King's Mailbag...

It's that time again. You know, when I answer the hundreds of emails that I normally ignore during the week! They used to aggravate me. Ok they still aggravate me but at least they provide me with fodder for a post. So let's see what you guys have on your mind.

Hey D! I hope you don't think I'm a stalker but where do you work?

Vandelay Industries. We do latex, architecture, importing, exporting.

King you seem smooth. How do you get the panties off?

I'm old fashioned. I usually set up a fake production company and then put an ad on Craigslist for aspiring nude models.

Did you go see M.I. 3 this weekend?

Yes but I bought a ticket for Akeelah and the Bee and then walked into the MI3 theatre. That makes the score, King-1 and The MAN-ZERO!

Hey King. I read your rules about how a man should be and I need some advice. My girl broke up with me but I don't know exactly why. I sent her flowers and surprised her by buying paying her rent and her car note. After that she went out to dinner with me but the next day she said it was a mistake and to never call her agin. What should I do to get her back?

Jesus dude, have some dignity. Even the Wiggles would call you a pussy. Just say to yourself "She's dead to me." Don't make the mistake I did by finding a doll stabbing it with a knife and sending it to her with a note that says "YOU"! All that did was get a bunch of cops in my living room.

Ddot I am thinking about getting breast implants. Do guys like them?

Is this a real question? I know a fake breast when I see one and I also know that I don't care. The outside is real and that's the only part I'm going to be looking at. I'm not Superman for goodness sakes.

I thought that picture Kween put up of you was really mean! Did you really ok her to do that? I hate her.

Look, I'm a jerk. I enjoy being a jerk. Don't hate Kween. I've done much worse to other people. Comparing her to me is like comparing Hitler to a bunny rabbit sliding down a rainbow. And if revenge is sweet, let's just say I'm gonna have to make a couple trips to the dentist.

What program do you use to dowload your music?

Downloading music is illegal. It takes money out of the artists pocket. So even if I have to shovel asphalt on rooftops with four guys from Guatemala I will buy the music so that my favorite artists can travel the globe in private jets and sing songs about guys like me "hating them". Oh and if I did download music I would "probably" use LimeWire.

Do something funny about Paris Hilton. I hate her.

I don't care about Paris Hilton. She makes millions for standing around showing off her body. But when I roller skate into the bank in my thong with a big gold medallion on everybody gets uptight.

I wish I had met you before you got all cynical and mean. I bet you drove the girls crazy!

Thanks but well you're being a little optimistic if you ask me. Unless you consider some spaz with braces pulling up his pants and apologizing a hot night of passion. Ok, ok I never had braces.

What's the greatest thing you've ever done?

I created panda bears.

Tell me something about you that people would find interesting.

My tears cure cancer. Too bad I've never cried.

Just so you know, I'm gonna stop coming to your page!

No! Without you this page would be nothing! Wait a minute. I meant to say Who gives a shit. Get lost. Go play in traffic. I think you overestimated the depths of my interest.


It's Monday people. I have loads of work to ignore do so have a great week and if you don't put a King button on your page I will just assume you like having your ass beat by a large angry black man. Good day.

Riggedy Random Thizzought Friday...

Throw your hands in the air! Now wave them like you just don't care!

Everybody in your office looking at you like you're nuts? Good.

Tell them bitches it's Random Thought Friday and if they keep staring, you'll get your internet King to come slap the snot out of them. That's right baby I got a strong pimp hand and I'm just dying to use it.

It's me, The King of All Bloggers, back once again to share with you folks my completely random thoughts that will either confuse the crap out of you or make you point at your screen and laugh until the tears roll down your chubby little cheeks. Either way I'm happy, you're happy, and your employer, well fuck them. It's me the guy who's thoughts are ridiculous. The guy that could make Sadaam turn Catholic. The reason the Amish have started buying computers. And for all you bloggers hating on me, you can't shut me up. Dot dot dash, that's right I'll destroy that ass in morse code if I have to. Now for my legion of fans....... It's FRIIIIIDAAAAYYY!!!! Let's get it.

I do not want you people to start thinking that I'm a nice guy alright? I'm not. I'm irritable, sarcastic, and an all around jerk. Satan the Devil sleeps with his lights on because of me ok? The Boogey Man is hiding in your closet because he knows I'm looking for him. We clear?! Good.

If you've been working here for more than 15 years stop complaining to me about how much you hate your job and how you're looking for a new one. I don't believe you. Besides they don't hire people your age unless you plan on greeting customers entering Wal- Mart.




If you take the time to fix your hair and put a nice dress or skirt on then do not put on a pair of sneakers. I hate that and if I see it I'm gonna trip you. You've been warned.

I know, I know, I'm mean and I'm a jackass, and blah blah blah and yet here I am, not caring.

You're a dude, I'm a dude. If you ask me one more time did I miss you I'm going to take that as an open invitation to whoop your ass. Thanks.

Somebody has far too much time on their hands to come up with this.

I have received the video of the woman punching the other woman in the face. It was funny. So please nobody else has to send it to me!

Are these RTs sounding angry? LOL!

I'm in a great mood actually.

Anybody wanna sponsor my trip to go see Mission Impossible 3? I'll also need cash for a large popcorn, some nachos, and a box of buncha crunch. You can all chip in so it won't be a burden on one person. I don't care how you do it just tell me what time to go pick up the money from Western Union. Thanks in advance.

If you're wondering what's up with this week's featured blogger I owed someone a favor. Won't happen again.

Everybody email Nikki and tell her that The King says STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND!!! HA!

I was telling someone about my blog the other day and as I was talking I heard myself say "Yeah I'm kind of a big deal" and I thought to myself "ok this has gone too far". HA!

Ok so that was kind of a thought within a thought. Right?

The only reason chicks with big butts don't have men is either by choice or.....well it's by choice. Bad breath can be fixed. Those craters in your face can be fixed. Lazy, bad attitude? So what. You just don't lose that butt and we're good.

Hey you! Who me? Yeah you! Get into my car! We needed Amber Alerts back when Billy Ocean was on the scene! Where is Billy these days?

Don't ask me to comment on your blogs anymore. I will have someone else comment for me. Why? Because I'm special like that. If you would like to be my spokesman or spokeswoman just let me know!

16 days to go bitches and I'm done. Somebody find me a code for a countdown clock to put on my blog.

Ok I'm done. I got surfing to do. So go on get out of my life twice! Then come back just so I can tell you to get out again!!!

Have a great weekend friends and don't take your little bad ass chaps to see M.I. 3 until you pump some money into Akeelah and the Bee. Tell all your friends to go as well!!! The King has spoken!

Me & My Reluctant Love...

"I take seven MCs, put 'em in a line/ And add seven more brothas who think they can rhyme/ Well, it'll take seven more before I go for mine/ And that's 21 MCs ate up at the same time."

That was hip hop. No, that is hip hop. And that's what so many of us fell in love with. Real hip hop. Lines and phrases that made us shake our heads and wonder how they came up with that stuff. And when other MC's heard a rhyme like the one above from Rakim they didn't load up ther guns and go looking for him. No they sat down and tried to come up with something just as or more creative.

I'm forced to reminisce about when the "hardest" rapper was L.L. Cool J talking about pushing a muscle bound man's face in the sand. And you know what? That was fine with me. I don't care to hear your tales of shooting your fellow drug dealers, people hating on you, or the innocent bystanders. Especially when you base your life experiences on movies.

A rapper by the name of Big Hawk was killed in Houston this weekend as well as a member of T.I.'s entourage. Simply put, it's stupid. You characters are making Bill O'reilly look like he has a valid point in saying that hip hop should be banned from the Earth.

Hip hop and I have evolved together overtime. In the eighties I was just a youngster and hip hop was for the most part all about fun just like me. In the early nineties I began to become more introspective right before I hit my wild streak and sold drugs and carried guns. My musical taste back then went from Arrested Development to Outkast to Pac to Biggie and back to Pac with a few others in between. After getting shot at a few times wasn't as cool as it sounded on my favorite songs I started focusing more on making money the legal way and became a Jay-Z fan.

But now hip hop and I are at an impass. It seems to be digressing as I keep progressing. It's starting to sound like a bunch of noise to me. Isn't Lean wit it, Rock wit it and Bethca Can't do it Like Me the same song? I am embarrassed mand disgusted when I'm with my nieces and nephews and Shawnna's Gettin' Some Head come on the radio...and they know the words! I feel like pulling hip hop to the side and say "I love you but I'm not in love with you." "We still have a shot but you gotta work on some things."

I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe I'll be that dude yelling at my neighbors to turn the racket off. And throwing things at the neighborhood children while yelling "Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!

Or maybe, just maybe it's time for hip hop to grow up.

Motherfucking Kobe...

I lost the original post when I tried to post this video but oh well. Anyway it looks like Raja Bell read the post one too many times anyway. This is what he did to Kobe last night(5/2/2006). Hey Raja dinner is on me buddy!!!

Akeelah & What Not...

Ok here's my first ever Saturday post. Sad I know but I wanted to go ahead and post this. Since I'm posting today don't expect a post on Monday, you greedy bastards! At any rate I went to see Akeelah and the Bee last night and it was quite entertaining.





I'm no Ebert and Roper but I'd give the movie to royal thumbs up. But since my opinion weighs a lot more in your life than theirs they should be saying that they aren't the King. But I digress. Other than hoping Laurence Fishburne would break charachter and grab Angela Bassett and say something like "YOU TRYNA HELP IKE?!" or "Anna Mae! Anna Mae, where you going?! I need some sleep!" and her saying "Go straight to hell Ike." How do I get off on these tangents? Ok one more. At one point in the movie Laurence Fishburne is sitting in a chair with a high back and he has his hands crossed. I promise you I wanted to yell out "ANGELA TAKE THE RED PILL!!!" Ha! Ok focus D! FOCUS! Alright I'm good. Let's carry on.

The movie was funny, it was well written, directed, and when you have Larry and Ang you know the acting was excellent. There was only one scene that didn't seem realistic and it involved the neighborhood gangster. When you see the movie you'll see what I mean. But anyway I highly recommend the movie. I could relate to Akeelah's story a lot because I was always smarter than my classmates and yet when I was younger I would pretend to not be as smart because being smart wasn't considered cool. Ironically I have always been a great speller as well and not to toot my own horn(Beep! Beep!) I never even worked at it. I guess it came with my love of reading. Anyway they use a quote from Marianne Williamson in the movie and some of you might have heard it before but I really liked it and I will incorporate it when I am mentoring kids as well as in my own life. Enjoy.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not in just some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Sudan Genocide...

I'm sure many of you heard the Tom Joyner Morning Show or the Russ Parr morning show and probably a few others that were talking about the situation in the Sudan this morning. If not you definitely will hear more about it in the upcoming days. It's a terrible situation and I was going to write about it but I figured I'd just post what I found from Joe Madison's website so that all the bases are covered. Take the time to read it. That means you Tiffany! Let's not wait until Kanye or somebody does a song or they make another movie like Hotel Rwanda before we pay attention. And we all know that 'ol George loves helping people in foreign countries who are being oppressed right? Well these people are be annhilated. There's only one problem. They don't have oil like the Iraqis so we gotta put the pressure on W. to do something.


More than 150 humanitarian and human rights organizations nationwide will rally on Sunday against the ongoing slaughter and rape of innocent people in the East African nation of Sudan. On Sunday, rallies from New York to California and Canada to Florida will unite Americans around the common goal of ending the violence. They include mass rallies in 14 cities around the United States, including Washington, D.C., New York, Chicago, Portland and San Francisco, as well as in Toronto and Vancouver, where demonstrators will attempt to pressure politicians to take a stand against a massacre that sees no end in sight.

In Washington, D.C., everyone from politicians and movie stars to homemakers and students will make their voices heard. Confirmed speakers include Russell Simmons of Def Jam Records, actor George Clooney, Cardinal Theodore McCarrick and Olympic speed skating gold and silver medalist Joey Cheek, who donated his $40,000 U.S. Olympic Committee bonus to benefit Darfuri children.
The D.C. rally will take place from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., on the National Mall between 3rd and 4th Streets in front of the U.S. Capitol. The D.C. rally is also the final stop of the "Tour for Darfur: Eyewitness to Genocide," a photo exhibit and speaking tour held in 22 cities in 11 states to raise public awareness about the crisis there.
"World's Worst Humanitarian Crisis"
In the past three years, violence in Darfur, Sudan, has claimed the lives of more than 400,000 people, displaced more than 2.5 million, and resulted in the rape of countless women and children. United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan has called Darfur "the world's worst humanitarian crisis." The rape and slaughter of Blacks are being perpetrated in western Sudan by militias known as Janjaweed, which are supported by the Islamist government in the capital of Khartoum. The mass killings were first officially called "genocide" in 2004 by then-Secretary of State Colin Powell.

The Purpose
"The more we put pressure on our representatives, the more they will have to do something," said Anique Drumright, a senior at Palo Alto High School in California, who plans to rally in San Francisco Sunday. "The government is supposedly run by us, and it is up to us to make our needs and concerns known."
One purpose of the rallies, activists say, is to generate a million postcards for delivery to President Bush, urging him to stand by his promise to press for more multi-national forces to protect civilians in Darfur. Organizers say they are hoping President Bush will take steps necessary to end the violence in Darfur and build a lasting peace. In an open letter to President Bush, John Eiber, a leading activist, demanded that theUnited States do all it can to end the violence and slavery. He writes:
“At the beginning of your administration’s Sudan peace initiative, your Special Envoy, former Sen. John Danforth, rightly identified the eradication of slavery – an internationally recognized crime against humanity – as an issue about which the American people care deeply and as a pre-condition for a just and lasting peace. Yet, after the passage of five years, Sudan remains plagued by genocidal conflict and slavery.

“We again urge you, Mr. President, to establish an independent Commission to Monitor the Eradication of Slavery in Sudan. We also ask you to make Sudan emergency funds available to facilitate the release of the 8,000 slaves documented by CEAWC and to help President Kiir establish an effective mechanism for the liberation and repatriation of Southern Sudanese slaves.”

The Sound of Sexy...

Monday Morning Crapola...

Note to Larry Page and Sergey Brin: If my Loyal Subjects have to wait this long for a post to show up again we will boycott your raggedy little blogging system and go elsewhere! My Gmail was tripping, my GTalk was tripping and blogger too?! Do you think I have time to toy with this nonsense? MSN, Yahoo an all the others would love to have me and my posse waste our time on their sites all day. Get it together or I'll be the internet's version of Al Sharpton!

Pricks. On to the post!



The King makes the blog world go round and round, round and round...all day long! I know you missed me last week. I missed you too. Only I missed you like I miss a toothache.

I figured if Osama can drop another tape I could take a few minutes to type some crap up for you guys. Which reminds me. How did they find Charles Taylor, who looks like your average black guy, in AFRICA but they can't find a 6'10 arabian dude with a dialysis machine walking across a mountain? Oh well I'm just some guy that types up stuff on a blog and insults my readers so what do I know?

Answer: EVERYTHING!

I was watching the news this morning and I saw that Roger Ailes was chosen as the most powerful person in the media. There's only one problem. He's the chairman of Fox News. Go ahead and pencil in Jeb Bush for your next President.

Ok I'm rambling. Dare I say I'm even being Random? I dare, I dare!!!

Before I go, and let you good people get back to wasting your employers money some other crappy way, can we stop all these celebrity blogs? You all use the same pictures and a lot of time the same jokes. Which by the way are usually only marginally humorous. Am I hating? Yes. Can I do that? Abso-fucking-lutely. Nobody's blog is as dope as mine and if anyone tells you any different they are motherfucking liar! Oh and get a KING button from my sidebar and let the world know you are DOWN WITH THE KING!

So I, the world's greatest blogger, the people's champ, bid you adieu. I am so international. Good day!

Golden Hours...

Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you are given free of charge. And yet if you had all the money in the world you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is only given once. Once wasted you cannot get it back.


Blogging can be big fun. It can be therapeutic and it can become addictive if you allow it to be. The last few weeks I have posted a phenomenal post every day. You all have loved them and your admiration for me grows with every post. There's just one problem.

There's something in the back of my mind telling me that I am wasting a ridiculous amount of time blogging. Since I started blogging I've only logged on at home maybe 6 or 7 times but even here at work it just seems like I could be doing something else. Like looking for anoher job! I don't feel challenged. Even with blogging I took my spot among the elite bloggers rather easily. If I did blog at home I'm sure I'd be without question the greatest blogger ever. So I have been contemplating some changes around here just to challenge myself and you the reader. But when you stand at the top, movement means descent and so there won't be anything too drastic and most of it quite subtle.

At any rate I hope you will all continue your unwavering support of The King of All Bloggers no matter what changes might come and if not, who cares, you're a doo doo bubble anyway! Good day!

Will Return Soon...

Random Thought Friday...

Guess who's back in the motherbleeping spot?!
It's all the Loyal Subjects and your boy Ddot!

There are a few people off work today and they probably wanted to sleep late. But guess what? It's Random Thought Friday and their desire to be a part of this nonsense is ten times stronger than their desire to lay in the bed for half the day.

Ok so it's the internet phenomenon...blah blah blah....you all love me.....yeah yeah yeah. I am the greatest of all time....yada yada yada.... Ladies and gentleman it's RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!





Please stop emailing me telling me how much you hate me! I already know. Save your breath to blow up your date.







ALERT! Anybody in the DC metro area keep a close eye on all underage girls! R. Kelly is in the area for the weekend! If you have your little sisters, and cousins, and nieces out looking for Easter eggs be sure to watch them carefully. I mean you don't want them to put on their new Easter dress and coming home smelling like piss. Mmkay? Funky ass old man piss. Mmkay? Because Kells will get them. You've been warned.








DO NOT say Happy Easter to me. Somebody said it to me this morning at Starbucks and I lunged at them. So what if she was 85 and using a walker! I don't discriminate in giving out ass whoopings. I wonder how long it took her to realize I turned her oxygen machine off. Jokes on you bitch!

Hi Camille!

I'm cutting back on sugar so I'm a little cranky.

Ladies the ghetto names have gotten out of hand. Yesterday I heard a mother yelling at her son and she called him by his full name: TUPAC BIGGIE WILLIAMS GET IN THIS HOUSE! That shit just ain't right.

To cut back on the so called gas problem Your King has come up with an idea. Just close all gas stations on Sunday. That way we end up with a surplus and you don't have to charge me 12 dollars a gallon! Leeches.

What's up with the last couple Bloggers of the Week? WEAK!

Ok this is Random Thought Friday you can't rush this stuff. Seriously I have to let my mind get loose. Impatient sonsabitches!

You know what really irks me? When people say "DUH" when you ask them a question that they have deemed in their little minds as being silly.

I'm sleepy.

Ok nobody is here in the office so I'm rolling to the bank. Yall have a great weekend and keep your damn kids out the street!

The Mailbag...

I'm going to try to answer these more often. My inbox is full of unread emails, or what I like to call dmail, unanswered emails, and emails that I referred to the local authorities. Crazy motherfuckers.

Anyway so I get a lot of the same type questions and a lot of off the wall questions. I've tried to compile the most frequently asked questions and some of the more entertaining and some that made me really have to think hard. Enjoy.



D. how do you come up with your blog ideas?
On most days I just sit at my desk and stare into outer space until something pops into my head or my boss asks if everything is ok, whichever comes first.

King, why doesn't whats her name come to your blog anymore?
Because she doesn't find it "interesting". LOL! Honestly I have no idea. Ask her.

King, I'm going to be in the D.C. area in May can we hook up and do something?
Sure! I have a few rules though. First you must pay me by the hour. There will be a fee for any pictures you want to take with me and you have to drive, pay for dinner, the movie, and any other entertainment that I choose for the evening. If you meet my physical requirements you will also be required to do really nasty things to me for the remainder of the evening. Boy we are going to have a blast!

What makes you think you're better than everybody else?
Wait a minute you don't think I'm better than you?

If you could have dinner with any 4 people from history who would they be and why?
Jesus- Because I'm sure the conversation would be amazing and I don't think he'd eat much which means more for me!
Noah- I'd have a million questions for him. And I have a feeling he wouldn't like meat which means more for me.
Michael Jordan- I don't even know what I'd say to him but I think Jesus would be reprimanding him for selling his soul to the devil to be that good at everything so he wouldn't be eating and that of course means more for me.
Yo Mama- To ask her why she chooses to drive an 18 wheeler and wear combat boots.

Can you please stop deleting my comments?
No.

You're a real ass but can you write a funny post for me?
Fuck you. Pay me.

How many women have you been with?
I'm a virgin. I think you're special, will you be my first?

If I ever meet you I'm going to beat the crap out of you!
I'm sorry all comments must be in the form of a question. Besides I hired Mr. T and Green Mile to be my full time bodyguards.

Bodyguards?! That's not real gangsta if you ask me!
Neither is threatening people thorugh email but I won't tell anybody if you don't.

Will you please come by my blog?
Sure.

Do you find me attractive?
Before or after I take my medicine?

Is your johnson as big as that chick says it is?
Ask yo mama.

Maybe I'll make this a weekly feature. Dmail any and all questions to ddot23@gmail.com with King's Mailbag in the subject field to have your question answered next Thursday.

Now go jump in a lake.

Nisan 14...

Don't wanna sound full of myself or rude
But u aint looking at no other dudes
'CAUSE YA LOVE ME!


It's me, Mr. 400 Plus aka The Black Rattlesnake aka the One and Only King of all Bloggers! Welcome to My Kingdom aka The Palace aka the I'm to Busy to Blog blog where even my enemies can't tear themselves away from my spot. It's tough when you're out in front of the pack because your back becomes a tantalizingly easy target to cowards. But word to BoneCrusher, I AIN'T NEVA SCARED! Yall better recognize that this is Baltimore's and Atlanta's favorite blog and you don't want to piss them folks off! I even got a few eses down in Mexico and they'll just as soon as cut you as they will cross the border illegally. Watch your back! Ok enough of that, on to important stuff!

As the title of this post says today is the 14th day of the month of Nisan on the Jewish calendar. Stop scratching your head, I'm going to explain why you should care. Nisan 14 is the day Jesus was betrayed by Judas and sent off to die for you and your no good self. Now before you get all confused about "good friday" and all that jazz that's just something your pedophiles boys over at the Catholic church came up with and it spreaded to other religions but it really has nothing to do with nothing. Have you ever wondered where the word "Easter" came from and what it has to do with anything? Ever read it in your Bible? Ever read your Bible?!!! Ok well that's some research for you. At any rate today is the most important day in human history and as dope as My Kingdom is it ain't got jack on his! In the next religious installment we'll discuss how he didn't really die on a cross! Uh oh look at them angry and confused faces! Calm down, The King will explain when the time comes!

You like it when you see another side of The King don't you? Intellectual, Spiritual, Humorous, Sexy, the list goes on and on. Makes you in favor of cloning doesn't it? Me too. Good day!

Royal Pain...

Everybody on my team is on vacation so for the next 2 weeks your King has to do real work. Seriously.

Not only that but I've went to shoot basketball the last 2 days and I am in pain. Not just regualr pain but that "what in the hell were you thinking by running full court with those dudes" kind of pain!!!

The more I play the better I'll feel but right now I really want to be butt naked in my bed covered in Icy Hot. Ok well actually I'd really like to be in my bed butt naked with Beyonce feeding me grapes and the chick from the ATL movie clipping my toenails but I'll take the Icy Hot.


King's Mental Note: Never play basketball with people who have just recently been released from prison or will be returning to prison in the very near future.

I kid you not folks yesterday I played against two gentleman(I call them gentleman because although I am positive they can't read I gotta cover my bases) who have no idea what the difference is between football and basketball. I affectionately called them Mr. T and Green Mile. By my last count I hit the ground 2 more times than the ball did.

So anyway I have to get back to work and hope that my brain has stopped bleeding. Carry on.

Kobe Bashing...

I am really busy today. How tired are you of hearing that? HA! Anyway just because I hate Kobe Bean Bryant so much today's post is just some visual evidence that he's gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. Enjoy.



It's raining men! YAAAAYYY!!!!!




Kobe, last night was magical.




GAY MEN'S MAGAZINE APRIL '06



Ooh Jermaine I could get used to this!

And here is a video of Kobe asking Chris Childs for his room key and Child's response. If anybody can find Chris Childs please tell him that he is The King's hero!




Ok have fun laughing at Kobe and do some work for a change!!!

Random Thought Friday...

Corporate America? Check. College campuses? Check. Third world countries? Check. Yes my friends my plan for world domination is going along quite smoothly. The ladies love the sexy male point of view posts. The men love the sports posts. The intellectuals love the political and social related posts. But the one post that has made me an icon throughout the world only comes once a week. Studies show that traffic accidents have ballooned since it started as people have been rushing to get to work just to get in front of their computers and wait for it. It has also caused some positive things to happen for my loyal subjects. Notice this exchange between a one of my readers and her boss recently:

Boss: Hey I've noticed you're here early every Friday morning!

Loyal Subject: Uh. Yeah well nobody wants to come back to work on Monday with a mountian of work.

Boss: That's smart. I think I'm going to give you that promotion instead of Johnson.

Loyal Subject: Really?! Thank you sir!

Boss: No problem. You've shown real dedication. I mean look at me, I just come in early on Friday's to read Random Thought Friday on this blog I look at throughout the day!

And there you have it my friends. I am invading every office and every cubicle. It shouldn't be long before some college offers a course on my writings. Don't look at me like that because we both know you'd sign up!

Ok I've toyed with your emotions for long enough. Ladies, gentleman, jerks, and losers it is Random Thought Friday!!!!


Hey remember when I said I was invading every office? Well this morning I here a huge laugh and then my office phone starts to ring. I've been discovered. Yesterday afternoon I was on Nico's computer burning a cd and I checked to see what was going on with Nikki and what's his name in the comment section. I then deleted what I thought were all traces of my blog. Well for once in my life I didn't do a good job and this morning Nico found my blog and apparently finds it quite funny. Shocker. He is now creating his own blog and will more than likely become the newest loyal subject. I gotta be careful now! He's an African who hates America but he's cool. Yall ...check him out and tell him The King sent you. Oh and ask him where chocolate milk comes from.


Why don't you have Google Talk yet?


I had the weirdest dream last night. Britney Spears was stalking me and I ended up having sex with her. It was weird because Thursday nights are usually designated for Mya and Alicia Keys. Anyway I had sex with Britney and I wish I could paint you guys a picture but...well let's try this.



That was just vulgar and I should apologize. I won't, but I should.



One of my co-workers is bringing everybody Popeye's for lunch and I kid you not I feel like dancing on my desk. It's Popeye's and IT'S FREE!!!


Here's a fun game for you ladies. If you have a nice fart box, when you walk toward a guy count to 3 and turn around and I guarantee that nobody what the age, or race of the man he will have just turned around to check out your booty. Men are pigs. Not me, but all other men.


Can you believe it's almost 12 o'clock and I'm just getting started on this? They are working me way too hard around here!


Any suggestions for the next blogger of the week? Wait. Never mind.


I need to go buy some new shoes.


I've got gas.


Ooh that stinks....and yet it smells so good.


Should I put advertisements on my page or keep it real and not sell out to the man?


So George Bush approved the leaking of classified information!! I am shocked! You mean he lied and broke the law while serving as President?! I mean this is getting bad. Apparently not as bad as getting a hummerfrom one of your interns though! And you wonder why every other country in the world hates us!

Sarcasm is my friend. My best friend.


Looking for a way to get rid of your man? Tell him you'll only give him head if he wears a condom. He'll be gone in a week.

Ok I gotta do some work and besides my Popeye's will be here in a minute. Have a great weekend and when you dream of me be sure to say KING instead of Ddot that way if he hears you it'll be easier to play off. I am so helpful. What would you do without me? One.

A Real Man...

Yesterday we did the men and today is more for the women. It's what to look for in man to know whether or not you should waste your time.

Before we get started you've got to remember NOT to compare your man or any future boyfriends to The King. I am an anomaly, a singularity. It would be like comparing a five year old learning to shoot hoops to the great Michael Jordan. It just wouldn't make sense. Let's get started with some things you ladies should be looking for.


1. Strength: A real man doesn't whine and complain. He doesn't cry or get sick. He doesn't run to the doctor because he has the sniffles. He makes decisions and lives with the consequences. If life is a bitch a real man will slap her and move on. A real man has no time to be weak because he is the backbone of his family. If your man jumps at a scary movie it's time to start looking for a new man.

2. Focus: A real man knows the difference between what's important and what's not. A real man doesn't waste time on nonsense that don't bring him a profit. Sure they can have a hobby--I blog-- but it must serve some sort of purpose. The purpose of my hobby is to keep me from quitting my job because of boredom and being broke and sleeping in my car. A real man is focused on power, money, and family. HE DOES NOT FOCUS ON SEX! Sex is a by product of having power and money. Have you seen Donald Trump's wife?! Yeah he got her because he's soooo charming. If you believe that I've got some beach land to sell you in Kansas.


3. Love of Family: A real man loves his family unconditionally and recognizes children as being gift's from God. If you meet a man who has kids but doesn't do anything other than pay child support or even less than that, don't waste your time!

4. Doesn't Gossip: A real man keeps his mouth shut. He shelters his words and rations information. A man that engages in gossip with you will also tell his boys how freaky you are and if you ever piss one of them off they'll quickly tell anybody who'll listen how much you enjoy having sperm drip from your chin or whatever kinky stuff you're into.


5. Word is his bond: A real man doesn't make promises he can't keep. He'd rather die than break a promise especially to his family and most notably his woman. He knows that his words are as powerfula s his actions and that's why he rations them.

6. Role Model: A real man respects himself and others at all times unless, of course, he has been disrespected. He serves as an example to his disciples and especially his children. He sets the tone for his children and keeps them from discovering he has weaknesses.

7. Looks like a man: A real mand doesn't look like a woman. He doesn't have piercings, or long hair, or shave his chest. Manicures are allowed.

Ok my boss just asked me for some stuff I was supposed to do 2 weeks ago. Gotta roll. I hope you ladies have learned something and if your man falls short in one or two categories recognize that a real woman works with her man to help him become an even better man.

The King's Secrets...

Welcome to My Kingdom, where productivity comes to die. Everyday I get 2 or 72 emails from guys asking me how do I get so many women on my blog without being the typical "nice guy".

Nice guys aren't attractive.

Everybody likes nice guys but a woman wants a man. A real man. A man that stands up for himself even if he makes a fool out of himself sometime. At any rate here are a few other tips for you guys and hopefully now you will stop emailing me!!!

First of all talk as little as possible. If you want to get past a woman's rational thinking, which will tell her to run away from your nutty ass, and get to her primal feelings of lust most of what you have to do is non-verbal.

When you do speak don't try to sound nice! Don't sound whiny or wimpy. Speak smoothly and with warmth. Speak slowly and with a sexy tempo and your prey will be hypnotized. A smooth and warm tone relax her and you come off as confident. Women LOVE confidence.

You gotta smile. Even if you have a jacked up grill you gotta do it. A smile on a person's face makes them seem more approachable and fun to be around. If you only have 4 teeth, smile with your mouth closed and make a appointment for the dentist. Now.

Always keep eye contact. Not creepy, I'm going to follow you home, type of eye contact but it has to be powerful. If you keep looking away and looking down you seem nervous and uncomfortable and that doesn't equal confidence. Remember, confidence is our friend.

Other than that all you need to do is stand up straight(confidence) and smell good. Be prepared for any type of conversation which means you gotta read a book and watch the news every now and then. It also means you gotta stay current on your pop culture because women love discussing stuff like talking about how bad Beyonce's weave is or why Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston. It may drive you crazy but you gotta do it.

Have you ever saw a butt ugly guy with a beautiful girl? Well if you just listen to The King that guy could be you! Now go play somewhere, I'm busy!

New Rules...

I am The King so from time to time I am going to give you all a few New Rules for us all to live by. I am deputizing any and everybody reading this so if you see or hear anybody breaking one of these rules you have the authority to beat the brakes off of them. Make'em feel like the LAPD just gave them the once over!










Our first new rule is black congress women must send out press releases announcing when they will be changing their hairstyles as to avoid wasting all those racists Capitol Hill cops time harrassing them. Silly Congress women.





Before you pull out your picket signs ask yourself would you let this chick into a secure area?! She could be hiding Osama in that fro! Seriously wouldn't you tackle this chick on sight? No wonder Condoleezza never changes her 'do!

You heard the new rule Cynthia McKinney, now comply!






Our next New Rule is if you are The President of these United States, you can not, I repeat CANNOT lie just to start a war that will make billions of dollars for you and your friends. I know this one might seem obvious but trust me we need to reiterate it for sooooomme people! Now we're stuck. Literally stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

Third new rule on today's list is if you are going to complain about illegal immigrants in America let's not make our racism so obvious. Nobody ever complains or even mentions that Canadians come across the border all the time. Sure there are a lot more Mexicans but if we saw droves of Candians that look like Melyssa Ford, Pam Anderson, and Tamia packed in the trunks of their cars I'm pretty sure we'd still look the other way.

New Rule for my Jesus Junkies. Stop lying to yourselves and your kids. The Easter Bunny pooping out colorful chocolate eggs has nothing to do with J.C.! In fact did you know that little bunny has roots in pagan worship? Yep. It represents fertility. They incorporated it into the "christian" religion so that everybody could party together. Before you curse me out look it up. Never mind I know how lazy you are so I'll get you started.
The original Easter Bunny myth comes from a pagan holiday which was celebrated on the Vernal Equinox. According to Pagan legend, Ostara, the goddess of spring, turned a bird into a rabbit. The rabbit was supposedly able to fly as fast as the bird could fly, but it was still disappointed that it was a rabbit and not a bird. Ostara had pity on the creature, and one day out of every year, on the Vernal Equinox, she allowed the rabbit to lay eggs like a bird. Due to the proximity of Easter and the Vernal Equinox, converted pagans continued to associate the myth with their new holiday, and the idea has been passed down ever since.

Don't get me started on old St. Nick......

The last New Rule for today is let the punishment for a crime depend on the individual. If a man wants to die for his beliefs like Moussaoui does, don't, DO NOT sentence him to death! Make him stock shelves for the Daughters of The American Revolution or fold American flags all day and forced to recite the pledge of allegiance before he can go to sleep. And to top it off force him to watch Fox News and ONLY Fox News. With double doses of Bill O'reilly. Now that's punishment!

You're now one of The King's deputies so go find those offenders!!!



What's your New Rule?

This has been a Ddot the King Production. The young heart attack, I spit that cardiac. You can't see me baby boy, you got them cataracts.

King of All Bloggers...

Yo, first I snatched the street then I snatched the charts,
First had they ear now I have their hearts,
Bloggers came and went,
I've been here from the start,
Seen them put it together
Watch them take it apart,
See the Blogs roll up wit ribbons
I've seen the adresses re-poed, re-sold and re-given
So when I reload, King holds #1 position
When u hot I'm hot
And when your feet cold, mines is sizzlin'
It's plain to see
Bloggers can't fuck wit me
Cuz ima be that nigga fo life
This is not an image
This is God given
This is hard liven
You lovin' everything that's written
It's the most consistent
King D
Give you more hit blogs than you can fit inside your P.C.
Bloggers I'm at home on these Best Blogger charts, y'all losers just visitin
It's King's tradition,
Jeff Gordan of blogging
I'm back to claim pole position,
holla at ya boy...

This was just a reminder. Don't ever forget who I am or what I am capable of accomplishing. I'm the dude with the spirit of Kunta Kinte, the mind of Marcus Garvey, the heart of a lover, and the swagger of all those in the #1 spot. Good day.

This has been a Ddot the King Production. "A reading man and woman is a ready man and woman, but a writing man and woman is exact."