Stupid Weathermen!!!
Ok well I've been watching the news and how stupid are these "meteorologists"?! Why do we need to see some guy standing in the middle of a HURRICANE to understand that the wind is blowing hard! I'm sure they think it makes them seem like real news people but in actuality any elementary school student could do the exact same thing.

Here are some rules of thumb to remember as we weather stupid news people!:

• Weatherdudes and reporters are only interested in the worst damage and personal Tragedy.
  
• Only the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers are cited by Weatherdudes.
  
• Weatherdudes rarely mention the size of a storm except when they are talking about Power (a nebulous term that they are allowed to define themselves on the fly).
  
• Weatherdudes rarely mention that those Absolute Highest Wind Numbers are only applicable to a relatively tiny portion of the coast on the right side of the storm's eye as it moves ashore.
  
• Reporters try to find the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers, dressed in the spiffiest possible rain gear, and then tell you not to stand out in the dangerous winds like they are.
  
• Noise cancelling microphones cannot cancel out hurricane winds.
  
• The cute furry socks reporters slip over their directional microphones to cut ambient noise just do not work and never seem to look good when drenched with salt spray and covered with muck.
  
• Reporters getting beach sand in their face is better TV than broadcasting from the second floor of a Holiday Inn.
  
• Reporters instantly become Trained Professionals when standing in hurricane winds.
  Handheld anemometers make you look more like a Trained Professional.
  
• No training is required to be a meteorologist or a Trained Professional when a hurricane exists.
  
• Having a mobile weather station on the top of their logoed SUV lets the reporters look more like Trained Professionals and lets them one-up the competition.
  
• Reporters have an inherent right to drive on closed streets and do the stupid stuff that common folk can only wish they could do too, but would never risk damage to their vehicle.
  
• Storms are not sentient, although Weatherdudes and reporters will make them seem so.
  
• Reporters will look for old neighborhoods, manufactured housing and trailer parks to find certain Tragedy. If they can match them up with the Absolute Highest Wind Numbers, even better.
  
• Highlighting any perceived failure in emergency response is key to enhancing the Tragedy.
  
• The standard notice from emergency responders that they will not attempt rescues during the height of the storm does not apply to reporters, since they always deserve to be rescued if in immenent danger.
  
• Reporters will find someone who's double-wide was just trashed and ask them for their personal thoughts on the Tragedy.
  

Let's hope we survive the news media, let alone the storms.