One Week Later...

Surprise surprise!!! It's been one week since you went and voted for all you favorite democratic candidates. Anything in your life changed yet? I didn't think so. Maybe we should give them another week. Maybe two. Maybe ol' Ddot is just impatient and we should give them 6 months to get things together. Or maybe folks need to wake up and realize that no matter who is in control things are never perfect and usually get worse despite good intentions by some.

Damn I'm pessimistic.

Nah I'm just realistic. This country is well over 200 years old and the change of power goes back and forth between this group and that group and yet if you ask anybody 30 plus they'll tell you that things constantly get worse despite advances in science and technology. Odd isn't it? I graduated high school in 1994. The bad kids were the dudes that smoked in the bathroom or maybe left school to get lunch from McDonalds. If there was a fight in school it was big news. Now at my old school the kids walk through metal detectors and have a police officer on duty. Same school just a little over ten years later. Amazing. My point? It doesn't really matter. The democrats will ensure you make more money per hour and then tax the crap out of you to start social programs. The republicans cut taxes(especially for the rich) so that you get more money on your check and cut programs because they believe you should do what you want with your money. Both interesting points of view and obviously neither is overwhelmingly better than the other. So keep your vote or die t-shirts. I know plenty of people who voted and died anyway. One.

The Redefinition...Lesson 2...

You think you know what a man is. But you've been brainwashed. You watch too much television, too many movies. Put away those romance novels. I'm redefining what it is to be a real man. Take notes and witness the maturation of a KING.

A real man doesn't need to put 24 inch rims on his SUV. He's secure enough in his manhood to not crave the unnecessary attention. Is that the dude you're drawn to? Then you deserve what you get. I pull up with no tint on my windows listening to some smooth r&b or jazz. Am I boring to you? Then you deserve what you get. Do you spend all your time adding friends to your Myspace page? Well while you're adding random dudes with 10 year old pictures on their profiles to your Myspace I'm carving out my space in this world. Does it turn you on when your "thug" pulls out a wad of cash from his jeans that are falling off his butt? Cool. I rarely carry cash. I settle for platinum and black cards. Yeah a real man has good credit. You have a baby by him and wonder why he doesn't pay child support after full well knowing he didn't pay his bills before the kid came along. You deserve what you get. So what have we learned here today?

The Redefinition...Lesson 1...

Lesson 1.

You think you know what a man is. But you've been brainwashed. You watch too much television, too many movies. Put away those romance novels. I'm redefining what it is to be a real man. Take notes.

I don't raise my voice and threaten to "go upside your head" because my mother taught me to respect women not because I'm soft or weak. Further more I respect myself and I would never jeapordize my livlihood or my freedom so that you can see my eyes red and my nostrils flare. A man knows himself inside and out. He realizes that he can whip your ass and therefore has no need to actually do it. A man will not let you define the type of man he is within.

A Happy Day...

My Pop and I along with my sister. All of us with the same sense of humor and wit. We had a blast.

Random Thought Friday....KINGDOM COME

When the page finally opened and you saw the words you felt butterflies in your stomach. What is the b-l-o-g without the D-d-o-t? Yeah it's the blog world's savior, so after this post you might owe me a favor. Every email I open is saying "Yo D you're wack!" "Whatever happened to THE KING? He was the coldest cat!" "Get your swag back daddy, where's your focus at?" But despite that, yeah your boy is back.

I've been reading. I've been working. Oddly enough, I've been writing. You can learn so much if you just watch and listen. Well now I'm so enlightened I could probably glow in the dark.

I keep hearing "Hurry up D, you breathe it and we need it!" So the first post back will be my most popular post, Random Thought Friday. There are much bigger issues in the world, I know. But first I had to take care of the world I know.

I had a bit of a creative drought. But it was nothing different from when I was 21 and hustling down south. I re-upped and the reward is you get to revel in my royalty and read the randomness that pops into my head this morning. Damn I'm nice and this while I'm still yawning.

If you're new or forgot, random thought friday consists of me typing out whatever pops into my head until my boss walks by and asks for a report or I get tired of typing and go outside and take a nap in my car. So by the power vested in me I pronounce you a reader of...RANDOM THOUGHT FRIDAY!!!

Grey's Anatomy is the best thing on television.

All the chicks on that show are hot.

Go see The Departed. You'll thank me.

A lot of bloggers are getting together this weekend during Howard's Homecoming. Which means I'm going to break the world record for the most people screwed whom you met on the internet.
Jay-Z's new single "Show Me What You Got" sucks balls.

I'm getting a new supervisor on Monday morning. I have no idea what to expect. But I know her office is going to be right behind my desk. My internet fun might be cut in half.

Have you seen Madonna lately? If she wasn't Madonna and was trying to get into show business at best she is the ugly mom on the laundry commercial with frazzled hair because the leading brand just won't cut it. The sexy mom with the tight sweater already knows this, and that's why her kids hug her at the park.

The Redskins are frustrating the crap out of me this year!

I'm stuck in an office with a bunch of middle aged women going through menopause. They are all having hot flashes at the same time. I have an icicle hanging from my nose as I type this.

I wonder how many times someone is going to bring up today being Friday the 13th. I should start packing my pistol.

Google Talk needs to add a conference option.

How can a educational system designed in the late 1800s be expected to be effective in 2006?

I can't stand people who are irritable for no reason. Irks the crap out of me.

Google bought You Tube. Good for the three creators of You Tube, bad for the rest of us.

There's a new girl in the office and Kang has lost his mind.

If you know any Africans ask them to make you a Scottish Egg. Trust me.

I say T.O. is kicked off the Cowboys no later than November 18th.



Alright we have too many big wigs running around here today so I can't really dig in to my ish. Yall have a great weekend and for everybody partying in D.C. this weekend please remember that D.C.'s AIDS rate is 10 times higher than the national average! And I'm out!

I'll Be Back...

Nope I'm not Arnold Swarzanegger but I'll be back on Monday Oct. 9, 2006 with a regular daily serving of nonsense. Set your calendars!!!

Shits & Giggles...

Now this is just too funny. It's rare that anybody can really make me laugh but this video had me rolling. Enjoy.

Say Goodbye

We're losing 3 minutes of daylight everyday. They are screwing up *You Tube and after reading **Nikki's blog there are just so many other things to be doing including spending time with folks you love. I've stayed away from my blog more than ever the past few weeks and suprisingly I didn't really miss it. I missed some of my e-friends but not the blog. So girl it's not you, it's me. But everyone knows my M.O. I might leave for awhile but I'll resurface sooner or later. Until then say goodnight to the bad guy.



*I'd advise using Google Video since they are deleting so many videos from You tube. What is cool about Google Video is you can post the videos straight to your blog while watching it. One.

** I know what you're going through is tough. It truly is never the right time to say goodbye. Just remember that death ends a life, not a relationship. I've got your back for whatever you need and whenever you need it. That's still true with you too GP.

Peace & Love

Jay-Z Friday Night

Here's a video of that thief Jay-Z performing Friday night in Amsterdam if any of yall are interested. And I'm starting a petition to get a producer credit on this new album he's dropping!



Y'all rapping-ass niggas, y'all funny to me
Selling records, being you but still you want to be me
I guess for every buck you make it's like a hundred for me
And still you running around thinking you got something on
me
But I done did it
And y'all want to take my flow, and run with it
That's cool, I was the first one with it
Original, Kings the future, flow digital
Still busting a gat when she gets critical
Sit it down, I don't want y'all to get it confused
I rip it down, like I ain't got nothing to lose--------Jay-Z Imaginary Player

Thought...

Nope not Random Thoughts. Just one, thought.

It's been 3 years since Jay-Z dropped an album. In the new edition of Entertainment Weekly he says that for 2 years he believed that he would stay retired. Which means something happened in the last year to inspire him to get back to doing what he does best. Any guesses as to what that could be? Try a certain smooth, sexy, chocolatey blogger that calls himself Ddot the King. Yep it's all me baby. Get this, he's naming his new album KINGDOM COME.

Yeah like that's a coincedence.

This cat wants to be me so bad that it hurts. Don't get me wrong I'm flattered but people bite my style all the time for free. At least a dude that's going to probably go platinum the day his album comes out could give me a shout out in his "Thank You" section or something! For all you readers that were born after 1990, a Thank You section is where the artist thanks all those who helped him complete the album and what not. I know yall young folks just download the albums so I felt I needed to explain. Anyway so Jay now that I know you're reading this I'd like for the Thank You to read something like this : And a very special thank you to my hero and inspiration Ddot who entertained me while I pretended to be President of Def Jam. And D I want to apologize for interrupting you and Beyonce that night, I truly forgot that it was your weekend to spend with her. By the way how did you get her in that position? I never knew she was so flexible! You're the greatest! -S. Carter.

*UPDATE*

Ok so Jay even gave the EW reporter a little piece of his first single:

And then he launches into an impromptu a cappella preview of the title track, which was inspired by a 1996 comic in which Superman comes out of retirement to save the world. The lyrics that effortlessly roll off his tongue may help explain his return: ''Take off the blazer/Loosen up the tie/Step inside the booth/Superman is alive!''

So without further ado, let us welcome, and celebrate, the return of Jay-Z, a.k.a. Jigga, a.k.a. Hova. He is, arguably, the most powerful man in the music business but without his music, well, he's just Clark Kent.

Hmmm...Superman. Superman? Is that right Jay? Superman huh. Ok I can dig that. And the reporter calls him Clark Kent when his at the office. Wow you two guys have really stumbled up on something. The only problem is that I said this months ago. Jay is stealing my stuff man. I know it and yall know it. If you don't remember then just click HERE!

Why I Haven't Posted...

I haven't posted because I've been walking the earth like Caine from Kung Fu. Ok so what if it's not the actual Earth! It's the internet eart and I bet I can cover a lof more ground than that little kung fu dude did. At any rate like Sam from Quantum Leap I'm leaping from blog to blog and life to life making right what once went wrong.

Hold on, I'll be right back.

GP, Quote, & Links

First and foremost The Palace would like to send their condolences to Ms. Georgia Peach and her family. Her mother passed on Friday. GP the entire Kingdom's thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. I don't have a myspace account so I can't leave notes on her page but I know that some of yall do so hit her up and let her know that you're thinking about her.



Today's quote: "Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others." - Jules Renard


I think this is going to be my new favorite site for celebrity pictures and jokes. State of Hate

The Mailbag...

Ok so now that I've confused the hell out of yall with my last two or three posts I'm back to my normal nonsense. Don't get me wrong I love knowing that yall are reading my ish and you get wrnkles in your forehead and and audibly say "huh?". That stuff makes my day. But unfortunately instead of yall just clicking the NEXT BLOG tab you decide to email the good King your questions. I expect a lot of emails when I post weird stuff but yall took it to another level the past week. But as any good King should I am here to answer all your questions and provide insight into my weirdness. On to the mailbag!


What in the hell is that complex about? Better yet WHO is that complex post about?

Yo mama. Ok seriously it's not about or directed at anybody. I read a poem about complexes and I adapted it into my own blog version. So many conspiracy theorists so little time.

Your blog used to be jumping! Where is everybody?

Well I still get the same amount of hits but everybody has seem to have gotten more comfortable emailing me once they read a post instead of commenting. Beats me. The other part of it is I have intentionally ran some people off because they are nerve racking. I need fresh meat around here.

You used to be so cute and now you seem too serious most days. What happened?

I could be cuter, but only if I change my template to a scene where there is a baby tiger and a baby panda dressed in little Halloween costumes in the background. The tiger would be dressed as a pirate and the panda would be a ghost in a sheet with holes cut out for eyes. And then they went to the house and the person ran out of candy after giving candy to the baby pirate tiger, so the baby ghost panda didn't get any, so then the baby pirate tiger would share his candy with the baby ghost panda. Other than that, I think the cuteness is pretty much maxed out.

What are you doing over there?!



Well for the past few weeks I've basically spent my days feeding Alicia Keys grapes and sipping the finest of wines while Mya bites my toenails. That's just how I live except instead of banging beautiful R& B chicks I was looking around to see if any one saw me drop my doughnut on the ground. Cause I only had like one bite. I mean, it's practically a brand new doughnut.








Have you heard that Beyonce calls Jay-Z "Pop Pop"?

Yes and that means she probably calls him Papi when they are intimate. Which means my hate for that nigga grows more by the second. I've actually been working on a plan to get rid of Jay-Z. Here's my plan so far: kill Jay-Z. Ta-da! He's a rapper for goodness sakes. I could shoot him on the senate floor and wouldn't serve a day.

If you keep pissing people off someone is going to assasinate you!

Ok I had to edit that email just a tad so as to not have you guys worried about me. Basically I was threatened by some anonymous jerk. To you sir or madam I say, they have classes for people who have convinced themselves that they are tough over the internet. In "real life" I'm the guy that would take your wallet and play keep away with my friends while you jump back and forth between us. I'd then give you a super wedgie, smack your glasses off your face and kick you in the butt as you went to pick them up. Yeah I'm that guy. In. Real. Life. Let that marinate before you hit that send button next time.

I hate reading blogs like this. I can't stand your pimp daddy/ebonic type of speech. And you really think that's sexy?!

I sho'll do!

I've never heard you mention anything about Christina Milian. Do you think she's attractive?






She's cute but she dated Nick Cannon which means she's got to be a weirdo. She just seems a little ditsy to me. Normally women can at least be good for baking me a pie and fetching my slippers, but I wouldn't even trust Ms. Milian to do that right. I'd almost certainly end up with scalding hot pie on my feet.





Who is the Memo from the King post about? I won't tell anybody if you tell me although I have a pretty good idea who it's about.

No you don't have a clue. It's directed to a chick that I've been reading but she's only commented on my blog about 3 times and so she's not a regular but I like her anyway. Trust me she knows who she is and that's all that matters.

Do you have Beyonce's new album and if so can you send it to me?

Yes and her new album is slightly better than a siren, but still well below video poker music. I would only send it to you if you really pissed me off. 3 decent songs, maybe 4. I still love you B!

Do you have any tattoos?




Nope my skin is far too precious to be drawing silly characters and funny looking chinses letters on it. I like looking at other people tattoos though. Like Jessica Alba has a bow on the small of her back, apparently to unwrap my dreams.







Sorry I haven't been by your spot in a minute. I'm a little depressed. I can't seem to find a good man and I haven't had sex in ages. LOL! I don't know why I'm telling you all this, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in a high yellow lady with a backside like a M60 Patton, or would you? LOL! Just kidding!

We don't "kid" like that around here maam. First of all you used "high yellow" and "M60 Patton" in the same sentence which is a turn on all by itself. I know you're hurting baby girl so I'd like to mention that my semen is said to have healing properties. I'm not sure if it can heal a broken heart, but once it even gave a blind parapelegic girl the ability to see and jump around. And scream. And dial a phone. Although ... wait ... now that I think about, that girl might have just been asleep.




Well that's all folks. I promise no more weird posts. Ok that's a stretch. How about no hair scratching posts? Cool. It's a deal. I'm on a mission baby and I'm bringing the heavy ammunition! Stay tuned!

Wireless Zone...

I'll be posting something soon but right now I'm over here spending my money trying to find a new phone and plan. They have the best deals I've found online so go get one! Enjoy and you can thank me later.

Memo From The King...

I've been reading a lot of blogs recently and it turns out a lot of yall are quite interesting. I kind of feel bad for ignoring your requests to stop by sooner. Oh well we live and we learn right? Right. So anyway I've decided to offer some advice or contructive criticism to a few of you. You're welcome. What I'm really doing is very cleverly ripping off Nikki's August 1 post but if you don't tell then I won't. The names have been deleted to protect the guilty, weird, and insane.

1. You're first on the list as I read your blog this morning and you are the impetus of this post. I think you are probably cool people but you whine and complain too much. That ish gets old as hell. Any problem that you have is blamed on "the way you were raised". Give that nonsense up man. Take some responsibilty for your own actions and thoughts. You even claim that you look down on others simply because you were taught to think a certain way. We have the same background and although I rebelled against it too it wasn't because they were wrong. It was because I decided to do what I wanted to do. You've decided to go in a different direction with your life and if that's the case then fine but why are you so hung up on the past? Let it go. You even devote time to trying to prove that the way you were raised was wrong. A lot of people like you do that. Just like the original one that rebelled you just can't seem to let it go. Why? Because deep down you know the truth. I take naps on saturdays all the time and have never felt guilty. In fact I sleep like a baby.

Ok after I thought about it number 1 is the only person I wanted to say something about. I am so judgemental!!! Actually I just don't like whiners.

Back...

Ok I'm back from my one day holiday. Did you all miss me? Good. Stay tuned for a post.

Complex...

Perched high upon my blogging soapbox I see all of you scurry about aimlessly. I read your stories about broken hearts and dreams. I see the pictures of you that were probably taken sometime during the Reagan administration. But what I see more than anythingelse are your complexes.

Inferiority complexes create paranoias in your mind and so you find pictures of others to berate and make fun of to make yourself feel better. Only you never truly feel better so you keep searching for more pictures and more stories on these ordinary people, that just so happen to be more recoganizble than most, that some call celebrities. The same people that you try to emulate when you go shopping for your new purse, kicks, or weave. It's ugly face shows up when you see that nice pair of shoes from a distance and when you pick them up you look for the SWOOSH. God forbid it be a SWEESH instead. Now you're feeling hesitant. People will look at you funny. You second guess yourself. Just because you like it doesn't mean you should buy it right?

But it's not that simple. Nope complexes are complex. It's your complex that makes you buy that fake Rolex from Sung Woo who does his best Puffy imitation to get you to buy the glass encrusted watch. It's that materialistic complex to appear to be something you aren't or have things that you really can't afford. That fake rolex is what is going to impress that big butt girl you've been wanting to get with for the past month. Yeah you can tell just by looking at her that you're going to have to save up for about a month and take her somewhere special if you ever get the chance. Meanwhile that same young lady is walking around with a fake Gucci purse trying to impress other females that she claims not to care about. It makes you worship the Lexus and do obeisance to the Bentley.

Your complex makes you look at me and say "you're weird". It makes you wonder why when you say that I have that creepy smile on my face. It causes the confusion in your mind when I say "And I'll be that way until Trent Lott graces the cover of JET Magazine". You see I was creating metaphors this morning while you were trying to figure out which card to use to pay for that bitches breakfast. It's why you feel inadequate when you read my blog. You don't want me there but I invade your thoughts like Bush did Iraq and I refuse to leave until you get the point.

Does that anger you? Make you feel funny? It's your complex. Now you're depressed, stressed, wondering how I see you so clearly through your words. Never mind that, you've got to realize your complex is the wall they got your back up against. I know you probably see my complex too and that's cool. It's a superiority complex and I'm working on it. Fortunately for me my complex isn't effected by you and yours. I create trends. I stick to my guns even when they aren't loaded. I am to be admired. I know you'll listen to me because of your complex. It's your complex that's got you afraid of what I'll say next.

Dear Katrina...

Dear Katrina,

It was a year ago today that you came through New Orleans and acted a complete fool. You destroy homes, businesses and worst of all you took 1600 lives.

I remember seeing the bodies floating in the remnants of your devastation and the horrified survivors on the rooftops screaming at the news cameras that hovered above for help. Everyone watched in disbelief as we saw thousands of people living in a football stadium. The old and the young, the criminals and the innocent, the poor and the poorer all there together begging, pleading for help.

Then I watched as the so called african american leaders who have lined their pockets with the money of those same poor people took the opportunity to blame George Bush and any other white person who wasn't swimming to the Superdome to carry those people to safety. I watched as George Bush spoke and and acted before thinking leading us all to believe that he didn't care about those people, the majority of whom were black. Once they saw all those black fingers pointing at them they were able to point the finger right back at another black face, mayor Ray Nagin.

While the politicians pointed and shifted blame an 80 year old woman in desperate need of insulin slept on the 50 yardline of a football field. A father tried to keep an eye on his young daughter amongst the pedophiles that no doubt roamed the arena. New young mothers rationed out food to their young children not knowing when or if someone would show up to save them.
And still the fingers continued to point, only not in the direction of 1500 Poydras St. Well except for Barbara Bush's wrinkled little fat finger. She pointed out that the little boys and girls sleeping on cots and right under a goal post were living better than they ever had before.

1 year later the devastation remains, not only from when you blew through one of the world's most famous cities but the devastation of the ineptitude of those that we look to for help in these types of situations. In fact on this the 1 year anniversary many will use the death and destruction as a platform to win some political race. And this at a time when it is being reported that of the 4 billion dollars that was raised appoxamately 75% has been stolen. While the contracts to rebuild the city have been given not to the sons and daughter of New Orleans but to the friends and cronies of the vice president and other politicians. Now all fingers are pointing to those destroyed areas as the land has become prime real estate. The same land that was neglected when those poor and uneducated resided in broken down project buildings is now cause for great concern. The black leaders don't want the white people to have the land, the white people want to make money regardless of who lives there and those poor and disenfranchised folks that lived in constantly lit bowl for two weeks are now living in the same worn down projects in different American cities.

Katrina you're going to get a lot of attention in the upcoming months and some might even try to blame you for what you did to that city but in reality it's not your fault. They knew you were coming. Maybe they didn't know when but they knew sooner or later you'd show up but those raggedy levees weren't priority at the time because of who they protected. No Katrina it's not your fault it's their fault. All of them. Of course they'll all take their hands out of the lobbyists pockets for a second to point fingers at each other while the other hand is making sure that they get some of that prime real estate.

The Mailbag...

I neglected to do my Mailbag post last week and not only did I disappoint my millions(more like 12) of fans but now my inbox is full of weird, funny, and down right disgusting emails. Although I have deleted the ones that made no sense and forwarded it others directly to the local police I did save a few interesting ones that helps you the reader get to know your King just a little bit better. Enjoy.



Do you watch Flavor of Love?

Ummmm...I tried to once and it wasn't funny or insightful or funny, or interesting, or funny. In fact it was just kind of sad. I feel sorry for everyone involved in the show. Flav has started to really believe that that house they are filming in is his real house and the girls, well, halfway through you could replace them with a live shot from a pediatric cancer ward, and show a little kid with cancer, and the little kid would be holding a puppy, and the puppy also has cancer, and people wouldn't even notice that something had changed.

So D what do you really do for a living?

Honestly? I am a top secret rocket ship pilot who in my spare time invented the panda bear.


Are you really as conceited as you pretend to be?

Let's just put it this way, I am so perfect I should be frozen and studied. Or at least used as a breeder. Some of you may scoff at the moral implications of something like that, to which I would fake a cough while barking out "homo". To further discredit your pedantic objection, I would grab your wrists in front of the other members of whatever board is in charge of this sort of thing and demand you "stop hitting yourself". The room would then fill with impressed murmuring and my powerful Aristotelian logic would once again rule the day.

Did you see Beyonce's new video? She's jjust shaking and girating all over the place. I know you are her biggest fan but please tell me you don't like that!
I can't stress enough how okay that is. The word hero gets thrown around pretty casually these days, but I think we can all agree it applies to Beyonce shaking her jelly for no apparent reason.

Do you think Angelina Jolie is sexy?

She's ok. Her lips look like she's been kissing a hot stove though. She's a little weird and that's always sexy. Honestly, if one year ago someone told you that Angelina Jolie would become either: A) a werewolf B) an outer space cowboy or C) a mom with 2 adopted kids from third world countries and pregnant with Brad Pitts child, your only question would be "wait, if she bites me, do I die or become a werewolf too".

Are upset about not getting nominated for a Black Weblog Award?

Don't be ridiculous! Those folks over there should have halos on their heads and by that I mean I wish they were dead. Ok look I feel sorry for them, not me. Whoever wins will be paper champions. You can't give out any blog award and not have the King of All Blogs involved in some shape, form or fashion! Upset? No. I was upset when I caught my twin brother and his friends running a train on my girlfriend. I'm down right pissed at this nonsense! Kingy Awards coming soon....

I have kids and was offended by the comment you made about "letting the bastards walk to school". I hope it wasn't supposed to be funny because it wasn't!

Look I was modeling in Europe by the time I was 16, so maybe I am being a little hard on the under achieving little turds who have to ride the school bus. I don't really hate kids. I don't even really know any 16 year olds to ask them why they don't have cars. Only one of the models in my hot tub is 16, but she's Japanese, so when I asked her about this, her answer was some kind of crazy talk. I think she said something about Godzilla and how I look like GI who bomb her willage, but that might be because I'm really really racist.

Why do you have to be such a smartass?

Why do you have to send me stupid emails?




And that's that folks. I'll save the rest of the nonsense for the Thursdays post. So in the mean time send all your angry emails(which will be deleted) funny emails and any random comments or questions to The King so he can make fun of you at your expense. Don't you just love it when i speak of myself in the third person?! I read somewhere that it's a sign of genius. I think the book was called "I'm Always Right" by Ddot the King. Mosey on over to Amazon and pick that up! I'm out. One.

Random Thought Friday...

Can I get a drum roll please? Ok now somebody give me a beat. Yeah uh! I like that. Ok I'm about to rip it freestyle! Yo my name is King and shots is what I call, all the female bloggers like to juggle my balls.....hey hey wait a minute! I can't let yall hear all my hot fire! I'm going platinum bitches!

At any rate it's RTF and so we must delve into the mysterious caverns of my dome. Yeah like the previous paragraph isn't proof enough that I'm "special". Put your waders on folks it's gonna get messy! On to the Thoughts!


Why does ESPN.com think I'm going to pay to be an "Insider"? So I'll find out about a potential trade a day before it happens. Big whoop.

I heard Beyonce's new song yesterday and I like it a lot better than Deja Vu and that Ring the Alarm song. It's called Upgrade U and it has Jay on it. I feel sorry for Jigga. She's obviously talking directly to him in the song. She's ready to upgrade from the camel to the King. It was just a matter of time.

That reminds me. Beyonce and Jay aren't getting married. She leaked that info right before her album dropped just like rappers got get themselves arrested or shot right before their albums come out. We gotta stop falling for this stuff people.

I rant, therefore I am

In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that's three sized too small. Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Michael Jackson in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Instead of playing 4 pre-season games let's just make the regular season 4 games longer. NFL you're such a tease!

Those chicken wraps at Mickey Ds are nice. I can get two of those little joints and a large ice tea for like 3 dollars and some change. Burger King yall better step it up if you wanna keep ole Ddot's business!

I got approved for my home loan!!! I'll be getting a post office box soon so all of you can send me house warming gifts. Oh and yes there will be a minimum dollar amount you'll be able to spend you cheap bastards.

Janet Jackson's voice seems a little deeper than usual. She still puts on the whole Jackson fake high pitched voice but she's definitely got more bass. I knew she didn't just lose that weight from exercising and what not. I think her and Barry Bonds have been hanging out!

What's up with the new Blogger Beta? ANybody tried it or found anything new and exciting that you want to share with your King?

I'm calling it right now. Washington/Miami Superbowl....OR Washington/Baltimore Superbowl. If the latter happens I won't leave my house 2 weeks before or after the game.

You thought that was mean? I could put her picture up too!

I have to leave for work 20 minutes earlier because of these school busses! Ok that's it, I'm officially Anti-School Bus. Let them little ungrateful bastards walk to school!

A girl had a huge crush on in HS emailed me the other day. We caught up a little and then yesterday finally got around to swapping photographs. Let's just say the past 12 years have been a lot kinder to your boy! Who's infatuated with who now bitch?!


One negative comment about that picture and I'm going to backhand somebody. I did look like I needed a sandwich though.

I need something to do this weekend. I'm broke so I'm going to have to get creative.

The new Outkast album is that fiyah! I just wish we could get Andre 3000 to do more rapping. I'm a little worried about whether the movie will be good so I might hit up the bootleg man.

I rarely ever check my sitemeter anymore because i get hit a thousand times a day by people looking for pictures of Donald Trump's wife. I posted her picture one time and people from all over the world hit my page for it. That's crazy.

If Terrell Owens was on fire in my front yard I wouldn't piss on him to put him out.


And I'm out. Everybody have a great weekend. And get up and get out of the house. Staring into a computer screen masturbating to my pictures is just odd! One.