The Mailbag...

Yep it's Thursday which means it's time for the Mailbag. The mailbag has become almost as popular as RTF. Speaking of which whatever happened to RTF?! You are slipping D! Get it together you lazy bum! Ok see I said it for you now that should cut down on my emails by about a million tommorrow morning.

At any rate here are some of the real emails my Loyal Subjects as well as the haters have sent me in the last seven days. As always I answer each and everyone from the heart. Enjoy.


D, I don't like it when you're grouchy. What makes you happy?

The laughter of little children as they frolic and play. Oh and rainbows. Don't tell anyone but sometimes I cry a little when I see a pretty rainbow. Not buying it are you? Ok all I really want is a Maybach and some whores.

Your too cynical and self-righteous. You need to work on that if you ever want a relationship to work.

So, let me get this straight - jacking off a geriatric stranger in the bushes won't help me in my relationships? So the dude at the truck stop lied to me? Oh, well, god, now I just feel silly.

You're so mean. I bet you treat your women terrible!

First of all it's always something when you only deal with models like I do and you're as handsome as me. Just the other day one of the models started to turn blue and flail around at the bottom of the hot tub, obviously throwing a little tantrum because she wasn't the center of attention. But I don't roll like that, baby, so I just ignored her, and sure enough she stopped after a few minutes. Harsh? Maybe, but it's all part of my tough love program.

You have an unhealthy obsession with Beyonce and Halle Berry. They might need beef up security when you're around! LOL!

So let me get this straight. I'm obsessed just because I'd make Halle wear assless chaps and a policeman's hat to my parents funeral?! I'm obsessed just because I duct taped a blonde wig to one of my pillows and whisper sweet nothings into it's imaginary ear?! Well the joke is on you because B loved that joke I made about Jay-Z being a talentless bum last night! We laughed and laughed. Then we held each other and then...well that's none of your business. Me and Beyonce like to keep a hot and steamy love life to ourselves! That reminds me, I need to wash that pillowcase when I get home tonight.

You don't have an ounce of class. Your mother should be ashamed!

Well it depends on what your definition of class is. In my little world it's biting your tongue and not telling the cocktail waitress that you desperately want to f*ck her in the ass, even though, in reality, you would very much like to f*ck her in the ass. Stay classy Kingdom!

Would you ever want me if I was single?

"Want" is a tricky word. I'd want you to do really disgusting things to me and I'd probably want to do some things to you that are illegal in 15 states. Now would I want to marry you? Well yeah I'd probably want to but then I'd have quit my tour of the world having sex with parapalegic women and causing them to walk again. So sure I'd want you but science says my penis is more powerful than all of us my friend. So unless you have something against women in wheelchairs stop being selfish!

I been told that you throwin a bunch of shots at me over here on ya blog Potna! But it don't matter I'm still a Boss of blogger and still da Mack of blogs! Don't hate cuz your bitches choos me!

Wow I feel priveledged that you took time out from putting eye liner on your Care Bear to send me hate mail. A real mack wouldn't cry they way you do. Although making grown men cry is what life is all about. At least that's what my mom said. "Ddot" she would say "Life is all about making grown men cry" It sure is mom. It sure is.

Oh and calling yourself "boss of blogger" and "mack of blogs" is like being named the "fastest child molestor". It's great that you won the title, but just realize that we all still hate you.



Wow it's 4:30 and I never posted this crap?! Oh well my boss is off tomorrow so stay tuned tomorrow for something just a weird and terrible!!