My Shame...

I thought we'd have a little fun at my expense today. So let's see who can come up with the best caption for this picture. Yes that's a Kobe jersey. Yes I tried to cover up the number before the picture was taken and yes the only reason I had it on was because I lost a bet. Oh and yes I am still sexy despite having that vile thing on my wonderful body.

Grand Opening, Grand Closing

Grand opening,Grand closing
God damn your man D cracked the can open again
Who you gone find doper than him with no pen
Just draw off inspiration
Soon you gonna see you can't replace him
With cheap imitations for these generations!

Welcome to my new and improved spot. My Kingdom is now The Palace. A place for fun and leisure during those boring hours at work or when you just need a good laugh, or an entertaining story. Mark Twain said "My books are water. Those of the geniuses are wine. But everybody drinks water." That's how I see my writing. It for the most part isn't going to bowl you over in amazement but everyone can understand and relate.

The reason it's not called MY Palace is because you the reader are my co-heirs and without you The Palace would be an empty and cold house and Luther told us that a house is not a home without love. Also the new template washes in a tide of new opportunities. Mainly being able to read what's on the page without destroying your retinas! Yes now we have the perfect palatial pallet for you to palpitate over as you daydream at your desk. Quite simply, it's the Rolls Royce of blog templates. I've added a chat box for all those folks who get irritated at the fact that we chat in the comment section. Also I've switched over to haloscan for my comments so if we have another incident like with what's his name I can ban him with the quickness.

The past couple of weeks that I have been working on this template I've noticed that several of you have switched up your templates as well. I guess great minds really do think alike.

Speaking of great minds, I must give a huge shout out to my girl Nikki for putting this whole template together for me. Not only that but she put up with me constantly changing my mind about things I wanted on the template and my incessant need for daily updates. She's a soldier and because of that she's officially part of The Dynasty. Oh and there's no need to go emailing her asking her to do one for you because this is a one of a kind original and after what I put her through she'd probably curse you out anyway! Thanks again Nik!

Ok so here I am fresher than a newborn and ready to roll. Let me know what you think of my new digs and keep checking back, I just might give you another post today!

Thirty Something...

It seems like just yesterday I was 18. Shooting basketball at least 4 times a week, rarely sleeping, and my johnson ramming the insides of some random chick who's name I couldn't remember.

This past Sunday I turned 30 years old. Blah. I've only played one real good game of basketball in the past year, I am routinely sleep before 9:00 and my johnson, well much hasn't changed in that department except it's even harder to remember names.

I've heard of people crying and getting depressed when they turned 30 but I haven't really been all that reflective until now. Thanks a lot Blogger. One of the reasons I haven't blogged in a minute is because I convinced myself that I was too old to be playing around on this thing. It was taking up too much of my time that I could've been doing something more constructive.

So for the past few weeks I've been doing research and writing up my business plan to start my own business. Since I have diagnosed myself with ADD I am sure it's going to be hard because as we all know I lose focus quite easily. My random thoughts are a thing of legend! But I'm pushing myself harder than ever. I've been getting up and running every morning and I am trying to eat healthier. I am proud of myself and plan to continue to complete my goals.

There was only one problem. Ever since I can remember I've been a performer of some sort. I was always the funny one in my house and in the neighborhood. When I got to high school you'd routinely hear me and my brother's name called in the morning announcements. His for football and mine for winning some acting award. Yes I am the 3 time regional and district Actor of the Year back home. Hold your applause until the end of the post. Until I started this blog and created the Ddot the King persona that part of me lay dormant. And I again have tried to bury it convincing myself that no grown man should enjoy making up and embellishing stories for others enjoyment. For the second time in my life I was wrong. I love writing. I love coming up with this stuff and that's regardless of whether anybody else likes it or not.

I am going full steam ahead with my plans to work for myself but even that will never fully quench my passion for writing or being creative. So whether it's this blog or another one or writing a script for a movie or TV pilot I will always have to release this nonsense bouncing around in my skull. It might not be as regular and it might not be what some of yall are used to but it'll be fulfilling. So I'm done focusing on "getting old" because I'm still a young dude, I've just been around for a minute. So yall hold on to your seats because the new and improved King is back for the first time...





Everybody wanna be a king, so where the f*ck is your palace at?-Lil Wayne

With the Moisture of a Kiss...

One hand Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm.
And I hear them saying you'll never change things and no matter
what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing I do this so this
world will know that it will not change me.
This heart Still believes
The love and mercy still exist.
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss.
As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone.
What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

The Matrix...

I know you have been wondering where I've been. Well I'm caught in the Matrix. So instead of refreshing my page over and over go find Morpheus and get me some help! Now I'm going back to my regularly scheduled program which is a continuous loop of Sam Cooke's A Change is Gonna Come. Don't you love that song? Me too. Good day.

King's Mailbag...

It's that time again. You know, when I answer the hundreds of emails that I normally ignore during the week! They used to aggravate me. Ok they still aggravate me but at least they provide me with fodder for a post. So let's see what you guys have on your mind.

Hey D! I hope you don't think I'm a stalker but where do you work?

Vandelay Industries. We do latex, architecture, importing, exporting.

King you seem smooth. How do you get the panties off?

I'm old fashioned. I usually set up a fake production company and then put an ad on Craigslist for aspiring nude models.

Did you go see M.I. 3 this weekend?

Yes but I bought a ticket for Akeelah and the Bee and then walked into the MI3 theatre. That makes the score, King-1 and The MAN-ZERO!

Hey King. I read your rules about how a man should be and I need some advice. My girl broke up with me but I don't know exactly why. I sent her flowers and surprised her by buying paying her rent and her car note. After that she went out to dinner with me but the next day she said it was a mistake and to never call her agin. What should I do to get her back?

Jesus dude, have some dignity. Even the Wiggles would call you a pussy. Just say to yourself "She's dead to me." Don't make the mistake I did by finding a doll stabbing it with a knife and sending it to her with a note that says "YOU"! All that did was get a bunch of cops in my living room.

Ddot I am thinking about getting breast implants. Do guys like them?

Is this a real question? I know a fake breast when I see one and I also know that I don't care. The outside is real and that's the only part I'm going to be looking at. I'm not Superman for goodness sakes.

I thought that picture Kween put up of you was really mean! Did you really ok her to do that? I hate her.

Look, I'm a jerk. I enjoy being a jerk. Don't hate Kween. I've done much worse to other people. Comparing her to me is like comparing Hitler to a bunny rabbit sliding down a rainbow. And if revenge is sweet, let's just say I'm gonna have to make a couple trips to the dentist.

What program do you use to dowload your music?

Downloading music is illegal. It takes money out of the artists pocket. So even if I have to shovel asphalt on rooftops with four guys from Guatemala I will buy the music so that my favorite artists can travel the globe in private jets and sing songs about guys like me "hating them". Oh and if I did download music I would "probably" use LimeWire.

Do something funny about Paris Hilton. I hate her.

I don't care about Paris Hilton. She makes millions for standing around showing off her body. But when I roller skate into the bank in my thong with a big gold medallion on everybody gets uptight.

I wish I had met you before you got all cynical and mean. I bet you drove the girls crazy!

Thanks but well you're being a little optimistic if you ask me. Unless you consider some spaz with braces pulling up his pants and apologizing a hot night of passion. Ok, ok I never had braces.

What's the greatest thing you've ever done?

I created panda bears.

Tell me something about you that people would find interesting.

My tears cure cancer. Too bad I've never cried.

Just so you know, I'm gonna stop coming to your page!

No! Without you this page would be nothing! Wait a minute. I meant to say Who gives a shit. Get lost. Go play in traffic. I think you overestimated the depths of my interest.


It's Monday people. I have loads of work to ignore do so have a great week and if you don't put a King button on your page I will just assume you like having your ass beat by a large angry black man. Good day.

Riggedy Random Thizzought Friday...

Throw your hands in the air! Now wave them like you just don't care!

Everybody in your office looking at you like you're nuts? Good.

Tell them bitches it's Random Thought Friday and if they keep staring, you'll get your internet King to come slap the snot out of them. That's right baby I got a strong pimp hand and I'm just dying to use it.

It's me, The King of All Bloggers, back once again to share with you folks my completely random thoughts that will either confuse the crap out of you or make you point at your screen and laugh until the tears roll down your chubby little cheeks. Either way I'm happy, you're happy, and your employer, well fuck them. It's me the guy who's thoughts are ridiculous. The guy that could make Sadaam turn Catholic. The reason the Amish have started buying computers. And for all you bloggers hating on me, you can't shut me up. Dot dot dash, that's right I'll destroy that ass in morse code if I have to. Now for my legion of fans....... It's FRIIIIIDAAAAYYY!!!! Let's get it.

I do not want you people to start thinking that I'm a nice guy alright? I'm not. I'm irritable, sarcastic, and an all around jerk. Satan the Devil sleeps with his lights on because of me ok? The Boogey Man is hiding in your closet because he knows I'm looking for him. We clear?! Good.

If you've been working here for more than 15 years stop complaining to me about how much you hate your job and how you're looking for a new one. I don't believe you. Besides they don't hire people your age unless you plan on greeting customers entering Wal- Mart.




If you take the time to fix your hair and put a nice dress or skirt on then do not put on a pair of sneakers. I hate that and if I see it I'm gonna trip you. You've been warned.

I know, I know, I'm mean and I'm a jackass, and blah blah blah and yet here I am, not caring.

You're a dude, I'm a dude. If you ask me one more time did I miss you I'm going to take that as an open invitation to whoop your ass. Thanks.

Somebody has far too much time on their hands to come up with this.

I have received the video of the woman punching the other woman in the face. It was funny. So please nobody else has to send it to me!

Are these RTs sounding angry? LOL!

I'm in a great mood actually.

Anybody wanna sponsor my trip to go see Mission Impossible 3? I'll also need cash for a large popcorn, some nachos, and a box of buncha crunch. You can all chip in so it won't be a burden on one person. I don't care how you do it just tell me what time to go pick up the money from Western Union. Thanks in advance.

If you're wondering what's up with this week's featured blogger I owed someone a favor. Won't happen again.

Everybody email Nikki and tell her that The King says STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND!!! HA!

I was telling someone about my blog the other day and as I was talking I heard myself say "Yeah I'm kind of a big deal" and I thought to myself "ok this has gone too far". HA!

Ok so that was kind of a thought within a thought. Right?

The only reason chicks with big butts don't have men is either by choice or.....well it's by choice. Bad breath can be fixed. Those craters in your face can be fixed. Lazy, bad attitude? So what. You just don't lose that butt and we're good.

Hey you! Who me? Yeah you! Get into my car! We needed Amber Alerts back when Billy Ocean was on the scene! Where is Billy these days?

Don't ask me to comment on your blogs anymore. I will have someone else comment for me. Why? Because I'm special like that. If you would like to be my spokesman or spokeswoman just let me know!

16 days to go bitches and I'm done. Somebody find me a code for a countdown clock to put on my blog.

Ok I'm done. I got surfing to do. So go on get out of my life twice! Then come back just so I can tell you to get out again!!!

Have a great weekend friends and don't take your little bad ass chaps to see M.I. 3 until you pump some money into Akeelah and the Bee. Tell all your friends to go as well!!! The King has spoken!

Me & My Reluctant Love...

"I take seven MCs, put 'em in a line/ And add seven more brothas who think they can rhyme/ Well, it'll take seven more before I go for mine/ And that's 21 MCs ate up at the same time."

That was hip hop. No, that is hip hop. And that's what so many of us fell in love with. Real hip hop. Lines and phrases that made us shake our heads and wonder how they came up with that stuff. And when other MC's heard a rhyme like the one above from Rakim they didn't load up ther guns and go looking for him. No they sat down and tried to come up with something just as or more creative.

I'm forced to reminisce about when the "hardest" rapper was L.L. Cool J talking about pushing a muscle bound man's face in the sand. And you know what? That was fine with me. I don't care to hear your tales of shooting your fellow drug dealers, people hating on you, or the innocent bystanders. Especially when you base your life experiences on movies.

A rapper by the name of Big Hawk was killed in Houston this weekend as well as a member of T.I.'s entourage. Simply put, it's stupid. You characters are making Bill O'reilly look like he has a valid point in saying that hip hop should be banned from the Earth.

Hip hop and I have evolved together overtime. In the eighties I was just a youngster and hip hop was for the most part all about fun just like me. In the early nineties I began to become more introspective right before I hit my wild streak and sold drugs and carried guns. My musical taste back then went from Arrested Development to Outkast to Pac to Biggie and back to Pac with a few others in between. After getting shot at a few times wasn't as cool as it sounded on my favorite songs I started focusing more on making money the legal way and became a Jay-Z fan.

But now hip hop and I are at an impass. It seems to be digressing as I keep progressing. It's starting to sound like a bunch of noise to me. Isn't Lean wit it, Rock wit it and Bethca Can't do it Like Me the same song? I am embarrassed mand disgusted when I'm with my nieces and nephews and Shawnna's Gettin' Some Head come on the radio...and they know the words! I feel like pulling hip hop to the side and say "I love you but I'm not in love with you." "We still have a shot but you gotta work on some things."

I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe I'll be that dude yelling at my neighbors to turn the racket off. And throwing things at the neighborhood children while yelling "Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!

Or maybe, just maybe it's time for hip hop to grow up.

Motherfucking Kobe...

I lost the original post when I tried to post this video but oh well. Anyway it looks like Raja Bell read the post one too many times anyway. This is what he did to Kobe last night(5/2/2006). Hey Raja dinner is on me buddy!!!