Perched high upon my blogging soapbox I see all of you scurry about aimlessly. I read your stories about broken hearts and dreams. I see the pictures of you that were probably taken sometime during the Reagan administration. But what I see more than anythingelse are your complexes.
Inferiority complexes create paranoias in your mind and so you find pictures of others to berate and make fun of to make yourself feel better. Only you never truly feel better so you keep searching for more pictures and more stories on these ordinary people, that just so happen to be more recoganizble than most, that some call celebrities. The same people that you try to emulate when you go shopping for your new purse, kicks, or weave. It's ugly face shows up when you see that nice pair of shoes from a distance and when you pick them up you look for the SWOOSH. God forbid it be a SWEESH instead. Now you're feeling hesitant. People will look at you funny. You second guess yourself. Just because you like it doesn't mean you should buy it right?
But it's not that simple. Nope complexes are complex. It's your complex that makes you buy that fake Rolex from Sung Woo who does his best Puffy imitation to get you to buy the glass encrusted watch. It's that materialistic complex to appear to be something you aren't or have things that you really can't afford. That fake rolex is what is going to impress that big butt girl you've been wanting to get with for the past month. Yeah you can tell just by looking at her that you're going to have to save up for about a month and take her somewhere special if you ever get the chance. Meanwhile that same young lady is walking around with a fake Gucci purse trying to impress other females that she claims not to care about. It makes you worship the Lexus and do obeisance to the Bentley.
Your complex makes you look at me and say "you're weird". It makes you wonder why when you say that I have that creepy smile on my face. It causes the confusion in your mind when I say "And I'll be that way until Trent Lott graces the cover of JET Magazine". You see I was creating metaphors this morning while you were trying to figure out which card to use to pay for that bitches breakfast. It's why you feel inadequate when you read my blog. You don't want me there but I invade your thoughts like Bush did Iraq and I refuse to leave until you get the point.
Does that anger you? Make you feel funny? It's your complex. Now you're depressed, stressed, wondering how I see you so clearly through your words. Never mind that, you've got to realize your complex is the wall they got your back up against. I know you probably see my complex too and that's cool. It's a superiority complex and I'm working on it. Fortunately for me my complex isn't effected by you and yours. I create trends. I stick to my guns even when they aren't loaded. I am to be admired. I know you'll listen to me because of your complex. It's your complex that's got you afraid of what I'll say next.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Dear Katrina...
Dear Katrina,
It was a year ago today that you came through New Orleans and acted a complete fool. You destroy homes, businesses and worst of all you took 1600 lives.
I remember seeing the bodies floating in the remnants of your devastation and the horrified survivors on the rooftops screaming at the news cameras that hovered above for help. Everyone watched in disbelief as we saw thousands of people living in a football stadium. The old and the young, the criminals and the innocent, the poor and the poorer all there together begging, pleading for help.
Then I watched as the so called african american leaders who have lined their pockets with the money of those same poor people took the opportunity to blame George Bush and any other white person who wasn't swimming to the Superdome to carry those people to safety. I watched as George Bush spoke and and acted before thinking leading us all to believe that he didn't care about those people, the majority of whom were black. Once they saw all those black fingers pointing at them they were able to point the finger right back at another black face, mayor Ray Nagin.
While the politicians pointed and shifted blame an 80 year old woman in desperate need of insulin slept on the 50 yardline of a football field. A father tried to keep an eye on his young daughter amongst the pedophiles that no doubt roamed the arena. New young mothers rationed out food to their young children not knowing when or if someone would show up to save them.
And still the fingers continued to point, only not in the direction of 1500 Poydras St. Well except for Barbara Bush's wrinkled little fat finger. She pointed out that the little boys and girls sleeping on cots and right under a goal post were living better than they ever had before.
1 year later the devastation remains, not only from when you blew through one of the world's most famous cities but the devastation of the ineptitude of those that we look to for help in these types of situations. In fact on this the 1 year anniversary many will use the death and destruction as a platform to win some political race. And this at a time when it is being reported that of the 4 billion dollars that was raised appoxamately 75% has been stolen. While the contracts to rebuild the city have been given not to the sons and daughter of New Orleans but to the friends and cronies of the vice president and other politicians. Now all fingers are pointing to those destroyed areas as the land has become prime real estate. The same land that was neglected when those poor and uneducated resided in broken down project buildings is now cause for great concern. The black leaders don't want the white people to have the land, the white people want to make money regardless of who lives there and those poor and disenfranchised folks that lived in constantly lit bowl for two weeks are now living in the same worn down projects in different American cities.
Katrina you're going to get a lot of attention in the upcoming months and some might even try to blame you for what you did to that city but in reality it's not your fault. They knew you were coming. Maybe they didn't know when but they knew sooner or later you'd show up but those raggedy levees weren't priority at the time because of who they protected. No Katrina it's not your fault it's their fault. All of them. Of course they'll all take their hands out of the lobbyists pockets for a second to point fingers at each other while the other hand is making sure that they get some of that prime real estate.
It was a year ago today that you came through New Orleans and acted a complete fool. You destroy homes, businesses and worst of all you took 1600 lives.
I remember seeing the bodies floating in the remnants of your devastation and the horrified survivors on the rooftops screaming at the news cameras that hovered above for help. Everyone watched in disbelief as we saw thousands of people living in a football stadium. The old and the young, the criminals and the innocent, the poor and the poorer all there together begging, pleading for help.
Then I watched as the so called african american leaders who have lined their pockets with the money of those same poor people took the opportunity to blame George Bush and any other white person who wasn't swimming to the Superdome to carry those people to safety. I watched as George Bush spoke and and acted before thinking leading us all to believe that he didn't care about those people, the majority of whom were black. Once they saw all those black fingers pointing at them they were able to point the finger right back at another black face, mayor Ray Nagin.
While the politicians pointed and shifted blame an 80 year old woman in desperate need of insulin slept on the 50 yardline of a football field. A father tried to keep an eye on his young daughter amongst the pedophiles that no doubt roamed the arena. New young mothers rationed out food to their young children not knowing when or if someone would show up to save them.
And still the fingers continued to point, only not in the direction of 1500 Poydras St. Well except for Barbara Bush's wrinkled little fat finger. She pointed out that the little boys and girls sleeping on cots and right under a goal post were living better than they ever had before.
1 year later the devastation remains, not only from when you blew through one of the world's most famous cities but the devastation of the ineptitude of those that we look to for help in these types of situations. In fact on this the 1 year anniversary many will use the death and destruction as a platform to win some political race. And this at a time when it is being reported that of the 4 billion dollars that was raised appoxamately 75% has been stolen. While the contracts to rebuild the city have been given not to the sons and daughter of New Orleans but to the friends and cronies of the vice president and other politicians. Now all fingers are pointing to those destroyed areas as the land has become prime real estate. The same land that was neglected when those poor and uneducated resided in broken down project buildings is now cause for great concern. The black leaders don't want the white people to have the land, the white people want to make money regardless of who lives there and those poor and disenfranchised folks that lived in constantly lit bowl for two weeks are now living in the same worn down projects in different American cities.
Katrina you're going to get a lot of attention in the upcoming months and some might even try to blame you for what you did to that city but in reality it's not your fault. They knew you were coming. Maybe they didn't know when but they knew sooner or later you'd show up but those raggedy levees weren't priority at the time because of who they protected. No Katrina it's not your fault it's their fault. All of them. Of course they'll all take their hands out of the lobbyists pockets for a second to point fingers at each other while the other hand is making sure that they get some of that prime real estate.
Monday, August 28, 2006
The Mailbag...
I neglected to do my Mailbag post last week and not only did I disappoint my millions(more like 12) of fans but now my inbox is full of weird, funny, and down right disgusting emails. Although I have deleted the ones that made no sense and forwarded it others directly to the local police I did save a few interesting ones that helps you the reader get to know your King just a little bit better. Enjoy.
Do you watch Flavor of Love?
Ummmm...I tried to once and it wasn't funny or insightful or funny, or interesting, or funny. In fact it was just kind of sad. I feel sorry for everyone involved in the show. Flav has started to really believe that that house they are filming in is his real house and the girls, well, halfway through you could replace them with a live shot from a pediatric cancer ward, and show a little kid with cancer, and the little kid would be holding a puppy, and the puppy also has cancer, and people wouldn't even notice that something had changed.
So D what do you really do for a living?
Honestly? I am a top secret rocket ship pilot who in my spare time invented the panda bear.
Are you really as conceited as you pretend to be?
Let's just put it this way, I am so perfect I should be frozen and studied. Or at least used as a breeder. Some of you may scoff at the moral implications of something like that, to which I would fake a cough while barking out "homo". To further discredit your pedantic objection, I would grab your wrists in front of the other members of whatever board is in charge of this sort of thing and demand you "stop hitting yourself". The room would then fill with impressed murmuring and my powerful Aristotelian logic would once again rule the day.
Did you see Beyonce's new video? She's jjust shaking and girating all over the place. I know you are her biggest fan but please tell me you don't like that!
I can't stress enough how okay that is. The word hero gets thrown around pretty casually these days, but I think we can all agree it applies to Beyonce shaking her jelly for no apparent reason.
Do you think Angelina Jolie is sexy?
She's ok. Her lips look like she's been kissing a hot stove though. She's a little weird and that's always sexy. Honestly, if one year ago someone told you that Angelina Jolie would become either: A) a werewolf B) an outer space cowboy or C) a mom with 2 adopted kids from third world countries and pregnant with Brad Pitts child, your only question would be "wait, if she bites me, do I die or become a werewolf too".
Are upset about not getting nominated for a Black Weblog Award?
Don't be ridiculous! Those folks over there should have halos on their heads and by that I mean I wish they were dead. Ok look I feel sorry for them, not me. Whoever wins will be paper champions. You can't give out any blog award and not have the King of All Blogs involved in some shape, form or fashion! Upset? No. I was upset when I caught my twin brother and his friends running a train on my girlfriend. I'm down right pissed at this nonsense! Kingy Awards coming soon....
I have kids and was offended by the comment you made about "letting the bastards walk to school". I hope it wasn't supposed to be funny because it wasn't!
Look I was modeling in Europe by the time I was 16, so maybe I am being a little hard on the under achieving little turds who have to ride the school bus. I don't really hate kids. I don't even really know any 16 year olds to ask them why they don't have cars. Only one of the models in my hot tub is 16, but she's Japanese, so when I asked her about this, her answer was some kind of crazy talk. I think she said something about Godzilla and how I look like GI who bomb her willage, but that might be because I'm really really racist.
Why do you have to be such a smartass?
Why do you have to send me stupid emails?
And that's that folks. I'll save the rest of the nonsense for the Thursdays post. So in the mean time send all your angry emails(which will be deleted) funny emails and any random comments or questions to The King so he can make fun of you at your expense. Don't you just love it when i speak of myself in the third person?! I read somewhere that it's a sign of genius. I think the book was called "I'm Always Right" by Ddot the King. Mosey on over to Amazon and pick that up! I'm out. One.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Random Thought Friday...
Can I get a drum roll please? Ok now somebody give me a beat. Yeah uh! I like that. Ok I'm about to rip it freestyle! Yo my name is King and shots is what I call, all the female bloggers like to juggle my balls.....hey hey wait a minute! I can't let yall hear all my hot fire! I'm going platinum bitches!
At any rate it's RTF and so we must delve into the mysterious caverns of my dome. Yeah like the previous paragraph isn't proof enough that I'm "special". Put your waders on folks it's gonna get messy! On to the Thoughts!
Why does ESPN.com think I'm going to pay to be an "Insider"? So I'll find out about a potential trade a day before it happens. Big whoop.
I heard Beyonce's new song yesterday and I like it a lot better than Deja Vu and that Ring the Alarm song. It's called Upgrade U and it has Jay on it. I feel sorry for Jigga. She's obviously talking directly to him in the song. She's ready to upgrade from the camel to the King. It was just a matter of time.
That reminds me. Beyonce and Jay aren't getting married. She leaked that info right before her album dropped just like rappers got get themselves arrested or shot right before their albums come out. We gotta stop falling for this stuff people.
I rant, therefore I am
In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that's three sized too small. Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Michael Jackson in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Instead of playing 4 pre-season games let's just make the regular season 4 games longer. NFL you're such a tease!
Those chicken wraps at Mickey Ds are nice. I can get two of those little joints and a large ice tea for like 3 dollars and some change. Burger King yall better step it up if you wanna keep ole Ddot's business!
I got approved for my home loan!!! I'll be getting a post office box soon so all of you can send me house warming gifts. Oh and yes there will be a minimum dollar amount you'll be able to spend you cheap bastards.
Janet Jackson's voice seems a little deeper than usual. She still puts on the whole Jackson fake high pitched voice but she's definitely got more bass. I knew she didn't just lose that weight from exercising and what not. I think her and Barry Bonds have been hanging out!
What's up with the new Blogger Beta? ANybody tried it or found anything new and exciting that you want to share with your King?
I'm calling it right now. Washington/Miami Superbowl....OR Washington/Baltimore Superbowl. If the latter happens I won't leave my house 2 weeks before or after the game.
You thought that was mean? I could put her picture up too!
I have to leave for work 20 minutes earlier because of these school busses! Ok that's it, I'm officially Anti-School Bus. Let them little ungrateful bastards walk to school!
A girl had a huge crush on in HS emailed me the other day. We caught up a little and then yesterday finally got around to swapping photographs. Let's just say the past 12 years have been a lot kinder to your boy! Who's infatuated with who now bitch?!
One negative comment about that picture and I'm going to backhand somebody. I did look like I needed a sandwich though.
I need something to do this weekend. I'm broke so I'm going to have to get creative.
The new Outkast album is that fiyah! I just wish we could get Andre 3000 to do more rapping. I'm a little worried about whether the movie will be good so I might hit up the bootleg man.
I rarely ever check my sitemeter anymore because i get hit a thousand times a day by people looking for pictures of Donald Trump's wife. I posted her picture one time and people from all over the world hit my page for it. That's crazy.
If Terrell Owens was on fire in my front yard I wouldn't piss on him to put him out.
And I'm out. Everybody have a great weekend. And get up and get out of the house. Staring into a computer screen masturbating to my pictures is just odd! One.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Things I've Learned...
Life is tough. As soon as you figure out one problem ten more pop up. Just as I'm thinking I'm the master of one domain something happens to show me that I'm nothing more than a bumbling fool. Sure the lion is the King of the Jungle but if you drop him off in Antartica he's just a penguin's bitch.
Take my blog for example. I am literally the King of all Bloggers and my witty commentary on things endears me to many and yet this past week as I talked to a couple of my readers about some very serious subjects they didn't take me seriously because they just couldn't grasp the idea that I knew something outside of Jay-Z and Halle Berry. To them I'm just funny. The message that I wanted to get across to them fell on deaf ears because I've been so good at developing this image on my blog! That sucks. Correction. It sucks balls.
The message I was trying to convey was that of a religious tone and so it trumps the nonsense that I type in this space and so if it would help someone to learn something I should just stop blogging or at the very least change the tone somewhat. But I don't want to and so now every time I type a curse word or talk about Halle having my babies I'm going to feel guilty. We all know what guilt is right? It's God's little way of telling us we're having too much fun. It's the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
Don't get me wrong I see the contradiction and someday I'll finally get over my addiction of blogging, (well actually it's an addiction to creativity but I digress) and quit but I just wish folks could see that others have more than one side to them. Sure, laugh at my delusions of grandeur but also recognize when I state a fact and theres a small possibility that I could be right. For example you're more likely to get shot by a fat cop than a fit one if you run. Is that funny? Sure. But it's also fact. I can do both.
What else have I learned? People afraid of commitment are some weak bastards. It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time, yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? Don't read that and start emailing me about marrying you because it's not going to happen! I just think fear is stupid. You handicap yourself throughout life with fear. Learning that was the impetus to getting me on that roller coaster a few weeks ago. Fear of success, love, happiness is all just a huge waste of time. Do you think the mighty lion is thinking about that penguin in Antartica while he's hunting prey? No. So stop it.
Friday, August 18, 2006
1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!....
Ladies & gentlemen, boys and girls, Loyal Subjects and other assorted crazy people. Welcome to the 1 year anniversary party for the dopest, flyest, most original, and happiest blog on Earth!!!! It's been a wild ride since August 19th 2005 and so today we're going to have a blast! To start things off I've invited Marvin Gaye to sing the National Anthem. Now before he comes out let me just say I've never sang this song in my life and don't condone the singing of it but what you are about to witness is some remarkable stuff. Remember when Whitney sang the anthem at the Super Bowl? Well multiply that about 34. Ladies and gentleman Marving Gaye!
I told you Marvin would put the stank on it! He worked that so good you could put that on a slow jam mix. Thanks Marvin. We miss you!
Since I first started this blog 1 year ago there have been lots of changes. Changes in my life, changes in the world, and of course changes in my template! We've had friends come and go. There have been beefs, boasts, and bullshit. Well today we're re-visiting all of the fun and sadness. So if you showed up late or took a break, today we're covering it all. O course it'll probably cause more beef but who cares! If it's one thing that hasn't changed it's my pompous, arrogant, and who gives a crap attitude so let's get busy!!!!
Ultimately I want to make this celebration about you guys. Your comments on my posts throughout the year have already shown how you feel about me and what I write and so now let's take a little stroll down memory lane....
The Loyal Subjects
Grant- Grant has been with me since day one. Literally. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago that he actually was the first person to comment on my blog that I didn't know and he actually commented on my very first day of blogging. You are a strange bird but anybody that has put up with my nonsense for that long deserves a shout out at least.
Danielle- D's Crunk Corner was the first amateur blog that I was really impressed with. She had gadgets in her sidebar and she had blogroll broken down into two sections, a idea I would later steal for my blogroll. She also routinely had over 50 comments on each of her posts and later upwards of a hundred or more. Danielle was also the first person I beefed with online. She took offense to an innocent comment made by GP and kept emailing me to "get her in check". I ended up saying she smelled like cheese. Danielle I am offering you a public apology for all that nonsense. You were cool before you lost your mind. I forgive you and I hope you forgive the King.
Georgia Peach- Your cute. A little arrogant, but cute. I'll watch your blog progress and see what else interesting you have to say. That was GP's first comment on my blog back on August 30th 2005. It was also the start of a great online friendship. At one point she was even recognized as my Executive Producer. As much as I tried to keep her sheltered from the rest of the world eventually lots of others found her and she found lots of others as well. I don't see or hear from GP that much anymore because of that crooked little place called Myspace but she's a lifetime member of THE DYNASTY!
Andrea aka BrownSoul- Sept. 3rd is when the brown souled queen showed up in The Kingdom. And like Grant she still shows up every now and again. I joked with her early on that she was my favorite commenter because she alwasy agreed with me. I pretty much still feel the same way! LOL! Holla at me Queen!
Leesa- Sept. 8th the second loyal subject of european descent came along and brought with her a heart in her writing that always makes me smile and a mind that, well, is freaky as hell. She's a hell of a writer and as stated before she was the first blogger to link me and I was pumped for about 2 weeks because of it!
Jackie- There's a song by the Commodores call Night Shift and second verse goes something like this: Jackie(Jackie), hey what you doing now
It seems like yesterday
When we were working out
Jackie, you set the world on fire
You came and gifted us
Your love it lifted us higher and higher
Keep it up and we'll be there
At your side
Oh say you will sing your songs
Forevermore, evermore
I love that song. Anyway it describes my relationship with J to the tee. She first visited my blog on the post that turned out to be the most comments I'd ever had at that point so I was quite excited. She was charming, witty, and funny as hell. I think she was the second blogger that I actually talked to outside of the blog. We emailed each other all day long fussing, joking, and whatever else we could think of to help us pass our boring days at work. She always challenged me on my blog which was something different at the time. Now everybody tries to do it but back then she made it so much fun. The time she was around was the the golden era of my blog. I write better when I'm upset and at the time I was going through some really tough things. She helped me through that period with her humor and kindness. Eventually she would become another person I beefed with although it has always been more subtle as I have too much respect for her to ever say anything disrespectful in front of all of yall. Miscommunication is a bitch sometimes. If you feel I wronged you in anyway I Jacquelyn I want you to know I never intended to and I apologize.
Mwabi- Happee2bnappee is how I was first introduced to Mwabi. She won a contest to become the newest member of the Dynasty. She disappeared for awhile though but I've heard she resurfaced. If you're out there Mwabi holla at me!
Rell- My homie Rell made his first appearance in October. I have had very few regualr male readers and even less African-American ones. In fact Rell is the only one(Well he's the only one that comments). He loves Carolina and Jordan as much as I do. The only problem with the dude is that he's a Cowboy fan. Hey Rell the Cowboys are just the pro football version of the Duke Blue Devils!!!
Video X- VX was an interesting case. She first commented on my blog back in October and a few months later was part of a group that tried to really trash the King. But I did see the humor in it all and we were able to squash the beef and we've been cool ever since. Shouts to VX!
Nikki- Nov. 3rd Nikki typed her way into my life and changed it forever. Her first comment? i agree. the end. That was it. And my first thought is this is a person with very few words. Well let's just say my assumption was just a tad bit off. This woman does things with words that i thought were previously impossible. She constantly shocks me. Actually if you liked any of my posts from the past few months it's because Nikki has been masturbating my mind and the climax is the words you've been reading. She inspires me like no one else. Oh and she also designed my blog! Which reminds me, it's time to switch it up again Nik!!!
Laa- LaaLaa was the next high yellow chica to capture my attention and she still has it. Seriously Laa is one of my favorite bloggers and it has nothing to do with her complexion. She's just really cool and down to earth. Laa is a lifelong Dynasty member. I'd also like to take this time to address the notion put forth by some that I seek out the bright(light skin) female bloggers and attempt to mack them down. Not true. I mack ALL female bloggers! HA! Hold me down Laa and start that study!
Cool AC- Arleta, I think that's her name I can never remember, first commetned on my blog in early December. She's one of those people that's always stating facts and figures. The know-it-all type(LOOK WHO'S TALKING!) that gets on your nerves after about 13 seconds. Check her comments on your pages or her blog and you'll see what I mean. She sits up on a really high horse and points out the flaws of any and everybody not named Cool AC and she wonders why.....wait...I'm supposed to be nice. Cool you're ummmm.....well you're not a bad person per se but....never mind. Thanks for kicking it as long as you did and all that jazz.
Koolbreeze- The lady with all the babies also was a newcomer in December. She's one of my all time favorites as well. She calls me out on her blog for not posting(you didn't think I saw that did you) and harasses me in the comment section. Congratulations on the new baby Kool and I still say you should've named the little crumb snatcher after the King!
Goddess- The Goddess stumbled across my blog when she first started blogging back in December and has been a LS ever since. She's truly an interesting character, so much so I did an interview with her once. She's white but I lover her anyway! Kidding!
Chele- Chele was another December baby. Dang what was I posting in December?! Anyway she is another excellent writer and provides hilarious and insightful comments and the factthat she's attractive doesn't hurt. Go buy her book!
Missy- Missy found me right before the new year as well. Ok I've really got to go back and read the December posts! I love Missy or whatever name she's going by now(NegroPino). She fusses at me for rarely stopping by her blog but I'm going to promise to do better Missy!!!
Kween- LMAO! This one is just funny. Kween is well, I guess the most loyal subject of them all. Since she first commented on my blog on Jan4th I'm not sure if a day has passed that she hasn't visited. Mostly it was to steal my ideas, promote her on blog, and to plug her plays, but she stopped by nonetheless. Her presence really shook things up around here. And when I say shook things up what I mean is a lot of my more establised base couldn't stand her and the way she flirted with the King. In fact she's probably 47% of the reason a lot of my original subjects stopped showing up. But I don't fault her she was just doing what it is that she does. What I do fault her for are those wack pictures of me she keeps putting up on her site. Cease and desist Kween or I will chop you up and feed you to pigs!
TTD- Yall call her TTD but the King calls her Tif. Kween entered the scene Jan.4th and her homey Tiffany wasn't far behind making her first appearance Jan.9th. Tiffany is one of the coolest chicks i've met and that's probably because we have the same sense of humor and usually agree on stuff. She's a basketball fan and that's always a good quality in a female. Along with Kween, they ran off some of my "friends" by coming on my blog and just talking to each other about stuff only the two of them knew about. My inbox was flooded when these two showed up and the contents usually went something like this "I hate them bitches!" LMAO! I was seriously looking for a way to ban them but I'm glad I didn't. They are odd for sure but they are mad cool and didn't up and leave me even when other newbies showed up. Where I'm from we call that "real".
No1:uKnow- A few days after that on Jan. 11th No1 visited the good King although back then she was known as chclt~tits. She's my homey and I tried to get her to change her screen name to KNOWONE. Get it? It's a double entendre! Anyway I just always call her Beaverhousen. I like how Beaverhousen feels on my tongue. Wait a minute! Get your minds out of the gutter! Gtalk me baby!
BK Diva- The Diva changes her name a lot too. She's been extremely sweet since she became a LS and she's an even bigger flirt than me! Holla at me Reesie!
There's just so many people to shout out! All of you guys have made my blog hot and happeneing. Keep rolling through and if you stopped for some reason then come on back! There's always a spot waiting for you at the Palace!
And to show my love for all you guys I've invited the pre-cracked out Whitney to perform a song for you guys that expresses how I feel about you! Enjoy.
Do you hear that haters?! It'll take an eternity to break us! The chains of Amistad can't hold us! Yeeeahhh!!!
This past year flew by and it was all because you kept me laughing or arguing, or just inspiring me by the things on your blogs. All of you. I appreciate you sticking with me even when I am tripping. This blog has been so much for for me and it has also been therapy. Thanks for all your advice and friendship albeit internet friendship it's still a form of friendship nonetheless. You're awesome and here's to another year of my nonsense!
And so to close the show I tried my best to think of a performer who could truly capture the essence of me, this blog, and all of you. Ladies and gentelman Gnarls Barkley!
Thank you. Thank you. You have been far too kind. You could've been anywhere in the world but you are here with me.
I told you Marvin would put the stank on it! He worked that so good you could put that on a slow jam mix. Thanks Marvin. We miss you!
Since I first started this blog 1 year ago there have been lots of changes. Changes in my life, changes in the world, and of course changes in my template! We've had friends come and go. There have been beefs, boasts, and bullshit. Well today we're re-visiting all of the fun and sadness. So if you showed up late or took a break, today we're covering it all. O course it'll probably cause more beef but who cares! If it's one thing that hasn't changed it's my pompous, arrogant, and who gives a crap attitude so let's get busy!!!!
Ultimately I want to make this celebration about you guys. Your comments on my posts throughout the year have already shown how you feel about me and what I write and so now let's take a little stroll down memory lane....
The Loyal Subjects
Grant- Grant has been with me since day one. Literally. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago that he actually was the first person to comment on my blog that I didn't know and he actually commented on my very first day of blogging. You are a strange bird but anybody that has put up with my nonsense for that long deserves a shout out at least.
Danielle- D's Crunk Corner was the first amateur blog that I was really impressed with. She had gadgets in her sidebar and she had blogroll broken down into two sections, a idea I would later steal for my blogroll. She also routinely had over 50 comments on each of her posts and later upwards of a hundred or more. Danielle was also the first person I beefed with online. She took offense to an innocent comment made by GP and kept emailing me to "get her in check". I ended up saying she smelled like cheese. Danielle I am offering you a public apology for all that nonsense. You were cool before you lost your mind. I forgive you and I hope you forgive the King.
Georgia Peach- Your cute. A little arrogant, but cute. I'll watch your blog progress and see what else interesting you have to say. That was GP's first comment on my blog back on August 30th 2005. It was also the start of a great online friendship. At one point she was even recognized as my Executive Producer. As much as I tried to keep her sheltered from the rest of the world eventually lots of others found her and she found lots of others as well. I don't see or hear from GP that much anymore because of that crooked little place called Myspace but she's a lifetime member of THE DYNASTY!
Andrea aka BrownSoul- Sept. 3rd is when the brown souled queen showed up in The Kingdom. And like Grant she still shows up every now and again. I joked with her early on that she was my favorite commenter because she alwasy agreed with me. I pretty much still feel the same way! LOL! Holla at me Queen!
Leesa- Sept. 8th the second loyal subject of european descent came along and brought with her a heart in her writing that always makes me smile and a mind that, well, is freaky as hell. She's a hell of a writer and as stated before she was the first blogger to link me and I was pumped for about 2 weeks because of it!
Jackie- There's a song by the Commodores call Night Shift and second verse goes something like this: Jackie(Jackie), hey what you doing now
It seems like yesterday
When we were working out
Jackie, you set the world on fire
You came and gifted us
Your love it lifted us higher and higher
Keep it up and we'll be there
At your side
Oh say you will sing your songs
Forevermore, evermore
I love that song. Anyway it describes my relationship with J to the tee. She first visited my blog on the post that turned out to be the most comments I'd ever had at that point so I was quite excited. She was charming, witty, and funny as hell. I think she was the second blogger that I actually talked to outside of the blog. We emailed each other all day long fussing, joking, and whatever else we could think of to help us pass our boring days at work. She always challenged me on my blog which was something different at the time. Now everybody tries to do it but back then she made it so much fun. The time she was around was the the golden era of my blog. I write better when I'm upset and at the time I was going through some really tough things. She helped me through that period with her humor and kindness. Eventually she would become another person I beefed with although it has always been more subtle as I have too much respect for her to ever say anything disrespectful in front of all of yall. Miscommunication is a bitch sometimes. If you feel I wronged you in anyway I Jacquelyn I want you to know I never intended to and I apologize.
Mwabi- Happee2bnappee is how I was first introduced to Mwabi. She won a contest to become the newest member of the Dynasty. She disappeared for awhile though but I've heard she resurfaced. If you're out there Mwabi holla at me!
Rell- My homie Rell made his first appearance in October. I have had very few regualr male readers and even less African-American ones. In fact Rell is the only one(Well he's the only one that comments). He loves Carolina and Jordan as much as I do. The only problem with the dude is that he's a Cowboy fan. Hey Rell the Cowboys are just the pro football version of the Duke Blue Devils!!!
Video X- VX was an interesting case. She first commented on my blog back in October and a few months later was part of a group that tried to really trash the King. But I did see the humor in it all and we were able to squash the beef and we've been cool ever since. Shouts to VX!
Nikki- Nov. 3rd Nikki typed her way into my life and changed it forever. Her first comment? i agree. the end. That was it. And my first thought is this is a person with very few words. Well let's just say my assumption was just a tad bit off. This woman does things with words that i thought were previously impossible. She constantly shocks me. Actually if you liked any of my posts from the past few months it's because Nikki has been masturbating my mind and the climax is the words you've been reading. She inspires me like no one else. Oh and she also designed my blog! Which reminds me, it's time to switch it up again Nik!!!
Laa- LaaLaa was the next high yellow chica to capture my attention and she still has it. Seriously Laa is one of my favorite bloggers and it has nothing to do with her complexion. She's just really cool and down to earth. Laa is a lifelong Dynasty member. I'd also like to take this time to address the notion put forth by some that I seek out the bright(light skin) female bloggers and attempt to mack them down. Not true. I mack ALL female bloggers! HA! Hold me down Laa and start that study!
Cool AC- Arleta, I think that's her name I can never remember, first commetned on my blog in early December. She's one of those people that's always stating facts and figures. The know-it-all type(LOOK WHO'S TALKING!) that gets on your nerves after about 13 seconds. Check her comments on your pages or her blog and you'll see what I mean. She sits up on a really high horse and points out the flaws of any and everybody not named Cool AC and she wonders why.....wait...I'm supposed to be nice. Cool you're ummmm.....well you're not a bad person per se but....never mind. Thanks for kicking it as long as you did and all that jazz.
Koolbreeze- The lady with all the babies also was a newcomer in December. She's one of my all time favorites as well. She calls me out on her blog for not posting(you didn't think I saw that did you) and harasses me in the comment section. Congratulations on the new baby Kool and I still say you should've named the little crumb snatcher after the King!
Goddess- The Goddess stumbled across my blog when she first started blogging back in December and has been a LS ever since. She's truly an interesting character, so much so I did an interview with her once. She's white but I lover her anyway! Kidding!
Chele- Chele was another December baby. Dang what was I posting in December?! Anyway she is another excellent writer and provides hilarious and insightful comments and the factthat she's attractive doesn't hurt. Go buy her book!
Missy- Missy found me right before the new year as well. Ok I've really got to go back and read the December posts! I love Missy or whatever name she's going by now(NegroPino). She fusses at me for rarely stopping by her blog but I'm going to promise to do better Missy!!!
Kween- LMAO! This one is just funny. Kween is well, I guess the most loyal subject of them all. Since she first commented on my blog on Jan4th I'm not sure if a day has passed that she hasn't visited. Mostly it was to steal my ideas, promote her on blog, and to plug her plays, but she stopped by nonetheless. Her presence really shook things up around here. And when I say shook things up what I mean is a lot of my more establised base couldn't stand her and the way she flirted with the King. In fact she's probably 47% of the reason a lot of my original subjects stopped showing up. But I don't fault her she was just doing what it is that she does. What I do fault her for are those wack pictures of me she keeps putting up on her site. Cease and desist Kween or I will chop you up and feed you to pigs!
TTD- Yall call her TTD but the King calls her Tif. Kween entered the scene Jan.4th and her homey Tiffany wasn't far behind making her first appearance Jan.9th. Tiffany is one of the coolest chicks i've met and that's probably because we have the same sense of humor and usually agree on stuff. She's a basketball fan and that's always a good quality in a female. Along with Kween, they ran off some of my "friends" by coming on my blog and just talking to each other about stuff only the two of them knew about. My inbox was flooded when these two showed up and the contents usually went something like this "I hate them bitches!" LMAO! I was seriously looking for a way to ban them but I'm glad I didn't. They are odd for sure but they are mad cool and didn't up and leave me even when other newbies showed up. Where I'm from we call that "real".
No1:uKnow- A few days after that on Jan. 11th No1 visited the good King although back then she was known as chclt~tits. She's my homey and I tried to get her to change her screen name to KNOWONE. Get it? It's a double entendre! Anyway I just always call her Beaverhousen. I like how Beaverhousen feels on my tongue. Wait a minute! Get your minds out of the gutter! Gtalk me baby!
BK Diva- The Diva changes her name a lot too. She's been extremely sweet since she became a LS and she's an even bigger flirt than me! Holla at me Reesie!
There's just so many people to shout out! All of you guys have made my blog hot and happeneing. Keep rolling through and if you stopped for some reason then come on back! There's always a spot waiting for you at the Palace!
And to show my love for all you guys I've invited the pre-cracked out Whitney to perform a song for you guys that expresses how I feel about you! Enjoy.
Do you hear that haters?! It'll take an eternity to break us! The chains of Amistad can't hold us! Yeeeahhh!!!
This past year flew by and it was all because you kept me laughing or arguing, or just inspiring me by the things on your blogs. All of you. I appreciate you sticking with me even when I am tripping. This blog has been so much for for me and it has also been therapy. Thanks for all your advice and friendship albeit internet friendship it's still a form of friendship nonetheless. You're awesome and here's to another year of my nonsense!
And so to close the show I tried my best to think of a performer who could truly capture the essence of me, this blog, and all of you. Ladies and gentelman Gnarls Barkley!
Thank you. Thank you. You have been far too kind. You could've been anywhere in the world but you are here with me.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Lost...
I did a really good Mailbag this morning before I went to my meeting and I thought it had posted but when I came back it was gone. I thought about doing it over but had no time. But just so you know it was really, really funny. I enjoyed it. Oh well.
I think I posted this picture before but I'm not sure. It's from my younger days. I was probably about 21 or 22 in this picture. I think this picture proves that even when i'm thinking I'm sexy. Don't ask me why I'm posting this other than for you to have a reference of who I was when I tell some of my stories about how I was back in the day. Enjoy.
I think I posted this picture before but I'm not sure. It's from my younger days. I was probably about 21 or 22 in this picture. I think this picture proves that even when i'm thinking I'm sexy. Don't ask me why I'm posting this other than for you to have a reference of who I was when I tell some of my stories about how I was back in the day. Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hump Day...
Wednesday. Hump day. Before I was an upstanding and contributing member of society, I spent my time collecting money from the kids that sold weed for me in their high schools, the females that sold weed for me in the dorms, and the less scholastic youth that sold the harder stuff for me up on the corner. Other than that I played video games, ate take out from Golden Pizza, and had sex. Lots of sex. Hump day was everyday for the kid. Humping as in humping and pumping some freshman at NC A&T or Bennett College that thought I was a really sweet guy with a nice car. Naivity is such a turn on.
Fast foward to August 16th 2006. I still deal in drugs but this time it's legal. But let me just say that just because it's legal doesn't make it any different. In fact the only differences I see in the operation I work for now and the one I ran back then is that I always made a profit. A substantial one. The folks that worked for me were happy. I was happy. Back then it was hard to sleep at night and now it's hard to wake up in the morning. Other than that it's the exact same thing.
I see the commercials where they name a million ailments until they hit one you have and tell you why you need to buy this or that drug. Do your feet hurt after work? Then you need to take this. Do your hands get sweaty? Then you gotta have this. Then they proceed to tell you that while curing your sweaty palms the drug may also cause you to get dizzy, lose control of your rectum muscles, and paralyze the left side of your body. But you don't have sweaty palms anymore! I sort of feel bad but they say a sucker is born every minute and not even someone as great as me can educate all of them.
I guess the case can be made that some of these drugs do good. Like the ones we have here that help cancer victims or HIV patients. Of course lil Troy who sold weed for me told me that I was saving his life too. You see his mom thought she was 17, the same age of Troy. He never knew his dad and the profits he made helped him buy his school clothes and keep money in his pocket. Can you feel good about something and feel guilty about it at the same time? That's how I feel when I think about that situation but it's also how I feel about my situation now. There are millions of people that don't get the medicines they need to live and we throw away and or lose enough product here a month to take care of a village of people somewhere in Africa or maybe even a couple of those folks that sleep on the ground a few feet away from the White House.
It's Wednesday. Hump day. I hate waking up in the morning because I sleep like a baby. That's what a good conscious does for you. Sure I hate my job but lots of people don't have jobs or do things that I couldn't imagine doing. It's Wednesday. Hump day. A new day for positivity and reflection. All that nonsense from the past, whether we're talking about Monday and Tuesday or the more distant past, are behind us and a bright and happy future is in front of us and that's whether we're talking about the weekend or the goals we've set for ourselves in the future. Can you see them? Out of the valley we now stand at the top of the mountain, the hump. We're half way there baby. We are half way there.
Fast foward to August 16th 2006. I still deal in drugs but this time it's legal. But let me just say that just because it's legal doesn't make it any different. In fact the only differences I see in the operation I work for now and the one I ran back then is that I always made a profit. A substantial one. The folks that worked for me were happy. I was happy. Back then it was hard to sleep at night and now it's hard to wake up in the morning. Other than that it's the exact same thing.
I see the commercials where they name a million ailments until they hit one you have and tell you why you need to buy this or that drug. Do your feet hurt after work? Then you need to take this. Do your hands get sweaty? Then you gotta have this. Then they proceed to tell you that while curing your sweaty palms the drug may also cause you to get dizzy, lose control of your rectum muscles, and paralyze the left side of your body. But you don't have sweaty palms anymore! I sort of feel bad but they say a sucker is born every minute and not even someone as great as me can educate all of them.
I guess the case can be made that some of these drugs do good. Like the ones we have here that help cancer victims or HIV patients. Of course lil Troy who sold weed for me told me that I was saving his life too. You see his mom thought she was 17, the same age of Troy. He never knew his dad and the profits he made helped him buy his school clothes and keep money in his pocket. Can you feel good about something and feel guilty about it at the same time? That's how I feel when I think about that situation but it's also how I feel about my situation now. There are millions of people that don't get the medicines they need to live and we throw away and or lose enough product here a month to take care of a village of people somewhere in Africa or maybe even a couple of those folks that sleep on the ground a few feet away from the White House.
It's Wednesday. Hump day. I hate waking up in the morning because I sleep like a baby. That's what a good conscious does for you. Sure I hate my job but lots of people don't have jobs or do things that I couldn't imagine doing. It's Wednesday. Hump day. A new day for positivity and reflection. All that nonsense from the past, whether we're talking about Monday and Tuesday or the more distant past, are behind us and a bright and happy future is in front of us and that's whether we're talking about the weekend or the goals we've set for ourselves in the future. Can you see them? Out of the valley we now stand at the top of the mountain, the hump. We're half way there baby. We are half way there.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
2'z Day....
You see how I spelled Tuesday in the title? That's as creative as it gets today. Tuesdays are really no different than Mondays. The only reason most people don't whine about Tuesdays as much as Mondays is because it's slightly closer to Friday so that makes it just a tad, just a smidgen better than Monday. Wow I'm depressing.
Anyway I came in early today to prepare for a presentation that I have to give for a meeting this morning. I've did a bunch of number crunching and research and printed out stuff for the big wigs to look at and they'll probably just glance at it and as soon as the meeting is over they'll quickly place all my work in FILE 13. If you don't know what FILE 13 is ask somebody. I'm always educating you guys and do I ever get a thank you?! No. I am so unappreciated.
My 1 year anniversary is quickly approaching and as Rick James would say IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES! Ok so since I have to commemorate the joyous day that I came into your lives and strong armed the blog world away from the geeks and my creativity is running on "E" shoot me some celebration ideas. My homie Ms. Beaverhousen has suggested that yours truly host a meet and greet for all the MD/DC/VA bloggers. That sounds like fun and I just might do that although it might not happen until 2008 because I am a bit of a procrastinator. At any rate I might do it although Beaverhousen might be one of about 2 local bloggers that doesn't think I'm a jerk. Speaking of all the folks that misunderstand me, I'm thinking of perhaps burying the hatchet with some of the folks I've beefed with over the past 12 months as part of the celebration and have them come over and offer up their opinions of the Good King. But who knows, things change so quickly in my brain that what's truth at the beginning of this sentence is fiction by the end of it.
Hey the more I type just random nonsense the more ideas pop into my dome! I got that feeling! Baby, baby I got that feeling! Look! I got you smiling again. Your boy D still got it just give me some time to re-up. I ain't no dope dealer but I got that crack and when I put that pipe in your lap you don't know how to act. Wait. Let it marinate. Get it yet? Good. Now keep that smile on your face for the rest of the day and when they ask you why are you smiling just say "It's Tuesday, one day closer to Friday and I'm down with the King!" Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waiters on the way out. One.
Anyway I came in early today to prepare for a presentation that I have to give for a meeting this morning. I've did a bunch of number crunching and research and printed out stuff for the big wigs to look at and they'll probably just glance at it and as soon as the meeting is over they'll quickly place all my work in FILE 13. If you don't know what FILE 13 is ask somebody. I'm always educating you guys and do I ever get a thank you?! No. I am so unappreciated.
My 1 year anniversary is quickly approaching and as Rick James would say IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES! Ok so since I have to commemorate the joyous day that I came into your lives and strong armed the blog world away from the geeks and my creativity is running on "E" shoot me some celebration ideas. My homie Ms. Beaverhousen has suggested that yours truly host a meet and greet for all the MD/DC/VA bloggers. That sounds like fun and I just might do that although it might not happen until 2008 because I am a bit of a procrastinator. At any rate I might do it although Beaverhousen might be one of about 2 local bloggers that doesn't think I'm a jerk. Speaking of all the folks that misunderstand me, I'm thinking of perhaps burying the hatchet with some of the folks I've beefed with over the past 12 months as part of the celebration and have them come over and offer up their opinions of the Good King. But who knows, things change so quickly in my brain that what's truth at the beginning of this sentence is fiction by the end of it.
Hey the more I type just random nonsense the more ideas pop into my dome! I got that feeling! Baby, baby I got that feeling! Look! I got you smiling again. Your boy D still got it just give me some time to re-up. I ain't no dope dealer but I got that crack and when I put that pipe in your lap you don't know how to act. Wait. Let it marinate. Get it yet? Good. Now keep that smile on your face for the rest of the day and when they ask you why are you smiling just say "It's Tuesday, one day closer to Friday and I'm down with the King!" Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waiters on the way out. One.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Monday...
It's Monday. It sucks. I've started writing about 13 different posts since last week and I haven't finished any of them. I planned to finish a few of them during my leisure this weekend but my social life got in the way. Oh well.
So anyway my body is extremely sore from shooting basketball yesterday and to be sitting here sore and to hate my job really sucks. The only thing worse than being sore at a job that you hate is being sore at a job you hate on a Monday morning.
Ok I have work to do. I'll be more entertaining later. Maybe.
So anyway my body is extremely sore from shooting basketball yesterday and to be sitting here sore and to hate my job really sucks. The only thing worse than being sore at a job that you hate is being sore at a job you hate on a Monday morning.
Ok I have work to do. I'll be more entertaining later. Maybe.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Black Weblog Awards...
Well it's that time of year again! Last year I started blogging just when they gave these awards out and I was pissed because I wasn't eligible. So I have strived for the last 12 months to become the best blogger in the universe. Mission accomplished!I am the undisputed King of All Bloggers!
But your boy still has hopes and dreams. I still have goals. I am as competitive as they come and I love to win. Since August of '05 I've been nominated for quite a few awards including my own Kingy Awards and for the most part didn't care if I won or not. But these are the big boys! That's where you come in. Yes you! Stop looking around I'm talking to you! I have to get nominated and then win.
So all of us that love me with all our heart and soul have to make sure I'm on at least one of those ballots!. Now don't get me wrong if you don't feel as if though the King is deserving of an award don't do it just because I'll cut your brake lines if you don't. No. Do it because I have brought joy and happiness to your life. Because I am the cure for your boredom. Because you routinely call a man you don't know King and are happy to be called a loyal subject. Because you were ecstatic when you saw your name in The Dynasty or the Commission or pissed off because your name isn't there! Whatever your reasons are get over there and check out the categories and then nominate your King!
And just to show you guys that I'm not a self-centered prick, ok well I'm not ALWAYS a self-centered prick be sure to vote for Nikki for best writing and Crunk & Disorderly for best pop culture blog. And to show you that I am still a pompous, arrogant prick here are the categories I'm hoping to get nominated in. What?! I'm just trying to help you out in your nominating process! Ungrateful sonsofbitches. Ok so here goes. Blog Design, Best Humor, Best Hip Hop, Blog of the Year, Blog Community, and Blog to Watch.
The finalist will be chosen and officially nominated on August 15th so vote two or three times a day!!!
Thank you in advance.
6 Flags...
I went to Six Flags on Saturday. Yes I rode a roller coaster for the first time in my life. I also rode my last roller coaster. Ol' Kingy just doesn't get the thrill out of being zoomed through the air upside down and what not. I got on some monstrosity called the Joker's Jinx. As soon as the contraption took off I immediately regretted my decision. I was squezzing the bar in front of me so tight that I am sure I dented the bar. I was so scared that I didn't even scream. Hell, I didn't even open my eyes. I just held on for dear life and prayed that it would all be over soon.
With that being said I had a great time with the young guys that I took and they thought I was really cool because I kept winning them stuff. We had so many stuffed animals and dolls....er...action figures that we were the envy of every little kid in the park. Take that you little rugrats! We were approached more than once by people asking us to win stuff for them. Unfortunately I declined because they didn't offer to pay me. Hey, I'm not a buisness man, I'm a BUISNESS......man! Seeing how none of them was older than 16 for some odd reason they were enamored with the young ladies floating around so I had to keep them focused. I even got to spew a few life lessons for the little guys. I need to have a son. Who wants to have my baby?! Little DJ would be the man! Anyway I have more pictures but I look really goofy in them and so I'm only posting the one that makes me look the least goofy! Enjoy.
With that being said I had a great time with the young guys that I took and they thought I was really cool because I kept winning them stuff. We had so many stuffed animals and dolls....er...action figures that we were the envy of every little kid in the park. Take that you little rugrats! We were approached more than once by people asking us to win stuff for them. Unfortunately I declined because they didn't offer to pay me. Hey, I'm not a buisness man, I'm a BUISNESS......man! Seeing how none of them was older than 16 for some odd reason they were enamored with the young ladies floating around so I had to keep them focused. I even got to spew a few life lessons for the little guys. I need to have a son. Who wants to have my baby?! Little DJ would be the man! Anyway I have more pictures but I look really goofy in them and so I'm only posting the one that makes me look the least goofy! Enjoy.
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