Friday, December 30, 2005
Git Up Git Out....
Yes I meant to spell "git" like that!!! Ok I'm rolling to Dallas at about 7 a.m. Friday morning. So that means you guys will have to live without me until Tuesday probably. I know you're sad but you must move on and do something with your life. I'm leaving you guys one of my all time favorite songs to listen to in my absence. Feel free to congregate here while I'm gone and talk about how great I am.....
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Back to the Future...
In my unwavering effort to be the most intriguing blog on the planet Earth I have decided to let My Loyal Subjects experience A King that is different from the one you've grown to love. With 2005 almost over I decided to go back 10 years and let the 19 year old King write an entry into this blog. So let's go back with the young King to a time when Ipods and Xbox didn't exist and see what's on his mind...
Ummm....sup. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. This dude that looks like my dad gave me some little debbie snack cakes to sit here right some stuff down. For who? I don't know. This must be the internet thing my girl keeps telling me about. Well anyway for whoever can see this, if anybody, I'll break down what's going on in my life in different categories. I'll start with my baby.
LOVE LIFE
My girl's name is Celena and I am really in love with her. I met her last year when I was in High School. We screw almost everyday and everywhere. We've done it in all 3 of my parents cars, my car, and her parents 2 cars, not to mention in both of our parents' houses. My homeboy is her cousin and that's how we met. Well I had tried to holler at her before but I guess I was too nice. When my homeboy introduced us we immediately got into an argument. She tells me now that's why she started liking me. That's weird, I wonder if all girls would rather a guy be mean or disrespectful to them sometime instead of always being nice. Anyway we'll probably get married as soon as she graduates High School. By that time I should be straight finacially. I can't see anything coming in between us EVER! I love you girl!
WORK
I've been working at Cone Mills in Greensboro for a few months now. I'm making more money than I could have ever imagined. They started me out with almost $8.00 a hour! That's double what I was making at Burger King. If I stay here a few more years I could get up to $10.00 a hour or more and probably buy me a house. Of course in 10 years I should be the General Manager and sitting in an office behind a computer all day. I wonder do the people that work in the office ever goof off and just play on the computer. Oh well, anyway that's the plan.
FRIENDS
I have the craziest homeboys ever. First is my best friend and twin brother E. He is the wildest person I know. Him and his boy George are usually just walking around robbing people and drinking. And he screws more chicks than I have ever seen! If he's not careful he's going to end up with a bunch of kids! It's funny because everybody thinks I'm the ladies man but Celena is the only chick that I've ever had sex with. Boy, I hope nobody can actually see this, it would really ruin my rep! Anyway then there is Telly who thinks he's a con man. He thinks he can get over on anybody. He's a smart dude but he always takes the easy way out. Then there is my man Juvenile. Juvenile is Celena's cousin and him and I are together probably more than anybody else. We are going to be rappers. He's Juvenile and I'm D-Linkwent. That's dope right? I am a little worried about his rap name though. I'm not sure if Juvenile is a good name for a rapper. But we'll see. I just bought a white BMW and we just cruise the city and soak up all the stares we get from the girls. I have my clear pager on my visor and he has his green one on the other visor. We are constantly checking them. It's funny because well only get paged by two people. Our moms and our girls. But so what we are still cool. I might save up for a few months and get one of those car phones. That would be dope to have a phone in the car!
ENTERTAINMENT & EVENTS
I just bought a new tape deck. It was the newest one and cost me almost 300 dollars but I gotta have the best! I bought two tapes the same day. One was Channel Live and I bought that because of the song Mad Izm which they play every two minutes on the radio. The other was Tupac's Me Against the World which has caused me to never actually open Channel Live's album. I just bought it because the dude is locked up and this will probably be his last album but this dude can really rap and the way he expresses himself is how I am going to do when I get a record deal. Between Tupac and the dude Biggie that came out a few months ago rap music is blowing up! Oh well other than that the OJ Simpson trial is going on and I'm sure that they are setting him up. Before this trial is over I bet the real killer will have been found. Nothing is really good at the movies except that movie Powder. I love thinking about the possibilities of what humans could do if we could use more than a very small percentage of our brains. I heard Michael Jordan might be coming back to the NBA. Michael if you can read this please come back! If you come back I promise to name my first child after you! Seriously.
SUMMATION
This has been a good year. I am out of High School and oddly enough I kind of miss it but I'm sure that feeling will fade. My sister moved to Washington D.C. and she keeps trying to convince me to move up there with her and go to school but that'll never happen. I can't leave my girl to move to D.C. And what is in D.C. anyway besides a bunch of crime?! Nah I think I'll stay here and raise a family just like my folks. I'm going to enroll in school at North Carolina A&T and get a degree in something. So anyway I'm just trying to remain humble because arrogant and conceited people suck!!!
That was fun. I remember when I used to be nice. Oh well it just a few short months this dude would be gone forever. Maybe I'll let 97 or 98 Ddot write a post one day. That would be quite interesting. Vulgar and mysogynistic but interestin nonetheless. Ok I hope you enjoyed this and if not who cares.
Ummm....sup. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. This dude that looks like my dad gave me some little debbie snack cakes to sit here right some stuff down. For who? I don't know. This must be the internet thing my girl keeps telling me about. Well anyway for whoever can see this, if anybody, I'll break down what's going on in my life in different categories. I'll start with my baby.
LOVE LIFE
My girl's name is Celena and I am really in love with her. I met her last year when I was in High School. We screw almost everyday and everywhere. We've done it in all 3 of my parents cars, my car, and her parents 2 cars, not to mention in both of our parents' houses. My homeboy is her cousin and that's how we met. Well I had tried to holler at her before but I guess I was too nice. When my homeboy introduced us we immediately got into an argument. She tells me now that's why she started liking me. That's weird, I wonder if all girls would rather a guy be mean or disrespectful to them sometime instead of always being nice. Anyway we'll probably get married as soon as she graduates High School. By that time I should be straight finacially. I can't see anything coming in between us EVER! I love you girl!
WORK
I've been working at Cone Mills in Greensboro for a few months now. I'm making more money than I could have ever imagined. They started me out with almost $8.00 a hour! That's double what I was making at Burger King. If I stay here a few more years I could get up to $10.00 a hour or more and probably buy me a house. Of course in 10 years I should be the General Manager and sitting in an office behind a computer all day. I wonder do the people that work in the office ever goof off and just play on the computer. Oh well, anyway that's the plan.
FRIENDS
I have the craziest homeboys ever. First is my best friend and twin brother E. He is the wildest person I know. Him and his boy George are usually just walking around robbing people and drinking. And he screws more chicks than I have ever seen! If he's not careful he's going to end up with a bunch of kids! It's funny because everybody thinks I'm the ladies man but Celena is the only chick that I've ever had sex with. Boy, I hope nobody can actually see this, it would really ruin my rep! Anyway then there is Telly who thinks he's a con man. He thinks he can get over on anybody. He's a smart dude but he always takes the easy way out. Then there is my man Juvenile. Juvenile is Celena's cousin and him and I are together probably more than anybody else. We are going to be rappers. He's Juvenile and I'm D-Linkwent. That's dope right? I am a little worried about his rap name though. I'm not sure if Juvenile is a good name for a rapper. But we'll see. I just bought a white BMW and we just cruise the city and soak up all the stares we get from the girls. I have my clear pager on my visor and he has his green one on the other visor. We are constantly checking them. It's funny because well only get paged by two people. Our moms and our girls. But so what we are still cool. I might save up for a few months and get one of those car phones. That would be dope to have a phone in the car!
ENTERTAINMENT & EVENTS
I just bought a new tape deck. It was the newest one and cost me almost 300 dollars but I gotta have the best! I bought two tapes the same day. One was Channel Live and I bought that because of the song Mad Izm which they play every two minutes on the radio. The other was Tupac's Me Against the World which has caused me to never actually open Channel Live's album. I just bought it because the dude is locked up and this will probably be his last album but this dude can really rap and the way he expresses himself is how I am going to do when I get a record deal. Between Tupac and the dude Biggie that came out a few months ago rap music is blowing up! Oh well other than that the OJ Simpson trial is going on and I'm sure that they are setting him up. Before this trial is over I bet the real killer will have been found. Nothing is really good at the movies except that movie Powder. I love thinking about the possibilities of what humans could do if we could use more than a very small percentage of our brains. I heard Michael Jordan might be coming back to the NBA. Michael if you can read this please come back! If you come back I promise to name my first child after you! Seriously.
SUMMATION
This has been a good year. I am out of High School and oddly enough I kind of miss it but I'm sure that feeling will fade. My sister moved to Washington D.C. and she keeps trying to convince me to move up there with her and go to school but that'll never happen. I can't leave my girl to move to D.C. And what is in D.C. anyway besides a bunch of crime?! Nah I think I'll stay here and raise a family just like my folks. I'm going to enroll in school at North Carolina A&T and get a degree in something. So anyway I'm just trying to remain humble because arrogant and conceited people suck!!!
That was fun. I remember when I used to be nice. Oh well it just a few short months this dude would be gone forever. Maybe I'll let 97 or 98 Ddot write a post one day. That would be quite interesting. Vulgar and mysogynistic but interestin nonetheless. Ok I hope you enjoyed this and if not who cares.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
P.S.A.
This is a public service announcement. Sponsored by The King himself.
My Loyal Subjects please be advised that I know some of you are frequenting blogs that do nothing more than kill brain cells. Here in My Kingdom I strive to entertain and inform. So when I see some of you supporting blogs that do nothing more than disrespect women it infuriates me.
Any man who creates a blog to just post pictures of random women that he supposedly "macked" and then proceed to call them every derogatory term that he can think of is sickening. It was very disheartening to see some of MLS there commenting and seemingly enjoying this trash.
It bothered me so much in fact that I thought of just retiring. Maybe this crap I come up with isn't all that great if morons like this are attracting the same people that I attract. Alas I convinced myself that the world needs me if for no other reason to be a place of refuge for those who will not stand for such nonsense.
Yes I am an oasis in the desert of blog land. Come drink of my wisdom, wit, and nonsense and be refreshed. Or go slumming and drink the cloudy, germ infested waters of some idiot who is trying to sell you a dream. You get the real deal here ladies a gentleman. Appreciate that fact or I will be no more.....
YOUR KING,
DDOT
My Loyal Subjects please be advised that I know some of you are frequenting blogs that do nothing more than kill brain cells. Here in My Kingdom I strive to entertain and inform. So when I see some of you supporting blogs that do nothing more than disrespect women it infuriates me.
Any man who creates a blog to just post pictures of random women that he supposedly "macked" and then proceed to call them every derogatory term that he can think of is sickening. It was very disheartening to see some of MLS there commenting and seemingly enjoying this trash.
It bothered me so much in fact that I thought of just retiring. Maybe this crap I come up with isn't all that great if morons like this are attracting the same people that I attract. Alas I convinced myself that the world needs me if for no other reason to be a place of refuge for those who will not stand for such nonsense.
Yes I am an oasis in the desert of blog land. Come drink of my wisdom, wit, and nonsense and be refreshed. Or go slumming and drink the cloudy, germ infested waters of some idiot who is trying to sell you a dream. You get the real deal here ladies a gentleman. Appreciate that fact or I will be no more.....
YOUR KING,
DDOT
Sunday, December 25, 2005
The Royal Crown Web Awards...
Good day My Loyal Subjects. I, the Good King Ddot, have decided to give out awards to best and brightest of the blogging world. As much as I would like to just pick out those that I like and tell you who won I am allowing you, the reader, to nominate blogs as well as vote for the winners of THE KINGY'S. I am sure you all are very excited right now and really want to win but remember it's honor to even be nomintated! So everybody send me your nominations for each of the categories and the only rule is you can't nominate youself. On to the categories....
Blogger of the Year- to nominate someone email me at ddot23@gmail.com
Blog of the year
Favorite Writing in a Blog
Favorite Entertainment Blog
Favorite Political Blog
Favorite Humor Blog
Blogger You Most Want to Hump(Female)
Blogger You Most Want to Hump(Male)
Favorite Template
Worst Blogger
I know what you're thinking. How can a blogger give out blog awards? If I win something won't everybody think that it's been rigged? Yep. And guess what? I couldn't care less. This is My Kingdom not yours! If you don't like it then stop reading. Stop! I'm not going to write anything else until you stop reading..........Ok so now that the haters are gone it's just you weirdos who actually like the stuff I do over here. Ok so if you've gotten this far email me the nominations and me and my staff will go through them and I'll present the nominations on Tuesday and be sure to be specific as to which category your nominating the individual for and then we'll conduct the vote. How's that? Good. Thank you in advance.
Friday, December 23, 2005
The King's Mailbag...
Since I'm getting flooded with the nominations for the Kingy Awards I thought it might be good to clean out my inbox and finally answer the couple million emails that I have been sent over the past few months. I will answer as many as possible and be as honest as possible. Yeah right! I'm The King and I do whatever I please! On to the emails from actual readers....
King, do you wear boxers or briefs?
I wear boxers. Now can you tell me why you need to know that? Is it just to have all the details right when you fantasize about me? Probably.
Hey what does the "D" in Ddot stand for?
It stands for "Don't" as in Don't ask me what it stands for because I ain't telling! Any guesses?
Why do you have to be so arrogant?
I get this question at least 3 times a day. I'm only arrogant when I need to be. I'm really a nice guy. Now get lost peasant!
Now that they have added Zach Morris to the cast of Commander in Chief will you watch? Now this came from a true Loyal Subject that knows that I'm obsessed with Saved By the Bell. Actually I think adding him to the cast only makes the whole show even less credible. I'd be watching the show just waiting for him to trick the president and steal Air Force One to go pick up Kelly Kapowski and then of course the hijinx would ensue.
Dude, why do you think you're better than everybody else?!
Ummm..because I am.
Is that really your picture on your profile?
As hard as it is to believe that a human being could be that beautiful, yes it is me.
Hey you should hold some sort of contest and the winner would get a date with you! Hmmm....OR you could get up from your computer and leave your 35 cats and go out and try to meet someone in the REAL world! Now wouldn't that be wild and crazy?!!
I hate you!
No you don't.
Ok now that everything has died down we should squash the beef but you have to promise not visit GeorgiaPeach's blog and not allow her to comment on your site.
I have a better idea. Why don't you go jump in a lake! That's one of the most elementary comebacks I've ever used but it's cracking me up right now.....go jump in a lake...hilarious.
I read your blog everyday but I don't feel comfortable commenting. I'm white and you seem to have something against white people. I'm not a racist or anything, in fact I like you a lot. You're not like a lot of black people I know. I just wish you could stop talking bad about white people.
Aww how sweet. Wait.......wait.......Ok I just threw up in my mouth. The only thing you forgot to say was that I'm a credit to my race. Idiot. Actually I am like a lot of the black people you know. What you need to do is pretend for a second that you're not afraid and go up and talk to a black person and you will experience the same charm and wit that you get from me. Ok maybe not the same because I'm on another level but I'm quite sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
I think you should interview George Bush.
I think you should run your blog and I'll run mine.
George Bush Rules!
The underworld. Yes he is Satan.
I used to love you Ddot but as a dark skinned black woman you have offended me.
You used to love me? Wow. Did I at least get to hit that? Anyway I don't have anything against dark skinned women. Some of my best friends are dark skinned women! LMAO!
If you could ask Clifton Taulbert any question, what would it be?
Do you think it's possible to build a powerful, effective, and caring community in the blogging world?
Who do you think was the better rapper Biggie or Tupac?
First of all you guys would be amazed to know who asked this question but I won't tell. Anyway I think it's so hard to answer this question because you're dealing with 2 different styles. I'll say Biggie was the better rapper and Tupac was the better song writer. I really got serious on this question didn't I?! HA!
You know a lot of people are going to be pissed when you win Blog and Blogger of the Year on your own site.
Who gives a rat's ass.
Ok I have work to do now. Everybody enjoy their days off and be sure to get your nominations in before Tuesday or there will be hell to pay! Ok now go do something productive.
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!!
King, do you wear boxers or briefs?
I wear boxers. Now can you tell me why you need to know that? Is it just to have all the details right when you fantasize about me? Probably.
Hey what does the "D" in Ddot stand for?
It stands for "Don't" as in Don't ask me what it stands for because I ain't telling! Any guesses?
Why do you have to be so arrogant?
I get this question at least 3 times a day. I'm only arrogant when I need to be. I'm really a nice guy. Now get lost peasant!
Now that they have added Zach Morris to the cast of Commander in Chief will you watch? Now this came from a true Loyal Subject that knows that I'm obsessed with Saved By the Bell. Actually I think adding him to the cast only makes the whole show even less credible. I'd be watching the show just waiting for him to trick the president and steal Air Force One to go pick up Kelly Kapowski and then of course the hijinx would ensue.
Dude, why do you think you're better than everybody else?!
Ummm..because I am.
Is that really your picture on your profile?
As hard as it is to believe that a human being could be that beautiful, yes it is me.
Hey you should hold some sort of contest and the winner would get a date with you! Hmmm....OR you could get up from your computer and leave your 35 cats and go out and try to meet someone in the REAL world! Now wouldn't that be wild and crazy?!!
I hate you!
No you don't.
Ok now that everything has died down we should squash the beef but you have to promise not visit GeorgiaPeach's blog and not allow her to comment on your site.
I have a better idea. Why don't you go jump in a lake! That's one of the most elementary comebacks I've ever used but it's cracking me up right now.....go jump in a lake...hilarious.
I read your blog everyday but I don't feel comfortable commenting. I'm white and you seem to have something against white people. I'm not a racist or anything, in fact I like you a lot. You're not like a lot of black people I know. I just wish you could stop talking bad about white people.
Aww how sweet. Wait.......wait.......Ok I just threw up in my mouth. The only thing you forgot to say was that I'm a credit to my race. Idiot. Actually I am like a lot of the black people you know. What you need to do is pretend for a second that you're not afraid and go up and talk to a black person and you will experience the same charm and wit that you get from me. Ok maybe not the same because I'm on another level but I'm quite sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
I think you should interview George Bush.
I think you should run your blog and I'll run mine.
George Bush Rules!
The underworld. Yes he is Satan.
I used to love you Ddot but as a dark skinned black woman you have offended me.
You used to love me? Wow. Did I at least get to hit that? Anyway I don't have anything against dark skinned women. Some of my best friends are dark skinned women! LMAO!
If you could ask Clifton Taulbert any question, what would it be?
Do you think it's possible to build a powerful, effective, and caring community in the blogging world?
Who do you think was the better rapper Biggie or Tupac?
First of all you guys would be amazed to know who asked this question but I won't tell. Anyway I think it's so hard to answer this question because you're dealing with 2 different styles. I'll say Biggie was the better rapper and Tupac was the better song writer. I really got serious on this question didn't I?! HA!
You know a lot of people are going to be pissed when you win Blog and Blogger of the Year on your own site.
Who gives a rat's ass.
Ok I have work to do now. Everybody enjoy their days off and be sure to get your nominations in before Tuesday or there will be hell to pay! Ok now go do something productive.
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
Monday Crap
I was still on my high from the Redskins dismantling the cowgirls and who do I see on the tube? Your President George W. Bush. C'mon why today?! I am having a good day. Now I could've just turned the channel but then who would tell you guys what he said since I'm sure all of you were flipping between Mtv and BET! How many times can you watch the same 4 videos anyway?!
Anyway I was going to do a running diary and let you know what I was thinking at the ver ymoment he said certain things. And I also thought about doing a King's Rebuttal but he didn't say much to rebut(is that a word). Shouldn't rebut mean to have sex with someone twice in one night. Ok I'm being random. Anyway this is my response to what he had to say: Huh? You suck dude. Since I know you call yourself a Chrisitan let me say that Satan is the father of the lie and you are his oldest son! Jerk. Get a life.
Oh and your boy has been tapping phone lines too! What kind of altenate universe are we living in?! I received a letter in the mail stating that because of this blog and my obvious ties to Saddam that my phone had been tapped for awhile. I was livid! They sent me the transcript of what they had listened to and I'd like to share it with you.
Ddot: Hello?
Arson: Sup.
Ddot: nuttin'
Arson: right right
Ddot: What do you think Arsenio Hall is doing right now?
Arson: Huh? Oh I don't know. I got gas.
Ddot: Huh? You think he's got gas? Well I guess that's possible.
Arson: Yeah so what's up?
Ddot: nuttin'
Arson: right right
Ddot: Alright I'm going to take a dump.
Arson: one.
That my friends is where your tax dollars are going. Meaningless conversations between me and my knucklehead friends.
Anyway I didn't tell you guys that last weekend I got stopped by the cops. I think Arson made mention of it on his blog because I was on the phone with him when I got stopped. Anyway since I'm in a transcript mode here's the exchange between me and the officer.
Officer: License and registration please.
Ddot: Ok it's in my glove box. I'm going to reach over there and get it. Don't shoot me.
Officer: (holding back laughter) Ok sir.
Ddot: Here ya go
Officer: Thank you. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Ddot: Boredom?
Officer: This is not a joking matter sir. Is anyone in the back seat? I ask because your tint is too dark on your window. That's why I pulled you over.
Ddot: Are you serious?
Officer: Excuse me?
Ddot: I asked were you being serious.
Officer: Very serious. Please step out of the car sir.
Ddot: But it's cold out there.
Officer: I'm going to run your license and if you have any warrants I'm having this car towed and you're going downtown.
Ddot: Downtown? I didn't know you guys actually used the term "downtown". Anyway I have warrants in NC but they are going to tell you not to waste your time.
Officer: Excuse me.
Ddot: I have warrants down there but whenever I get pulled over they refuse to come get me so don't waste your time.
Officer: I think that's the first time anybody told me they have warrants. I'll be right back.
Arson: Why do you mess with police like that. They are going to get you one day.
Ddot: Nah. I'm The King
Arson: D you're back in the REAL world. This is not the internet!
Ddot: Oh snap! I was talking internet talk wasn't I?!
Arson: Yep
Ddot: Why didn't you stop me?
Arson: I was laughing too hard.
Ddot: Jerk.
Arson: Hey let's take a trip to Atlanta
Ddot: I'm about to go to jail! I'm not planning any trips with you right now.
Officer: You are free to go.
Ddot: Why?
Officer: Because I work for Prince George county and apparently you are some sort of King. You out rank me.
Ddot: HA!
Ok so that last part didn't happen exactly like that but he did let me go. Anyway now you're all caught up with what's going on with The King. I feel good this week so yall might get a post everyday. You're welcome.
Anyway I was going to do a running diary and let you know what I was thinking at the ver ymoment he said certain things. And I also thought about doing a King's Rebuttal but he didn't say much to rebut(is that a word). Shouldn't rebut mean to have sex with someone twice in one night. Ok I'm being random. Anyway this is my response to what he had to say: Huh? You suck dude. Since I know you call yourself a Chrisitan let me say that Satan is the father of the lie and you are his oldest son! Jerk. Get a life.
Oh and your boy has been tapping phone lines too! What kind of altenate universe are we living in?! I received a letter in the mail stating that because of this blog and my obvious ties to Saddam that my phone had been tapped for awhile. I was livid! They sent me the transcript of what they had listened to and I'd like to share it with you.
Ddot: Hello?
Arson: Sup.
Ddot: nuttin'
Arson: right right
Ddot: What do you think Arsenio Hall is doing right now?
Arson: Huh? Oh I don't know. I got gas.
Ddot: Huh? You think he's got gas? Well I guess that's possible.
Arson: Yeah so what's up?
Ddot: nuttin'
Arson: right right
Ddot: Alright I'm going to take a dump.
Arson: one.
That my friends is where your tax dollars are going. Meaningless conversations between me and my knucklehead friends.
Anyway I didn't tell you guys that last weekend I got stopped by the cops. I think Arson made mention of it on his blog because I was on the phone with him when I got stopped. Anyway since I'm in a transcript mode here's the exchange between me and the officer.
Officer: License and registration please.
Ddot: Ok it's in my glove box. I'm going to reach over there and get it. Don't shoot me.
Officer: (holding back laughter) Ok sir.
Ddot: Here ya go
Officer: Thank you. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Ddot: Boredom?
Officer: This is not a joking matter sir. Is anyone in the back seat? I ask because your tint is too dark on your window. That's why I pulled you over.
Ddot: Are you serious?
Officer: Excuse me?
Ddot: I asked were you being serious.
Officer: Very serious. Please step out of the car sir.
Ddot: But it's cold out there.
Officer: I'm going to run your license and if you have any warrants I'm having this car towed and you're going downtown.
Ddot: Downtown? I didn't know you guys actually used the term "downtown". Anyway I have warrants in NC but they are going to tell you not to waste your time.
Officer: Excuse me.
Ddot: I have warrants down there but whenever I get pulled over they refuse to come get me so don't waste your time.
Officer: I think that's the first time anybody told me they have warrants. I'll be right back.
Arson: Why do you mess with police like that. They are going to get you one day.
Ddot: Nah. I'm The King
Arson: D you're back in the REAL world. This is not the internet!
Ddot: Oh snap! I was talking internet talk wasn't I?!
Arson: Yep
Ddot: Why didn't you stop me?
Arson: I was laughing too hard.
Ddot: Jerk.
Arson: Hey let's take a trip to Atlanta
Ddot: I'm about to go to jail! I'm not planning any trips with you right now.
Officer: You are free to go.
Ddot: Why?
Officer: Because I work for Prince George county and apparently you are some sort of King. You out rank me.
Ddot: HA!
Ok so that last part didn't happen exactly like that but he did let me go. Anyway now you're all caught up with what's going on with The King. I feel good this week so yall might get a post everyday. You're welcome.
Victory!!!
We stomped those raggedy cowboys yesterday 35-7....wait....we just scored again!! GO REDSKINS!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
Random Thought Friday...
With their blogs all written with care
And hopes that Ddot would soon be there
My Loyal Subjects were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Random Thought Friday danced in their heads...
Hate it or love it the King is on top! Yeah I know that this is King Kong weekend but guess what? King Kong and got nothing on me! I'm pompous, I'm arrogant and you love it! So here is what you look forward to like a 3 day weekend. Random Thought Friday! For all you newbies this is the one time of the week that you are privy to the random nonsense that bounces around in my cranium. Some of it makes sense and some of it...well is just random. So forget about the million dollar smile, the charm and wit and sit back and relax for what has become an Internet Phenomenon....THE KING'S RANDOM THOUGHTS!!! Enjoy.
*Warning* Do not read if you are taking medication or are prone to loud bursts of laughter that might get you fired.
Al Sharpton is getting his own sitcom. Yeah you read that right. Al freaking Sharpton. I don't want to be a human being anymore.
I think my blog gives people the same feeling you get when you put on pants and find twenty bucks in the pocket.
Don't all 50 Cent and the G-Unit's songs sound alike? I swear Magic Stick and Candy Shop are the exact same song. Fall back 50. Take a vacation or something.
The Cowboys & Redskins play this weekend. If the 'Skins don't win then I wouldn't expect to see a blog from me until at least thursday of next week.
How come 99% of my readers are women? Am I the LL Cool J of blogging? Is that why ole boy keeps trying to steal my readers?! What up GP!!!
Speaking of GP am I the only one that thinks of her when Ludacris' new song "Georgia" comes on?
I liked Kanye's album but I hope he doesn't win one Grammy.
Wasn't Fun with Memory...umm...fun?!
That reminds me. You people are some nut jobs!
This is an actual quote from Cincinnati Bengal wide receiver Chad Johnson : I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop #85." Hopefully whoever stops him will be a geography or history teacher.
They took down the cubicles in my office when they put the new carpet in and it really sucks. My co-worker Nico gets bored and walks over to shake my hand about twice every thirty minutes and tries to see what I'm doing on my computer. Don't you just hate that. This is the first time I've used my camera on my phone in the 1.5 years I've had it. My desk is a mess. But yes this is where the magic of My Kingdom is made. Feels like you just pulled back the curtain on the great and powerful OZ doesn't it?! HA!
Deer Park bottled water has Deer pee in it.
Will you guys miss me when I get my business started and I'm never online anymore. Keep my name alive you jabronies!!!
Boy these Random Thoughts sure are going to be posted late!
Who cares? I write them for me...remember!
I am so bored.
I think I'll go to lunch. I might take an extra hour. Anyway you guys have fun commenting on this until I get back. Oh and remember to leave your random thought(s) too!
And hopes that Ddot would soon be there
My Loyal Subjects were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Random Thought Friday danced in their heads...
Hate it or love it the King is on top! Yeah I know that this is King Kong weekend but guess what? King Kong and got nothing on me! I'm pompous, I'm arrogant and you love it! So here is what you look forward to like a 3 day weekend. Random Thought Friday! For all you newbies this is the one time of the week that you are privy to the random nonsense that bounces around in my cranium. Some of it makes sense and some of it...well is just random. So forget about the million dollar smile, the charm and wit and sit back and relax for what has become an Internet Phenomenon....THE KING'S RANDOM THOUGHTS!!! Enjoy.
*Warning* Do not read if you are taking medication or are prone to loud bursts of laughter that might get you fired.
Al Sharpton is getting his own sitcom. Yeah you read that right. Al freaking Sharpton. I don't want to be a human being anymore.
I think my blog gives people the same feeling you get when you put on pants and find twenty bucks in the pocket.
Don't all 50 Cent and the G-Unit's songs sound alike? I swear Magic Stick and Candy Shop are the exact same song. Fall back 50. Take a vacation or something.
The Cowboys & Redskins play this weekend. If the 'Skins don't win then I wouldn't expect to see a blog from me until at least thursday of next week.
How come 99% of my readers are women? Am I the LL Cool J of blogging? Is that why ole boy keeps trying to steal my readers?! What up GP!!!
Speaking of GP am I the only one that thinks of her when Ludacris' new song "Georgia" comes on?
I liked Kanye's album but I hope he doesn't win one Grammy.
Wasn't Fun with Memory...umm...fun?!
That reminds me. You people are some nut jobs!
This is an actual quote from Cincinnati Bengal wide receiver Chad Johnson : I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop #85." Hopefully whoever stops him will be a geography or history teacher.
They took down the cubicles in my office when they put the new carpet in and it really sucks. My co-worker Nico gets bored and walks over to shake my hand about twice every thirty minutes and tries to see what I'm doing on my computer. Don't you just hate that. This is the first time I've used my camera on my phone in the 1.5 years I've had it. My desk is a mess. But yes this is where the magic of My Kingdom is made. Feels like you just pulled back the curtain on the great and powerful OZ doesn't it?! HA!Deer Park bottled water has Deer pee in it.
Will you guys miss me when I get my business started and I'm never online anymore. Keep my name alive you jabronies!!!
Boy these Random Thoughts sure are going to be posted late!
Who cares? I write them for me...remember!
I am so bored.
I think I'll go to lunch. I might take an extra hour. Anyway you guys have fun commenting on this until I get back. Oh and remember to leave your random thought(s) too!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Fun with Memory...
What Up Grant!
RULES
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you. I think this will be fun for all; like a bowl of Skittles and M&M's mixed; a color and a flavor for everyone!
RULES
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you. I think this will be fun for all; like a bowl of Skittles and M&M's mixed; a color and a flavor for everyone!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
King of Bloggers...
I'm the King of blogs, there is none higher/
Sucker bloggers should call me Sire/
To burn my kingdom, you must use fire/
I won't stop blogging till I retire!----Run Dmc(Ddot Remix)
Yeah it's me, your favorite blogger's favorite blogger. I must say I am relishing my new title as King of all Bloggers. What up Summer! I know you've all been wondering how long I was going to let my Dynasty Member compettion go on. Well it has come to an end. So who won? Well first of all let's remember that we're all winners. YEAH RIGHT! That's just some crap that a loser made up to make himself feel better.
Before I announce the winner let me explain to you why I had the competition in the first place because I've gotten far too many emails about this subject. Ok I know that everybody and their mama has a links to other bloggers on their page but The King is a little more selective. I don't co-sign folks just because they visit my blog everyday and name their first born after me! The folks in The Dynasty have my stamp of approval. It is an internet honor to be in such a select group. The members of The Commission are in an approved status as well. They are sort of like the Scottie Pippen to The Dynasty's Michael Jordan. Feel me?
I also was extremely surprised at how many votes were actually cast! What is wrong with you people? Get a hobby or something. Geez. Anyway through this process I've ran across a few blogs that I'm really digging so not only will some lucky blogger make The Dynasty but there will be additions to The Commission as well. Congratulations.
Ok so the poll was basically a two horse race. We had the lovely MIZPOWDERPINK and the very entertaining RELL. With that said HAPEE2BNAPEE made a serious run near the end but then she went and changed her screen name and you know it doesn't take much to confuse my readers. I was secretly rooting for GRANT but I don't think most of yall understand that the fact that he's certifiable is what makes him entertaining. My homie LEESA put me up on Goddess, no not that GODDESS but the new one. Don't you just love how original people are?! I kid, I kid! Anyway so she's almost as random as The King and although she's just getting started I think she might be good at this foolishness called blogging. Oh and my girl NIKKI is on fire! I love her stuff. There are more but I don't have time to name everybody. I do have a Kingdom to run ya know.
So anyway yall get the point. The people I like...I LIKE. So if I like them then you automatically have to like them, that's just how it works. On to the winner.....
The poll, the current Dynasty Members opinions, as well as my vote were all factors in this decision.
MizPowderPink- You did well in the polls and The King applauds you.
Rell- You also did well in the polls and I really enjoy your blog.
So the person I chose has showns signs of support and seems to really enjoy my blog. They also have a blog I really enjoy. Ladies and gentleman the newest member of The DYNASTY is.....
HAPEE2BNAPEE aka MWABI!!!!
Congratulations Hapee. I hope you understand the importance of being in this elite group of people because I will not hesitate to boot you, just ask your predecessor!!! At any rate for anybody who wants to one day be part of The Dynasty keep working and you can make it. Here is the list of new members of THE COMMISSION.
Nikki
Goddess
KoolBreeze
BlackCaesar
Cool AC
Congratulations to all of you as well. Now run, yes run as fast as your little legs will take you and tell all of your friends and family! Yes shout it from the mountain tops!!! You are now DOWN WITH THE KING!!!
Sucker bloggers should call me Sire/
To burn my kingdom, you must use fire/
I won't stop blogging till I retire!----Run Dmc(Ddot Remix)
Yeah it's me, your favorite blogger's favorite blogger. I must say I am relishing my new title as King of all Bloggers. What up Summer! I know you've all been wondering how long I was going to let my Dynasty Member compettion go on. Well it has come to an end. So who won? Well first of all let's remember that we're all winners. YEAH RIGHT! That's just some crap that a loser made up to make himself feel better.
Before I announce the winner let me explain to you why I had the competition in the first place because I've gotten far too many emails about this subject. Ok I know that everybody and their mama has a links to other bloggers on their page but The King is a little more selective. I don't co-sign folks just because they visit my blog everyday and name their first born after me! The folks in The Dynasty have my stamp of approval. It is an internet honor to be in such a select group. The members of The Commission are in an approved status as well. They are sort of like the Scottie Pippen to The Dynasty's Michael Jordan. Feel me?
I also was extremely surprised at how many votes were actually cast! What is wrong with you people? Get a hobby or something. Geez. Anyway through this process I've ran across a few blogs that I'm really digging so not only will some lucky blogger make The Dynasty but there will be additions to The Commission as well. Congratulations.
Ok so the poll was basically a two horse race. We had the lovely MIZPOWDERPINK and the very entertaining RELL. With that said HAPEE2BNAPEE made a serious run near the end but then she went and changed her screen name and you know it doesn't take much to confuse my readers. I was secretly rooting for GRANT but I don't think most of yall understand that the fact that he's certifiable is what makes him entertaining. My homie LEESA put me up on Goddess, no not that GODDESS but the new one. Don't you just love how original people are?! I kid, I kid! Anyway so she's almost as random as The King and although she's just getting started I think she might be good at this foolishness called blogging. Oh and my girl NIKKI is on fire! I love her stuff. There are more but I don't have time to name everybody. I do have a Kingdom to run ya know.
So anyway yall get the point. The people I like...I LIKE. So if I like them then you automatically have to like them, that's just how it works. On to the winner.....
The poll, the current Dynasty Members opinions, as well as my vote were all factors in this decision.
MizPowderPink- You did well in the polls and The King applauds you.
Rell- You also did well in the polls and I really enjoy your blog.
So the person I chose has showns signs of support and seems to really enjoy my blog. They also have a blog I really enjoy. Ladies and gentleman the newest member of The DYNASTY is.....
HAPEE2BNAPEE aka MWABI!!!!
Congratulations Hapee. I hope you understand the importance of being in this elite group of people because I will not hesitate to boot you, just ask your predecessor!!! At any rate for anybody who wants to one day be part of The Dynasty keep working and you can make it. Here is the list of new members of THE COMMISSION.
Nikki
Goddess
KoolBreeze
BlackCaesar
Cool AC
Congratulations to all of you as well. Now run, yes run as fast as your little legs will take you and tell all of your friends and family! Yes shout it from the mountain tops!!! You are now DOWN WITH THE KING!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Dropping Jewelry...
Freedom. Immigrants from all over the world have been coming to America for decades in search of freedom. African Americans fought for equal amounts of freedom even after they got here on the slave ships. And now in 2005 for all intents and purposes we have what so many fought for and died for. Freedom.
My 15 year old nephew whom I have talked about before on this blog has been incarcerated. He was given 6-10 months in a juvenile detention center. No more freedom.
He was born in the nineties where a phrase that had always been around got even more popular. "I can do whatever I want to do." When I or anybody else would try to talk to my nephew this was a phrase he used quite a bit. He could do whatever he felt like doing. Hmmmm...freedom.
In the time of slavery they used chains to hold us down. In the early 20th century it was segregation. But just like everything else that evolves and gets more complex over time the way in which minorities are being held down is...you guessed it...freedom.
I know that this sounds odd and maybe I'm reaching a little but freedom is really nothing more than an idea. And what we consider freedom isn't always a good thing. Any good psychiatrist will tell you that children and adults alike crave structure and guidance. Slavery no. Structure yes.
It is this King's opinion that just because we can do something doesn't mean we should do it. We must add that little nugget into the "you can do whatever you want to do when you grow up speech". No we must not let our freedom become our bondage.
As I think about my nephew a 6'4, chiseled, and handsome young man sitting in a cell when he should be preparing to get his driver's license and getting excited about the upcoming Christmas break from school it hurts me. He is a PRINCE and he doesn't even realize it. Instead he sits there daydreaming about having freedom once again and thinking to himself that as soon as he gets out, he, again will be able to do whatever he wants to do. Ahh freedom. He could fall into a trap like so many youth who are caught in a constant cycle of having freedoms that they don't need nor have the skills to deal with and who end up getting into trouble and end up locked up and repeating the process over and over.
Yes freedom is an idea. Bondage too is really only an idea. If you take away bondage then what does freedom really mean? Free your minds.
My 15 year old nephew whom I have talked about before on this blog has been incarcerated. He was given 6-10 months in a juvenile detention center. No more freedom.
He was born in the nineties where a phrase that had always been around got even more popular. "I can do whatever I want to do." When I or anybody else would try to talk to my nephew this was a phrase he used quite a bit. He could do whatever he felt like doing. Hmmmm...freedom.
In the time of slavery they used chains to hold us down. In the early 20th century it was segregation. But just like everything else that evolves and gets more complex over time the way in which minorities are being held down is...you guessed it...freedom.
I know that this sounds odd and maybe I'm reaching a little but freedom is really nothing more than an idea. And what we consider freedom isn't always a good thing. Any good psychiatrist will tell you that children and adults alike crave structure and guidance. Slavery no. Structure yes.
It is this King's opinion that just because we can do something doesn't mean we should do it. We must add that little nugget into the "you can do whatever you want to do when you grow up speech". No we must not let our freedom become our bondage.
As I think about my nephew a 6'4, chiseled, and handsome young man sitting in a cell when he should be preparing to get his driver's license and getting excited about the upcoming Christmas break from school it hurts me. He is a PRINCE and he doesn't even realize it. Instead he sits there daydreaming about having freedom once again and thinking to himself that as soon as he gets out, he, again will be able to do whatever he wants to do. Ahh freedom. He could fall into a trap like so many youth who are caught in a constant cycle of having freedoms that they don't need nor have the skills to deal with and who end up getting into trouble and end up locked up and repeating the process over and over.
Yes freedom is an idea. Bondage too is really only an idea. If you take away bondage then what does freedom really mean? Free your minds.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Why Women Run The Other Way...
Fair and balanced that's me. Last week I attempted to show how some women push men away with their attitudes. Well the comments came and surprisingly enough most women agreed that they were a mixture of a couple of the types of women or knew people who were. Not only was I surprised but I was also a little peeved. You guys know how much I love to piss people off just for the fun of it! Ah oh well the ladies love me like James Todd Smith I guess. At any rate I decided to give a list of males or traits that some males may show that pushes women away. So if you're a single guy or just want to know why your woman treats you a certain way then sit up and pay attention. The King is going to give you all the answers. Well maybe not all the answers because the ladies are going to co-sign this post big time and I'm sure they'll have some advice for you losers...er...guys as well. I will now break it down so that it will forever be broken.(10 points if you can tell me what movie that line came from.) Let's go.
1. The Needy Guy
Ok so this guy is overly emotional and shares all his feelings right away. The ladies want to hear "I Love You" but not on the first date! You see this guy doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work, and friendships. Fellas this is extremely unappealing to the ladies. Why? Because confidence and independence are sexy traits in a man. If you're insecure and dependent on her then who is she going to lean on? Probably some confident and sexy dude she met on the internet. Call me ladies! NEXT!
2. The Predictable Guy
Ok this is where a lot of men get lost. Have you ever wondered why women love the so called "bad boys"? Not because they are bad, I mean who wants to bail someone out every weekend? It's because they are somewhat unpredictable. It adds spice to any relationship. Women don't like predictable men because they know exactly how he'll react to any given situation. So be a little more spontaneous and keep her on her toes.
3. The Arrogant Guy
Why do I feel like I'm naked in a room full of people right now. Ok yes I'm arrogant. So what! This isn't about me. Ok so the arogant guy thinks he's some kind of king and certain people are beneath him. He can be rude to those people and rudeness is not sexy. Even if you aren't rude to her she's paying attention to how you treat others. So start treating others with respect because she's always watching.
4. The Neanderthal Guy
This guy flirts with anything that moves and that's whether he's with his woman or not. Personally these types of guys makes the King's stomach hurt. He flirts with the waitress and chats all night about his many conquests. Fellas instead of chit chatting about how well you're endowed and the like you could've saved her a lot of time by just wearing a t-shirt that says "I DISRESPECT WOMEN!" Because that's exactly what she's thinking. Here's a suggestion. Read a book. Glance at a newspaper for goodness sakes. Have more to talk about than your "johnson" and all of the places you've stuck it. Like Shania Twain said it don't impress her much. Wait. I don't listen to Shania, I swear!
5. The Cheap Guy
Well this one is kind of easy. Stop being so d*mn cheap! You don't have to go broke to do special things for your woman. And start managing your money better so you're not always broke. If you have every Madden football game from the past 5 years but your woman hasn't gotten flowers sent to her because "she knows I love her and besides sending flowers costs too much." then you'll probably end up humping your Playstation.
6. The Arguer
We all know this guy. He turns everything into a debate. Dude just take your woman out and chill. No one wants to argue and especially not over trivial crap. Move on because half of the stuff you argue about she couldn't care less about. After awhile she doesn't even want to be around you. Instead you'll see her out with some dude who in your opinion is ignoring her. Well she'd rather be ignored that argue with you over that nonsense. CHILL!!!
7. The Self Righteous Guy
This guy is very judgemental of others. He'll gladly tell anyone who'll listen how they should live their life including his woman. Listen up dude, nobody asked you! Nobody likes to be judged and it's just annoying. Do what works for you and let others do what works for them. If someone wants your advice they'll ask you. So instead of spewing your wisdom all over the place, focus on your woman's lovely lady lumps!!!
8. The Misogynist
Of all the types of guys on this list this guy gets the pink slip the most often. He has bitterness towards women and in this day and age most women ain't going for that. Ladies if he can't help but to exude negative feelings towards you and the entire gender please just move on. He's not going to change and you can't change him.
So what have we learned My Loyal Subjects? Yes I have too much time on my hands but I meant other than that. Jerks. Fellas you're not going to be perfect and if you try to be then you'll still end up with the short end of the stick because women aren't perfect. Just be yourself and respect the people that you want to be around and especially women. Love and respect are the two ingredients for any healthy relationship. So now meditate on what you've read and start applying what you've learned immediately. If it works I want to be compensated handsomely and if it doesn't work....well....I mean I'm just some guy who's bored at work and writes a blog. You should've known not to listen to me in the first place!!!
1. The Needy Guy
Ok so this guy is overly emotional and shares all his feelings right away. The ladies want to hear "I Love You" but not on the first date! You see this guy doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work, and friendships. Fellas this is extremely unappealing to the ladies. Why? Because confidence and independence are sexy traits in a man. If you're insecure and dependent on her then who is she going to lean on? Probably some confident and sexy dude she met on the internet. Call me ladies! NEXT!
2. The Predictable Guy
Ok this is where a lot of men get lost. Have you ever wondered why women love the so called "bad boys"? Not because they are bad, I mean who wants to bail someone out every weekend? It's because they are somewhat unpredictable. It adds spice to any relationship. Women don't like predictable men because they know exactly how he'll react to any given situation. So be a little more spontaneous and keep her on her toes.
3. The Arrogant Guy
Why do I feel like I'm naked in a room full of people right now. Ok yes I'm arrogant. So what! This isn't about me. Ok so the arogant guy thinks he's some kind of king and certain people are beneath him. He can be rude to those people and rudeness is not sexy. Even if you aren't rude to her she's paying attention to how you treat others. So start treating others with respect because she's always watching.
4. The Neanderthal Guy
This guy flirts with anything that moves and that's whether he's with his woman or not. Personally these types of guys makes the King's stomach hurt. He flirts with the waitress and chats all night about his many conquests. Fellas instead of chit chatting about how well you're endowed and the like you could've saved her a lot of time by just wearing a t-shirt that says "I DISRESPECT WOMEN!" Because that's exactly what she's thinking. Here's a suggestion. Read a book. Glance at a newspaper for goodness sakes. Have more to talk about than your "johnson" and all of the places you've stuck it. Like Shania Twain said it don't impress her much. Wait. I don't listen to Shania, I swear!
5. The Cheap Guy
Well this one is kind of easy. Stop being so d*mn cheap! You don't have to go broke to do special things for your woman. And start managing your money better so you're not always broke. If you have every Madden football game from the past 5 years but your woman hasn't gotten flowers sent to her because "she knows I love her and besides sending flowers costs too much." then you'll probably end up humping your Playstation.
6. The Arguer
We all know this guy. He turns everything into a debate. Dude just take your woman out and chill. No one wants to argue and especially not over trivial crap. Move on because half of the stuff you argue about she couldn't care less about. After awhile she doesn't even want to be around you. Instead you'll see her out with some dude who in your opinion is ignoring her. Well she'd rather be ignored that argue with you over that nonsense. CHILL!!!
7. The Self Righteous Guy
This guy is very judgemental of others. He'll gladly tell anyone who'll listen how they should live their life including his woman. Listen up dude, nobody asked you! Nobody likes to be judged and it's just annoying. Do what works for you and let others do what works for them. If someone wants your advice they'll ask you. So instead of spewing your wisdom all over the place, focus on your woman's lovely lady lumps!!!
8. The Misogynist
Of all the types of guys on this list this guy gets the pink slip the most often. He has bitterness towards women and in this day and age most women ain't going for that. Ladies if he can't help but to exude negative feelings towards you and the entire gender please just move on. He's not going to change and you can't change him.
So what have we learned My Loyal Subjects? Yes I have too much time on my hands but I meant other than that. Jerks. Fellas you're not going to be perfect and if you try to be then you'll still end up with the short end of the stick because women aren't perfect. Just be yourself and respect the people that you want to be around and especially women. Love and respect are the two ingredients for any healthy relationship. So now meditate on what you've read and start applying what you've learned immediately. If it works I want to be compensated handsomely and if it doesn't work....well....I mean I'm just some guy who's bored at work and writes a blog. You should've known not to listen to me in the first place!!!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Saddam Interview....
Good morning My Loyal Subjects. Today is a very serious day so wipe those poop eating grins off of your face! I, The Good King Ddot, have scored one of the most sought after interviews on the planet. That's right friends(we're not really friends remember?) the former ruler of Iraq has agreed to sit down and talk to The King and to let the world hear his side of the story.
As I walked into his cell he seemed to be taken aback as he had heard he would be interviewed by a King. I quickly eased his fears as I showed him my "I HATE BUSH" t-shirt. But for some reason I still don't think he took me as seriously as I had hoped as you will see from the transcripts from the interview. Before you read this I want you all to remain open minded and objective because nobody is ALL bad. If Saddam and Bush were opposing captains of a dodgeball team whose team would you want to be on?! Case closed. Ok on to the interview, this should be fun.
KING: Hello Mr. Hussein.
Saddam: I am the President of Iraq! Refer to me as such! What is your name?
King: You can call me King.
Saddam: You aren't the King of anything so I will not call you King.
King: Well you aren't exactly the President of anything either! So you can call me Ddot and I will call you Sdot. How's that?
Saddam: I can deal with King.
King: Thought so. Let's get started shall we?
Saddam: Ok.
King: Why did you kill and torture all those people?
Saddam: Huh? What kind of question is that?!
King: I ain't Dan Rather homey.
Saddam: I am the President of a country do I have time to oversee torture and killings?!
King: Lower your voice dude. If I go upside your head do you think those US troops standing outside are going to come in here and get me off of you?
Saddam: Are you one of those rappers or something?
King: You watch too much T.V. Sadaam. Rappers aren't tough guys in real life! We are getting off the subject. Ok maybe you didn't have time to kill ALL those people but your sons and Generals carried them out in your name.
Saddam: Can I control everything that someone who is associated with me does?
King: Ah man Sadaam I feel you. Last week I got into this internet beef because...
Saddam: Am I being Punk'd? Or Is this some new bizarre form of punishment? Who sent you? George Bush or Ashton Kutcher?
King: You're right. Ok so where did you hide the weapons of mass destruction?
Saddam: I never had any.
King: Then why did everybody think that you did?
Saddam: Because I wanted them to think I had them. I have a rep for being a mad man. What kind of mad man in the 21st century doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?! It was so embarrassing. Kim Jung-il would call and taunt me because he's starving his people and nobody says a word. Why? Because he has enough weapons to blow up over half of the U.S.
King: So you're telling me that you made it seem like you had the weapons to keep your rep?
Saddam: It is embarrassing but yes.
King: So Bush isn't totally at fault since you tricked him into believing you had WMDs!
Saddam: Oh no he knew I didn't have them. He and I used to be tight. In the 80's we'd snort
coke and get drunk until we passed out. We were so tight that everytime I had someone executed he'd try to get someone in Texas executed. Yep. Those were the good ol days. He'd always talk about how he wished someone would kill his dad and that way he'd have the countries sympathy and then he could win the Presidency. He would then go into a partnership with me and we'd control 80% of the world's oil.
King: Wait. Is that why you tried to assasinate his dad?
Saddam: Yes and then he turned on me and now he has control over all that oil and I'm on trial for my life.
King: Son of a....
Saddam: Exactly. Never trust white people King.
King: Ummm...I can't co-sign that Sadaam. I love white women.
Saddam: Oh I didn't say don't have sex with them! I said don't trust them.
King: I've been watching you in court. You seem to be very upset about what's going on.
Saddam: They are my children.
King: *laughing uncontrollably* What do you mean they are your children?
Saddam: I am the father of this country. The people of Iraq are my children. That includes this Judge who is under U.S. control. This trial is a mockery. It's not real. You hold George Washington in high regard. He is the father of your country. Well what if another country had invaded the U.S. while he was President and put him on trial because the slave trade was going on?
King: Yeah but....I'll have to think about that one. So what about the torture? Are they torturing you and the other prisoners?
Saddam: Oh my goodness yes! Please tell the world that they are forcing us to watch Usher's
new movie In the Mix over and over again.
King: Those sick bastards! First Abu Ghraib and now this. Someone needs to investigate.
Saddam: Exactly. No amount of atrocities against mankind deserves that type of punishment.
King: Well look on the bright side. At least they haven't forced you to listen to Lil Kim's latest cd.
Saddam: Shhhh! Please do not give them any ideas!
King: Ok before I go if you could have invaded the US and captured George Bush what would you have done to him?
Saddam: I would have been a lot more humane! First I would have slowly beheaded him and then I would have shot his head out of a canon at his headless body. I would have then ordered his head to be placed on a wall so that all who came by could throw rocks at it.
King: Wow. Ummm well I guess even that would be better than the Usher movie. Ok I'm out Sadaam but I'll be back in a few days if you'd like to talk to me again.
Saddam: Yes please return. Oh and King can you put a little money on my books and bring me some t-shirts when you come back?
King: First things first. Get your hand off of my knee. Second I am not your girlfriend. Get one of your 25 wives to bring you some shirts!
Sadaam: Please please King. I need them so bad!
King: Man get off of me! Guard! Saddam says he wants to watch a movie!
Saddam: NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Ok folks so there you have part 1 of what has to be the most riveting interview ever recorded. Stay tuned for part 2 in the next few weeks.
As I walked into his cell he seemed to be taken aback as he had heard he would be interviewed by a King. I quickly eased his fears as I showed him my "I HATE BUSH" t-shirt. But for some reason I still don't think he took me as seriously as I had hoped as you will see from the transcripts from the interview. Before you read this I want you all to remain open minded and objective because nobody is ALL bad. If Saddam and Bush were opposing captains of a dodgeball team whose team would you want to be on?! Case closed. Ok on to the interview, this should be fun.
KING: Hello Mr. Hussein.
Saddam: I am the President of Iraq! Refer to me as such! What is your name?
King: You can call me King.
Saddam: You aren't the King of anything so I will not call you King.
King: Well you aren't exactly the President of anything either! So you can call me Ddot and I will call you Sdot. How's that?
Saddam: I can deal with King.
King: Thought so. Let's get started shall we?
Saddam: Ok.
King: Why did you kill and torture all those people?
Saddam: Huh? What kind of question is that?!
King: I ain't Dan Rather homey.
Saddam: I am the President of a country do I have time to oversee torture and killings?!
King: Lower your voice dude. If I go upside your head do you think those US troops standing outside are going to come in here and get me off of you?
Saddam: Are you one of those rappers or something?
King: You watch too much T.V. Sadaam. Rappers aren't tough guys in real life! We are getting off the subject. Ok maybe you didn't have time to kill ALL those people but your sons and Generals carried them out in your name.
Saddam: Can I control everything that someone who is associated with me does?
King: Ah man Sadaam I feel you. Last week I got into this internet beef because...
Saddam: Am I being Punk'd? Or Is this some new bizarre form of punishment? Who sent you? George Bush or Ashton Kutcher?
King: You're right. Ok so where did you hide the weapons of mass destruction?
Saddam: I never had any.
King: Then why did everybody think that you did?
Saddam: Because I wanted them to think I had them. I have a rep for being a mad man. What kind of mad man in the 21st century doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?! It was so embarrassing. Kim Jung-il would call and taunt me because he's starving his people and nobody says a word. Why? Because he has enough weapons to blow up over half of the U.S.
King: So you're telling me that you made it seem like you had the weapons to keep your rep?
Saddam: It is embarrassing but yes.
King: So Bush isn't totally at fault since you tricked him into believing you had WMDs!
Saddam: Oh no he knew I didn't have them. He and I used to be tight. In the 80's we'd snort
coke and get drunk until we passed out. We were so tight that everytime I had someone executed he'd try to get someone in Texas executed. Yep. Those were the good ol days. He'd always talk about how he wished someone would kill his dad and that way he'd have the countries sympathy and then he could win the Presidency. He would then go into a partnership with me and we'd control 80% of the world's oil.King: Wait. Is that why you tried to assasinate his dad?
Saddam: Yes and then he turned on me and now he has control over all that oil and I'm on trial for my life.
King: Son of a....
Saddam: Exactly. Never trust white people King.
King: Ummm...I can't co-sign that Sadaam. I love white women.
Saddam: Oh I didn't say don't have sex with them! I said don't trust them.
King: I've been watching you in court. You seem to be very upset about what's going on.
Saddam: They are my children.
King: *laughing uncontrollably* What do you mean they are your children?
Saddam: I am the father of this country. The people of Iraq are my children. That includes this Judge who is under U.S. control. This trial is a mockery. It's not real. You hold George Washington in high regard. He is the father of your country. Well what if another country had invaded the U.S. while he was President and put him on trial because the slave trade was going on?
King: Yeah but....I'll have to think about that one. So what about the torture? Are they torturing you and the other prisoners?
Saddam: Oh my goodness yes! Please tell the world that they are forcing us to watch Usher's
new movie In the Mix over and over again.King: Those sick bastards! First Abu Ghraib and now this. Someone needs to investigate.
Saddam: Exactly. No amount of atrocities against mankind deserves that type of punishment.
King: Well look on the bright side. At least they haven't forced you to listen to Lil Kim's latest cd.
Saddam: Shhhh! Please do not give them any ideas!
King: Ok before I go if you could have invaded the US and captured George Bush what would you have done to him?
Saddam: I would have been a lot more humane! First I would have slowly beheaded him and then I would have shot his head out of a canon at his headless body. I would have then ordered his head to be placed on a wall so that all who came by could throw rocks at it.
King: Wow. Ummm well I guess even that would be better than the Usher movie. Ok I'm out Sadaam but I'll be back in a few days if you'd like to talk to me again.
Saddam: Yes please return. Oh and King can you put a little money on my books and bring me some t-shirts when you come back?
King: First things first. Get your hand off of my knee. Second I am not your girlfriend. Get one of your 25 wives to bring you some shirts!
Sadaam: Please please King. I need them so bad!
King: Man get off of me! Guard! Saddam says he wants to watch a movie!
Saddam: NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Ok folks so there you have part 1 of what has to be the most riveting interview ever recorded. Stay tuned for part 2 in the next few weeks.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
What a Girl Wants....
Good men still exist ladies. So stop your whining. Instead look at yourself and figure out why you aren't attracting these types of men.
I listen to women all day long of all ages and races, shapes, and sizes talk about how there are no good men or all the good men are gay. Hogwash. Let's examine a few types of women and some of the reasons why we THE GOOD MEN stay away from them.
1. Miss Feminist
This woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.
2. Miss Take
She's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.
3. Miss Romance
This type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.
4. Miss Elusive
This woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.
5. Miss Angry
Like Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.
6. Miss Insecure
This woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.
7. Miss Bitch
Miss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8. Miss Me
A close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.
9. Miss Desperate
Whether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!
10. Miss Turncoat
She's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.
11. Miss Tease
Usually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.
12. Miss Controlling
She is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.
13. Miss Broke
While you worked your ass off for years to get ahead, she was whoring around in Barcelona. She still hasn't paid off her student loan, has credit card debt equal to half her meager income, and drives a car she can’t afford. Her total debt is close to what she makes in a year, and her total assets are worth about two grand. She thinks nothing of taking a trip she can't afford, eating out several times a week or living by herself (her privacy is IMPORTANT) when having a room mate would improve her financial situation dramatically. If you choose to get serious with Miss Broke, be prepared to work until the day you die, because you will NEVER get ahead. Do yourself a big favor and find out about your new love's finances ASAP.
14. Miss Mentally Ill
She seems to be OK at first, but the first time you get her naked you find out her body is covered with self-inflicted scars. Clinically depressed, suicidal, physically/mentally abused, obsessive/compulsive, passive/aggressive, and bipolar people need love too, but they also need professional help and often refuse to get it. Don't let this one catch you off guard, it's more common than you may imagine, especially eating disorders. Run away and don’t look back!
15. Miss Pet
She has more than three cats and could be nuts. Look no further than the newspaper to read about some "cat lady" who was evicted because she had a filthy place crawling with dozens of cats. Another type to avoid is one who owns a lap dog that she dresses up and puts bows on. Her Precious will always be number one with her. You'll always be number two, and no guy wants that. Remember; if you're a good boy and treat her Precious well, she'll treat you right and keep you around for a long time. But, if it gets to be too much of a hassle, you can always develop a "serious allergy" and go your separate ways. And next time, look for a woman without a pet.
You've been warned! These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame.
I listen to women all day long of all ages and races, shapes, and sizes talk about how there are no good men or all the good men are gay. Hogwash. Let's examine a few types of women and some of the reasons why we THE GOOD MEN stay away from them.
1. Miss Feminist
This woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.
2. Miss Take
She's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.
3. Miss Romance
This type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.
4. Miss Elusive
This woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.
5. Miss Angry
Like Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.
6. Miss Insecure
This woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.
7. Miss Bitch
Miss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8. Miss Me
A close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.
9. Miss Desperate
Whether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!
10. Miss Turncoat
She's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.
11. Miss Tease
Usually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.
12. Miss Controlling
She is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.
13. Miss Broke
While you worked your ass off for years to get ahead, she was whoring around in Barcelona. She still hasn't paid off her student loan, has credit card debt equal to half her meager income, and drives a car she can’t afford. Her total debt is close to what she makes in a year, and her total assets are worth about two grand. She thinks nothing of taking a trip she can't afford, eating out several times a week or living by herself (her privacy is IMPORTANT) when having a room mate would improve her financial situation dramatically. If you choose to get serious with Miss Broke, be prepared to work until the day you die, because you will NEVER get ahead. Do yourself a big favor and find out about your new love's finances ASAP.
14. Miss Mentally Ill
She seems to be OK at first, but the first time you get her naked you find out her body is covered with self-inflicted scars. Clinically depressed, suicidal, physically/mentally abused, obsessive/compulsive, passive/aggressive, and bipolar people need love too, but they also need professional help and often refuse to get it. Don't let this one catch you off guard, it's more common than you may imagine, especially eating disorders. Run away and don’t look back!
15. Miss Pet
She has more than three cats and could be nuts. Look no further than the newspaper to read about some "cat lady" who was evicted because she had a filthy place crawling with dozens of cats. Another type to avoid is one who owns a lap dog that she dresses up and puts bows on. Her Precious will always be number one with her. You'll always be number two, and no guy wants that. Remember; if you're a good boy and treat her Precious well, she'll treat you right and keep you around for a long time. But, if it gets to be too much of a hassle, you can always develop a "serious allergy" and go your separate ways. And next time, look for a woman without a pet.
You've been warned! These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame.
Dear Reader...
Dear reader,
Good morning and welcome to my blog. I am the Good King Ddot. Avert your eyes!!! Never look at me when I speak to you! I'm sorry but they played that Laffy Taffy song 3 times before I got to work and it worked my nerves.
I am glad that you've chosen my site to visit and to see what is on my mind. I invite you to comment or link me if you find any of this nonsense even remotely entertaining. But more importantly I want you to voice your opinion.
You see I am an arrogant prick most of the time and I have a penchant for irritating people. Hey what can I say it's how I get my kicks. Occasionally I'll tackle an important issue although as My Loyal Subjects will tell you that hasn't happened in awhile. Stop your whining people!!! Anyway if I write something that you totally disagree with I urge you to call me out on it.
I want my little spot here to be a place of dialogue and discussion. I have enough butt kissers in real life. Now if you just so happen to agree with me then that's great too but don't just agree with me so you won't feel my wrath!
In conclusion let me thank you again for stopping by and please feel free to come again.
YOUR KING,
DDOT
Good morning and welcome to my blog. I am the Good King Ddot. Avert your eyes!!! Never look at me when I speak to you! I'm sorry but they played that Laffy Taffy song 3 times before I got to work and it worked my nerves.
I am glad that you've chosen my site to visit and to see what is on my mind. I invite you to comment or link me if you find any of this nonsense even remotely entertaining. But more importantly I want you to voice your opinion.
You see I am an arrogant prick most of the time and I have a penchant for irritating people. Hey what can I say it's how I get my kicks. Occasionally I'll tackle an important issue although as My Loyal Subjects will tell you that hasn't happened in awhile. Stop your whining people!!! Anyway if I write something that you totally disagree with I urge you to call me out on it.
I want my little spot here to be a place of dialogue and discussion. I have enough butt kissers in real life. Now if you just so happen to agree with me then that's great too but don't just agree with me so you won't feel my wrath!
In conclusion let me thank you again for stopping by and please feel free to come again.
YOUR KING,
DDOT
Monday, December 05, 2005
Friday, December 02, 2005
Random Thought Friday...
I
F*ck with your soul like ether
Will
Teach you the king you know you
Not
"Ddot" across the belly
Lose
I prove you lost already.....
Nas "Ether"
That's right kiddies I got that stuff that makes your soul burn slow. So don't bark up that tree because that tree will fall on you. I don't know why your advisors didn't forewarn you! Rejoice! For it is I the Good King Ddot back with what you and the entireblogging world has been waiting for...RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!! And I promise it won't be a disappointment like Joseph and Lorraine's first born! Confused? Don't worry about it. Just put on your protective gear and get ready for an onslaught of complete random nonsense. Enjoy.
Stop with the Christmas music. Seriously it's way to early for that crap. I swear they started playing it in my office the day after Halloween. It's not the most wonderful time of the year and Rudolph is a loser who was just used by old St. Nick to get him out of jam. So jingle DEEZ bells!!
I really like cool white people but I can't stand white people who try to be cool. Don't insult me by saying stuff like "hey Ddot I be getting crunk on da weekend son!" Seriously that's worse than calling me a nigger. Talk to me like the intelligent human being that I am.
You know I write this crap just to keep from falling asleep but sometimes I just like other bloggers touch people's lives. There is a little girl in Georgia who asked her sister was I the King of all bloggers. Little Summer the King is here to tell you sweetheart that yes I am King of all bloggers and now you can continue living your life knowing that you got a shout out in my Random Thoughts and that within itself should propel you to do great things.
Everybody finished throwing up? Good let's press on shall we?!
I really would like to update my profile picture. The crazy thing is that as easy as it was to do the first time I can't seem to figure out how to do it now. Wait did I just admit to not knowing how to do something? Disregard this entire paragraph.
A 21 year old chick just called me "sir". I will now perform a prostate exam on myself and double up on the Zoloft. Thanks a lot lady.
I I I I be on it all night, man I be on it all day
All day, straight up pimp
If you want me you can find me in the
A! A! A! I love that song so much that I want to move to the ATL just so that when I sing it I can actually be in the A! Of course that would mean GP and Drea would be at my house all the time and we'd do stupid stuff like throwing water balloons at strangers and taking road trips to visit Leesa and listen to her stories.
Why did Oprah refer to black people as colored and as negros on David Letterman last night? Do you automatically turn into a white racist once you reach a certain tax bracket?
Why is it that no one said how much they hated my new...now old template until I switched back to this one?! Jabronies.
Why are people fighting for the right to carry scissors on planes?! Just go to the dollar store when you land and buy a pair! I'm flying to Dallas at the end of the month and if I see anybody with fingernails that are too sharp I'm tackling them! Americans are idiots.
Don't piss like a puppy if you're going to play with the big dogs.
Ok that's it. Not the greatest RTF ever but I'm slowly coming out of my writer's block and that's a good thing. But then again who cares what you think! Ok leaveme now so I can lay in the fetal postion and suck my thumb in the dark.
And all you haters please remember that I am the blogging equivalent of a Red Rider BB gun. You don't need to play with me. Why? Because you'll shoot your eye out kid!
Everybody else HAVE A GREAT STINKIN WEEKEND!!!!!
Oh and one more thing. Anybody reading this should email me a question or questions no matter how crazy or odd and I'll answer them all in my post on Monday. We all have to work together to help pull me out of this funk!
IT IS GOOD TO BE....OH YOU KNOW THE REST.
F*ck with your soul like ether
Will
Teach you the king you know you
Not
"Ddot" across the belly
Lose
I prove you lost already.....
Nas "Ether"
That's right kiddies I got that stuff that makes your soul burn slow. So don't bark up that tree because that tree will fall on you. I don't know why your advisors didn't forewarn you! Rejoice! For it is I the Good King Ddot back with what you and the entire
Stop with the Christmas music. Seriously it's way to early for that crap. I swear they started playing it in my office the day after Halloween. It's not the most wonderful time of the year and Rudolph is a loser who was just used by old St. Nick to get him out of jam. So jingle DEEZ bells!!
I really like cool white people but I can't stand white people who try to be cool. Don't insult me by saying stuff like "hey Ddot I be getting crunk on da weekend son!" Seriously that's worse than calling me a nigger. Talk to me like the intelligent human being that I am.
You know I write this crap just to keep from falling asleep but sometimes I just like other bloggers touch people's lives. There is a little girl in Georgia who asked her sister was I the King of all bloggers. Little Summer the King is here to tell you sweetheart that yes I am King of all bloggers and now you can continue living your life knowing that you got a shout out in my Random Thoughts and that within itself should propel you to do great things.
Everybody finished throwing up? Good let's press on shall we?!
I really would like to update my profile picture. The crazy thing is that as easy as it was to do the first time I can't seem to figure out how to do it now. Wait did I just admit to not knowing how to do something? Disregard this entire paragraph.
A 21 year old chick just called me "sir". I will now perform a prostate exam on myself and double up on the Zoloft. Thanks a lot lady.
I I I I be on it all night, man I be on it all day
All day, straight up pimp
If you want me you can find me in the
A! A! A! I love that song so much that I want to move to the ATL just so that when I sing it I can actually be in the A! Of course that would mean GP and Drea would be at my house all the time and we'd do stupid stuff like throwing water balloons at strangers and taking road trips to visit Leesa and listen to her stories.
Why did Oprah refer to black people as colored and as negros on David Letterman last night? Do you automatically turn into a white racist once you reach a certain tax bracket?
Why is it that no one said how much they hated my new...now old template until I switched back to this one?! Jabronies.
Why are people fighting for the right to carry scissors on planes?! Just go to the dollar store when you land and buy a pair! I'm flying to Dallas at the end of the month and if I see anybody with fingernails that are too sharp I'm tackling them! Americans are idiots.
Don't piss like a puppy if you're going to play with the big dogs.
Ok that's it. Not the greatest RTF ever but I'm slowly coming out of my writer's block and that's a good thing. But then again who cares what you think! Ok leaveme now so I can lay in the fetal postion and suck my thumb in the dark.
And all you haters please remember that I am the blogging equivalent of a Red Rider BB gun. You don't need to play with me. Why? Because you'll shoot your eye out kid!
Everybody else HAVE A GREAT STINKIN WEEKEND!!!!!
Oh and one more thing. Anybody reading this should email me a question or questions no matter how crazy or odd and I'll answer them all in my post on Monday. We all have to work together to help pull me out of this funk!
IT IS GOOD TO BE....OH YOU KNOW THE REST.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
By King's Decree...
When the King's decree, which he shall make is published throughout all his Kingdom, (for it is great), all loyal subjects will abide FAITHFULLY...
We all have rules in life that we live by. Some are inherited from our parents. Some are given to us through religious teachings and some we develop on our own. One very important rule I live by that I'm pretty sure my dad taught me is to never let someone else control your emotions.
I guess that's sort of a variation on "never let them see you sweat". Yesterday I allowed someone else to control my emotions. I was virtually dripping with "internet sweat" all over the place. Not only that but it was probably the most immature thing that I've done since I was 12. I told someone that they smelled like cheese for goodness sakes!
This is less about the person that caused that reaction in me and more about me, The Good King Ddot. Anybody who has visited me in My Kingdom knows that it's a place of fun and laughter. Occasionally I tackle more serious topics but even then it is sprinkled with my charm and wit. I'm not a drag in the real world so why be an internet drag?! But yesterday I feel as if my crown lost a bit of it's luster and shine.
"I feel like you came to visit me and my house was dirty." That's how Georgia described her feeling to one of her readers and I totally understand that feeling. I don't even try to claim that my house is never dirty but at the same time I'm not a dirty dude. There's a difference. You feel me?
So right now I'm more mad at myself for even stooping to such a juvenile level. I'm better than that. When I confronted my "baby's mama" with the paternity test that I had gotten done behind her back I was furious on the inside but she never knew it. I was cool, calm, and collected. That's who The King is. She wanted a reaction though and started saying anything she could think of to get one but she got nada. All my friends claimed that if they were in my shoes she would've had black eyes and broken limbs. Maybe but they'd be locked up and still would've had to deal with the loss of a child. I think the route I chose was better.
Anyway I guess this was sort of a round about apology to all my distinguished readers. I am a King and I will act that way from now on. In fact I, The Good King Ddot have decreed that no such nonsense shall ever take place in My Kingdom again. This is the last time I will speak on this situation. So let's have some fun and get crunk for real over here! in fact George Bush has been frequenting my site and this what happened to him...
We all have rules in life that we live by. Some are inherited from our parents. Some are given to us through religious teachings and some we develop on our own. One very important rule I live by that I'm pretty sure my dad taught me is to never let someone else control your emotions.
I guess that's sort of a variation on "never let them see you sweat". Yesterday I allowed someone else to control my emotions. I was virtually dripping with "internet sweat" all over the place. Not only that but it was probably the most immature thing that I've done since I was 12. I told someone that they smelled like cheese for goodness sakes!
This is less about the person that caused that reaction in me and more about me, The Good King Ddot. Anybody who has visited me in My Kingdom knows that it's a place of fun and laughter. Occasionally I tackle more serious topics but even then it is sprinkled with my charm and wit. I'm not a drag in the real world so why be an internet drag?! But yesterday I feel as if my crown lost a bit of it's luster and shine.
"I feel like you came to visit me and my house was dirty." That's how Georgia described her feeling to one of her readers and I totally understand that feeling. I don't even try to claim that my house is never dirty but at the same time I'm not a dirty dude. There's a difference. You feel me?
So right now I'm more mad at myself for even stooping to such a juvenile level. I'm better than that. When I confronted my "baby's mama" with the paternity test that I had gotten done behind her back I was furious on the inside but she never knew it. I was cool, calm, and collected. That's who The King is. She wanted a reaction though and started saying anything she could think of to get one but she got nada. All my friends claimed that if they were in my shoes she would've had black eyes and broken limbs. Maybe but they'd be locked up and still would've had to deal with the loss of a child. I think the route I chose was better.
Anyway I guess this was sort of a round about apology to all my distinguished readers. I am a King and I will act that way from now on. In fact I, The Good King Ddot have decreed that no such nonsense shall ever take place in My Kingdom again. This is the last time I will speak on this situation. So let's have some fun and get crunk for real over here! in fact George Bush has been frequenting my site and this what happened to him...
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Internet Gangstas, E-thugs, and Cyber Hustlaz...
*BREAKING NEWS*One of the original members of THE DYNASTY is being booted. Danielle obviously has a persecution complex and she thinks everybody is out to get her. GP left some encouraging words for her and she snapped. Now she's been throwing mud on THE KING'
s good name all across cyberspace. I'm the wrong dude to be disparaging. I tried to be nice. I tried to remain neutral but you know what? You're just a crazy broad! Stop emailing me about GP!!! She has moved on. I have moved on and you're still trying to build up your little army and trying to get grown people to choose sides. I don't give a flying fig about you or your mother or the fact that GP called you trash. Beat it loser. Why did you email me telling me to "discipline" GP anyway?! Dang I'm not a REAL King chick! Ok you know what....GP give me your internet hand...INTERNET SMACK!!!....there now do you feel better you psycho? Notice I didn't say internet psycho. And to talk about me is one thing but to say that Jackie and BrownSoul and my other folks are gassed up by my lies and that we all hate you is just plain stupid. Nobody knows you!!! Heck I don't even know them! Although I plan on getting to know Jackie....biblically! Ahhh humor the great cure. Lighten up and stop acting like a 4 year old. Maybe that's why your mother doesn't want you around!!!!*NEW AND NOW WITH MORE SUGAR*
Wait I got more. Then in your emails you try to make this a racial issue?! What the heck is that about?! The internet is make believe sweetie. NOBODY CARES!!!! "King why haven't you commented on my blog in months?" I'll tell you why because that crap is boring and stupid. Yeah I know I'm acting like a juvenile right now but I play up to the level of my competition. All that Possessed B*tch stuff is dumb. Nobody but other weirdos are going to keep putting up with that. Always complaining about how someone is doing you wrong. Boring. I should've peeped the persecution complex from that. "You are closer to GP than you are to me." D*amn right! She's just as nutty as they come but at least she's interesting. And she's pulled my card more than once on my blog and I didn't go crying to Leesa and Drea to stop associating with her. Changing my link name on your blog to "Can't Trust King" was the height of unintentional comedy. If any chick that reads my blog "trusts" me then they are just as crazy as you. I am just some guy on the internet for goodness sakes!!! Normally I wouldn't keep this going but you won't stop emailing me. I know that I have a magnetic personality and I am probably a father figure to you but you have taken this thing too far. "You and GP are just jealous because my blog destroys yours!" Are you serious? No, really...are you serious? People have to hold their nose when they come to my blog. Why? Because it's the sh*t! My spot is more entertaining than the crap you do even when I don't post for 2 weeks. And I'd rather look at GP's boyfriends painted toenails than hear another story about how your mother is so mean to you. I'd be mean to you too!!! Ok now I'm done. Nope wait a minute. One more thing. YOU SMELL LIKE CHEESE!!! Ahhh now I feel better. LOL!!!
I walk real cocky. I stare people down. I don't talk much which really makes people who do talk a lot feel uneasy. No this is not another diatribe about my greatness. In fact if you guys really knew me you'd know that I'm quite shy.Yes I know it may come as a shock that I am not a social butterfly. But it's true. That is unless of course the Paxil has kicked in. As I said before I choose my words very carefully which I think is why so many people find my little blog here so interesting. It is also the place where I meet and socialize with people who come to be known as my internet friends. I realize that if I met some of these people in real life that we might not get along. Why? Well because a lot of people are fake. All my female readers ears just popped up. They know exactly what I'm talking about.
Yes you could hear this same conversation in the ladies room at any club, restaurant, or place of business. Not that I've ever been in the ladies room. Well ok that one time but the men's bathroom smelled like...well a men's bathroom and I just couldn't do it. Anyway as I was saying in my everyday life I only associate with people who are what I consider real. So I would think that the internet is no different. Yesterday I was confronted with a situation that irked me and then made me kind of chuckle and then irk me again.
Two of the people who I consider my blogger buddies are beefing. Big deal right? That's what I said too but it gets deeper. One of the bloggers gets so angry about the situation that she took
the bold move of removing me and several other bloggers from her links because as she put it "I have to question anybody who associates with a person like that." Now that's funny to me. Like in the big scheme of things a person deleting my blog link from their blog is going to keep me awake at night. I am also a compassionate person so I take the person's feelings into consideration as well. If it bothers you that much then I won't make light of the situation. Back to the situation. Now apparently said "beef" started last Wednesday and was spread out on at least two blogs. If anybody has been to my blog in the last two weeks they probably know that I haven't been around much so I had no idea that any of this had even taken place. Not only that but a lot of the comments made had been deleted from my blogger buddy's blog. What is a King to do?!Normally I stay out of beef. But my hand was forced. The offended blogger all but said that if I continued to associate with the offending blogger that they would not deal with me anymore and
that I was not their "real" friend. This is when I start to chuckle again. Ok was she trying to 50 Cent me?! For all my non hip hop readers let me explain that line. You see 50 Cent will attempt to destroy any person who does business with a rapper by the name of Ja Rule. Ok let's continue.....actually let's not continue yet. Since we have 50 and Ja I guess I'll be Tupac and name names. What do you think? Yeah I agree let's call them out.
In this corner is Danielle. She runs D's Crunk Corner.
And in this corner we have Georgia Peach who is over at ComingOutHardAndBoutIt.
So GP called Danielle trash and talked about her mom and called her a racist if I'm not mistaken although as I said before I'm not exactly sure why.
I am quite sure that in one of my Random Thoughts I made the statement that arguing on the internet is like winning a race at the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still retarded.
I can not put into words how stupid I think this whole thing is and how foolish I feel for even taking up this much time in my day to write about it. With that being said both of the ladies are always checking up on me and demanding a post. Well here it is. I guess it's the classic case of be careful of what you wish for...you just might get it.
Look ladies I like both of you. At least I internet like you and this is really uncalled for. Take it from a reformed gangsta...a real one not an internet one.....that being a gangsta or an internet gangsta, or e-thug is just plain sad when you really think about it. Write your blogs and if you choose to comment on other blogs about things you disagree with be respectful and if that's not enough just go back to your blog and write a rebuttal. But really it's not that serious. It's just the internet people. Geez.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Throwback
Yeah I went to the throwback template. The other stuff was just too frustrating. Anyway bare with me my boss is suddenly demanding just as much of my time as you guys. I promise you that the heat is coming though. It's just that while being an internet phenomenon is cool I am also a very important man in the "real" world and that pays the bills. Stay tuned....
Monday, November 28, 2005
M.I.A.
What's up My Loyal Subjects! I'm back like cooked crack. I'm hoping that my highly evolved brain matter will be able to provide you guys with highly entertainging nonsense on a more regular basis. I had to take a little hiatus and get my mind right and regroup. But don't get it twisted I'm still just as pompous, arrogant and conceited as ever. Don't you just love THE KING?! I've been reading all of the Dynasty members blogs everyday and you guys are on fire! And now with my return it completes the circle. You see without me you guys are sort of like the Beatles without John Lennon or the Jackson 5 without little Michael. What? Hey don't be mad you're still good. Just more like a Tito or Ringo good. Oh well.
So get ready for a great week as I slay you guys with my platinum tongue(yeah you read that right). I promise actual posts this week and not just filler. You guys trust me right? C'mon it's me the ILLustrious Ddot the King! Yes the guy you all love to hate or is that hate to love? Oh well in the end things are as they have always been....good stuff here suckas.
Don't blame me because I'm Ddot the King and you're not! Blame your under achieving parents! As for me I'm so far ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet. Let that marinate. So although Mondays suck when you're Ddot everyday is a sunny Saturday afternoon! Enjoy your day my friends(we're not really friends) and remember one thing, although you'll never know if this is true or not.....
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!!!!
So get ready for a great week as I slay you guys with my platinum tongue(yeah you read that right). I promise actual posts this week and not just filler. You guys trust me right? C'mon it's me the ILLustrious Ddot the King! Yes the guy you all love to hate or is that hate to love? Oh well in the end things are as they have always been....good stuff here suckas.
Don't blame me because I'm Ddot the King and you're not! Blame your under achieving parents! As for me I'm so far ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet. Let that marinate. So although Mondays suck when you're Ddot everyday is a sunny Saturday afternoon! Enjoy your day my friends(we're not really friends) and remember one thing, although you'll never know if this is true or not.....
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Who Knows...
I have no idea what is going on with my page. I don't know if I've been hacked or what but I don't have time to mess with it right now. Maybe I'll work on it later in the week or maybe this is a sign for me to just chill with the whole blogging thing. What do you think?
Monday, November 21, 2005
Rock the Blogs
You've been waitin' and debatin' for oh so long/
Just starvin like Marvin for a Ddot blog/
If you cried and thought I had died, you was definitely wrong/
It took some thoughts plus I brought My Loyal Subjects along/
Evened up with my folks down with the Ddot force/
Symbolizin' in the rhymin' for the blog of course/
I'm a tower full of power blind you with rain and smog/
Ddot back at the keyboard and on his job/
Rock the blogs!!!
Good morning. Did you miss me? I'm sure the days moved oh so slowly without my charm and wit to keep you company. Well I'm back so you can all rejoice! Of course the above rhyme was my take on the classic LL Cool J song Rock the Bells so for all of my hip hop challenged readers no that didn't come from my highly evolved mind. But I'm sure you enjoyed it nonetheless. Well it's a short week so there's so little to do and so much time. Wait. Reverse that. I love Willy Wonka. How was that for a random thought?! HA! Ok peeps it's good to be back, it's good to be alive and of course.....
It's Good to Be THE KING!!!!!
Just starvin like Marvin for a Ddot blog/
If you cried and thought I had died, you was definitely wrong/
It took some thoughts plus I brought My Loyal Subjects along/
Evened up with my folks down with the Ddot force/
Symbolizin' in the rhymin' for the blog of course/
I'm a tower full of power blind you with rain and smog/
Ddot back at the keyboard and on his job/
Rock the blogs!!!
Good morning. Did you miss me? I'm sure the days moved oh so slowly without my charm and wit to keep you company. Well I'm back so you can all rejoice! Of course the above rhyme was my take on the classic LL Cool J song Rock the Bells so for all of my hip hop challenged readers no that didn't come from my highly evolved mind. But I'm sure you enjoyed it nonetheless. Well it's a short week so there's so little to do and so much time. Wait. Reverse that. I love Willy Wonka. How was that for a random thought?! HA! Ok peeps it's good to be back, it's good to be alive and of course.....
It's Good to Be THE KING!!!!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Random Thought Friday...
Riddle me this. What have you been highly anticipating all week? Ok what had you so excited that you went to bed at 7:30 last night so this morning could hurry up and get here? What is the space between insane and insecure? Ok last one. It's the internet phenomenon that's sweeping the globe! Give up? It's Random Thought Friday!!! Ok ok calm down or your co-workers will think you're nuts. But then again they're probably reading this now too. Maybe you should initiate a Random Thought Party in your office. If you do please describe in detail the look on your boss's face once you finishing pitching the idea! Hope your resume is up to date! Anyway here's what all of you have been waiting for, the one opportunity every week to see what is going on in the deep dark places of my noggin. Ladies, gentleman, and My Loyal Subjects I now present to you The King's Random Thoughts!!!
I went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin' last night and I'm sort of upset that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had hoped. It was actually mildly entertaining. But anytime Ja Rule is being made fun of it's a good thing.
Kobe Bryant has been on a scoring rampage. Hey Kobe, I hope you get ass cancer!!
At some point in your day take a moment to step aside and reflect on what happend to Terrell Owens.... and laugh your ass off!!! Seriously though I'm worried about the guy. I think he may have a grapefruit sized tumor leaning up against the part of your brain that keeps you from making a complete ass out of yourself. Get help T.O.
Look no one wants to have sex with Beyonce more than me, I don't think anyone is here to argue that. So if anyone wants her and her mother's clothing line to work it's me but 98.9% of the stuff I've seen looks like doo doo. Like maybe Mama Knowles does a little acid before designing some of that crap. House of Dereon? More like House of Crapola. I still love you B!
Speaking of hot chicks I heard Halle Berry is pregnant. I've always thought she was pretty but I can count the amount of times I've masturbated to her on one hand. Wait, a hand has 800 fingers right? Oh. Uh never mind.
I let my boss borrow my phone charger yesterday and she still hasn't returned it. She better not let the nice slacks and the "I'm not falling for the banana in the tailpipe" voice fool her. I will act a motherf*cking fool up in this b*tch!
And there you have my gangsta moment of the day. Let's press on shall we?
Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still F*cking retarded.
One of my crazy ex-"friends" called my mom this week to tell her what a terrible guy I am. My mom then called me. This is the exact exchange between us. MOM: "Umm a young lady just called me and said you dogged her out after taking her virginity." KING: "What was her name?"
*a long silence* MOM: How many girls have you taken virginity from?!!!" KING: " Umm ma I have a telemarketer on the other line and I really need to get back to him." Click. So here's a big F U to the crazy chick!!! Now I will never be able to look my mom in the eyes again. On the bright side I'm sure my dad is walking around showing my picture off to his buddies like he did when I was first born.
If I dated an asian chick do you think she'd be mad if I asked her to say "me love you long time."
If I dated a schizophrenic chick I think during sex I would ask weird stuff like "who's your daddy?...ok and who's your daddy...and what's your daddy's name?!
I am horny this morning or what?!
I accidentally watched Madonna's new video. She looks like she got her clothes at a dead hooker's crime scene. Stop it pumpkin. It's over.
I've always thought that really pale white people have really cold skin.
Rev Run is to 2005 what Cliff Huxtable was to 1985.
Where is Michael Jackson's Hurricane Katrina relief song?! I know I've asked this before but geez c'mon Mike. Don't make me put the pressure on you Miguel. I have a nation of thousands...well maybe not thousands...it's probably more like enough to fill a small restroom. But you don't want to piss us off!!
When I start to make myself laugh too hard while writing this nonsense I flash myself the "Wrap it up" sign because I'm afraid I'll screw it up. But I'm wild and daring....let's keep it going!!!
I'm starting to feel better about all those razor filled apples I gave out at halloween. The first couple of nights were the toughest with me watching the news and all but now that I stopped watching the news things are looking up. Oh and now I know what all these athletes and stars mean when they say the media is the cause of all their problems. They made it seem like I put the razors in there to hurt people. When really it was just for laughs! Stinkin media.
I saw Terry McMillan's ex husband on Oprah this week and if she didn't know he was gay by the way he talks, gestures, and dresses don't you think the fact that he probably only wanted to have anal sex with her should've given her a clue?
My boss called me into her office earlier this week and I was shaking more than Muhammad Ali in an earthquake seeing how I realized my first week here that my job is not really necessary. She proceeded to tell me I was doing a great job and I got a little baby raise. I'm starting to feel like I'm in that What's Happening episode when they gave Big Shirley a job just because she was black but didn't actually give her any work to do. She quit because she had pride and dignity. The King however is going to ride this train 'til the wheels fall off!!!
Ok I've taken up enough of your day. And again I don't really care if I entertained you or not because I wrote this for me...in fact why are you even here reading this...get lost....go on beat it.
Everybody have a great weekend!!!!
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!
I went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin' last night and I'm sort of upset that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had hoped. It was actually mildly entertaining. But anytime Ja Rule is being made fun of it's a good thing.
Kobe Bryant has been on a scoring rampage. Hey Kobe, I hope you get ass cancer!!
At some point in your day take a moment to step aside and reflect on what happend to Terrell Owens.... and laugh your ass off!!! Seriously though I'm worried about the guy. I think he may have a grapefruit sized tumor leaning up against the part of your brain that keeps you from making a complete ass out of yourself. Get help T.O.
Look no one wants to have sex with Beyonce more than me, I don't think anyone is here to argue that. So if anyone wants her and her mother's clothing line to work it's me but 98.9% of the stuff I've seen looks like doo doo. Like maybe Mama Knowles does a little acid before designing some of that crap. House of Dereon? More like House of Crapola. I still love you B!
Speaking of hot chicks I heard Halle Berry is pregnant. I've always thought she was pretty but I can count the amount of times I've masturbated to her on one hand. Wait, a hand has 800 fingers right? Oh. Uh never mind.
I let my boss borrow my phone charger yesterday and she still hasn't returned it. She better not let the nice slacks and the "I'm not falling for the banana in the tailpipe" voice fool her. I will act a motherf*cking fool up in this b*tch!
And there you have my gangsta moment of the day. Let's press on shall we?
Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still F*cking retarded.
One of my crazy ex-"friends" called my mom this week to tell her what a terrible guy I am. My mom then called me. This is the exact exchange between us. MOM: "Umm a young lady just called me and said you dogged her out after taking her virginity." KING: "What was her name?"
*a long silence* MOM: How many girls have you taken virginity from?!!!" KING: " Umm ma I have a telemarketer on the other line and I really need to get back to him." Click. So here's a big F U to the crazy chick!!! Now I will never be able to look my mom in the eyes again. On the bright side I'm sure my dad is walking around showing my picture off to his buddies like he did when I was first born.
If I dated an asian chick do you think she'd be mad if I asked her to say "me love you long time."
If I dated a schizophrenic chick I think during sex I would ask weird stuff like "who's your daddy?...ok and who's your daddy...and what's your daddy's name?!
I am horny this morning or what?!
I accidentally watched Madonna's new video. She looks like she got her clothes at a dead hooker's crime scene. Stop it pumpkin. It's over.
I've always thought that really pale white people have really cold skin.
Rev Run is to 2005 what Cliff Huxtable was to 1985.
Where is Michael Jackson's Hurricane Katrina relief song?! I know I've asked this before but geez c'mon Mike. Don't make me put the pressure on you Miguel. I have a nation of thousands...well maybe not thousands...it's probably more like enough to fill a small restroom. But you don't want to piss us off!!
When I start to make myself laugh too hard while writing this nonsense I flash myself the "Wrap it up" sign because I'm afraid I'll screw it up. But I'm wild and daring....let's keep it going!!!
I'm starting to feel better about all those razor filled apples I gave out at halloween. The first couple of nights were the toughest with me watching the news and all but now that I stopped watching the news things are looking up. Oh and now I know what all these athletes and stars mean when they say the media is the cause of all their problems. They made it seem like I put the razors in there to hurt people. When really it was just for laughs! Stinkin media.
I saw Terry McMillan's ex husband on Oprah this week and if she didn't know he was gay by the way he talks, gestures, and dresses don't you think the fact that he probably only wanted to have anal sex with her should've given her a clue?
My boss called me into her office earlier this week and I was shaking more than Muhammad Ali in an earthquake seeing how I realized my first week here that my job is not really necessary. She proceeded to tell me I was doing a great job and I got a little baby raise. I'm starting to feel like I'm in that What's Happening episode when they gave Big Shirley a job just because she was black but didn't actually give her any work to do. She quit because she had pride and dignity. The King however is going to ride this train 'til the wheels fall off!!!
Ok I've taken up enough of your day. And again I don't really care if I entertained you or not because I wrote this for me...in fact why are you even here reading this...get lost....go on beat it.
Everybody have a great weekend!!!!
IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING!!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
100 Things About Your King
Alright all My Loyal Subjects here's what you've all been waiting for. It's 100 Things about your King. I have resisted doing this since I've seen everybody and their mama doing one. Alas I am a man that likes to keep his Loyal Subjects happy so I will attempt to come up with 100 things about myself but be forewarned that I am a conceited bastard and some of these statements may make your stomach turn! Enjoy.1. My birthday is May 21st.
2. My brother's birthday is May 21st.
3. Yes I am a Twin.
4. I have 2 older sisters.
5. I am very shy.
6. Being shy and handsome don't work well together because people just think I'm being stuck up.
7. I have never celebrated Christmas, Easter, or any other holiday.
8. No I don't feel robbed or sad about that. In fact I am grateful for it.
9. This is harder than I thought.
10. I have a job that requires a college education.
11. I do not have a college education.
12. But I'm a beast when it comes to doctoring resumes.
13. I crack myself up.
14. I have always wanted to be an actor.
15. In High School I was named the best actor in the state 3 years in a row.
16. I have talked my way out of more fights than I can care to count.
17. I fought over half of the North Carolina A&T football team.
18. At once.
19. I'll write a blog about it one day but let's just say I had one too many shots of Paul Masson.
20. I did my homeboys mom...and he caught us.
21. He's no longer my homeboy.
22. This is a bootleg 100 list but it's cracking me up.
23. I'm 6'0 but I like to say I'm 6'1.
24. I usually smell like Curve, Curve Wave, or Very Sexy by Victoria Secret.
25. I am going to bring the word Def back in style.
Ok that's enough for now. I'll hit you up with another def 25 next Thursday.
The Critic Sucks..
Hey everybody. Today's post will be short and sweet yet very powerful Whenever I start to get down on myself about my blog and just want to quit I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes...
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."---Theodore Roosevelt
This inspires me to keep going even when I think I just wrote some trash or I only have 2 comments. I hope that it can help to keep anybody reading this to keep going in those low moments and to even be a reminder when everything is going well. Your welcome.
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."---Theodore Roosevelt
This inspires me to keep going even when I think I just wrote some trash or I only have 2 comments. I hope that it can help to keep anybody reading this to keep going in those low moments and to even be a reminder when everything is going well. Your welcome.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Ddot's Hip Hop Summit Part 2...
Ok everybody take a seat. Let's get this started. Welcome everybody to day 2 of my hip hop summit. I hope we can get into some deep issues today and perhaps make some progress.
Russell Simmons: Ddot I have asked Mase to pray before we get started.
Ddot: You can't be serious.
Russell Simmons: Yes I'm very serious.
Mase: What's the problem?
Ddot: The problem is you have a Bible in your hand and a gun on your waist with a spinning G-Unit chain AND a cross around your neck! I'm sorry but you will not be praying over THE KING!
Michael Jackson: C'mon fellas can't we all just get along?
dead silence falls on the room
Ddot: What the f*ck are you doing here?
Michael Jackson: What do you mean? Haven't you heard that I'm hip hop now? I'm down son!
Ddot: Ok Mike you can stay but Bow Wow and Lil Romeo will have to leave for their own safety.
Ddot: Ok on to the discussion! Let's here from dead prez since you guys were mentioned several times at the last summitt.
M-1(of dead prez): Thanks Ddot. I don't think rappers should be forced to give a positive message if that's not who they are.
Ddot: I think I see where you're going with this. Please continue.
M-1: If you smoke weed everyday and shoot at people then that's exactly what you should rap about.
stic man(of dead prez): Right. I ain't hating on anybody who's keeping it real but a lot of yall are faking it and these crackers are playing yall.
Rev Run: I agree. How many more times do we have to hear that 50 Cent got shot 9 times? Keep it funky.
Cam'Ron: I got shot too!
50 Cent: Yeah but you only got hit twice. I'm more gangsta than you.
Ddot: What kind of idiotic conversation is this? Anyway we have Mystikal on the phone from the Louisiana Correctional Facility. How's prison life Mystikal?
Mystikal: *weeping gently* let's just say I've been asked to "Shake it Fast" one too many times.
an uncomfortable silence fills the room
Ddot: Look Mystikal I'm going to hang up now and we'll just pretend this never happened. Ok? Nighty night... keep your butthole tight!!!
Ja Rule: That was wrong King.
Ddot: Who keeps letting you in?!
Jay-Z: Ddot I'm really feeling your new look. Oh and I heard your girl Jackie retired her site. I'm glad because I was tired of seeing my peoples getting embarrassed over there.
Ddot: Do you mean Beyonce Giselle Knowles? I know you didn't just refer to her as your peoples?! That's your woman! Treat her as such or I will take her from you. Jerk.
Jay-Z: Yeah I'm sure she'll leave me for you and your little blog.
Ddot: You know some things don't have to be said Jay. You could've kept that to yourself. Someone get me my Zoloft...
Russell Simmons: Can we get back on topic please?
Ddot: You're right Russell. Oh and by the way make sure Kimora cleans up that vomit in the ladies room. Now it is my opinion that hip hop has a responsibility in helping to shape our future and you guys have to take that seriously.
Young Jeezy: I agree and I have taken my role seriously. Did you know I opened my home to some of the Katrina victims?
Ddot: Yeah I heard about that. I also heard that you pay your son's mother less than 200 dollars a month in child support and rarely spend time with your son. No one's future should be more important to you than his.
Young Jeezy: Yeah but...
Ddot: Just quit while you're ahead son.
MC Lyte: I just want to say that all female emcees aren't sex crazed bimbos.
Da Brat: I'm so glad you said that Lyte. It's all about the lyrics.
MC Lyte: Bitch didn't I see you on 106 & Park pulling your pants down.
Da Brat: Yeah yeah but that's just to show that I'm a wild girl. It's not sexual.
MC Lyte: Anytime a grown woman pulls her pants down in front of a bunch of teenagers it's sexual. Get lost.
Suge Knight: Well since I've been very successful on the business side I'm open to any questions you guys might have.
Ddot: What happened to Pac?
Suge: I said business quest..
Ddot: What happened to Tupac?! Until you are ready to answer that question please keep your mouth shut.
Qtip: It's very frustrating to see the record company executives shaping our culture. They basically turn an artist into whoever they need them to be to sell records.
Ddot: So what can be done?
Jay-Z: Artists have to be true to who they are and learn the business side of things. With more of us running things the better off Hip Hop will be.
Ddot: Good point Jigga. Ok well we're going to stop here for today and let you guys go pop some Cristal and smoke some blunts. And hey no Jesus Juice for you Michael!!!!
Stay tuned for part 3 people....
Monday, November 07, 2005
No Child Left Unrecruited...
Remember the No Child Left Behind legislation? Well let's review.Here's how the official website describes it: No Child Left Behind is the historic, bipartisan education reform effort that President Bush proposed his first week in office and that Congress passed into law on January 8, 2002. The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 (NCLB) reauthorized the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) -- the main federal law affecting education from kindergarten through high school. NCLB is built on four principles: accountability for results, more choices for parents, greater local control and flexibility, and an emphasis on doing what works based on scientific research.
Did you know that this legislation also requires that the participating schools must allow military recruiters into their schools or risk losing funding?! The schools are also required to give the students home telephone numbers and addresses to the military. Parents can write a letter to the school stating that they don't want their child's information given to the military and only then can it be kept private.Here's the thing. What if the parents don't know that they have that right. Studies show that in more affluent neighborhoods 90 percent of the parents write the letter. However in more rural and lower income neighborhoods only 2 percent of parents write the letter.
This past week the Washington Post singled out the small town of Martinsville, Va as the city that supplies the military with the greatest number of enlistees in proportion to it's youth population. I was born and raised in Martinsville. I have several relatives in the military. My cousin Marniquis who is like a little brother to me is in downtown Baghdad as I type this. He called me right after he signed up in tears. "I had no other option", he said quietly into the phone, "I didn't know what else to do."
The military is full of young men and women like my cousin. Kids from small towns and low income families that have been told the military is their only option. I see the "Support Our Troops" stickers on some very nice cars and I read a lot of blogs that say things like "sometimes war is necessary" and "we have to sacrifice for freedom". Those people driving those really nice cars and writing those blogs are the same ones that write the letter not allowing their child's information to be given to the military. It's the poor families who are sacrificing their lives for a war most of them don't even agree with. It's the kids in the small towns that just want to get out and see the world and are being told from an early age by these recruiters that the only way to do that is to join the military.We've been bamboozled, hoodwinked, led astray, run amuck. George Bush and other crooked politicians passed this legislation with the guise of it designed to help children who usually slip through the cracks. Instead those same kids who, if they received the help could go on to college or trade school, end up in some foreign country being shot at by some other poor and brainwashed kid.
So please save all your comments about how we should support our troops and not talk bad about the war so that their morale stays high. My family is their so I support them more than you could ever know and I don't need a yellow ribbon stuck on my car to do it. Being a realist I
also know that the kid that went to join the army to have a way out is not going to be the same person that comes back home. He'll have seen some very harsh things and perhaps participating in some acts that you nor I could ever imagine. He'll still be my favorite cousin and I'll still love and support him. But don't tell me no child is being left behind when hundreds of kids have lost their parents since this war has started. No, don't tell me no child is left behind when the rich and powerful ensure that their kids are left behind when the poor and powerless are shipped off to war. My young cousin, a child, was left behind when he stepped off of a plane into the desert and was handed a gun.
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