10 Things I Hate About You....

For any relationship to grow you must have good communication. You must know a persons likes and dislikes. So to make this a place of complete joy and happiness I have decided to help you My Loyal Subjects out by telling exactly what I hate about you. Now you can jot these down and work on them. Aren't I a good King? I think so too. Now before you rush to the comment section to tell me what you hate about me(how predictable) remember that I already know that I am from a small town call Assholenia in the county of Jerkdom. So save it! Now on to the list.

1. Suggestions. I will never....EVER accept your suggestions. Even if I like them I will tell you that your idea is stupid and try to make you feel as small as possible. Keep them to yourself. Every indian can't be the Chief!!!

2. Advertising. Don't even mention your blog or webpage or whatever else you have when you are commenting on my blog. I will not only delete your comment but I will hunt you down kidnap you and hold you hostage in my basement. I will then proceed to sew your butthole shut and keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you.....

3. Soliciting. This is in the same family as advertising but don't come over here or email me asking me why I haven't commented on your blog. If I want to comment on your blog I'll do it and if I don't feel like it then there's no use in asking because I'll only ignore you and your little blog longer. Thanks.

4. Long posts. If I do decided to waste my time and visit your little blog don't have a 5000 word essay because I won't read it and you won't get your comment. Or I'll read the last paragragh and give a half ass comment that will only piss you off.

5. Internet beefing. It's stupid. It's really, really stupid. And the King hates stupid. Now I know what you're saying: King you've have numerous internet beefs so does that make you stupid?! Now listen to me you little shit. The rules don't apply to me. Ever. I am a King and you are...well you're just you. Now beat it.

6. Boycotts. Please do not email me saying you're boycotting me because of this reason or that reason. I don't care. If there was a way for me to block you from ever showing up again I'd do it. Now stop being a jackass and pretending that you don't love coming here.

7. Biting. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Is sincerest a word? Well anyway you know what I mean and it'll be a word if I want it to be a word. Now stop trying to be me. You are writing your blog being you but still you wanna be me? Don't do that. Be original. There is only one King.

8. Hating. Why waste your oh so valuable time to come to my blog just to tell me I suck? It doesn't make sense little buddy. Even worse is when you waste a perfectly good email to tell me how much you hate me. I know you hate me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

9. Ass kissers. Ok maybe I don't hate hate ass kissers but I find you to be fake and The King doesn't like fake people. If you love me it'll show. If you're fake it'll come off as you being an ass kisser and we'll all laugh at you.

10. Complaining. It is hard coming up with classic material day after day. And then you have the nerve to complain about what you do and don't like. Do us all a favor and put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Your brains would do the world a better service sliding down the wall than what you are using it for now. Ass wipe.

11. Oh and ummm....oh I just said 10?! Dang there are so many more! I sold myself short. Oh well. Now as you go throughout your blog surfing travels and all you see is Blogmasters and his/her favorite commentors telling each other how much they love each other and saying crap like "great post" tell them fuck off because in My Kingdom we keep it real! Fuck Disney World this is the Happiest Place on Earth. Good day jerks.

State of The Kingdom...

Good morning to The Dynasty members, The Commission, The Street Team as well as distinguished guests and other fellow bloggers. Every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of The Kingdom. This year, we gather deeply aware of decisive days that lie ahead.

As we all know I, The King, am the greatest thing to ever happen to blogging.(Applause) Not only that but you the Loyal Subjects are my inspiration. When I receive your threatining emails telling me to post or you'll kidnap my first born, it really moves me and springs me into action.

The comments are even more than I could ask for. As we all know we've lost quite a few friends because of the comments section but who can deny the sheer entertainment value of Chance's comments alone?! Or his female counterpart Video X? Do you ever get tired of Kween trying to hide her absolute love for me by calling me names? Me either. How about TTD just looking for any opportunity to talk about her man? Ahh good times. Grant never ceases to entertain and horrify. The new visitors like Caramel, Missy, and Chocolate Thoughts always add a new and different perspective. There are so many more and we love them all.

Friends, the state of The Kingdom is strong. Yet we have many more challenges ahead. Including getting the lurkers to comment more often, to make me a Blogger of Note, and to have me linked on every blog imaginable. We are a resolute people and I am sure we can make this happen!(Applause) To our enemies we say that we will not waiver in our efforts to in fact make this blog the number one spot of leisure for people who don't actually work all across the planet! (Applause)

So now that I've bullsh*tted my way through a post I hope we all have a good and productive day. The next post will be a "Questions From Reader's" so be sure to email me your questions!!!

The Insider...

As most of you have noticed there is a new section on my page that features a Blogger of the Week or B.O.W. Last week's featured blogger was my friend Goddess who has been a Loyal Subject for quite some time now. She and I have some very interesting conversations about race and race relations. I told her a few weeks back that I would love to conduct an interview with her for my readers because I find the difference in how a white person sees certain things pretty interesting and I'm sure you will too. So this is 100% real.

The rule is she has to be brutally honest. I want to know what she would say in a room of her friends and nothing politically correct. Then on Tuesday I saw that she had ruffled some feathers over at GP's spot and so I knew it was time to get the ball rolling on this. Race is a touchy subject in America and I'm sure this will cause some emotional outbursts but let's try to keep everything in perspective and have a good discussion.

King: Have you ever in a fit of anger or when you thought no one was looking called a black person the "n" word?

Goddess: I have never called a black person the "N" word. My brother did once, in the presence of my mother. I felt his beating. She made him dissolve a bar of soap in his mouth, and took a belt to him. She asked him if he liked being beat. Because if that was the type of thinking he was going to have, maybe he should be sent to a slave camp to see how it feels. After that, I think I understood that it was not a word that we use to label someone. My brother has a habit of saying off color remarks. But he has no shame, he will say anything to anyone which he would say to anyone else. He got beat up a lot in high school because of this. My grandmother is not comfortable around black men that she does not know. She is 87 years old. Her whole life she was taught to not trust black men. She has admitted that she knows it is irrational, however, it is her instint at this point. She has, however, welcomed my black friends into her house and gotten to know them. But, if she sees a black man on the street, she gets stiff. My father used the "N" word around my daughter once. I told him if I ever heard him say it again, he would no longer be allowed to see his granddaughter, because I was not teaching her that word, and neither was he.

King: Does it bother you when some Black people use the word nigger?

Goddess: Yes, it bothers me that some black people use the "n" word. I find it offensive. If you don't want other people to use the word, you can't use it yourself. I don't want to be called a cracker, therefore, I would not call any other white person a cracker.

King: Ok. And what do you think when black people say that it's a difference in a white person saying it and a black person using it as a term of endearment? Or even that there's a difference in the word "nigga" and "nigger".

Goddess: Once, I was in a class, Consideration for Others, where we talked about this very thing. I asked how it was different, and a black female said that there was a difference in -a and -er. I told her there was no difference to me. I could say Fuck or fudge, but the meaning is the same. Then the concept of women calling each other "Ho" and "Whore" as endearing terms came up, and I said I don't agree with that either. Either the word is derogatory, or it isnt. You can not have it both ways.

King: What about the word stupid? You ever call someone stupid because they are stupid but then while laughing at something a friend said call them stupid and it means two different things?

Goddess: Have I ever used the word stupid? Yes. I have told someone to stop acting stupid. Or that they are acting stupid. Does it mean something different if you are laughing about it? Not really. It still means that you think they are stupid, or acting stupid.

King: So you've never used stupid to mean funny? I would say 100% of my black friends could use the word stupid to mean a person's mental state or that they are funny. So could this and the nigga/nigger thing be a case of "ebonics" and be something that everybody doesn't understand?

Goddess: It could be that I do not understand the use of the word. And I do not use "stupid" to mean funny. I use the word "silly". What is ebonics again? Oh yeah, didn't that come out of Oakland? Didn't someone say that it was genetic language? Didn't someone want Ebonics to be taught in lieu of English? Am I the only one who finds that absurd?

King: I don't think they wanted it taught in lieu of English but sometimes things get lost in translation so to speak. So do you feel there should be a Black History Month?

Goddess: I do feel that their should be a black history month to highlight the importance of contributions of Black Americans to our country. A time to regard the strength and the obstacles overcome by a group of people, to promote pride and instill the fact that you CAN overcome ANY obstacle thrown in your path.

King: So you support a Black History Month. Do you think their should be a White History Month? How do you feel about their being a channel called Black Entertainment. Do you think people would be upset if someone created a White Entertainment Channel?

Goddess: Well, the book answer to that is that EVERY day is White History Month. However, I think taking a moment to reflect on strong men and women of the Caucasion persuasion who have done things in order to help other races overcome the obstacles would not be a bad thing. It may actually open up some eyes on every spectrum of the color wheel. Black Entertainment does not bother me, we have Lifetime and Womans Entertainment and Mens Entertainment, however, I do think if there was a WHITE ENTERTAINMENT channel, that there would be an uproar from Black Leadership.

King: A lot of white people feel as if though Malcolm X was a racist. What are your thoughts on him being considered a "black leader"?

Goddess: Malcolm "X" believed in living seperatly, away from whites, correct? Well, if you go along with that viewpoint, why was Segregation, when instituted from White folks so horrible? Is it ok to have segregation if it is imposed by black leadership? I am not sure how I feel about him being considered a black leader if he believed that "Any means necessary" was his viewpoint.

King: Do you think a lot of black people blame whites or racism for their own downfalls?

Goddess: That is a loaded question. Some downfalls are because of racism. It would be ignorant to ignore that it does still exsist. But it would also be wrong to say that some black people do not fault white people for ghettos, poor education, poverty, and other issues. Just like it would be wrong to say that some white people do not blame blacks for the same issues.

I have to cut it short because I have a meeting to be go to in about 5 minutes. I will try to post the rest of the interview later or depending on how the discussion goes maybe tomorrow. Wait until you hear what she has to say about what happened during Hurricane Katrina! It's going to be good. Now go find some white people outside of Grant and Leesa so we can have a good discussion up in here!

Yo....

Hello My Loyal Subjects. After such a great day of comments yesterday I began to craft two similar posts this morning but they felt too rushed and jumbled. Therefore I will think them out a little better before unleashing them. The King doesn't do subpar material.

I have an idea for something less serious so I might write and post that later so be sure to check back or just do as normal and offer me suggestions as to what to write about in the comment section so that I can ignore them. Ok as you were....

Love & Respect...

Women want their cake and eat it too. I think Leesa had a post or something about how that saying makes no sense. I mean if I get some cake of course I want to eat it too! But I digress.

It's either women want it all, or you have no idea what a good man is, or you just don't know how to treat a good one once you find him. Take your pick. I read Cool's blog last week and I knew this post would have to come sooner or later because the world needs my help on this subject. When it comes to men women want a finished product. It's never going to happen.

Never.

As I read these blogs or even in my conversations women can find literally hundred of things wrong with their man and men in general. You want a man that doesn't neglect you for his boys and yet when you get someone like that then he's too clingy. You want a man to have goals in life and a job but if he spends, what you deem as too much time, working then you find you somebody who will "appreciate" you and spend time with you. That is until you realize that he's a bum who's just living off you. It's a ridiculous cycle.

I've heard women complain about all kinds of things.He's a mama's boy. He has bad credit. He's too short. I don't like the way he dresses. Or some of the one's I've personally heard. You're too conceited. You're self centered. You had sex with my roommate. Your johnson is too big. Get the point? How many good men have you let walk away because you're too superficial?! That mama's boy has been trained how to treat women. He may still talk to his mom a lot but he has valuable information about women that you could benefit from. The guy with bad credit could be a man who because of past mistakes is quite adept at handling money. The short guy or the guy that dresses funny could be your "soulmate". We'll ignore my personal faults because we all agree that I am a jackass.

Since TTD has become a Loyal Subject she has talked quite a bit about her "husband". She talks about him in such a glowing fashion that I want to date the guy! You could chalk it up to young love or whatever but most guys will tell you that when a woman praises them and strokes their ego they want to be around her. It is a woman they want to make happy. Does this mean TTD doesn't see his faults? Quite the contrary. She probably knows his faults better than anyone. But she chooses to accentuate the positive and that will only help to continue the growth of their relationship. And it has to be in moderation. Don't overdue it to the point that he feels that you're obsessed with him.

Ok I feel like I'm rambling. Here's the point. Be prepared to grow with your mate and allow them to make mistakes and to grow as an individual. Encourage and embolden them to be a better person. Harping on his or her mistakes or shortcomings is only going to land them in someone else's bed. Love & respect go a long way in creating a happy relationship.

If you treat a man like a man and believe he will give the world to you then in most cases he will do his best to do it. So stop comparing your man to the next one and build a beautiful relationship with the man you have or the next one you get.

Reader's Choice...

Interview with Osama

or


Relationship Post


It's your choice and neither one has been written so after you cast your vote you'll still have to wait for it so don't get all excited. Ok carry on.

Monday Quickies...

Mornin' I just have some quick thoughts to get off my chest before getting started on a real post that may or may not get posted today.


I want to take this time out to thank MTV for Fat Camp. Is there any way we can make this a weekly show?


This picture was taken right after the other fat kids told Dianne that she stinks as they laughed and mocked her.

God bless you MTV. God bless you.



All Star Weekend was so-so. They robbed Gilbert Arenas in the 3 point shootout but they always screw him over. The dunk contest was weak but entertaining. The guy that won was about 5'7 and he missed over 20 dunks. The actual All-Star game was pretty good though.

My addiction to blogging has reached new heights as I was writing posts in my head while driving this weekend. Either that means you guys are going to get a really good week of posts from me or you'll be coming to visit me in the nut house and sadly I have no idea which way it might go.

Anybody that got President's Day off sucks!!! And it looks like people in my office decided that we should get today off too because nobody is here. So I might have to actually do some work today. Oh well my memories of Fat Camp should get me through the day!!!

Random Thought Friday...

Came to work a hour early didn't you? Constantly hitting that refresh button huh? Yeah I see you. It's ok you can admit it. You're not alone, there is about 350 others doing the exact same thing as we speak. Technically you're in the "in crowd". How does that feel soldier? Yes my dear Loyal Subjects today is Friday. But not just any Friday. No. It's a Random Thought Friday. You're welcome.

Now one thing you guys must remember about RTF is that these are really just random thoughts. They might be funny or thought provoking. It's just whatever is on The King's mind.

So put your miner's caps on and be sure to bring extra oxygen as we delve into the recesses of the King's mind. Enjoy.


Dick Cheney said that seeing a man get shot was the worst day of his life. I wonder does he realize that because of him and his homey 18 & 19 year olds are watching people get shot almost on a daily basis. Not just getting shot but blown up. Not just men but women and children. Think before you speak Dick.

Why is it bloggers can cry and complain to me but when I respond I'm the one being sensitive?

Today is Michael Jordan's birthday. That was the 23rd sentence I wrote today. What up Money!

Money is what real basketball fans call MJ.

Ok I've decided who's going to win American Idol. Sorta. I've narrowed it down to 3 and they are now being officially sponsored by The King. Congratulations ladies. So here they are.

Paris Bennett. Cute, likable and can really sing.





Kellie Pickler. The token. I'm only kidding!!! She's from the same area that I'm from and I can definitely see her winning. See I don't hate white people.




Mandisa. The best singer by far. The only problem is her butt has it's on zip code. Don't get me wrong I like a big butt, however the because of her image Simon is going to make it tough for her. But if Reuben can do it then why not her?!


I like chocolate pudding.

People who start crying when they are talking about their church scare me. This is on my mind because I was talking to a lady this morning about her church and the tears started coming. I kicked her and ran.

Does cocoa butter fade blemishes on white people too?

There's a lady in my office who has about 3 teeth. I call her The Tooth Fairy. And you guys thought I was mean. Shame on you.

I am addicted to those little bottles of Purell hand sanitizer.

I really want some chocolate pudding!

You gotta fill out an application to be in Al Qaeda?! Google it.

I had my first famous moment yesterday when my friend Big Rob called me and told me that some of the people in his office wanted me to come by so they could meet the crazy person behind this blog. So now GP I can officially go into my Kanye/Prince/Michael Jackson phase.

Anybody who doesn't have Gmail should get it.

I am so drained today. Yall got 3 posts out of me yesterday and here you are again wanting more. Greedy bastards.

I was watching Home Alone last night and as I watched the family go crazy when they realized Kevin was missing and try to find change for the pay phone I kept thinking to myself 'why don't they have cell phones?' I am old.

The NBA should let the fans vote on who is in the Slam Dunk contest.

I wonder if could I make it to the grocery store and back during lunch. I need that pudding!

I'm not feeling all that random today.

If Tupac drops another album don't we have to start wondering if he's really dead?

Ok I laugh every time I look up and see the Tooth Fairy and now I think she thinks I'm flirting with her. I gotta go to the car and get my gun. Talk to you people later.

Boredom in Blogland...

I was over at Mwabi's spot yesterday and she said something about blogland being blah lately. I then proceeded to comment and noticed that just about everybody who had commented before me agreed that blogland was blah. Interesting but not necessarily true in my humble opinion.

Now don't get me wrong all my regulars know I'll threaten retirement in a heartbeat when I get bored. But what I get bored with is writing or coming up with different intriguing things to write about. The creative process itself. But not Blogland.

If I'm in one of those moods then I just jump around and read other people. Maybe get an idea from someone else and try that. For example when I did the CD MIX CHALLENGE I couldn't think of anything interesting so I did something I'd never done before. Quite a few of you jumped on it and it was fun for everybody. You're welcome.

Some of the people who commented on her blog and said they too were bored used to be regulars around here. So the question has to be asked "Does thier boredom and absence from The Kingdom go hand and hand?" I think so because from what I can tell nobody gets bored over here. Seriously. Was anybody bored when they read the George Bush interview? What about the Dick Cheney piece? Me either. I read that crap and laugh just like yall. Oh well to each his own I guess.

So many people couldn't deal with the fact that we were actually chatting in the comment section that they refused to return. And yet that very chit chat that rubs them the wrong way is what keeps me and others from getting bored. That doesn't mean you shouldn't visit other blogs(I don't) but if you wanna be where the action is then you need to come home to Daddy.

So why you're sitting over there bored and emailing me about how much you dislike me and my blog we're having a party and these 8 hours just fly by. And this is not me dissing any of my former buddies. It's like Biggie said "I made you, why would I play you?"

So in conclusion I hope everybody who is bored finds something to perk them up and any and everybody that enjoys visiting The King keep coming through and I'll keep typing up some nonsense to entertain you!

Oh and remember one thing. Greatness is when everything before you is rendered obsolete and everything after you bares your mark. With that being said I am the greatest blogger of all time and because of that you will never find anyone that can measure up to me. Yes friends I am the standard by which excellence is measured. Good day.

23...

I shut the comment section down in today's earlier post after comment 23 in a symbolic gesture to Miguel.

So now you can continue here or get lost or wait to see if I post something else. Whatever floats your boat. And yes I know you hate me and no I don't care.

See even Kobe knows the deal!!!

XXI...

I saw the new Michael Jordan commercial for his new XXI shoes for the first time last night. Of course I loved it because I believe MJ can do no wrong but I think most people will like it. Basically they have a bunch of kids playing ball on the playground or in high school games doing some of Michael's most famous moves. It's really entertaining escpecially for a die hard Mike fan because you recognize the moves immediately. Well anyway I'm probably going to post twice today but I had to share this video with you guys although Rell is probably the only one who will truly appreciate it. Oh and they come out this Saturday, Febuary 17th, which also happens to be MJ's birthday. Yes I know I'm obsessed and it's sad. Anyway I am starting a "BUY KING A PAIR OF JORDAN'S DRIVE". So for once in your miserable life think of someone else and donate!!!

My Dear Loyal Subjects...

Good morning MLS. I'm sorry I haven't written anything in two days. You guys shut down my email inbox with all the complaints!!!

My boss and her boss are both under the gun and are in my opinion about to get booted. So you know what that means! More work for The King so that they don't get fired. So now they've got me doing all kinds of things and honestly it sucks.

I am taking a quick break to let you guys know so a internet riot doesn't break out. So no more emails people. Please!

I'm typing as fast as I can and I really feel like a runaway slave right about now! What up Nikki!!!

I think I hear someone coming! I gotta go, they'll never chop off my foot!!!

Dick Cheney is a Gangster....

Ok I write some funny posts about the characters that run the White House from time to time. But as I've always heard, the truth is stranger than fiction.

Since I know most of my readers don't watch the news in favor of 106 & Park and Good Times reruns. Let me be the first to tell you that Dick Cheney the Vice President of the United States of America shot a man in the face yesterday.

Seriously.

When I saw the story I immediately thought that maybe I had written something on my blog and it had been mistaken as real news.

Can I be honest? I think that this Presidency is a practical joke being pulled on the American public. The writer's at Saturday Night Live get together and they write this stuff. That's the only thing that make sense at this point.

Dick Cheney shot a man in the face. Sorry but I just can't stop saying that. It's hilarious.

So of course I had to call and get the scoop straight from ol Dicky boy myself.

Ddot: What happened Dick?

Dick:I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets. Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted ‘Cheney, you bastard’ did I realize that this intelligence was faulty.

Ddot: What?! And that's an acceptable excuse to you? You're a goddamn mad man!

Bush: I'm on the line Dick. Let me handle this.

Dick: Yes sir.

Bush: Look, this shooting sent a strong message to the terrorists. If Dick is willing to shoot an American at point blank range just imagine what he'll do to you.

Ddot: Am I in the twilight zone?

Bush: No you're not. In fact I think Harry Whittington is a punk. Had Dick shot me I would've gotten up and shot him back. I'm macho like that.

Dick: You're tough sir. But it was an accident. I thought he was a bird.

Ddot: What kind of genetically altered birds have you been exposed to? The guy was wearing a bright orange vest for goodness sakes!

Bush: Well there are thousands of different birds. Some wear bright orange vests.

Ddot: Stop.

Dick: That's right and we haven't allowed the public to see them. Just trust us we are keeping them away for a good reason.

Ddot: I said stop it. Do I look like Willie Lump Lump?

Bush: Well is Willie black because you all look alike to me!

Ddot: Ya mama. Dick this was your one pass. No more hunting for you. Unless of course you want to take your boss!


Ok it's Monday and I can't just sit around and entertain you people I have work to do! If you need a good laugh read the paper. Why? Because.....


DICK CHENEY SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE!!!

Interview with George W. Bush...

Now look I had to go through a lot of crap including a full body cavity search to get this interview. So you ungrateful bastards had better at least pretend you like it. And to that one Secret Service chick with the happy hands I want to say all that wasn't necessary, I mean I don't even know how a person would hide something that far inside their body and I don't appreciate it. Call me.

So without further ado ladies, gentleman, and fellow pompous assholes the President of the United States....


Ddot: Sup G.

GWB: Excuse me? G?

Ddot: Yeah G, you know as in George?

GWB: Wait a minute. They said Armstrong Williams was going to be conducting this interview!

Ddot: Well that's what you get for putting your racist buddies in security. They think all black people look alike.
GWB: Well where's Armstrong?!
Ddot: He's in my trunk.
GWB: SECURITY!!!! There's some crazy nig..um...black man in here!!!
Ddot: Lil G calm down. I put the Rodney King beating on a continuos loop. They'll be busy for hours. Just relax and answer the questions.
GWB: No questions about the rapper guy. Kanzil or Kanyanna or whatever his name is.
Ddot: Deal.
GWB: Ok shoot.
Ddot: Don't tempt me.
GWB: Just ask your questions.
Ddot: How do you feel your Presidency so far?
GWB: Well Kingy we're doing a heck of job. The economy is on the rise. We're winning the War on Terrorism. We're finding new alternatives to oil. Everything is going as planned.
Ddot: Don't call me "Kingy".
GWB: Why are you staring at me like that? How would you describe my Presidency so far?
Ddot: Doo doo on a stick. And let me just say that I think you're an idiot and you make my stomach hurt.
GWB: I think you have every right to say that! That's the beauty of America. Now let me tell you something funny man. I rewrite the constitution for fun! You think I don't know who you are? I've been listening to your conversations for years. And let me just say that you are one perverted son of a bitch. I can have your little blog outlawed and say it's best for National Security and everybody in my beloved red states will pat me on the back. Not only that but I can have you sitting in downtown baghdad with no body armor and a shirt that says "Muslims Suck" by the end of business today. Now is there anything else you want to get off your chest?

Ddot: Ummm...I guess I better go check on Armstrong.

GWB: Ok well we should do this again sometime.

Ddot: Yeah whatever cracker

GWB: Excuse me?
Ddot: Nothing. I gotta roll.
GWB: Hey Kingy before you go, guess what.
Ddot: What Ofay?
GWB: I really don't care about black people. BRUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Ddot: You evil prick! I'll be back lil G and I'm going to get you one way or another!




Man I can't even wait to see how this turns out! Ok I have work to do. Good day.

Term Limits...

Yesterday as I toyed with my template as well as your emotions my links got deleted. So that got me thinking. Yeah I know it's a scary thought. Jerk. Anyway as you know I don't have a million links like most bloggers. Why? I AM NOT MOST BLOGGERS!!! So when I link someone it is a huge honor. When The King co-signs you it gives you instant credibility. You're welcome. So to make a long story short I'll be fixing my links at some point today and if you have never been linked it is your job to convince me why I should waste my link space with you.

What else?

Oh did you watch the Grammy's last night? That was the best Grammy show I've seen in years. Kanye is an ass. The "Thank You List" he brought on stage was supposed to be funny but it wasn't and he just looked silly. And who dressed that character?! Button your shirt Kanye. Nobody wants to see that hamburger meat! And what's with the Knight Rider gloves?!
Kelly Clarkson's performance was really good. I'm sure she's happy she'll be referred to as "Grammy award winning singer Kelly Clarkson" as opposed to "American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson". Yes I love white women.

Jay-Z , Linkin Park and Paul McCartney did a mash-up of three of their songs and that was the best perfromance of the night. Jay even had a t-shirt with Paul's former bandmate John Lennon on. Oh and if Beyonce and the two other chicks are going to reunite to present awards then they really aren't broken up. Kelly and Michelle take it from The King when I say....GET LOST! I know they get on Jay's nerves. I can just hear this exchange between Jay and B...

Jay-Z: Hey B! You tryna go to the 40/40 tonight?
Beyonce: Yeah can we go pick up Michelle?
Jay-Z: Who?
Beyonce: You know Michelle. She was in my group. You remember, the skinny chick, couldn't dance. C'mon I know you remember.
Jay-Z: Oh yeah that chick why she always gotta hang with us?
Beyonce: She doesn't really have any friends.
Jay-Z: What about the other girl from the group. What's her name? Why can't they hang out together?
Beyonce: Oh Kelly is coming too.
Jay-Z: You can't be serious. Tell ya what I'm just gonna go to the Nets game. Holla at you tomorrow.




Why do yall let me go off on tangents like that? Focus King. Focus.




Oh I flipped back and forth to American Idol. The two criminal twins with hair on their chinny chin chins were doing their best Kanye imitation. I don't think they'll make the top 12 but if they did they'd be promptly voted off as nobody in America likes them. Oh and the two twins that were cool got booted off and I thought they could sing!!




Hey but what do I know. You're talking to a guy that went out and bought the Lord Tariq & Peter Gunz album. That's 15 bucks that will always haunt me. Had I taken that 15 bucks and waited for Google to get started and invested in Larry & Sergey's dream I'd be a multimillionaire now and I could do cool things like go to my class reunion with like 3 bodyguards and never directly speak to anybody instead whisper what I want to say in my designated speaker's ear and let her say stuff like "Ddot says hello and goodbye."



Ok seriously I'm focused now. Oh one more thing. How funny is it going to be when Gwen Stefani gives birth and the baby is black?! I know Pharrell tapped that Gwen you ain't fooling nobody!

I'm feeling it today. I need to write like five posts today just to put in reserve for days like yesterday.

Now before I say this I want to say that I already know that I am too old to be watching 106 & Park so you don't have to say it. But the chick Julissa completely ruins that show. She's absolutely clueless. What makes it worse is that she comes off like she's the smartest coolest person in the room. Remember when Tigger used be the corniest guy at B.E.T.? The came A.J. who took it to another level and now this chick that makes Tigger seem like Jay-Z! What would happen if Nick Cannon came and co-hosted with her one day? Wouldn't the high corny level in that room destroy the universe? Anyway J is willing to allow anybody who will spit on Nick Cannon to use her name. I am now saying if someone will pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Julissa I will treat them to dinner. So go get those crowbars people!!!

Ok I better get out of here before I implicate myself in a crime. Have a great day folks.

Dry...

I'm not feeling anything good right now so I thought I'd change my template back to this just to irritate some of you. You're welcome. Ok maybe I'll post tomorrow.

Girls Girls Girls...

Good morning My Loyal Subjects. Yesterday one of my fans emailed me and said she noticed that my content seems to have changed a bit. That I seemed to be catering to the ladies. Well I do. 99% of my fans are women so why talk about car engines and football everyday. Then I'd just be a mediocre blogger, not The King of All Bloggers. Holla atcha boy Summer! Anyway so I decided to dedicate a post to all of my lovely female bloggers. I can't decide if it's very original since I stole part of the lyrics from Jay-Z but I like it and really that's all that matters. Just know that it took me awhile to twist and turn his lyrics to fit you guys. So show some appreciation! If you don't see a mention of yourself in the "song" don't feel bad my creativity is usually gone by 10:30 and I just couldn't think of how to add everybody in there. But I appreciate all of you for holding me down. I'm sure Grant and Rell feel like a million bucks right now! Ok here it is.....Enjoy.



Of course I love you.. I love all y'all


I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour, yeah

I got this African chick, she don't like me to roam
So she email me and tells me it's on
Said she writes that hot shit so she likes me home
I'm like, "Un momento" - mami, slow up your tempo
I got this DC chick, she don't know how to act
Always emailing me fussing, but she does her thing
She like, "Listen Ddot, I don't care if you're The King
You better - R-E-S-P-E-C-T me"
I got this one chick from B-more that loves to pick
She thinks she's a queen, will email me quick
My, cherie amor, to a belle
Merci, you fine as f**k but you givin me hell
I got this Michigan chick the day that I met her
Asked her why she so quiet, stop being a lurker
She said I comment when I want to King, so stop bitchin
And if you want more comments put me in The Commission
Now that's African chick, B-more chick, Michigan, DC and they all black
That's fried chicken, curry chicken, damn I'm gettin fat
Arroz con pollo, french fries and crepe
An appetitite for destruction but I scrape the plate
I love

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour

I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girls all over the globe
I come scoop you in that Coupe, sittin on
deuce-zeroes
Fix your hair in the mirror, let's roll - c'mon


I got this VA chick, she's quite mature
She like, "Why you don't you visit my blog no more?"
Like to show out in public, throw tantrums on the floor
Gotta toss a couple comments, just to shut up her holla
Got a ATL chick, that plays her part
And if it goes down y'all that's my heart
Baby girl so thorough she been with me from the start
Thinks she co-rules my blog, plus hers is off the charts
This other ATL chick I don't know if she cook or clean
But she write her ass off and her blog is mean
Nothing wrong with ma she's always on the scene
God damn she's fine and she comments all the time
I get frequent comments from my other ATL chick
She look right in that tight blue dress, she's thick
She gives me extra comments and shows The King mad love
So I had to introduce her to The Dynasty club
Now that's a VA chick, and 3 from the ATL
That means trash talking abounds, plus I stay in The Underground
That means I'm new school, pop pills and stay in beef
But I never have a problem with my first class seat
I love

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Girl bloggers, I do adore
Yo put your address on this paper cause I would love
to link ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour
I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girls all over the globe
I come scoop you in that Coupe, sittin on
deuce-zeroes
Fix your hair in the mirror, let's roll

I love girls, girls, girls, girls......


Now wasn't that fun?! I thought so. If you are one of my readers who has no idea where this song comes from it's the video playing on the side. Again if you weren't in the song it was simply because of lack of creativity on my part. I love all yall. And if you're still offended stop your whining because I don't care! Shouts to KoolBreeze, Chele, Leesa, Goddess, TTD and anybody else I missed.



You're welcome.

Do You Qualify...

It's Monday so we need to really get things going today. Let's talk relationships. I received an email this morning that I really liked and it was actually the second time I've gotten it but this time I really read it. You've probably gotten it too but if not I'll share it with you and then I'd love to get your thoughts.


A Sista's Poem:

Do you qualify to be the man I need you to be?
Will you be able to recognize the things you need to see?
Will you be able to understand, that I'm a good womanand in my life I need a good man?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to fertilize my unproduced seeds?
Can you fulfill, as I can, all of our needs?
Can you put me in my place if you see I am slippin?
Can you talk to me, wholeheartedly, not constantlytrippin??
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called all mine?
Can you leave the other women and temptations behind?
Can you come to me with your problems and not waituntil it's too late?
Can you stand up and admit if you made a mistake?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be the honest ebony man I would wantyou to be?
Would you be able to look me in my eyes and admit yourfeelings to me?
Could you take me in your arms and make love to me allnight long?
Can you be sensitive and still be strong?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be my friend as well as my lover?
Can you put our love before any other?
Can you cherish me as if I were Diamonds & Gold?
Can you make me feel like I'm the last woman you'llever hold?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called a good man?
If I have doubts can you reassure me and understand?
Can your love intoxicate me as if I were High?
To be in my life, I need to know, DO YOU QUALIFY?

The Brother's Response:

You ask, do I qualify.
Can I fulfill your needs and become the man you needme to be?
My sister, are you prepared for what you've asked for?
Can you handle the responsibility?
Can you accept that, by GOD, I am the chosen one, theauthority, the comforter, and the head?Will you submit and willingly follow my path?
Or will you fight with me instead?
If I am your King, will you treat me as such?
Will I get the best of your beauty and poise?
Or will I be subjected to an appearance neglected, andchecked with some serious noise?
When I talk, will you listen?
I mean whole heartedly and feel me?
Or will you rush me just to make your point too?
Can I be the man at all times?Even when it hurts?
Or is it just when it's convenient for you?
Can you love me for me, and not who you wish I couldbe?
Will you see the strong Black Man within?
Or will you always remind me of the all the pastbrothers behind me and make me pay for their sins?
If I don't send you flowers the day your co-workerreceived some, will you know that I love you still?
Or will my good name be uttered along with those otherdoggish brothers?
Will you question if my commitment is real?
Will you be patient and teach me to understand you,and allow my knowledge of your needs to grow?
Or will you shut me out when I ask, Baby what's wrong?
Or will you respond with, "Well a REAL man wouldknow!"
When we first met, what was it that caught your eye?
Was it my mind, my heart, my personality?
Or was it my suit, or my job, or do you love what I drive, instead of what's driving me?
Yes I can, and I will, make love to you from midnightto the dawning of the sun.
But, if I tell you I'm tired, will you trust I'msincere or believe that there must be another one?My sister, I love you and my heart can be yours.
No woman could lead me astray.
But like you, I have needs, so I beg of you, please,in this love thang meet me half way.
In life's tough times I'll hold you, in the roughtimes I'll mold you, your simplest wish will be mycommand.
My life is yours if need be.
Yes you can fully bleed me, and when hell comes, inyour place, I'll stand.
A good relationship is a powerful institution thatmust be built on a foundation of two.
So to answer your question, YES sister, I do qualify.Now, more importantly.....! Do you?

The Super Bowl...

I was going to really break down the Super Bowl this morning but guess what? The Super Bowl sucked. The commercials weren't all that great and flipped back and forth to The Real World/Road Rules Challenge marathon on Mtv. Beth is a team captain?! How did I miss that? Well I'm all caught up now so that's good. So anyway that's it.


Oh yeah and Grey's Anatomy is my new addiction. Thanks.

Kingdom Stories...

Ok so everybody knows I like to do different things with this blog. I don't want to do the cookie cutter thing. So as I sat back and analyzed my readers and also thought of ideas I came up with something I thought might be interesting. Now GP always tells me to not think so big and it's the small stuff people like but I'm hard headed and so I'm going to try this anyway.

I like writing and someone suggested to me yesterday that I should write a screenplay or an episode of a television show. They gave me tips as to how to get started and so I'm going to try it with this post. I would love any constructive criticism you guys have or you can just tell me how great I am. Either way works for me. Have I built up enough excitement? Good.

I am going to write a series of stories for my blog which I'm hoping is going to read something like a soap opera or a blog version of what they do on Tom Joyner's show every morning. I'm going to try to flesh out the story as I go and hopefully I can give 2 or 3 "episodes" a week(You do realize that you can't hold me to that right?). Ok so here is my first story. Remember I am just getting started and I am going to develop more characters and stories as I go.

Welcome to King's Island. A city that has a 98% african american population. The sun shines bright here and it is reflected in the attitudes of the residents. The very affluent Knox family own most of the property on the island and we will take a look into the youngest son Jaloni in today's episode....

Jaloni's longtime girlfriend, Mia, is pressuring him to take their relationship to the next level - engagement and marriage. Mia believes Jaloni is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Jaloni's not sure he ready for such a permanent long term committment with Mia. She's a great woman. She's ambitious, caring, supportive and fun to be around. In fact, she's dang near perfect but she's too available for someone like Jaloni. He's still looking for a challenge. All his life he's had to fight for the things he's wanted and with women it's no different. He's developed conqueror's mentality.

Jaloni starts an innocent flirtation with a new co-worker, Trenyce, that heats up when he moves in Mia. Trenyce is the type of woman that loves an unavailabe man. She enjoys using her feminine wiles to lure men into her trap.

Jaloni is taken with Trenyce. She reminds him of the type woman that used to play him in his younger years. When she starts to hint that she wants more from him than an playful, flirty office courtship he takes the bait....

Georgia Peach Style...

Ok I am going to post something today. I promise! But since I keep getting requests for pictures and one blogger even insists that I change my profile picture but it ain't happening anytime soon! Anyway here are a few pics of the King just to prove I am as beautiful as I claim to be. Some are old and some are new but these are all the ones I have on my work computer. Enjoy.






Me on the phone at the crib. Check out the guns!












Me and one the nephews I'm always talking about. I am their hero as you can see.
































Me at my man Perk's wedding. I am the one second from the right. I think I look really good in a tux. The photographer should focused in more on me instead of trying to get all of the rest of them! I feel a little bad by upstaging the bride on her wedding day!
















Me and my homey Anthony at the wedding reception of one of my other friends.


















Me my twin brother E and my sister T. I shaved my 'stache off right before they took this picture so I look 16!

















I keep the ladies on my arms! Ok actually this is me and my two sisters T and ...umm well they are both T!















Ok so that should hold you until I can write something. You're welcome.

Busy...

Burp....

Good morning Loyal Subjects...blah blah blah....I went to the bar last night and either my tolerance level isn't where it used to be or that bartender really knows how to make a drink. I was blitzed last night. I am quite sure that a few of my female friends got phone calls last night and I'm just hoping that I didn't embarrass myself. What I'm dealing with right now isn't even a hangover as much as it feels like I'm still a little tipsy. So no real post today. I was going to interview Coretta Scott King but she went and died so that idea is scrapped. Thanks for nothing Coretta!!! Well anyway I am the greatest...blah blah blah.....every female wants my body...blah blah blah. Ummm did I leave anything out? Oh yeah Respect the King! Ok that's enough I have to save my energy to convince my employer that I am not a lush. So in closing remember that I call this blog a toilet because my words are the shit. Hey I liked that one. I should've saved that for a real post. Oh well. Good day.