Shits & Giggles...

Now this is just too funny. It's rare that anybody can really make me laugh but this video had me rolling. Enjoy.

Say Goodbye

We're losing 3 minutes of daylight everyday. They are screwing up *You Tube and after reading **Nikki's blog there are just so many other things to be doing including spending time with folks you love. I've stayed away from my blog more than ever the past few weeks and suprisingly I didn't really miss it. I missed some of my e-friends but not the blog. So girl it's not you, it's me. But everyone knows my M.O. I might leave for awhile but I'll resurface sooner or later. Until then say goodnight to the bad guy.



*I'd advise using Google Video since they are deleting so many videos from You tube. What is cool about Google Video is you can post the videos straight to your blog while watching it. One.

** I know what you're going through is tough. It truly is never the right time to say goodbye. Just remember that death ends a life, not a relationship. I've got your back for whatever you need and whenever you need it. That's still true with you too GP.

Peace & Love

Jay-Z Friday Night

Here's a video of that thief Jay-Z performing Friday night in Amsterdam if any of yall are interested. And I'm starting a petition to get a producer credit on this new album he's dropping!



Y'all rapping-ass niggas, y'all funny to me
Selling records, being you but still you want to be me
I guess for every buck you make it's like a hundred for me
And still you running around thinking you got something on
me
But I done did it
And y'all want to take my flow, and run with it
That's cool, I was the first one with it
Original, Kings the future, flow digital
Still busting a gat when she gets critical
Sit it down, I don't want y'all to get it confused
I rip it down, like I ain't got nothing to lose--------Jay-Z Imaginary Player

Thought...

Nope not Random Thoughts. Just one, thought.

It's been 3 years since Jay-Z dropped an album. In the new edition of Entertainment Weekly he says that for 2 years he believed that he would stay retired. Which means something happened in the last year to inspire him to get back to doing what he does best. Any guesses as to what that could be? Try a certain smooth, sexy, chocolatey blogger that calls himself Ddot the King. Yep it's all me baby. Get this, he's naming his new album KINGDOM COME.

Yeah like that's a coincedence.

This cat wants to be me so bad that it hurts. Don't get me wrong I'm flattered but people bite my style all the time for free. At least a dude that's going to probably go platinum the day his album comes out could give me a shout out in his "Thank You" section or something! For all you readers that were born after 1990, a Thank You section is where the artist thanks all those who helped him complete the album and what not. I know yall young folks just download the albums so I felt I needed to explain. Anyway so Jay now that I know you're reading this I'd like for the Thank You to read something like this : And a very special thank you to my hero and inspiration Ddot who entertained me while I pretended to be President of Def Jam. And D I want to apologize for interrupting you and Beyonce that night, I truly forgot that it was your weekend to spend with her. By the way how did you get her in that position? I never knew she was so flexible! You're the greatest! -S. Carter.

*UPDATE*

Ok so Jay even gave the EW reporter a little piece of his first single:

And then he launches into an impromptu a cappella preview of the title track, which was inspired by a 1996 comic in which Superman comes out of retirement to save the world. The lyrics that effortlessly roll off his tongue may help explain his return: ''Take off the blazer/Loosen up the tie/Step inside the booth/Superman is alive!''

So without further ado, let us welcome, and celebrate, the return of Jay-Z, a.k.a. Jigga, a.k.a. Hova. He is, arguably, the most powerful man in the music business but without his music, well, he's just Clark Kent.

Hmmm...Superman. Superman? Is that right Jay? Superman huh. Ok I can dig that. And the reporter calls him Clark Kent when his at the office. Wow you two guys have really stumbled up on something. The only problem is that I said this months ago. Jay is stealing my stuff man. I know it and yall know it. If you don't remember then just click HERE!

Why I Haven't Posted...

I haven't posted because I've been walking the earth like Caine from Kung Fu. Ok so what if it's not the actual Earth! It's the internet eart and I bet I can cover a lof more ground than that little kung fu dude did. At any rate like Sam from Quantum Leap I'm leaping from blog to blog and life to life making right what once went wrong.

Hold on, I'll be right back.

GP, Quote, & Links

First and foremost The Palace would like to send their condolences to Ms. Georgia Peach and her family. Her mother passed on Friday. GP the entire Kingdom's thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. I don't have a myspace account so I can't leave notes on her page but I know that some of yall do so hit her up and let her know that you're thinking about her.



Today's quote: "Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others." - Jules Renard


I think this is going to be my new favorite site for celebrity pictures and jokes. State of Hate

The Mailbag...

Ok so now that I've confused the hell out of yall with my last two or three posts I'm back to my normal nonsense. Don't get me wrong I love knowing that yall are reading my ish and you get wrnkles in your forehead and and audibly say "huh?". That stuff makes my day. But unfortunately instead of yall just clicking the NEXT BLOG tab you decide to email the good King your questions. I expect a lot of emails when I post weird stuff but yall took it to another level the past week. But as any good King should I am here to answer all your questions and provide insight into my weirdness. On to the mailbag!


What in the hell is that complex about? Better yet WHO is that complex post about?

Yo mama. Ok seriously it's not about or directed at anybody. I read a poem about complexes and I adapted it into my own blog version. So many conspiracy theorists so little time.

Your blog used to be jumping! Where is everybody?

Well I still get the same amount of hits but everybody has seem to have gotten more comfortable emailing me once they read a post instead of commenting. Beats me. The other part of it is I have intentionally ran some people off because they are nerve racking. I need fresh meat around here.

You used to be so cute and now you seem too serious most days. What happened?

I could be cuter, but only if I change my template to a scene where there is a baby tiger and a baby panda dressed in little Halloween costumes in the background. The tiger would be dressed as a pirate and the panda would be a ghost in a sheet with holes cut out for eyes. And then they went to the house and the person ran out of candy after giving candy to the baby pirate tiger, so the baby ghost panda didn't get any, so then the baby pirate tiger would share his candy with the baby ghost panda. Other than that, I think the cuteness is pretty much maxed out.

What are you doing over there?!



Well for the past few weeks I've basically spent my days feeding Alicia Keys grapes and sipping the finest of wines while Mya bites my toenails. That's just how I live except instead of banging beautiful R& B chicks I was looking around to see if any one saw me drop my doughnut on the ground. Cause I only had like one bite. I mean, it's practically a brand new doughnut.








Have you heard that Beyonce calls Jay-Z "Pop Pop"?

Yes and that means she probably calls him Papi when they are intimate. Which means my hate for that nigga grows more by the second. I've actually been working on a plan to get rid of Jay-Z. Here's my plan so far: kill Jay-Z. Ta-da! He's a rapper for goodness sakes. I could shoot him on the senate floor and wouldn't serve a day.

If you keep pissing people off someone is going to assasinate you!

Ok I had to edit that email just a tad so as to not have you guys worried about me. Basically I was threatened by some anonymous jerk. To you sir or madam I say, they have classes for people who have convinced themselves that they are tough over the internet. In "real life" I'm the guy that would take your wallet and play keep away with my friends while you jump back and forth between us. I'd then give you a super wedgie, smack your glasses off your face and kick you in the butt as you went to pick them up. Yeah I'm that guy. In. Real. Life. Let that marinate before you hit that send button next time.

I hate reading blogs like this. I can't stand your pimp daddy/ebonic type of speech. And you really think that's sexy?!

I sho'll do!

I've never heard you mention anything about Christina Milian. Do you think she's attractive?






She's cute but she dated Nick Cannon which means she's got to be a weirdo. She just seems a little ditsy to me. Normally women can at least be good for baking me a pie and fetching my slippers, but I wouldn't even trust Ms. Milian to do that right. I'd almost certainly end up with scalding hot pie on my feet.





Who is the Memo from the King post about? I won't tell anybody if you tell me although I have a pretty good idea who it's about.

No you don't have a clue. It's directed to a chick that I've been reading but she's only commented on my blog about 3 times and so she's not a regular but I like her anyway. Trust me she knows who she is and that's all that matters.

Do you have Beyonce's new album and if so can you send it to me?

Yes and her new album is slightly better than a siren, but still well below video poker music. I would only send it to you if you really pissed me off. 3 decent songs, maybe 4. I still love you B!

Do you have any tattoos?




Nope my skin is far too precious to be drawing silly characters and funny looking chinses letters on it. I like looking at other people tattoos though. Like Jessica Alba has a bow on the small of her back, apparently to unwrap my dreams.







Sorry I haven't been by your spot in a minute. I'm a little depressed. I can't seem to find a good man and I haven't had sex in ages. LOL! I don't know why I'm telling you all this, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in a high yellow lady with a backside like a M60 Patton, or would you? LOL! Just kidding!

We don't "kid" like that around here maam. First of all you used "high yellow" and "M60 Patton" in the same sentence which is a turn on all by itself. I know you're hurting baby girl so I'd like to mention that my semen is said to have healing properties. I'm not sure if it can heal a broken heart, but once it even gave a blind parapelegic girl the ability to see and jump around. And scream. And dial a phone. Although ... wait ... now that I think about, that girl might have just been asleep.




Well that's all folks. I promise no more weird posts. Ok that's a stretch. How about no hair scratching posts? Cool. It's a deal. I'm on a mission baby and I'm bringing the heavy ammunition! Stay tuned!

Wireless Zone...

I'll be posting something soon but right now I'm over here spending my money trying to find a new phone and plan. They have the best deals I've found online so go get one! Enjoy and you can thank me later.

Memo From The King...

I've been reading a lot of blogs recently and it turns out a lot of yall are quite interesting. I kind of feel bad for ignoring your requests to stop by sooner. Oh well we live and we learn right? Right. So anyway I've decided to offer some advice or contructive criticism to a few of you. You're welcome. What I'm really doing is very cleverly ripping off Nikki's August 1 post but if you don't tell then I won't. The names have been deleted to protect the guilty, weird, and insane.

1. You're first on the list as I read your blog this morning and you are the impetus of this post. I think you are probably cool people but you whine and complain too much. That ish gets old as hell. Any problem that you have is blamed on "the way you were raised". Give that nonsense up man. Take some responsibilty for your own actions and thoughts. You even claim that you look down on others simply because you were taught to think a certain way. We have the same background and although I rebelled against it too it wasn't because they were wrong. It was because I decided to do what I wanted to do. You've decided to go in a different direction with your life and if that's the case then fine but why are you so hung up on the past? Let it go. You even devote time to trying to prove that the way you were raised was wrong. A lot of people like you do that. Just like the original one that rebelled you just can't seem to let it go. Why? Because deep down you know the truth. I take naps on saturdays all the time and have never felt guilty. In fact I sleep like a baby.

Ok after I thought about it number 1 is the only person I wanted to say something about. I am so judgemental!!! Actually I just don't like whiners.

Back...

Ok I'm back from my one day holiday. Did you all miss me? Good. Stay tuned for a post.