The Mailbag...

Ok so now that I've confused the hell out of yall with my last two or three posts I'm back to my normal nonsense. Don't get me wrong I love knowing that yall are reading my ish and you get wrnkles in your forehead and and audibly say "huh?". That stuff makes my day. But unfortunately instead of yall just clicking the NEXT BLOG tab you decide to email the good King your questions. I expect a lot of emails when I post weird stuff but yall took it to another level the past week. But as any good King should I am here to answer all your questions and provide insight into my weirdness. On to the mailbag!


What in the hell is that complex about? Better yet WHO is that complex post about?

Yo mama. Ok seriously it's not about or directed at anybody. I read a poem about complexes and I adapted it into my own blog version. So many conspiracy theorists so little time.

Your blog used to be jumping! Where is everybody?

Well I still get the same amount of hits but everybody has seem to have gotten more comfortable emailing me once they read a post instead of commenting. Beats me. The other part of it is I have intentionally ran some people off because they are nerve racking. I need fresh meat around here.

You used to be so cute and now you seem too serious most days. What happened?

I could be cuter, but only if I change my template to a scene where there is a baby tiger and a baby panda dressed in little Halloween costumes in the background. The tiger would be dressed as a pirate and the panda would be a ghost in a sheet with holes cut out for eyes. And then they went to the house and the person ran out of candy after giving candy to the baby pirate tiger, so the baby ghost panda didn't get any, so then the baby pirate tiger would share his candy with the baby ghost panda. Other than that, I think the cuteness is pretty much maxed out.

What are you doing over there?!



Well for the past few weeks I've basically spent my days feeding Alicia Keys grapes and sipping the finest of wines while Mya bites my toenails. That's just how I live except instead of banging beautiful R& B chicks I was looking around to see if any one saw me drop my doughnut on the ground. Cause I only had like one bite. I mean, it's practically a brand new doughnut.








Have you heard that Beyonce calls Jay-Z "Pop Pop"?

Yes and that means she probably calls him Papi when they are intimate. Which means my hate for that nigga grows more by the second. I've actually been working on a plan to get rid of Jay-Z. Here's my plan so far: kill Jay-Z. Ta-da! He's a rapper for goodness sakes. I could shoot him on the senate floor and wouldn't serve a day.

If you keep pissing people off someone is going to assasinate you!

Ok I had to edit that email just a tad so as to not have you guys worried about me. Basically I was threatened by some anonymous jerk. To you sir or madam I say, they have classes for people who have convinced themselves that they are tough over the internet. In "real life" I'm the guy that would take your wallet and play keep away with my friends while you jump back and forth between us. I'd then give you a super wedgie, smack your glasses off your face and kick you in the butt as you went to pick them up. Yeah I'm that guy. In. Real. Life. Let that marinate before you hit that send button next time.

I hate reading blogs like this. I can't stand your pimp daddy/ebonic type of speech. And you really think that's sexy?!

I sho'll do!

I've never heard you mention anything about Christina Milian. Do you think she's attractive?






She's cute but she dated Nick Cannon which means she's got to be a weirdo. She just seems a little ditsy to me. Normally women can at least be good for baking me a pie and fetching my slippers, but I wouldn't even trust Ms. Milian to do that right. I'd almost certainly end up with scalding hot pie on my feet.





Who is the Memo from the King post about? I won't tell anybody if you tell me although I have a pretty good idea who it's about.

No you don't have a clue. It's directed to a chick that I've been reading but she's only commented on my blog about 3 times and so she's not a regular but I like her anyway. Trust me she knows who she is and that's all that matters.

Do you have Beyonce's new album and if so can you send it to me?

Yes and her new album is slightly better than a siren, but still well below video poker music. I would only send it to you if you really pissed me off. 3 decent songs, maybe 4. I still love you B!

Do you have any tattoos?




Nope my skin is far too precious to be drawing silly characters and funny looking chinses letters on it. I like looking at other people tattoos though. Like Jessica Alba has a bow on the small of her back, apparently to unwrap my dreams.







Sorry I haven't been by your spot in a minute. I'm a little depressed. I can't seem to find a good man and I haven't had sex in ages. LOL! I don't know why I'm telling you all this, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in a high yellow lady with a backside like a M60 Patton, or would you? LOL! Just kidding!

We don't "kid" like that around here maam. First of all you used "high yellow" and "M60 Patton" in the same sentence which is a turn on all by itself. I know you're hurting baby girl so I'd like to mention that my semen is said to have healing properties. I'm not sure if it can heal a broken heart, but once it even gave a blind parapelegic girl the ability to see and jump around. And scream. And dial a phone. Although ... wait ... now that I think about, that girl might have just been asleep.




Well that's all folks. I promise no more weird posts. Ok that's a stretch. How about no hair scratching posts? Cool. It's a deal. I'm on a mission baby and I'm bringing the heavy ammunition! Stay tuned!