Random Thought Friday...

Riddle me this. What have you been highly anticipating all week? Ok what had you so excited that you went to bed at 7:30 last night so this morning could hurry up and get here? What is the space between insane and insecure? Ok last one. It's the internet phenomenon that's sweeping the globe! Give up? It's Random Thought Friday!!! Ok ok calm down or your co-workers will think you're nuts. But then again they're probably reading this now too. Maybe you should initiate a Random Thought Party in your office. If you do please describe in detail the look on your boss's face once you finishing pitching the idea! Hope your resume is up to date! Anyway here's what all of you have been waiting for, the one opportunity every week to see what is going on in the deep dark places of my noggin. Ladies, gentleman, and My Loyal Subjects I now present to you The King's Random Thoughts!!!

I went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin' last night and I'm sort of upset that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had hoped. It was actually mildly entertaining. But anytime Ja Rule is being made fun of it's a good thing.

Kobe Bryant has been on a scoring rampage. Hey Kobe, I hope you get ass cancer!!

At some point in your day take a moment to step aside and reflect on what happend to Terrell Owens.... and laugh your ass off!!! Seriously though I'm worried about the guy. I think he may have a grapefruit sized tumor leaning up against the part of your brain that keeps you from making a complete ass out of yourself. Get help T.O.

Look no one wants to have sex with Beyonce more than me, I don't think anyone is here to argue that. So if anyone wants her and her mother's clothing line to work it's me but 98.9% of the stuff I've seen looks like doo doo. Like maybe Mama Knowles does a little acid before designing some of that crap. House of Dereon? More like House of Crapola. I still love you B!

Speaking of hot chicks I heard Halle Berry is pregnant. I've always thought she was pretty but I can count the amount of times I've masturbated to her on one hand. Wait, a hand has 800 fingers right? Oh. Uh never mind.

I let my boss borrow my phone charger yesterday and she still hasn't returned it. She better not let the nice slacks and the "I'm not falling for the banana in the tailpipe" voice fool her. I will act a motherf*cking fool up in this b*tch!

And there you have my gangsta moment of the day. Let's press on shall we?

Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still F*cking retarded.

One of my crazy ex-"friends" called my mom this week to tell her what a terrible guy I am. My mom then called me. This is the exact exchange between us. MOM: "Umm a young lady just called me and said you dogged her out after taking her virginity." KING: "What was her name?"
*a long silence* MOM: How many girls have you taken virginity from?!!!" KING: " Umm ma I have a telemarketer on the other line and I really need to get back to him." Click. So here's a big F U to the crazy chick!!! Now I will never be able to look my mom in the eyes again. On the bright side I'm sure my dad is walking around showing my picture off to his buddies like he did when I was first born.

If I dated an asian chick do you think she'd be mad if I asked her to say "me love you long time."

If I dated a schizophrenic chick I think during sex I would ask weird stuff like "who's your daddy?...ok and who's your daddy...and what's your daddy's name?!

I am horny this morning or what?!

I accidentally watched Madonna's new video. She looks like she got her clothes at a dead hooker's crime scene. Stop it pumpkin. It's over.

I've always thought that really pale white people have really cold skin.

Rev Run is to 2005 what Cliff Huxtable was to 1985.

Where is Michael Jackson's Hurricane Katrina relief song?! I know I've asked this before but geez c'mon Mike. Don't make me put the pressure on you Miguel. I have a nation of thousands...well maybe not thousands...it's probably more like enough to fill a small restroom. But you don't want to piss us off!!

When I start to make myself laugh too hard while writing this nonsense I flash myself the "Wrap it up" sign because I'm afraid I'll screw it up. But I'm wild and daring....let's keep it going!!!

I'm starting to feel better about all those razor filled apples I gave out at halloween. The first couple of nights were the toughest with me watching the news and all but now that I stopped watching the news things are looking up. Oh and now I know what all these athletes and stars mean when they say the media is the cause of all their problems. They made it seem like I put the razors in there to hurt people. When really it was just for laughs! Stinkin media.

I saw Terry McMillan's ex husband on Oprah this week and if she didn't know he was gay by the way he talks, gestures, and dresses don't you think the fact that he probably only wanted to have anal sex with her should've given her a clue?

My boss called me into her office earlier this week and I was shaking more than Muhammad Ali in an earthquake seeing how I realized my first week here that my job is not really necessary. She proceeded to tell me I was doing a great job and I got a little baby raise. I'm starting to feel like I'm in that What's Happening episode when they gave Big Shirley a job just because she was black but didn't actually give her any work to do. She quit because she had pride and dignity. The King however is going to ride this train 'til the wheels fall off!!!

Ok I've taken up enough of your day. And again I don't really care if I entertained you or not because I wrote this for me...in fact why are you even here reading this...get lost....go on beat it.



Everybody have a great weekend!!!!

IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!