I'm Confused....Not Really...

So there I was watching the highlights of Tiger Woods winning the British Open on Sportscenter when it happened. My head had become slightly tilted to the left and wrinkles formed between my two eyebrows. I was familiar with this position as I was constantly in this state during high school math courses. Yep I was confused. Again.

You see Stuart Scott was going on and on about Tiger's dad who died back in May had "been with Tiger" all week. Then they started in on how Chris DiMarco who came in second was also mourning the death of his mother and how she had too had "helped" her son all week from the big clubhouse in the sky.

Huh?

I'm confused.

So both players had parents helping them from heaven. So why wasn't there a tie? Was Ms. DiMarco off getting a refill on milk and honey during the back nine? Or maybe even in heaven Earl Woods knows more about golf than Chris' mom.

My head is tilting more and more. My eyebrows have scrunched up so much that they are touching. None of this makes sense to me. I'm a reasonable person. Stuart Scott and the Sportscenter anchors always seemed reasonable too. This storyline about Tiger winning because of supernatural powers doesn't seem odd to anybody else? C'mon it's not like Tiger never won anything until his dad died and then his dad helped him to finally win one. Tiger has dominated for the last 10 years. Do.mi.na.ted.

Tiger won because he's good, very good. DiMarco came in second because he is really good too. There were no ghosts floating around the golf course pushing balls into holes. No angels helping to decide which club to use on the next hole.

Had Tiger been the only one to have lost a parent and they went with this storyline I would've been irritated but not as much as when they still try to use it after saying both players lost someone. it just doesn't make sense. It confuses me. Not really because we all know that I have a highly evolved brain but I'm sure my head wasn't the only one twisted when they all but said Chris DiMarco's mom dropped the ball so to speak. Her son is already a loser on Earth but to call his mom a loser in the afterlife is just plain pitiful.

So I finally get my head back ons traight and leave the house. I get to work and do the same thing I do every morning when i get to work. I go to ESPN.com and surf for info on the Redskins and Tarheels. Then I saw a link about Tiger and clicked on it. This what the first paragraph of the the story said and I kid you not: Up in the Great Clubhouse in the Sky, Earl Woods is loving this one. Got himself a whiskey tumbler in one hand and a burning cigarette in the other. Got tears rolling down his cheeks. Got something to say to everyone around him at the 19th hole: "That's my boy. That's how I taught him to play thinking man's golf."

They are drinking and smoking in heaven now?! Wow. They must be under new management.

Now I know some of yall have no clue as to what my beef is since you've been taught that your loved ones are in heaven kicking with J.C. and his posse of angels but that's just not the case. And even if it was the case I don't think they'd be sipping whiskey. But the fact that somebody could broadcast or type that nonsense confuses the crap out of me.

Oh well I can't dwell on this any longer. I have to go get something for this crick in my neck. Thanks a lot ESPN.