It's that time again. You know, when I answer the hundreds of emails that I normally ignore during the week! They used to aggravate me. Ok they still aggravate me but at least they provide me with fodder for a post. So let's see what you guys have on your mind.
Hey D! I hope you don't think I'm a stalker but where do you work?
Vandelay Industries. We do latex, architecture, importing, exporting.
King you seem smooth. How do you get the panties off?
I'm old fashioned. I usually set up a fake production company and then put an ad on Craigslist for aspiring nude models.
Did you go see M.I. 3 this weekend?
Yes but I bought a ticket for Akeelah and the Bee and then walked into the MI3 theatre. That makes the score, King-1 and The MAN-ZERO!
Hey King. I read your rules about how a man should be and I need some advice. My girl broke up with me but I don't know exactly why. I sent her flowers and surprised her by buying paying her rent and her car note. After that she went out to dinner with me but the next day she said it was a mistake and to never call her agin. What should I do to get her back?
Jesus dude, have some dignity. Even the Wiggles would call you a pussy. Just say to yourself "She's dead to me." Don't make the mistake I did by finding a doll stabbing it with a knife and sending it to her with a note that says "YOU"! All that did was get a bunch of cops in my living room.
Ddot I am thinking about getting breast implants. Do guys like them?
Is this a real question? I know a fake breast when I see one and I also know that I don't care. The outside is real and that's the only part I'm going to be looking at. I'm not Superman for goodness sakes.
I thought that picture Kween put up of you was really mean! Did you really ok her to do that? I hate her.
Look, I'm a jerk. I enjoy being a jerk. Don't hate Kween. I've done much worse to other people. Comparing her to me is like comparing Hitler to a bunny rabbit sliding down a rainbow. And if revenge is sweet, let's just say I'm gonna have to make a couple trips to the dentist.
What program do you use to dowload your music?
Downloading music is illegal. It takes money out of the artists pocket. So even if I have to shovel asphalt on rooftops with four guys from Guatemala I will buy the music so that my favorite artists can travel the globe in private jets and sing songs about guys like me "hating them". Oh and if I did download music I would "probably" use LimeWire.
Do something funny about Paris Hilton. I hate her.
I don't care about Paris Hilton. She makes millions for standing around showing off her body. But when I roller skate into the bank in my thong with a big gold medallion on everybody gets uptight.
I wish I had met you before you got all cynical and mean. I bet you drove the girls crazy!
Thanks but well you're being a little optimistic if you ask me. Unless you consider some spaz with braces pulling up his pants and apologizing a hot night of passion. Ok, ok I never had braces.
What's the greatest thing you've ever done?
I created panda bears.
Tell me something about you that people would find interesting.
My tears cure cancer. Too bad I've never cried.
Just so you know, I'm gonna stop coming to your page!
No! Without you this page would be nothing! Wait a minute. I meant to say Who gives a shit. Get lost. Go play in traffic. I think you overestimated the depths of my interest.
It's Monday people. I have loads of work to
191 comments:
JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A BUTTON DOESN'T MEAN HE'LL COME TO YOUR BLOG!!!! its just an ad for him.....jerk
getting my ass beat by a large angry black man .... mmmmmmm
I'm deeply wounded by that Kool. Deeply wounded.
Chele we gotta get you some...LOL
OH LAWD!!! Now who got a problem with me...dah well I am like a virgin to sex...i don't give a fuck...anyways Good Morning peoples
Hey D...get off of yourself
I'm on myself again? I wasn't trying to be. It must be an involuntary reflex type thing.
must be....hmmmmmm....visual....yuk....anyways...
was MI3 worth the Akeelah the Bee money???
Yeah it was was you'd expect from a big budget action flick with Tom Cruise. Weak dialogue, big explosions and the occasional eye candy. Nothing to write home about.
Morning all
Good morning Beaverhousen.
WHEW!! I am so glad the commercial break is over....let's tune in...
lol@today's post. thanks for the laughs...i really need them on mondays!
how's everybody doing?
oh, and i'm not adding that damn button, king. you know i'm down with you.
Good morning Nikki. I'm glad I could give you a good laugh.
Fine. Don't add the button Nikki but I hope you have medical insurance. LOL
you'll be iight D.
If you say so Kool....lol
what i say goes...
lol...medical insurance...D...like you can cause some damamge...
What do you call a woman with two black eyes and a busted lip?
A slow learner.
But in all sincerity the only thing I've broken on a woman is her back and they usually enjoy it.
you are so conceited!
has a women ever not enjoyed your loving D?
Kool he stays on himself...lol...shock that there was ever room for someone else in his life...
so true kween so true!!! LOL
what is this? bash a king monday?
stop with all the hating...it's bad enough we've got four more days until the weekend!
i need some positive vibes to get me through the day...someone tell me a good story...
Thank you Nikki!!! LOL
Positivity people!!!
lol...ok ok ok...no more King bashing...i am sorry...on a positive note...my first play starts this friday...and i feel like a lil miniature celeb around these parks...lol
King you are too good to me
well my hubby is here all day.... messin up my routine so i'm hatin
and messin up my plan to go shoe shoppin... now i can't cause he'll see me when i bring them home....dammit
Send me tickets Kween.
I'm glad he's home with you Kool because I need to talk to "Mr. Kool" about his nutty wife.
see why i got to be nutty? that ain't even right!
and he isn't here for me... guess what his excuse to me was... hes gotta cut the grass! yeah thats why his ass is still in the bed.
There's nothing wrong with being nutty Kool. Some people make a good living being nutty.
kween - congrats on your accomplishment! i'm so excited for you!
you got any bloggers in your area who can take photos of your performance?
I didn't want to get up this morning either. I dialed the first six numbers of my job to let them know I'd be M.I.A. today but then I remembered how bill collector's are so picky about getting their money on time.
oh yeah? like you?
you got bill collectors after you D?
Kool I wish I could get paid for using the creative side of my brain or even for something I like doing. Which would mean I'd probably directing and starring in Booty Talk 75 right about now.
Yeah bill collector's harass me all the time. It seems like they are sending me a bill every month! Jerks.
thanks Nikki...umm Angie, TTD an d GTL are a few of my close blogger buddies who are actually my real life friends too...lol...but i dunno if any of them can make it...but they are taking pics at the play and possibly recording it...
King...you have to send the money for the tickets...what's you cc#
:-D
don't answer the phone!
LOL! Kool you are a trip. I was being facetious. They don't call and harass me. They just send a bill every month. Get it?
d - i told those bill collectors to kiss my ass. they decided to go another route and just take my ass to court.
poor ass...i told her not to show up, but she's too afraid not to.
Kween you buy the ticket and send it to me! I'll need 3 for my two dates as well.
question...is it cheating if you don't get caught?
i mean, it's like that tree that falls in the forest...if nobody's there to hear it, it didn't make a sound.
so why doesn't the same thing apply to cheating???
i'm about to blog about this shit today...the cheating thing, that is.
yeah i got it! you the one that kept going...
LOL! Nikki I have been threatened with the court thing too when I was younger. They had me shook.
If I knew then what I know now I would've just called them or even better wrote a note that said "YOU CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM A TURNIP!"
Now that's funny.
yes, it is still cheating cause YOU know you are being unfaithful!
Good question Nikki. Of course being a man of high morals I say that it's still cheating because you're cheating the other person of the truth and cheating them of having a true bond with you that maybe they feel they have. Cheating is cheating but I can't wait to read what you have to say.
"YOU CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM A TURNIP!"
my husband told one that once...and they actually listened and stop harrassing him
hey D... do/ have you cheat/ed... just thought i'd ask because of you being a person of high morals and such!!!LOL
I guess it depends on who you ask Kool.
I've never cheated on my GFs. Never. But I had a lot of "friends" who considered me their boyfriend and found out I had slept with their best friend/sister/roommate/mom...etc. and were devastated. Silly girls.
but what if it's a harmless thing like talking to someone, maybe even flirting a little...is that cheating? when does it become cheating? at the moment of insertion of the penis into the pussy or before?
and for the record i've only stepped out on one relationship and that was years ago. however, recently, before i ended my current situation, i was flirting hard with a guy. i mean, emotionally i think i was being unfaithful even though nothing came of it.
flirting is harmless and i wouldn't consider that cheating...anything beyond flirting...touching, kissing, exchange of numbers, insertion...is cheating.
D~ you slept with someone's mama... was she a MILF?
Flirting is dangerous. It's emotional cheating. A lot of times is equals to having sex with the mind.
A basic rule is if you don't want your mate having a similar conversation with someone else then don't do it.
d - that's what i was thinking afterwards. i mean, i could say i was caught up in the moment, but i know i actively engaged in that shit, primarily cuz i was lonely. that's not a good enough reason to do it, which is why i checked myself and went ahead and ended my situation. why the hell should a sista feel lonely IN a relationship???
also it all depends on what is being said and how serious one is taking it... if its all in fun then i don't see it as being dangerous. it really comes down to the mental state of the flirtees
buy u tickets for you other two dates....hmmmm...and why can't they buy the tickets???
lol...cheating is cheating
If you try to hide the friendship or don't give detailed information about the types of conversations then you in your heart know that it's cheating. Both parties may feel like it's just for fun but if your mate doesn't like it then you gotta stop. Besides talking leads to action a lot of the time. You and I could be harmlessly flirting but if I turn it up a notch the next thing you know you're covered in whip cream drinking a gatorade with a charlie horse in your thigh wondering how you ended up there.
Cheating: giving something intimate to another person what you should be giving to your spouse or significant other without their knowledge or consent...that's my definition of it
Good definition. But it doesn't have to be anything perverted or even intimate. It could just be time. Like Nikki said she felt lonely. Spending time with a person and beginning to have a bond with them can cause all kinds of things to happen. You start comparing them against your mate and that causes more and more problems.
intimate doesn't just mean sex or anything like...letting a person "in" is the act of being intimate...
that is why i used the word intimate...
You're right. Time can be intimate.
Hello everyone!!!!
Cheating...interesting subject
yeah...sharing a part of one's self that one would normally share only with one's mate...that's cheating like a mofo...
Hey Laa!
I can agree with that Nik.
hey Laa
wassup laa!
what if there is a good reason for the person to cheat? what if the spouse is neglectful or abusive? what if it's not financially feasible to leave the situation even though technically, the relationship is over for all intents and purposes?
That's no excuse Nikki! If he/she is abusive or neglectful then just leave the relationship. If it's not finacially feasible then focus your energy on getting your dough together and then leave. Besides if a person is abusive when they find out you've been cheating you might wake up in the ER.
d - have you ever been with a sista who was cheating on her man? i ask because you sound adamant about that shit right there.
Yes I've been with women who were cheating on their BFs and husbands and again, being a man with high morals it always kind of bothered me. Especially the married ones. Also I know how bad it hurts to find out someone has cheated on you. I wouldn't want to put someone through that.
And it's dangerous. Quick story. I was doing this married woman that I worked with. First mistake is to never screw co-workers. Anyway I was doing her and she started falling for me. She had kids so she couldn't always get away and since her husband was a fireman he worked like a two day shift or something. She started inviting me to her house to get the booty. Like a fool I did it. Anyway to make a long story short. Me and a friend was in the Auto store and her little girls ran up to me waving. The problem was they were with their dad. At this point he had found out she was cheating but all he knew was my first name. So he turned and came towards me and I had to bolt. I ain't no punk but this dude looked like a clone of Suge Knight. And even after that she still tried to get me to beat it up. Damn me and my addictive penis.
Beaver, thats the name, lol
i hope everyone had a grand weekend.....
Ddot question..............
What made you have this fling with a married women in the first place?
no your first mistakewas to sleep with a married woman
damn if you would have known my kids...damn that is some shit!
lmao@addictive penis.
a friend of mine just recently went through something similar, only her husband called him and told him not to see her again.
after he did (see her again that is), he called me and told me about it. then i reminded him he had a daughter who's life could be in danger over that shit.
one thing i'll give him credit for...he cut the coochie quick when he thought about his daughter, but i was like "what took you so long to think about her in the first place?"
i've never been with a married man, although i've been hella attracted to some. i was propositioned by one and was damn close to accepting it but then i thought about his wife and couldn't do it. that's karma right there.
koolbreeze - yeah, that sista was stank with her shit if she let d meet her kids. no disrepect meant, but he's just the dick...not daddy. LOL
WOWZERS
Good point Kool.
N1S we just started off being friends and she would tell me how her husband ignored her and how he was always gone. She failed to mention that it was because of his job. But she had a big butt and a great smile and I fell for it all. She was older than me and at the time I loved older women.
I always tried to avoid meeting her kids because I knew that would complicate things but one time she packed them up and came knocking at my door saying she was going to leave her husband and wanted to move in with me. It was crazy because there was another young lady in my bedroom. I talked to her and sent her home but after that when we would meet up she would bring them along. Wanna hear something really bad? She told me she felt guilty about doing it on her marriage bed so she'd take the kids to her mothers and we'd do the nasty on her kids beds. There's a moral in this story ladies. Don't have sex with me. I'll have you doing some crazy isht.
u not supposed to intro no man to your kids that aint prone to be permenant...especially if you tryna be incognegro...kids always bust you out....
WOWZERS times 2
damn the kids bed....thats triff...
ddot...the reason i ask that question is cause i know a lot of guys that go after married women, cause in their opion the women knows what she wants....she's only looking for sex, there is no complications like having to go out...if they meet up, they know they getting some ass
KWEEN have you finished the awards show yet?
dayum@d...
on the kiddie's beds??? wow.
LMAO@you having someone else there when she showed up with kids in tow. that had to be mad awkward for you. did you tell her you had someone in the room waiting on you or did she guess?
kinda i posted a 2nd part to it today...and i am working on the 3rd part now...
so true. i had to tell my sister to stop that shit. cause with every man my neice was talking is that gonna be my new daddy. i was like oh hell naw.
Well that's very true N1S. She definitely wasn't stimulated by my conversation. We'd meet at the rendevous spot(my house, her house, hotel room) and just go at it. I never spent a dime on her. She would even give me her kids playstation and Nintendo 64 games. Dang she really was trifling now that I think about it.
D~ was the pussy that good to where you continued the realtionship even after she got bold with her shit?
DAMN she was beyond triflin'...
good question KOOL, cuz that triflin' mess goes both ways...
I didn't have to tell her. Ol girl came out of the room and started trying to go at her. She was saying stuff like how could I cheat on her and crap. I was like YOU ARE MARRIED!!! People just get caught up I guess.
way to look at the situation D? ....men
The booty was good. But it was more about the excitement of the situation. It's crazy now when I think back on it. Her husband could've came home one of those nights and killed me. I was young but I knew better. It's one of my biggest regrets.
how many married women have you been with D?
man REGRETS now that's a topic to chew on...
I've been with 2 married women. Meaning that they are still living with their husband. Seperated or something like that....who knows how many.
You would have to think that she ran that same game on someone else too...just trifling.
married is married....don't care how long you've been separated...till you get the divorce decree you are still married
thats why i have hobbies...
My ex used to get women to feel sympathy for him by telling them that I was a horrible mean person who wouldn't let him out of the marriage. I only found out after calling a couple of them.
Not saying that your adultress was this way but maybe
well damn...
HEY KWEEN, info on this play please...or is that on your blog
bump that. you wanna go... don't let the door knob hit ya where the good Laod split ya!!! PEACE!
why did you call them Laa? were ya'll going through a divorce at the time or just separated or was he just finding women to cheat with?
lol@koolbreeze. i've got hobbies, too. in fact, i'm trying to replicate that beautiful set you posted last week. you got skills girl, FO SHO.
as for you, d...i can't be mad atcha. you had to do what you had to do. i appreciate your honesty with it. sometimes folks get caught up, although i would hope you've learned the lesson from that one.
what's the lesson? uh...don't fuck around with women who have kids...
oh yeah, and who are married (although that's optional). LOL
Lord...well ya'll know what i meant! ;)
Yeah Laa she was slick. She even tried to pimp me out to some of her other married friends after i cut her off. And her cousin told me a few years later that her husband had caught her cheating at least twice before me and once after but he is still with her.
true@laa...
that sob story gets so old! i wonder how many folk still use that one?
Thank ya Miss Nikki!!!!
yes kool you're right...but at the same time when the marriage is over its over, with or with out the paper...
said by someone going through that right now....see in md you have to wait 1 year before you can file, its not fair that i should have to have me life on hold during that year...when i know its beyond over
The sob story never gets old.
yous a hoe now D!!! LOL
yeah but you gotta do what you gotta do. i wouldn't mess with anyone separated.
A good sob story on the right chick will get you in every time.
no that shit won't. i'd be like you better go home and tell your wife that shit!
the top reason i hear why some1 wont mess with a person separated, is that they dont wanna get hurt....
that would do nothing but piss me off.
no1...that SUCKS!
A YEAR??? for what? they don't make you do counseling do they?
naw its cause they stillmarried in my book... call me when you get your papers
I agree Kool. I wouldn't get very close to a seperated person. I'm sympathetic to the waiting period and getting everything official but I need to see paperwork before we could go any further than friends.
naw they dont make you go to counseling, i guess its there way of making you make sure you want the divorce so the rate can be lower....
you cant live together or have sex for one year with your spouse...
me personally wouldn't have a problem waiting a year. but that just me
no1 - that about sums it up. folks are scared the person will go back to the ex.
a year to be stuck in a marriage that is mos def gonna end SUCKS.
you cant live together or have sex for one year with your spouse...
well i wouldn't to!!! thats why we are getting a divorce DUH!!! they be making up some dumb rules!
easy to say know cause you are not in that situation, but im so ready for these ties to be completely gone, so i dont have to deal with him any longer....
I think the 1 year waiting period is good for couples who just can't seem to get along. Adjusting to marriage is a difficult thing to do and so you shouldn't file for divorce because his feet stinks or something like that.
If he or she is abusive then that's different or if they have cheated.
lol@kool "call me when you get papers". it's like "call me when you've gotten rid of that rash on your balls..."
LOL
well i didnt see any quicker provisions for abusive or adultery
N1S~how much longer you got to wait?
Nikki~ naw don't call me at all.... get yo ass to the free clinic with the quickness!!!
hehehe@kool
i remember when my boyfriend at the time gave me crabs...
I can this month. :)
hey N1S...no it isn't on my blog...ok King I hope you don't mind but here's my run down
May 12 th Too Much Drama $30 Dinner theater style money due my Wednesday so they will have enough food prepared and it will be at the F.O.P. Lodge 3920 Buena Vista Ave (MAPQUEST), show starts at 7pm...this play will show again at the Baltimore Convention Center on
the 27th
Turn Your Head and Kafka - last week of June thru to the first week of July some where in Fells Point Baltimore...
Never Sleep Alone - mid July maybe at the Lyric
and lastly (so far) i was in an independent film last year and they have started the showing of it at different theaters...the first on is here Patterson Theater in Balimore June 30th and the are traveling the country to show it...
I gotta get something to eat. Yall keep the party going!
man oh man...sob stories...i think i've heard them all, so they get no where with me...
thanks. i know i cant make friday's show. i'll have to work the 2nd gig that night
ok kool, that wasnt a completely honest answer.....i could have filed as of mid-march....why i havent done so yet im not sure...im going back and forth on if i need to get a lawyer to protect my interests or if i can just do this myself...but the lawyer costs money.....i do need to make a decision quick so i can get this over with already
get a lawyer... my husband didn't and got screwed big time.
@ KB They called the house and/or I met them at our daughter's school. Least to say they knew he was full of it when they met me. They couldn't believe he could lie so bad about me.
@ N1S I recommend you get a lawyer or you'll end up with the short end of the stick. My ex didn't get a lawyer and he got nothing! I got everything worth getting. JMO
LOL @ "Vandelay Industries. We do latex, architecture, importing, exporting."
I just watched that episode yesterday....*lol*
"Crazy joe DiVOla....?
Ok, ok, I'll put the damn button on my page, already....
hey NSane i am so glad you went back to that, cuz i almost forgot to say what i thought when i saw that "Vandelay..." i use to mess with a dude who used "Mandelay" when we had sex "so he could last longer...and when i saw vandelay it made me think about that...
mandelay? LMAO
that's my first time hearing of such a thing, although i've heard of the condoms with the numbing agent on them. my ex had to use those.
I absolutely love:
What's the greatest thing you've ever done? I created panda bears.
Love your sense of humor!
King's back....
Nsane I saw that episode yesterday too. That's what made me use it. HILARIOUS!
What is Mandelay??
Leesa you always pick out the best lines. That one cracks me up too!!! I think I'm my biggest fan.
yeah im leaning that way, cause he's been acting real crazy....i had him sign a statment saying all his debt and assest were his and visa versa..and had it notarized....i had to make sure he had no claims to the house i purchased, since md is a community property state...the law doesnt make reference to property purchased during seperation.
dang i totally missed the Vandeley line....i probably didnt read the business name right, or i woulda got it, lol
lol...D mandelay is for them minute men out there...lol...i had lost my lust for the dude after i realized what the hell he was using, cuz the joint would go on for a while til the point that i was like keyshia cole..."i just want it to be over..." i feel like he cheated me out of my time by using such a thing...
Wow. Well I've never even heard of it.
what the heck is mandelay?
Oh and HAHA @ Kobe!
LOL@kween.
see it like this (cuz this is how i see it and it works...) he had to use it cuz you've got the golden orafice.
hehehe@golden orafice. sometimes i gotta laugh at my own shit.
LOL @ Golden orafice!!!
yeah he made mention that my stuff makes him cum to quick cuz it feels like it massages his dick...WTF
I gotta stay away from you if you got all that going on!
no if you are a real man you'd know how to handle it without no dag on mandelay
nikki girl you are too funny btw
am i wrong for wanting a brownie after eating a salad?
Entertaining and informative Goddess. What more could you ask for?! LOL
N1S...of course not...as long as you do not eat a whole pan worth of brownies
:-D
No N1S! Get a brownie. Now if you were trying to have a brownie ala mode like I plan on getting when I get off then you should feel ashamed of yourself.
*shhhhh*!
don't tell nobody 'bout lime uh...FIRE...
we don't want the record industry coming in to take that one from us, too!
naw not the whole pan or ala mode, a tollhouse one prewrapped...i havent had one in a while...im such a chocohollic
oh no! who's talking about chocolate???
now i'm gonna have to stop at the grocery store and get me some brownies. DAMN YOU ALL!
hmmm. im thinking bout changing my name and profile pic...but im scurred no1 will know who i am
sorry nikki....
im going to workout with BKbombshell 2nite though, so i'll work it off
Don't worry N1S if you change your name we'll find you.
That's true Goddess. That's because I am an evil diabolic genius intent to take over the world. So I have to flirt so that I can get all the ladies on my side because men follow women wherever they go. The next thing you know I am ruling the world!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!
Ok I got carried away. Sorry.
D you got extremely carried away...and Nikki you wonder why we have to bash him from time to time
kween - i see...i think i might have to bash him my damn self.
dammit there were no more brownies..so after circling the snacks 3 times...i reluctantly purchased the famous amos choc chip cookies...i dont want to eat these, but what good would that do
now back to this pic thing... it wasn't mean...it was just funny as all hell...
Famous Amos cookies are my favorite.
Yes Kween the picture was funny.
they are good, but they are not the brownie i wanted..... :(
you know i must say so myself...plus there's some irony in that pic...you think kobe is a jerk...i used his body on the jerk award...
man i remember we my cousing and i first invented the famous amos cookies...man we were just a slaving away baking cookies for this party for 16,000 guest, and we didn't have enough supplies so we stretched it by making lillte cookies and adding some extra ingredients to them...we never knew they would become so famous, we just kept baking as people ask for them, then my cousin had to move away and he took the recipe with him, that bastard never told me he was going to market them cookies, I hate my cousin Amos....
ok..i'm sorry, i had to...my mind went there
You mean his fake body that I used on my Kobe bashing post!
I hope you're enjoying all your laughs because you know I'm going to get you, right? And it's going to be gooooood!
as long as you go deep...
Talk is cheap!
LOL @ kween's cousin Amos
@ N1S - You'll have to let me know when you are in Lansing cause I got a friend who lives there too.
i'm thinking we need to have a female blogger's shopping trip or something...hmmmmmm
will do laa
hey kween don't exclude the men....they can pay
oh yeah i was planning on having them sponsor the whole thing...lol
"But when I roller skate into the bank in my thong with a big gold medallion on everybody gets uptight."
LMAO!!!
Priceless...
BTW,
I like large angry black men, but I do fight back...feel me?
ddot, I actually learn from your blog. Learn a bit more about writing. Not that I steal your stuff, but I look at your humor and see what works.
its wednesday!!
Thanks for the update Kool. I can throw this pesky desk calendar away as long as you're around!
haha you're funny
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