stay tuned my friends this is the new season of MY KINGDOM. No reruns allowed! Next up are my thoughts on discrimination within the African American community. That's right friends the old Light v. Dark thing. I'm sure that will stir up some emotion even from our white friends.

George Bush Hates THE KING

*update* Your boy Michael Brown has resigned! He was feeling the pressure of all MY LOYAL SUBJECTS! Brown jetted " in the best interest of the agency and the best interest of the president." What about in the best interest of THE COUNTRY and more importantly MY PERSONAL PEACE OF MIND! Get lost you loser! Ok LOYAL SUBJECTS that's one down and 5 to go! Let's get it!
Well here I am. Did you miss me?! As you can see Dubya has been frequenting my blog and has sent me a little message! Unfortunately this is the exact same message he sent to the hurricane victims! I have two words for you Dubya. YO MAMA!

At any rate I've been having problems with my server all morning so that's why this post is so late.
So with the 4 year anniversary of 9/11 on sunday it got me to thinking. I wondered what was the final death toll on 9/11 in comparison to how many troops have died in the War on Terror. That's a good question right? Ok here's the numbers. On September 11th 2001 2,752 people were killed. Since we've vowed revenge for these murders 1,896 American soldiers have been killed. A grand total of 856 difference in the numbers with no end in sight for this war.

My next question is if we blamed Sadaam and Osama for the 2,752 who do we blame for the 1,896 and counting? You got it! Your boy Dubya! I never meant to become a Bush basher but it's so easy to do! Honestly, do you feel safer since 9/11? The KING doesn't and I have my own army!

If we couple those facts with the deaths and sheer incompetence that has been displayed for the last two weeks shouldn't the impeachment process be starting soon? Does Bill Clinton getting a hummer in the oval office even come close to this guy and his cronies? I think not!

Well we can't get caught up in Bush's corruption right? We have a city to rebuild! Uh oh. Well as slow as GWB moved in saving people he sure did move fast to award contracts to rebuild the city of New Orleans. Who "won" them? I'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count. That's right friends Halliburton rears it's ugly, yet super paid, head again. Halliburton who was formely ran by YOUR vice prsident Dick Cheney has received a contract as well a company called Shaw group. Here's where it gets deep. Both of these companies are major corporate clients of Joe Allbaugh. Who's Joe Allbaugh you ask? Ok stay with me. Allbaugh is the former campaign manager of none other than George W. Bush! Not only that but Allbaugh is the former head of FEMA and also the guy that appointed the horse show guy Michael Brown to take over FEMA when he stepped down!

Do they have no shame?! Bush was "hired" and wasn't capable of the job and keeps hiring others who aren't capable! For all you who voted for Bush and still support him what do you suppose we do? I have a few ideas but for one I bet together all of them could run one heck of a horse show!!!

All of Dubya's spin artists are saying that the Hurricane didn't know race and neither did Bush in his handling of the crisis. Well to that I say Passive Indifference is Active Malice.

He doesn't care about anybody but his boys. In my neighborhood we call those types of people gang members. And since he is a violent gang member that automatically qualifies him to be a terrorist! So if someone were to take him out wouldn't they, dare I say shouldn't they, get the Medal of Freedom?!

Guess Who's Bizaack...

Daddy's home....Stay tuned kiddies!

Signing off...

They say they never miss you until you are dead or gone. So on that note I'm leaving after this blog.

Ok people I'm gone for the weekend. I'll be back first thing monday morning with more of my entertaining and informative nonsense that so many of you seem to love. Ok so if you are new to THE KINGDOM or haven't read all my posts up to this point you have 3 days to catch up and see what THE KING has been doing. Hit me up on any old post or new ones. I loooove reading your comments and it fuels me! Keep it up. Tell all your little blogger friends about me and my arrogant ways too so we can keep this thing going!

Oh and I have a new section called the DYNASTY members. Every great KING creates a DYNASTY right? Well I'll be putting links to some of my favorite blogs there so please check them out as well. If you would like to be a member just hit me up and let me know. We can feed off each other and take over the world!

And how come nobody told me they give out awards for these blog things?! It's too late for this year but I'm shutting them down next year with all of MY LOYAL SUBJECTS help of course.

So have a great weekend and leave as many comments as possible! My goal is to have 100 new comments by Monday! Let's get it people! THE KING HAS SPOKEN

If you can't respect that... your whole perspective is wack. Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black.....

The Fruit Doesn't Fall Far From The Bush...

Maybe lil George just can't help being a complete and utter idiot. One has no control over whom one's parents is! In not so surprising news another Bush has made an insensitive and racist statement. It's like they don't even care if someone records them saying these things! Everyone knows her son is crooked as a barrel of fish hooks but few knew of her complete wackiness. In a radio interview she implied that the survivors of Hurricane katrina who are in the Astrodome are better off now that they are living in a freaking football stadium! This is what mom dukes had to say:
"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality..."

Close your mouth. Yep she actually said that ON THE RADIO! Oh but there's more. Please Mrs. Bush continue...
"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this — this is working very well for them,"

Boy this family just keeps getting better and better. What's so scary BB? The black population rising in your beloved state of Texas so much that it frightens you! Is that it? I guess I can understand your fear since your baby boy worked so hard to fry as many as he could in the electric chair while he was governor and now BAM they're baaaaack! Quick, hide the white women! They call her the former First Lady. I call her the current First Loser.

This is the woman that raised the president. Now that's whats scary! I urge all of you to keep your eyes on these crackers. There is a lot of good things going on right now because the cameras are still there but when no one is watching who knows what they'll do! Barbara Bush said "if a nigger...ahem..black person was on fire I wouldn't piss on them to put them out!"

Ok she didn't actually say that but at this point would you be surprised if she did?

What More Can I Say....

I have nothing left! Nothing! I've been reduced to rubble! I've pushed myself to the limit and I have to reel myself back in. GWB has driven me crazy. I was actually googling the words "John Wilkes Booth", "Lee Harvey Oswald" and John Hinckley" trying to figure out where they went wrong!

It's just that the guy irks me so bad! I'm not a democrat or a part of any other political party. The guy simply makes my skin crawl on so many levels. I want to offer GWB some fiberglass insulation and tell him it's cotton candy! I'm pretty sure he'd go for it.

Should I have such disdain for someone I've never actually met? Should I be posting these things about him since he's "the most powerful man in the world?" YES and YES! The guy is a Class A jerk! I just wish we could've somehow tricked him into walking into the Superdome on Wednesday or Thursday of last week. Close your eyes and imagine the look on his face being surrounded by all those mad, hungry, and wet brothers and sisters. Priceless. Hey that made me feel better.

So the more I write the better I feel. This is great. I'm still standing! I'm still strong! And apparently I'm Antwone Fisher. Ok let's press on.

Dubya let THE KING show you how to rule the world. You see I truly understand my people and they love THE KING! I'm feared and respected. You're just a punk Klansmen without the hood on your face, which by the way I would prefer you wear!

My words are so engaging Bill O'reilly and POTUS visit my page religiously. So shouldn't I censor myself because of fear that the secret service my come knocking at my door?! You can't be serious! Busters.

So on that note I'm out. Big shout out to Kanye West for amBUSHing your boy live on television. If you are one of the 2 people on Earth who don't know what I'm talking about here's the link http://media.putfile.com/Kanye79 This must be seen. Watch your back GWB because "I got that ambition baby" and the expansion of my KINGDOM is coming soon!

Aunt Tomasina...

Now we can't put your boy Dubya on blast without calling out his 'ride or die chick'! Yep that's right fans Ms. Condoleezza Rice aka Aunt Jemima. I'm sure GWB wouldn't like me calling her these names but I'm THE KING and he's just a president so go play in traffic you...you..you Bush!! At any rate "Condi" as all of her conservative friends call her, because it doesn't sound as ethnic, is a staunch supporter of her man George. This is a quote from Ms. Rice "Nobody, especially the president, would have left people unattended on the basis of race."

That's right stand by your man Tomasina! Did you notice that she used the phrase especially the president? Doesn't that strike you as odd? Why is the president so much more special than anybody else? Well he's not but to Ms. Rice he must be! I personally think she's in love with the loser but the thought of the two of them being intimate makes my stomach hurt so I will move on.

Rice who was on a shopping spree while New Orleans residents were swimming down Bourbon street to safety has been dispatched to Alabama by Bush to put the word out that the prez is not a racist. Who better than the token black chick in the administration who just so happens to be smitten by the guy.

Condi or Tomasina or whatever you are going by these days I, THE KING, just want to let you know that you are a disgrace! You have let down the people of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. They deserve better than this. You saw the pictures of those desperate people and the damage and the best you can do is hit the road for spin control?!

Your boy messed up. Big time. Just don't answer questions relating to the dude. Go show your support to those people and stop trying to get Dubya's approval rating back up. This is no time for that nonsense. It's not about Democrat or Republican or any other affiliation. It's time to show these people that you care about their well being. Dubya is going to sleep good tonight. Let's be about the business of making sure the Katrina survivors can do the same! Jerks.

Son of a Bush

George Bush. Michael Chertoff. Michael Brown. These are 3 of the people you should direct your rage against. I like to call them the Stooges. Brown is the head of FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Need I say more? No but I will. You see Brown has ZERO experience in handling emergencies. Zero. Why are you looking at me like that? Oh you're thinking that you have to have experience to get a cozy federal government job? Nope. This guy became the Director of FEMA simply because his buddy chose him. Before becoming the Director of FEMA Brown had gotten fired from the Arabian Horse Association. THE ARABIAN HORSE ASSOCIATION!! Seriously. I couldn't even make that up. The progression from horses to hurricanes is a natural one wouldn't you say? Let's move on because this guy is way too easy of a target.
Michael Chertoff, the chief over at Homeland Security said that on Wednesday he didn't realize that New Orleans was under water. How is that even possible?! Even worse is that he felt that it was ok to go on TV and say that he didn't know! I'm sure that after hearing him say that Osama and the boys are planning to vacation here in the next few weeks! I mean come on! How do you NOT know this and you are the chief of HOMELAND SECURITY?! Blows my friggin mind. I can not even wrap my brain around that. Anyway on to both of these idiots' boss...

Dubya I can not believe that you have allowed your administration to be infiltrated by such incompetent people!... *sarcastic smile*... Ok Mr. President I'll give you a few minutes to look those big words up.
Bush looked more like the local factory foreman than the most powerful man in the world when he did his photo op after the disaster. He actually told Michael Brown that he was doing a good job! Oh brother.
Which brings me to the race issue. Bill O'reilly said on his show last night that the slow response had nothing to do with race but with class. Mr. O'reilly race and class are siamese twins in this country. You cannot speak of one without the other! He also said, along with other news outlets, that this was not the time to point the finger. And then he went on to bad mouth every African American that has spoken out about this injustice from Jesse Jackson to Kanye West. So I guess this is just not the time to talk bad about Bubba Bush! They are so transparent and yet they feel like we can't see what they are doing. I've got my eye on you Dubya. We all do.

The Ruler's Back...

The Ruler's Back...

Ok all you jive time bloggers get your weight up! The King is back from his mini vacation and I'm ready to take back what is rightfully mine! I checked out some of your blogs and some were so-so and others just suck. Who's fresher than The King, riddle me that?! My fan base is growing daily. My stories are more intriguing and thought provoking. The writing? Superb. So stop your hating and jump on the bandwagon while there is still room!

Later today I'll be posting a story about all the news coverage I've been soaking up for the past 3 days and give you my view on it all. Stay tuned! Oh and click on some of these ads! I'm trying to be on the cover of Black Enterprise magazine!!!

I see you waiting in the wings but I'm doing my thing....

Hip Hop Responds

As I watch the news I am more and more saddened and shocked by the devastation left by Hurricane Katrina. Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama are in desperate need of help! Hey Mr. Bush I understand you're on vacation but this has went too far. Yesterday I said that hip hop performers weren't what we needed in this situation. Well perhaps THE KING was wrong. I've heard that P. Diddy and Jay-Z have donated a million dollars a piece and are providing clothes from the Sean John and Rocawear clothing lines to the victims. James Prince the CEO of Rap-A-Lot Records has opened a shelter in Houston for people who need a place to stay. Master P who is from N.O. and who is missing his uncle, father-in-law, and sister-in-law has formed an organization to provide shoes, clothing and essential items such as baby food and diapers. BET has also prepared a live telethon with some of the biggest acts in music scheduled to perform to raise money. This is all GREAT but where is the federal government? If Jigga and Diddy have already sprung into action where is Bush and Cheney?!
President Bush is urging patience. He might be right on some level. This Hurricane has effected 4 states and it's going to take billions of dollars and many years to recover from this. The only problem I have with that statement is the fact that Bush undercut flood control funding for the city of New Orleans! Yeah you won't hear about that on Fox News but it's the truth. He's also still walking his little dog and didn't even leave his cozy little Crawford Texas home until two days after these people had lost everything! That's right two days! He was in NY after the towers fell so fast that debris was still falling. But that was Manhattan and a lot of people with money were effected.
New Orleans is and always has been a very poor city. Over 100,000 people in the city didn't drive vehicles BEFORE the Hurricane and yet some have criticized those people for not leaving. Ridiculous. And now there are reports of murders and rapes INSIDE the Superdome. We have got to get those people help soon!
I've just heard that the "good" people of Washington D.C. are sending buses to the effected areas and bringing people back to stay at the DC Armory. Which brings up another question. Why haven't they tried to house and help the numerous homeless people right here in D.C.? It just goes to show you that a lot of things that could be done to help the poor and disenfranchised before a tragedy strikes simply isn't done because the powers that be simply do not care.

My Take on Looting...
Your boy George 'Dubya' Bush was on Good Morning America this morning. He had some interesting things to say. He basically said that even though perhaps 75 to 80% of the people in New Orleans have lost everything that there is no good reason for looting!

"I think there ought to be zero tolerance of people breaking the law during an emergency such as this, whether it be looting, or price-gouging at the gasoline pump or taking advantage of charitable giving, or insurance fraud."

Somehow I think he's going to let the price-gougin slide.

One of the hardest hit cities by Hurricane Katrina was New Orleans. Yep the Big Easy where the population just so happens to be 67.3% AFRICAN AMERICAN. I've watched the news for the past couple of days and saw as policemen pulled guns on people "stealing" food and clothing. What is that all about?! Those store owners are never going to make money off of those water damaged products and these people are hungry and have lost everything! They are standing on the roofs of their houses for goodness sakes!
Dubya however drew no line between those looting stores for survival supplies like food and water and those stealing television sets that are of no use with electricity out in New Orleans.
Now, I don't condone the stealing of televisions and the like, with that being said if a plasma screen floated by me I might grab it too! But it does seems to me that if my house is underwater and no one seems to be doing anything to help well then I'm going for self! From most published reports no one is telling these people anything! It might be because they have no idea what to do but should a mother not feed her kids the food that's sitting in a store filled with water because it's consider "stealing"?! C'mon Dubya! You can't be serious!!! Maybe it's just me or maybe not...

Kanye Doesn't Suck

So I went to Circuit City yesterday to buy the new Kanye West album Late Registration. I've been watching this guy for the past couple of days shamelessly promoting his album while repeatedly telling any and everyone how great he and his music is. It's a very long rope on which he could possibly hang himself. It also makes my stomach hurt because no one likes arrogant people. Can you believe that I, THE KING, have myself been accused of being arrogant and even pompous?! Yeah I can't believe it either. At any rate I guess a small part of me wanted to believe Mr. West's ramblings. I've always heard that it's not bragging if it's true. But just to be sure I would have to go buy his album. Ok yeah I could've gotten it bootleg but THE KING is a law abiding citizen! But big shouts out to the bootleg man over at the fish spot! Ok I'm rambling again. So I got the album and believe me people the guy has the right to boast. I'm not say that he should boast or at least not in every single interview but the album is very good. THE KING has spoken so go out and buy or download the album and let me know what you think.

Here are a few that I really like but again the entire album is nice.

1. My Way Home
2. Crack Music
3. Hey Mama
4. Gone
5. We Major ( Shout out to Rod aka Arson!!!)

Things that make you go Hmmmm....

I will be posting a few of these a week...
-Why is it called a running back when he runs forward?
-What do you call a male ladybug?
-If you strangle a smurf what color does it turn?
-People who can't see are blind and people who can't hear are deaf what do you call people who can't smell?
-How do they get those boats in the glass bottles?
-Why is it called a T.V. set when there's only one?
-If it's 0 degrees today and they say it will be twice as cold tommorow, how cold is that?
-If IHOP stands for International House of Pancakes, why do you only see it in North America
-Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
-Can a guy named nick have a "nick"name?
-Why is it called alchoholics anonymous when the first thing you say is your name?
-Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
-If a person owns a piece of land does he own it all the way to the core of the earth?
-Why do they say an alarm clock is going OFF when it's really turning on?
-If you wore a teflon suit, can you ever get into a sticky situation?
-If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
-If jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares then why is there a song about him?

Stupid Weathermen!!!
Ok well I've been watching the news and how stupid are these "meteorologists"?! Why do we need to see some guy standing in the middle of a HURRICANE to understand that the wind is blowing hard! I'm sure they think it makes them seem like real news people but in actuality any elementary school student could do the exact same thing.

Here are some rules of thumb to remember as we weather stupid news people!:

• Weatherdudes and reporters are only interested in the worst damage and personal Tragedy.
  
• Only the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers are cited by Weatherdudes.
  
• Weatherdudes rarely mention the size of a storm except when they are talking about Power (a nebulous term that they are allowed to define themselves on the fly).
  
• Weatherdudes rarely mention that those Absolute Highest Wind Numbers are only applicable to a relatively tiny portion of the coast on the right side of the storm's eye as it moves ashore.
  
• Reporters try to find the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers, dressed in the spiffiest possible rain gear, and then tell you not to stand out in the dangerous winds like they are.
  
• Noise cancelling microphones cannot cancel out hurricane winds.
  
• The cute furry socks reporters slip over their directional microphones to cut ambient noise just do not work and never seem to look good when drenched with salt spray and covered with muck.
  
• Reporters getting beach sand in their face is better TV than broadcasting from the second floor of a Holiday Inn.
  
• Reporters instantly become Trained Professionals when standing in hurricane winds.
  Handheld anemometers make you look more like a Trained Professional.
  
• No training is required to be a meteorologist or a Trained Professional when a hurricane exists.
  
• Having a mobile weather station on the top of their logoed SUV lets the reporters look more like Trained Professionals and lets them one-up the competition.
  
• Reporters have an inherent right to drive on closed streets and do the stupid stuff that common folk can only wish they could do too, but would never risk damage to their vehicle.
  
• Storms are not sentient, although Weatherdudes and reporters will make them seem so.
  
• Reporters will look for old neighborhoods, manufactured housing and trailer parks to find certain Tragedy. If they can match them up with the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers, even better.
  
• Highlighting any perceived failure in emergency response is key to enhancing the Tragedy.
  
• The standard notice from emergency responders that they will not attempt rescues during the height of the storm does not apply to reporters, since they always deserve to be rescued if in immenent danger.
  
• Reporters will find someone who's double-wide was just trashed and ask them for their personal thoughts on the Tragedy.
  

Let's hope we survive the news media, let alone the storms.

Monday Freaking Morning...
Ok so I woke up this morning and my worse nightmare came true. It was MONDAY MORNING!!!! I really hate mondays. But you know what I hate more? Perky people on monday mornings. I do not care what you did this weekend and that is why I didn't ask you. Please do not ask me about my weekend. It was great. Every monday I say the same thing. It was great. Why? Because I was not here at this lame job and I was not having this stupid conversation with you! I have never once on a weekend been asked 'how was your work week?' Simply because that wouldn't make sense! You see even if my leg had been sawed off with a butter knife over the past 3 days in no way would it be worst than being here. Am I getting through to you? Don't invite me to get a cup of coffee with you because I "need" to wake up! It is in both of our best interest that I do not wake up because I may suddenly realize exactly how much I hate you and beat you into a bloody pulp! Ok I've moved on Have a great week everybody!

Ok so it's Friday! Yes I'm stoked although I have no plans for the weekend. But at least I won't have to wake up and come into work. My boss just walked by and told me to wake up but I don't have time to. I was amped to see that I had several comments on my last post. Is it always going to be like that? Who knows. So I've been checking out other blogs and some of them are really cool and make my page look really crappy but once I have time to sit down and tinker with this I will be the best out there! So tell your buddies about THE KING!

At any rate someone sent me this clip and I think it's hilarious! I almost woke up I was laughing so hard. So I thought I would post it for your enjoyment. I'm thinking of changing the name of my blog. So since you're here leave me some suggestions. All hail THE KING!!

Dating Woes..
Oh and might I add if you women out there stopped chasing the thugs and wanna be thugs that might solve your problem! I mean let's think about it. You want the proverbial bad boy who has spent a large part of his youth and young adulthood in jail. Well those are very formative years for a man. If they are only around other men and a lot who are openly gay while in jail then you are going to end up with a problem. Take the time to get to know the quiet brother who is responsible. Believe me after a few months of nagging he'll want to choke you just as bad as the "bad boy"! I am great.

Obsessed with the Down Low Brother! (FOR YOU T.M.)
What's up everybody. I have recently been talking to one of my closer female friends and my most loyal reader might I add and I am forced to write about this so called phenomenon of "the down low brother". Yeah I know it sucks (no pun intended) but I have to give my readers what they want.

So what angle do I take on this subject? A subject, might I add, that I don't feel all that comfortable writing about. No not because I'm uncomfortable with my own sexuality but simply because this is a issue that I will never....EVER have to deal with. You see I'm not a woman who is going to get tricked by a bi-sexual man nor am I a gay man! So, you ask, why am I wasting your time babbling? Good question. Here's why.

Is the constant coverage of this subject tilted in the media to only include black men? Well of course it is! It is a salacious distraction from other issues affecting the black community, such as unemployment, homophobia and a lack of economic empowerment. Some observers have criticized the media coverage, saying it unfairly characterizes the phenomenon as occurring only among black men and often inappropriately links the phenomenon with statistics about the increasing number of AIDS cases in the black community. As a result, many black women have gone on witch hunts to determine whether the men in their lives are secretly gay and people of other races have wrongly assumed that the phenomenon does not apply to them.

I highlighted that part of the sentence because my friend it seems to me is constantly trying to catch her male friends "being gay"! It's hilarious and sad all at the same time. Funny for the obvious reasons and sad because of instead of focusing on important issues such as AIDS we have instead demonized the black man and in turn created a "boogeyman" for black women without proper context. Holla back.

Sports Photo of the Day
Tracy McGrady should've been taken into custody after this! Shawn Bradley retired after the season. You will be sorely missed big guy....www.nba.com

I'm sure that by now all of you have heard of Latoiya Figueroa. So I....what? You haven't heard of her? You mean that name doesn't ring a bell like that of say Lacy Peterson or Natalee Holloway? You see Ms. Figueroa went missing in late July and like Mrs. Peterson she too was pregnant. I know what you're thinking : "King what's the point?" Well it took protests from all sorts of people to even get Ms. Figueroa's name on the national news. Why? Well she happens to be of African-American and Hispanic decent. Ahhh there's the rub! Finally the media such as Fox News' Greta van Susteren, known for her zealous pursuits of justice for missing women the past few years, buckled under the pressure and finally did a show or two about her. Well last week her long time boyfriend was arrested for her murder and now Greta and other news media types want to add Lataoyia's story to their personal lists of women found thanks in part to them. It makes me sick to my stomach. A big shout out to the people of Philadelphia who has let the world know that just because you're not a young white woman from Modesto Califonia or Utah or even Oklahoma that your life is just as valuable!

NBA Baller
How ironic is it that Kobe Bryant wanted to be the new and improved Michael Jordan and yet now he is the Anti-Jordan?! Hey Kobe when life hands you lemons squeeze lemon juice in your enemies eyes!

Pope Benedict looks like he might like little boys. There I said it.

Honestly, I would have been more surprised if Randy Moss said that he never smoked pot. Jerk.

Who saw the Kanye West interview last night on MTV? Is he the coolest Hip Hop star ever OR just gay? I haven't decided yet.

My First Post
Ok now I have a blog. I mean why shouldn't I have one everyone else does! I hope you jerks and losers will enjoy my random thoughts....Oh and hopefully you will click on a few ads so that I can buy a new house without a mortgage and pay off my debt consolidation!